Tuesday, February 28, 2006

i juz manage to get these pics hee.. after seein them thn read my previous post ba.. erm the post before the previous one i mean.. haha =)


may ur wishes come true dear boysss =) ercong made a real long wish.. hmm wat can it be.. haha

bday boys in da house!! swensen orchard u shud feel lucky.. =)

look like some "idol & fan" pic ehh.. oh well.. superstars they reali are =)

me n the "suay" bday boy who's at least more heng thn me.. haha BAO ER CONG!!

me n binggie.. is it when u're nt truly happy u cant smile that well? see the difference?

tryin to squeeze some brain juice out..

"ren zhen de nu ren zui mei" wahaha i'm lame.. but i'm reali seriously tinkin bout some stuff while doin this..


my end product.. nt reali well done but it goes with my feelings.. lucky enuff the msg are small enuff not to be seen.. haha =p
i juz decided to change my skin cos the previous one sucked.. =\ hmm lazy to do a new background as i'm not reali in a stable mood to do anythin now =\ most of u noe la.. i'm goin thru changes now.. dun worry it's not reali cos of wat happened but u noe humans do change n as u grow u'll have times of moodswings n unstablity.. yup.. tat's wat i'm goin thru now.. had it b4 and it sucked but i grow alot.. =) so let's wait for the better xinwei =)

hmm had some thots that i feel like bloggin down.. recently i've been seeing alot of get-together n break-ups =\ a few of my frens are attached now and i'm reali happy for them.. well they've been thru real shits b4 they reali realise wat's the word "cherish" =) hope that they'll reali cherish one another now =)

and as for the berakups.. wahh reali damn shocked.. a fren of mine.. or shud i say a fren's fren breoke up with the bf today =\ they're tgt for like 3years.. OMG.. i reali noe that shits do happen.. loving couples breakin up over some nonsensical stuff.. argh! u ppl juz dunno how to cherish love.. dun fall in love when u dunno how to cherish it.. u'll juz make other ppl havin the wrong idea that "love sucks" love dun sucks ok.. love's the sweetest thing on earth..

i dunno why am i seein so much of these now.. i got these few sentences in my mind..
-love aint love til u give it away.. a bell wont be a bell til someone rings it..-
-expect the most unexpectable-
-true love r hard to comeby.. cherish them when u meet it-
-dun fall in love unless u wan pain-
-love is sweet when it's new.. but sweetest when it's true-

love aint love til u give it away.. a bell wont be a bell til someone rings it..
hmm i saw this somewhere.. rather true to me.. it's like.. love's meant to give to others.. u keep love for wat? for urself to admire at? i dun tink so.. love's meant to make ppl smile.. it's meant to cheer ppl up when they're down.. be it a love for fren, family or that special someone.. i believe when this 3words "i love u" are heard, it sure makes the person feel much better.. so dun be so "niao" can? share the love that u have =)

expect the most unexpectable..
hmm this is rather clear la.. haha.. life's full of shits n golds.. when u're in heaven, prepare to fall rite down to hell anytime.. when u're in hell, be prepaer that someone or somethin might juz bring u outta it one day..

true love r hard to comeby.. cherish them when u meet it..
u never noe who's the true ones.. u nv noe when u'll meet them.. as for me.. i've learn to cherish every single ppl that come into my life.. i dun wanna regret losin them one day.. =\ no no no! it's like.. even someone u hate might e the one that's right for u.. he/she maybe the person that u're gonna live with forever.. so cherish every single one.. n like i've always said.. stop staring at the closed doors! wat if u missed out those that's opened for u? dun regret by thn!

dun fall in love unless u wan pain..
this is abit hard to explain here.. hmm.. my frens n i had a conversation on this thingy.. we came to a conclusion that when u choose to fall in love, it's always a gamble.. it's a risk that u choose to take.. the result maybe u win everythin both sides are happy.. or u loses everythin and hurt both parties.. but if u dun take the risk, how r u gonna find the one? pain is for sure! there's no such thing as a perfect no quarrels no hurts r/s.. it's juz how u're gonna handle it and make things work from there..

love is sweet when it's new.. but sweetest when it's true..
i quoted this from emi's blog.. it did hit my head.. love indeed is very very sweet when it's new.. u get al the lovey dovey stuffs.. sweet smses, sweet talks, nice words, and al sorta assurance.. but tink bout it.. wil it stil be sweet if one day the person dun love u that much? al wil be lies.. thou it may reali be said truly from the heart but it's onli "at that point of time".. it WAS true.. but no longer.. but when it's reali true.. it's the sweetest of all..

was rather shocked when i realised that many were touched by my post ytd.. hmm.. al i can say is i seriously cherish al of those that i mentioned.. emi said "if i dunno u i tink i now rotting on street liao" lol.. that's abit kua zhang la.. but i didnt noe i had such great impact on someone's life =) n er cong.. he send me a sms sayin thanks for everythin.. i tink it's due to the scoutin n al.. and sii.. she said in her blog how touched she were when she read it.. but seriously.. i tink these are the ones whom i've left a impact on n they did leave a impact in me too.. i'm glad that i'm appreciated n i truly wish everyone wil get their fair share of appreciation n that everyone on earth wil find their true frens.. i've found mine.. and i got many!! i'm lucky! i thot i onli got clover as my real true frens.. but this few days i realised a new one.. emi.. =) reali reali grateful.. i'm not gonna waste my time n tears on ppl who dun even treat me as a true fren.. thou i dunno who un treat me as a true fren.. but i believe time'll show.. true frens stays no matter wat.. they're always there.. true frens can do crazy things for u.. u'll nv noe.. =) seriously am in loe with u ppl =)

-cherish is the onli thing i'm gonna emphasied on pls pls pls cherish everythin lil thing tat's ard u u nv noe when u'll lose them-
I'm growin..
today went to collect the body shop stuffs with binggie at suntec.. hmm thn went town to slack til 8pm thn meet dharni n gang.. cos it's their bday =) i mean dharni n er cong's bday haha!HAPPY BIRTHDAY ER CONG N DHARNI!! slack like mad.. and time passes slow like snail -____-

we went to sit at graffiti cafe.. i had my strawberry ice n draw a few pic there.. hmm was loistenin to my ipod.. heard the song "wo yi wei" by cyndi wang.. got this sentence that got stuck in my head.. "yan lei you bu ting hua le" (my tears dun listen to me again) hmm i dunno y but dun worry.. haha i'm not cryin anymore =) juz that sentence got stuck.. so i drew somethin bout it.. below with some words which i shall not mention la =\ go find it if u're that free n dying to noe haha bleah..

thn til ard 8pm we went over to swensen to meet the rest.. neh neh! bry say everyone there liao.. when we reach onli kiyoko n alex -_____- wat a nice "everyone" huh.. thn we sat in and waited like crazy for the rest.. thn dharni, ash, gary, stacia, darren, liyi, er cong, agatha and sally joined us later.. did i miss out anyone? hmm nvm la.. =X it was fun la.. kinda miss al of them.. my stellarnine!!! haha

feel so gd.. last year de today we were at swensen too.. haha.. celebratin dharni n er cong bday too.. haha.. one year passed n everyone's changed.. so cool.. dharni say next year back again.. lol! yea man!! oh n cos there's 3couples there thn bing say "uan not for dance n al de lor.. is for match makin" lol! true true!! i join awhile within year got 2 incident in UAN liao warao! dun wan sia.. UAN ppl some r reali reali shitty thou they have pretty faces.. so wat man! handsome n pretty r juz the cover! thou i'm nt pretty but i'm a gd girl..bleah!

er cong thn say "eh we 2 couple also la.. 4th pair.." -______- cute huh.. but me n him is reali reali close til can bao zha la lol! my gd gd brother =) thn wah the moment i saw bry n er cong.. suddenly like "I MISS U" that feelin sia =\ like i reali reali miss them like crazy =\ thn saw gary.. erm the feelin wasnt reali gd.. =\ duhh.. such BIGGGG happenings that happened between us.. kaox big til can bomb the whole of avalon down lor! =
but nvm la.. we're stil frens.. thou we cant talk as freely like last time.. but well stil got talk a.. like i say i hated him n yes i stil have the hatrad in me.. why? cos i stil remember how he did nt cherish our frenship.. how he made me live in hell tryin to be frens back.. how hard i work for our frenship n how ignorant he can be for our frenship.. ya we're frens now.. but to me.. i'll remember he owe me for life.. i didnt owe him anythin n i'm gonna juz be a casual fren to him..

well not gonna get affected by anythin le.. i'm a gd girl.. wanna be better.. wanna be someone whom everyone loves n wanna hang out with.. in the past jun told me i'm the kinda girl that everyone wanna be fren with.. cos for her la.. she say she tinks i'm open n nice.. very transparent n can talk to.. she say i'm mature as a 18years old.. and i always can give gd advices.. ehh abit BHB for me to type this la.. lol.. but she said it la.. i dunno izit true.. but i hope it is..

i'm gonna keep that and work on my badpoint.. maybe i needa work on my emo feelin before anythin else.. needa be a stronger person b4 i help ppl.. =) i'm stronger now at least better thn b4.. and i'm gonna be a perfect fren for al my frens.. gonna be a perfect girl for my mr right who loves me.. i dunno who he is n who he might be.. but i noe he deserve the best afterall =) my frens n al who's ard me deserve the best out of me.. =)

-i'm goin thru a phase of change now.. a change in my personality.. maybe i'm growin up.. having terrible moodswings n am suffering from it =\ but i noe i'll be better.. strong girl i am =)

Monday, February 27, 2006

feeling real gd..
juz feel like bloggin AGAIN haha =p well.. it's me la.. blog like 4-5 times or more a day =) hehe.. hmm juz saw my "guiding star" again.. it disappeared for 2days.. idiot! juz when i need to talk to it.. it disappear.. @#^%^*$%!! but it was covered by dark clouds la.. cant blame.. well.. like i said b4 that i feel that the weather goes with my feelings.. haha it reali did man.. juz now felt better cos of some chats with him..

relieves me lot.. REAL lot! haha =) thn i went to see the sky again wanting to "talk" to my guiding star.. and yes.. it's there le =) b4 the chat i went to see the sky, it's partly cloudy.. but now it's clear! and my star's there! haha =) so happy!!

juz thot of yutaki's performance n wanna blog bout it.. =) he told me my bad points as a dancer.. he said i got no facial expression.. wahhh sian! ok la i admit i always put on fake smiles whenever on stage.. duhh have to hide out my scared-ness rite.. =X somemore last time they keep sayin when i dance my face's like BLACKKKKK! so i smile lo.. thou it's fakey la.. haha.. okok i now wanna learn this.. LET GO! juz let go when u're onstage.. have the mindset that the stage's mine! i'm the best dancer and i enjoy dancing!

haha.. cos yutaki when he dance it's reali WAHHHHHH! no other comments.. haha =X he's juz too gd la! wanna be like him.. wanna give my all when i'm dancin.. that shud be the way rite? haha.. it's like.. u work so hard for that few min on stage.. why scared? why shy? u dance is for ppl to see rite.. haha..

next time gonna try.. give my alllll! haha.. oh and yes.. another thing is when we practise i tink like wat emi said b4.. we shud do the most strength thingy.. cos we slack too much.. our staminar never improve.. our strength never improve.. so next time at esplanade ar.. muz reali BIANG BIANG BIANG! haha

i read binggie blog and she said somethin that make me wanna tear lol.. she said we got telepathy cos on the day b4 the latest incident happened to me she felt somethin real bad's gonna happen.. =\ oh well.. haha my bestie ma.. sure got telepathy.. =)

and emi.. hmm i'm truly thankful for her.. dunno y.. but she gave me the feelin that she'll nv turn her back on me =) it's like.. other thn clover, she's my best fren le =) she understands me so damn much that she almost noe everythin i'm doin lol! when i'm readin, for sure she noe that muz be somethin to do with horoscope.. haha =X

and like bing, sharon and si.. they have their oter best frens too besides clover.. but bad things do happen to them stil =\ their best frens turned their back on them.. i'm reali thankful no one did that to me.. hmm maybe got la.. once.. but that was long ago n sadly things didnt turn out gd.. =\ but i hope she's doin fine now.. keep seein her on msn but dun dare to talk to her =\ oh well.. my pride.. =\ maybe she wont care la.. haha nvm thn.. pray for her that's al =)

i noe for sure my besties darling clover wil never never leave me =) they stood by me thou i'm sucha useless person who cannot handle setbacks.. they encouraged n helped me when i fall.. they gave me a piece of their mind when they loses their patience with me.. but i noe it's reali for my own gd.. i guess not many ppl can make me learn things the hard way.. not many ppl can scold me n yet i noe it's for my own gd.. =\ i juz take things as they come..

scold me = u hate me.. but for clover i noe it's not.. maybe for others also nt la.. to others maybe scoldin is the best way for me.. but let me tell u.. u're wrong.. either u give it to me slowly be nice n al.. or simply dun care.. cos if u scold me or firm at me.. i'll tink u're losin ur patience.. n as a fren for not longer thn clover.. i believe u dun understand me.. so u got no rights to scold me..

i can understand clover cos they've been with me for erm.. bing n si 10years and sharon 5years.. they had enough of my nonsense and i'm surprise they can actually tahan me so long.. =X sorry girls if i ever let u down.. if i ever made u sad.. if i ever made u worry for me.. u girls nv make me worry that much and u girls are much stronger thn me.. i'm the youngest n i'm bad at things when it comes to life n reality.. i need ur help to give it to me slow n steady =) u girls did juz tat.. now i noe y we're so close =) remember.. if ever i'm angry with u.. i'll be a fool! haha.. cos u girls rocks my world.. like sii said "clover nv fail to make me smile.. NEVER!" yesh i agree!!!

take real gd care of urself ok.. binggie.. al the best to u n ter.. may he cherish like u cerish him.. may he realise he's one of the most xing fu guy on earth to have u.. sii.. may u find ur guy soon.. u're a gf no guy shud miss.. u're sweet u're patient n u're so damn loving.. n sharon.. u're the best.. pls pls pls dun feel inferior thn any of us ok.. u got so lil confidence in urself.. i'm already jialat enuff.. u better be better thn me.. haha.. u're so faithful.. u noe wat i mean la.. i waited the longest 5years u lagi best.. 7th year liao.. dun so stubborn la.. great guys are out there waiting for u.. =) open ur doors for them ok!

lastly emi.. i seriously cherish our frenship.. =) more thn any of my other frens.. u've showed me that u're a true fren n u've appreciate my helps n al.. u took my advice n am so much a better, fun loving girl now =) remember when we first met.. ur face's like CHARCOAL!! lol.. look at urself in the mirror now.. did u see a happy smiley girl? =) did u see a better, cheerful n fun emi? i hope u do.. dun stress over ur studies ok.. u can do it de.. even if CHOYYYY u fail or anythin.. dun give up! "ppl who lose r nt losers but ppl who give up are truly the losers" take me for a example.. i failed my o level once.. but i persisted.. thou i hate studies like u i love dance! we had the same mentality "fail thn dance for life lor dun study liao" but tink carefully ok.. prove ppl wrong! u can de.. even a potential F9 math student like me can pass! haha am sure u can de =) jiayou jiayou!! my studies aint gd so i cannot help u much.. but i'll try al i can ok =) take care girl!

-i love al my frens.. especially those who noes me inside out.. u're the best!-
BLURISH ME!!
today was a reallllllllllllllllll BLUR day =\ went to watch yutaki's performance.. almost cried.. cos i realise i haven been dancin like 2weeks le =\ it's like.. he have damn high hope for us.. but we're nt putting in like 100000000000000000000%.. somehow i wish he'll be more strict with us.. so that we can improve.. i see the way he talk to his ACS boys.. i'm like "OMG" they're reali young n yet he's damn strict with them.. wahhhhhh but i wish it's me la.. cos i noe they'll be a damn gd dancer when they're older.. onli wish is that they wont give up on their dreams..

i got a car bang juz now =\ RAHHHHH. but it's not jialat la.. onli fell n got my ankle abit injured.. well shudnt have tink bout things n nt observin the road.. blah blah bloh bloh.. juz so blur today.. maybe is due to lack of slp ba.. kinda damn stressed up past few days.. but i'm pickin myself up.. in fact i was shock that i am much stronger le.. =) thanks to jon.. thou i did hate him b4.. but well.. i did gain alot.. thou our r/s was like a month.. but i learn reali reali alot.. =) thanks boy.. if u're readin =) now.. as u said.. we're frens =) gd ones.. thanks for caring so much thou i've "slammed" the door stright into ur face =\ sorry wor.. =)

but am glad the weather's fine now le =) well maybe abit stil grey for me.. but trust me peeps.. i'll be back =) haha.. today met the beatboxers in town when i wan "wandering" bleah.. they happened to be buskin.. yay i'm so happy cos i miss kiyoko so much!!!! finally see her.. haha.. and i miss those buskin days.. ROARRR! maybe one day shud get al of them out to busk again.. haha =X dharni ask me to whack.. lol! NO WAY DHARNI!!! i haven been whackin like 2weeks =\ and i'm the onli dancer there.. as in not old sch dancer.. haha! ok next time shall get VIP down to busk =) yay.. lookin forward to that =)

i'm gonna work on my dream! i'm not gonna let anythin affect me le =) like i've been tellin myself "i'm pretty i'm cool.. i'm the cutest not u!" bleah.. i'm kiddin la.. haha =X OMG somethin's terribly wrong with me le.. so BHB! haha =X well that's me! superduper boy told me b4 to have more comfidence in myself.. well shall learn it =) PRETTY ME!! wahaha =X siao zar bor.. oh n my MSN got damn freakin prob RAHHHH! dunno y cant reali sign in.. ok la.. maybe it's a gd thing thou.. at least i wont start talkin nonsense =\ at least i can get my mind real clear b4 i talk to him or anyone again..

i guess i accidentally made jarel angry =\ not on purpose de ok.. jarel.. sorry!! and i'm nt angry ok.. haha ju tat my msn got prob so i couldnt sign in.. thanks anyway for tryin ur best to talk to me.. =) appreciates! need time to digest it ar.. so give me time ok =) i'm stronger thn b4.. ppl.. i love al of u!!! my best of the best frens i ever had on earth.. i'm so xing fu to have u al.. i dun need a bf i guess.. for now at least =) but i cant live without al of u!!! *muacks* thanks ppl.. reali reali touched!! =)

-i'm stil in love.. but i realise.. it's with dance.. the one who never never leave me.. oh n of cos.. my clover girls-

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Within 2hrs u can get nitemare & sweet dreams =\
another nite of 2hours slp =\ i tired to slp at 5am.. but i couldnt.. i listened to my ipod hoping i could fall asleep juz by tinkin n tinkin til i'm tired.. but at 8am i'm stil awake =\ i scolded myself somehow.. and i managed to slp.. thn i had a dream.. a beautiful dream.. ok it's somethin gd bout me n him.. a REALLLLLL gd one.. sweet too.. i dun wanna say it here cos ppl say if dreams were said out it wont come true =\ i was damn damn happy.. but when i open my eyes i look, i realise it's juz a dream =(

i look at the clock again and it's 9am.. i'm like "huh!" cos i thot at least it would be 11 or 12pm.. =\ thn i force myself back to slp again.. listened to my ipod again.. heard the song "zhi xiang jian ni" by rainie yang.. that song made me cant slp even more jialat =\ i love the lyrics.. it's about a stubborn girl who's in love with this guy n she said somethin like no matter wat ur decision is, sorry but i wont give up on loving u.. how sweet yea?

i managed to slp again.. and had this terrible nightmare this time =\ i wanna say it out.. so it wont come true (i hope).. i dreamt that i receive this sms from him sayin somethin like "i dun wanna contact u anymore.. let's juz stop everythin (even as frens)" =...( i woke up.. shocked.. i quickly checked my HP and see if i reali did receive it ornt.. luckily no.. it's juz a nightmare.. well.. i did cry.. over this nightmare.. it's scary! reali scary!!! =( i prayed about it.. askin it not to come true..

thn i couldnt slp again =\ i lie on my bed tinkin alot.. tink bout the future and everythin.. i thot to myself.. wat if he reali nv wanna see me again? wat if he's gonna leave me like wat happened in my nightmare? no no no! i dun wan!!! he said wat i've done by drink and al the nonsense had scare him =\ i hate myself.. i seriously do.. i hate myself for not bein able to be strong.. i hate myself for dunnoh ow to take care of myself.. i hate myself.. for everythin =(

al i wish for.. is juz bein able to go out with him.. as frens =( watchin movies which we wanna catch.. our MOS trip.. goin home tgt after dance practices at esplanade =\ but wil al this be possible? i wil hide my feelings.. juz to make al these happen.. =( i like him.. yes i do.. but i shall not say or show.. i shall hide it.. from now.. juz dun let our frenship get ruin.. i dun wanna be a not special someone to him.. =( have to go out le.. byebye.. =..............(

-worries filled my empty heart.. nightmares pls go.. sweet dreams i hope u'll come true..-
Empty..
today went to MOX with sii.. drank garveyard n waterfall.. waterfall's nice.. reali nice.. oh well.. the graveyard is exactly my feeling today.. =\ the last time i drank it i got the feelin that i'm the passerby who see ppl getting buried.. but now.. i feel i'm the one being buried =\ why is that so? is it me feeling the drink? =\ i dun wan man.. but when at MOX, this guy talk to me abit.. he made me realise that i'm in love.. =\ it's not liking him.. but loving him =\ shit man.. i dun wan.. but i got no choice.. argh..!

freak la! i dun understand.. i juz dun.. how can i fall within 2weeks?? how can i?! arghhhhh! i wann die.. i reali wish i can.. but no.. i have to be strong.. be strong for my frens.. my mum.. be strong for him.. =\ he's on my mind like every single minute.. =\ i couldnt slp today.. i keep wakin up.. checkin my hp.. hopin to receive his msg.. without realising that he's gone.. =\ never mine again.. thn til noon time i scolded myself.. i said "xinwei u betetr bloody wake up ur stupid dream.. u better bloody move on n be strong.." i wanted to cry.. i listened to my ipod.. i listen to the songs which can make me cry.. but no.. i couldnt.. =\ i thot to myself.. a gd cry thn move on..

but i couldnt.. i reali couldnt.. =\ memories for this 2weeks keep comin back to me.. the chats we had.. the smses.. the very first time i saw him.. which is like longgg ago.. the very first feeling i had.. "oh man this guy's cute!" til the day i told kelvin bout my eyecandy.. he gave me his frenster.. i was stupid enuff to msg him on frenster.. =\ i should have juz keep him as a eyecandy.. maybe i'll be happier.. =
i dunno.. but have i did the wrong thing? by noeing him? by tellin him i like him? by wakin him up? =\ by wakin him, i've cause myself to lost the one i love.. i dun wish to use the word "love" but.. the fact it is.. "love"..

i'm feelin damn shitty.. he scolded me.. =\ heartbreaks.. but i noe is for my own gd.. he cares.. but i guess i let him down.. =\ i guess he felt not appreciated.. but i seriously do appreciates it.. =\ i told him can dun care bout me if it makes him stress.. =\ now i regret sayin it.. cos seriously in me.. i wan him to care.. who the hell dun wish the person u love care for u? who the hell doesnt wan him/her to care for u? =
i was drunk.. i dunno wat i was talkin.. but emi said "when one's drunk.. the truth u speak" so i guess i reali love him =\ that moment i wanted to sms si.. i said something like "i tink i love him" but i accidentally send it to him =\ al i could remember at that time is he's on my mind.. i could remember his number so damn well that i juz keyed it in =
i dunno i dunno i dunno.. i reali dunno =
i wish to disappear.. i wish i wish i reali wish.. =( he say i cant handle things the rite way.. sadly i agree.. i'm juz so lousy.. so bad at it.. damn bad =\ i makke ppl ard me worry for me.. he's rite.. i dunno how to take care of myself.. yes i dun.. i tried my best.. i reali tried.. when i'm out.. i try my best to be happy.. i keep tellin myself "xinwei u gotta be happy.. gotta stay the happy xinwei" i did.. i didnt acted very sad when i'm out.. but why is it so that i can never noe how to control my feelings when i'm alone?

the moment i reach home, i cried.. tears start rollin.. i cant help but tink bout everythin again.. i cant help it! i said before "happy tgt if nt thn break up" i wanna be very fine with it.. i wanna take things real light.. i thot i could.. i reali thot.. but no! it dun seem that way.. =( it's not say forget thn forget.. it's not say move on thn move on.. it's not say it's the past thn it is.. IT'S NOT!!!

noe the song "waiting for u"? i'm waiting for u.. =( there's this sentence.. "why did u leave behind a chuck of misses to me?" why? =..( i'm waitin for him.. i dun wan to.. but i am! =\ i reali am doin that.. i'm sti living the lie.. i noe i have to wake up.. wake this silly idea of mine.. i said i had no confidence in him.. but i had so damn much confidence in our r/s =\ i shudnt have.. i reali shudnt have..

when at PS today i saw this glitter.. it's gold.. i wanted to buy it thn make a bermuda for him =\ thn i thot to myself again.. NO! it's NO MORE! stop treatin him like a bf or anythin liddat!! =( my heart crack when i said that to myself.. i've planned everythin.. like.. our 1st month.. our outings.. our lil lil dates.. but i guess it's al gone down the drain..

i remember when vith broke up with emi.. emi said this "walao i plan everythin le lei.. our 1st month everythin.." now i felt her feelin at that time.. it's reali a "Down the drain" feeling.. =( i guess i reali need to take a break.. i'm startin to talk nonsense.. am being abit outta my mind this few days.. i needa dance.. i needa play.. i needa get crazy.. i needa relax.. =( i dun wanna continue doin nonsensical things n lost him totally =\ i dun wanna lose my special someone.. i reali dun wan! i thot i lost him juz now =\ when he said he's not gonna care.. i've never felt that shattered =..(

he keep sayin he's a bastard.. but NOOOOOO! ppl.. stop thinkin he's one ok!! pls pls pls.. i beg al of u.. he's not ok.. he reali is not.. like wat i told him.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. if he's a bastard in our r/s.. thn i muz be a bitch too.. so please ok.. he's nice.. reali..

i'm glad i'm stil a eyecandy to him.. at least am stil special in certain way i hope..

-where's my love.. where's my dream.. where's my superduper boy.. =.......(-

Saturday, February 25, 2006

sometimes i wonder.. am i a freak.. =\ i feel that everyone who loves me felt stressful.. i dun wan to.. i reali dun wan to.. =\ my purpose is to make everyone ard me smile.. be happy and enjoy my presence.. =\ but if my presence makes anyone feel stressful or sad.. i rather leave =\ i dun wanna lose anyone thou.. especially the one i love.. i reali dun wan.. but seems like i'm losing them.. =\ oh god.. can u teach me how not to hurt anyone or can teach me to make ppl smile? and truly smile i mean.. i can be the clown.. i can be the fool.. i dun wanna be selfish anymore.. i juz wan ppl to be happy ard me.. that's all.. is it that hard? i see smiles goin away.. i see frowns coming.. i dun wan!! i can frown whole day to myself.. juz to see them happy.. God.. i'm damn lost now.. can u teach me how to make ppl smile? can u give me the power to cheer ppl up? can u give me the magical power to steal ppl's frown and replace it with a smile? =\ i feel shitty now.. oh man.. GOD GOD GOD!! i need u! guide me pls.. teach me! hurhur.. i'm cryin for u.. i'm cryin terribly for ur help.. ur guidance.. i'm juz like a lost sheep.. why why why! why are all these happening to me? how can i get outta this and smile seeing everyone beside me smile? i need help..

i'll leave.. if i have to.. aint gonna be a stubborn ass anymore..
willing..
even if love hurt us thoroughly
in my heart i stil believe
the true one wil eventually fine the trace of happiness
love can make me strong
love can make me cry
love can make me lost myself
onli ur smile can ease my heart
the fine weather is wat i wan
by goin thru the stromy days with u
to create this perfect love together
baby i'm willing..

Open relationship..
more thn frenship less thn love
shuld i cry? shuld i be sad?
is it me or u that thinks too much..
this make us greedy..
til waitin lost it's meaning..

i wont run when it comes to suffering
just like the leave which willingly wilts for the winter
just a simple love, i'm stil me..

Friday, February 24, 2006

Unexpected
ok firstly.. peeps, juz treat that u didnt see my previous post ok.. we arent tgt.. i am single.. oh well.. thought everythin had entered into a happy thingy but no.. my worries this whole day had proven to be present.. i did not worry for nothin.. my besties al were happy for me.. but sorry girls i've let u down again.. no more.. that's it.. he said to juz stay as wat we were and see how things goes.. argh watever.. dun wanna tink anythin now.. dun wanna shed anymore tears. no more sadness no more fears.. watever that outcome may be, so be it.. hurt me for al i care.. break me up, tear me apart.. not gonna care.. i've nothin left but this fragile heart.. that's it.. false hopes suck.. seriously suck! things in life are reali unpredictable.. cant imagine few hours ago, less thn 24hours ago i was happily in tears.. so damn freakin happy.. and now.. different thing again.. filled with emotions which i dun wan to and blurring my eyes with this liquid called tears which i dun wan to either.. argh watever le la.. i'm lackin of slp and i'm tired.. very very very tired.. of everythin.. and i mean EVERYTHIN.. -back to single-
Nice Game..

Before..
we talked bout the issue of our own feelings deep down.. i make sure he noe his feelings well b4 moving any further.. i've said watever i seriously feel.. maybe some words may nt be gd.. maybe some words may end up like wat happened to jon n me-words triggers him of his ex.. maybe some words may "kill" myself..

but i've tink about them and and know this fact.. be it trigger ornt.. it's a gd thing i mean watever i say.. imagine me nv trigger jon.. and we're stil tgt.. and til now or maybe in the future thn something happen n trigger him of that memory he had with her.. thn he break with me.. isnt that worst?

i'm juz applyin watever i've learn in previous r/s on this.. if seriously he's stil in love with her.. i rather noe now and stop everythin.. rather thn gettin myself fallin deeper and get the hurt ultimately.. he's now gonna do some soul searchin thn tell me wat he reali wan.. i'm gonna wait.. be it a gd or bad ans.. i'll juz accept it.. i'm not gonna be as sturbborn as b4 and get myself into shits n hurts..

now i reali noe that letting go is painful.. yes.. but it'll juz be for a period of time.. few months perhaps? and after that a new strong xinwei wil come by again.. i believe i wil be stronger as days goes by.. no matter wat situation i'm in be it gd or bad.. no wat his choice is.. i'll respect that.. not gonna fall into somethin that's wrong n wont last anymore..

emi showed me this "Missing someone you lost isn't the hard part. Knowing you once had then is what breaks your heart."

yup and i truly agree.. wat reali breaks me up wil be the memory that once we were tgt.. and now no longer.. so maybe i shud be glad that we're stil nt in a r/s and that even if his choice were a "sorry" i can move on.. if the ans's a yes.. i thank god for it and seriously cherish it.. but if it turns out to be a no no, thn oh well.. fate's playin on me again..

moving on is the thing i can do and juz be happy with my life.. i muz constantly remind myself that living in this world the ultimate aim is to be happy.. nothin else.. and of cos to be happy means be contented.. humans are greedy creatures.. so am i.. but we'll al have to learn to be contented so that we can truly be happy.. gonna stick to that belief for my life.. now's time to wait.. let's see wat god has planned for me..

After..
my oh my.. wat a nice game!! everythin was nothing =\ my hopes were shattered.. dreams were gone.. totally shattered =\ tears juz rolled while i try my damn best to control it.. but it juz keep flowin.. the heartache in me, the pain i feel.. my body trembles for some reason which i dunno y.. i'm juz weak al over..

a can of beer, a stick of cig.. the settings were exactly in a situation of a breakup =\ yes.. i felt the sadness in me, i felt the shitty feelings which i'm dying to avoid.. i hate this all i hate everythin that happened.. but oh well i loved it stil why?

cos this leads to a new begining.. a new begining between him n me =) everythin seems so shockin.. seems so unbelievable.. it's juz like a sharp turn a SHARP one i mean! God planned this game well.. so well that i never expected it this way.. i hereby wanna announce that me n him are officially tgt on 24feb2006 at 4.58am! =)

a new beginning.. entering into the world of a r/s.. time for commitment, time for another level of game.. we've decided to move things to another height.. and that's to be tgt.. thou things arent very very sure now.. but once this decision is made.. we had no turning back.. to keep this r/s goin.. to be better to be happy..

he's truly a idiot i swear! he pulled me from heaven to hell and brought me back to heaven again.. wat a nice roller coaster ride huh.. =) but oh well.. feels gd to be in heaven again.. =) i'm like a mad person now.. smiling n cryin at the same time.. =\ oh well.. tears of joy =)

i seriously n sincerely respect God for this game.. RESPECT!!! a nice game played.. making me go gaga al over.. thanks huh God -_________- haha! now since this is where we are n this is wat happens.. i truly noe i'll cherish it.. i dun get this thing easy ok.. a FUN NICE roller coaster ride which almost killed me.. and this is my reward.. a happy me now =) maybe this is wat ppl always say "xian ku hou tian" hopefully ba =)

i'm so filled with love now haha! cant slp.. OMG! he's comin over at 7am =) cant wait to see him.. WUUUUU! hehehehe! am reali reali touched when he wanted to come over b4 his sch.. *appreciates* and when he go for his sch, i'm gonna take a nap til 12pm thn to meet my darling girls =) gonna meet them at mac.. gonna tell them this FUN roller coaster ride.. haha =) wah wanna hug him real tight now!!! ok i need a hammer again.. heeeeex!

SHIAWASE NE!!!!!! (it means happy or xing fu in jap) woooooohoooooooo!
Something to Share
Exactly wat i wanna say.. this song represents all.. Before i fall in love by Coco Lee.. it's a nice song anyway.. ask me for it if u wan.. every single sentence.. means somethin deep down from me.. =\ enjoy..

-Before I fall in love-
My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel'
Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true, could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love

I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I want to take a chance
Please give me a reason to believe
Say, you're the one
That you'll always be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love

It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love..

Please oh please.. dun love me juz to make me happy.. make me happy cos u love me.. truly i mean.. there's onli enough space for 1person in my heart and i expect there to be onli 1person in ur heart too.. if it's me.. thanks.. if it's not.. bye.. -emotionally unstable-
=\
argh!! wat's fuckin wrong with me?! worry this worry that.. nabei la! sorry ar but reali feel like scoldin lotsa lotsa vulgar now!!! RAHHHHHHHH! whog ot hammer? i need it again to juz either knock myself out or to wake me up.. =\ hurhur.. i juz worry so freakin much.. i juz tink so freakin much.. my horoscope ask me not to tink so much today.. look at the positive n not the negative.. --> [Relationships are complicated; there's just no way they can't be. So when someone comes along who's very different from us, we often spend more time than we probably should worrying about those differences -- rather than concentrating on all the wonderful things we have in common. Don't let that happen to you now. There's someone in your life who could well end up being there for a good long while. Focus on the positives.] wahhh.. need to be so zhun de ma siak.. =\ tink i seriously need to slap myself awake! never to be afraid of BGR never to be afraid of hurts but to face it boldly.. roar! wait let me digest this thing in me first ba.. felt shitty now.. argh! F F F F F F F! $%*$%*^#%!! trust.. confidence.. faith.. jiayou jiayou!!! Gambarimasho!!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

3rd Post for the day =)
i noe i'm a little mad here by postin sooo darn many times but oh well wat else can i do when i'm like freakin bored -_________- haha.. can choose not to read =) anyway saw this thingy few days back.. haha.. damn nice can! it's on horoscope la and chinese zodiacs.. hehe.. if u're a horo fan read it! if nt thn it's ok la =) anyway it's more on me n him de.. haha cancer n scorpio.. bleahhhhh!

Scorpio & Cancer
A very emotional and committed pairing --- Scorpio controls and Cancer toils. Ideal for the S & M set .... (Source: AquarianAge Romance )

For Cancer: You are both too possessive that can and usually does lead to problems at some time. As long as you deal with these issues promptly you can have a happy, satisfying and loving union. ( Source: Love Test )

For Scorpio: This is one of your best connections. The Crab is a loyal mate who is usually willing to stand behind you. Cancers are attracted to your strong, demanding ways. ( Source: Love Test )

Cancer makes Scorpio feel secure. This relationship has great intimacy, intensity, and depth. Great pair. Cancer is loyal which is good for Scorpio’s jealous streak. Cancer’s possessiveness will make Scorpio feel secure. Both are intuitive and sense what will please each other. Together they will feel safe and loved. This pairing has great intimacy, and depth. Long lasting relationship. Both are jealous but the heat in the bedroom will cool the disputes. Cancer is clinging and insecure and Scorpio offers the strength and protectiveness Cancer is looking for. In turn Cancer is loving generous, devoted---all that Scorpio wants. Perfect match. ( Source: Astrology Fun )

Cancer Woman & Scorpio
ManThis is tied with Pisces as the number one soulmate match for you. A relationship with a Scorpio boy will be wonderful in every way for you. His passionate nature will draw out the sexy girl who’s hiding inside your good-girl exterior. You can also trust a Scorpio boy not to have a wandering eye for other girls. Once he makes up his mind to love you, he’ll stick to his decision! You also make him feel very secure because of your loving and loyal nature. This pairing can spark an intense and intimate relationship. A perfect love match. ( Source: Jellybean's Astro-Soulmate Guide )

No doubt about it, Cancer girl and Scorpio boy will be over-the-moon for each other. The only problem that could crop up is possessiveness-a relationship is meant to be something you have with someone else, and one party shouldn't try to 'own' or dominate the other. Get this lesson down and you've got plenty of good times ahead… ( Source: FUNgirl - Astrology )

Tiger Man & Rabbit WomanThere will be some skirmishes. But they understand each other. And she knows how to take care of her husband.

Love & chemistry (how horoscope works)
-Jane Lu-
It is a pain to see people suffer from unsuccessful relationships. So I decide to post this page to help you understand why things happen the way they do and find some sort of relief.

After studying both Western Astrology and Chinese Astrology, I have come to the conclusion that to a considerable extend, whether love between two people grows or erodes over time depends on how good a match they are in Chinese Astrology. An explanation for this, simply put, is that people of different Chinese Zodiac Signs have different purposes and goals in life. After a long period of time together, a couple get to know each other better and their love for each other will grow or erode, depending on whether their goals are matching or not.

As to chemistry between two people, it is my conclusion that the better a match in Western Astrology, the stronger the chemistry is. An explanation for this, simply put, is that people of different Western Zodiac Signs have different approach to many things in life, including showing and receiving love. However, chemistry also depends on physical condition. When a couple are young, the chemistry between them is always strong no matter whether they are a match in Western Astrology or not. But when a couple get older, the chemistry between them becomes weaker. Then is when being a good match in Western Astrology will help.

When both Western Astrology and Chinese Astrology are put in perspective, here is how relationships evolve under their influences. Chemistry is strong between any two people when they are young. So as long as they fall in love with each other, relationship can happen between any two young people and it can last for quite some time. But after some time, a couple are more likely to part if they are not a match in Chinese Astrology. For a couple who are a match in Chinese Astrology but not a match in Western Astrology, it is more likely for them to stay in their marriage. However, one of them (the one who is physically stronger) or both of them will have the tendency to have extra marital affairs. This is because the chemistry between them is no longer as strong as before or is weaker than the chemistry between them and their lovers outside of their marriage.

Here is one important point that I should clarify concerning the relationship between love and Chinese horoscope compatibility. Whether two people fall in love with each other or not does not have anything to do with whether they are a match in Chinese Astrology or not. Chinese horoscope compatibility only affects long term prospect of a relationship. Western Astrology, on the other hand, does decide how quickly or easily two people become intimate. The older they are, the more it becomes true to them.

Finally, I should point out that although it would be great if the person you fall in love with is a match with you in both Chinese Astrology and Western Astrology, as you can see from the horoscope compatibility charts, it does not happen often. If you wait until you find the perfect match, you may never find one. This is not because that you may never find someone who is a match with you in both Chinese Astrology and Western Astrology. It is because that you may never fall in love with one. So it is better to enjoy the love when it lasts and move on when it is over or simply do not date at all.

As to how people fall in love, it is a mystery. I have no answer to it. Maybe it is exactly because the reasons for falling in love are always mysteries that people can fall in love. So it is better not to explore them.
Some test that i did..

CANCER the crab..
If a Cancer has an interest in you, they will drop subtle clues. Don't expect them to be forward, as they don't know how to be.

Since they have a tendency to be old-fashion in beliefs, the perfect date would be tickets to the theater, a romantic restaurant, or a cultural event. As they tend to be romantic day dreamers, and reflect in the past, bring up some old stories so that they can relate some of theirs. Show an interest to this sentimentalist when they bring out their collections or old pictures.

They thrive on admiration and praise. Let them know how much you admire them. Compliments will get you everywhere. Ask their opinion, and be sure to be sincere about hearing their response.

Keep in mind that a Cancerian hates rejection and is extremely cautious about making any commitment. They will try to avoid giving an answer, and whatever you do, don't try to rush them into one.

Usually if the answer is no, they will go to all lengths to avoid the subject.

The Cancer has an excellent memory and a jealous nature. Because they can recall situations in their past very easily, it would be a tremendous mistake to ever be insincere to this person.

To them betrayal is devastating, and it will take a very long time for them to forgive, and to top it off, they may never forget. Once emotionally wounded, there will always be a void in the relationship.

Emotional and financial security is of the utmost importance in this relationship. They don't like frivolous spending, since it means a loss of control and security.

If you can give an enormous amount of attention and constant reassurance, you have found the perfect mate. In return you will find Cancer to be affectionate, romantic, sympathetic, imaginative, and quite seductive.

Although they tend to want your complete devotion, if they are in love, they will cherish and protect their partner always.

Cancerians are tender loving and kind, they also have immense sympathy for those less fortunate than themselves., which in turn makes them very emotional people. A Cancerian will gladly sacrifice something they love for the ones they love. They are very homey people, preferring a quiet night in to a party.

Love at first sight for me..?
you get a crush on somebody very often. However you know the difference between having a crush on somebody and being in love. When you are interested in somebody very deeply then you use your good sense and curiosity to find out as much as possible about the other person. Your opinion: a crush can start spontaneously, but it takes time to develop deeper and long-lasting feelings.

Do i know how to keep my partner?
trust and security in a relationship are not just hot air for you. You know how to listen to your partner, you are sensitive and also spontaneous. Sometimes some doubts about you and your partner crop up and you don't feel as strong as you hope you were. You have intensive feelings and you fight to keep your partner, however you are realistic enough to let go when you should. Your boyfriend can rely on you when he needs you. You stand by your boy when it really counts.

My italian horoscope..
u've got the attraction to anyone out there. u're realistic, confident, happy, a talented individual in ur education, music, arts, singing and most importantly acting. u have real prob with bad temper! u r popular with e subjects listed above, u give up things for ur pardonts, i mean u value ur family status alot. u wil be in top rank when u reach a certain age

When i fall in love..
when you're in love, you always think you've found the greatest love of your life. Your rave about the other person and you are in seventh heaven. But then you are brought back down to earth when you notice that not everything in your relationship is 100 percent ok. You have to learn that it takes time to build and develop a strong relationship and it doesn't happen over night. Feelings are not everything, you should also try to develop a real friendship with your dreamboy. You shouldn't be frustrated when things go wrong. You learn from mistakes and will be wiser afterwards - creating a stronger loving relationship.

My personality test..
others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

Wat's my true colour?
You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

Wat kind of girlfriend am i?
you're a Steady Supporter!
Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with.

For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.

p/s:kinda true siak! lol =X so that's me la.. haha bleahh i'm too bored anyway.. gd to noe myself more this way hahaha =)

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

H&K...
today went to catch xiao hai bu ben 2 at PS.. hmm he woke me up at 1.30 and we meet at dhoby ghaut mrt control at 3.30pm.. hmm went to buy tix thn went to eat at KFC.. we ate cheese fries n juz a cup of root beer lol.. dunno y appetite rather small today but am havin a damn itchy mouth lol! thn we went to catch the movie liao.. damn nice show!!!! i cry like river siak! kaox.. wahh if anyone ask me wat show is nice now i sure recommend this man! lol! reali touchin, sad and funny.. imagine i cry til my eye swollen la! kaox.. in the cinema he pull my hand to cling onto his.. =) hmm thn he held my hand inside.. hehe.. he wiped my tears when he noe i cry haha damn cute! thn after the show we went to heeren.. while walkin over to heeren he held my hand lol.. wahh feels like we tgt liao siak.. but we're not! lol! thn we went to cine.. saw dharni n ash.. rahhhh! they saw us holding hands lol =\ but i needa tell them we're nt tgt yet.. haha.. in case they wu hui.. =) after awhile we went home le.. cos he needa do his project.. friday's the due.. yup.. he walked me home and wahhh saw my mum =\ we faster let go of our hands sia haha.. but dun tink she saw us.. thn we slacked awhile at the shelter cos i dun wanna go home with mum.. =\ the cold wars had juz resolved but stil =\ thn at 9pm he went home le.. he walk me to the lift thn byebye le =) well had a reali happy day out with him.. =) had relai happy days ard him sia.. hmm hopefully this is right =) happy happy me =)
Privacy..
juz realise that one of my goodie fren in pri n sec sch had turn gay =\ i know this is somethin that many ppl discriminate and gossip about.. but tink bout it.. wat's wrong with them? to me i'm perfectly fine with homosexuals.. they dun do anythin to harm me rite? i reali wonder wat's wrong with ppl who looks down on them.. did anyone wonder why they turn homo? it maybe due to some F**kers out there who played with ppl's feelings.. hurtin them like shits and making ppl felt hopeless in r/s.. have u ppl ever realised that homo comes about partly is ur fault? unless u nv hurt anyone b4.. thn i have nothin to say.. but i'm rather sure each and everyone of us has hurt someone b4.. be it in a r/s or juz frenship..

everyone needs a 2nd chance.. i saw this guy tagged my fren's board sayin "gays dun deserve a 2nd chance.." hey u F**ker! tink about it.. if is u.. and i say this to u how'd u feel?! i seriously hate this kinda ppl who dun tink for others.. if u dunno how to respect ppl how the hell u expect ppl to respect u? spreadin ppl's privacy ard.. tryin to invade them.. do u reali feel so gd makin ppl feelin bad? do u relai feel so gd seein ppl sad? do u reali tink u're the greatest n perfect mankind on earth? if u do.. well u suck! i discriminate n condemn ppl like u and i seriously hate to condemn ppl.. but since i condemn u.. i seriously tink u dun deserve any chance.. remember wat comes around, goes around.. and do unto others wat u wan them to do unto u..

now this reali makes me feel sucky.. i got like 3links of blogs from my fren who's part of the "spreadin" teams.. i hope they're juz tryin to be nice n not being mean.. in 24hours i can receive 3links.. wat has the world become??? spreadin ard ppl's blog? i thot blog is supposed to be private? like a online dairy? now i seriously feel it's so damn freakin unsafe to blog bout my personal life.. =\ but i'll stil blog bout my life thou.. spread al u wan.. i have nothin to hide.. but one advice.. stop spreadin ppl's privacy.. stop intrudin into them.. if u're that free, go get a job or try to do some volunteerin work to build up ur karma.. u've done enough harms on earth.. if u dun wanna do good on earth.. another advice for u.. open ur window, jump down.. juz disappear from this world n stop harming the poor..

i have this fren who dump her bf over a butch.. she n her bf were tgt for 19month.. shockin news i got.. i was damn shocked.. but today when i saw her, she told me abit why she choose this path.. and the main reason is to be happy.. she's unhappy with her ex.. so why stay? i tink it's true.. love is not about the duration being tgt.. is the depth.. thou i dun support homo too but i dun hate them or discriminate them too.. i'll juz leave them alone.. since they dun meddle with my life why shud i meddle with theirs? hopefully the world wil not be as cruel as everyone who tinks it is.. gd luck to al couples.. be it homo ornt.. and bad luck to al ppl who discriminates n condemn..

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

today went to northpoint slack with sii =) mikal join us awhile cos happened to see him at KFC.. haha.. he dmn shag.. cos he juz end work.. hmm saw alot of ppl today.. saw ailin, baby, wanting, fangling and clara.. hmm ling n ting patch =\ sad for shawn sia.. haix.. nvm la.. ling happy can le lo.. hope she noe wat she doin ba.. =\ thn went walk ard.. saw this small thing i tink real nice so i bought for him haha =X it's realiiiiii small la.. lol! hmm thn we went to 925 eat.. mikal's mad! -_______- i swear he sure is mad sia! walao.. keep being lame n tryin to get my attention.. lol..but i ignore him al the way la.. thn he keep disturbing me.. wahlao ehh!!! abit pissed la.. but stil ok la.. tink he not enuff slp thn abit hey wire liao.. haha! =X bought some stickers! lol! feel like xiao meimei sia! haha.. but real cute ones la! =p got them on my phone.. oh and went to mini toons to buyHP deco.. got a clover one.. real nice seh!! wahaha! thn went to 900+ de pet shop.. wahhhhhh! the hamster, rabbit n dog damnnnnnn cute!!!!! i took afew of the pic! wahaha! SHHH! the dog damn cute look like carpet =\ i almost step on it sia haha lucky me didnt! the rabbit wahhhh! remind me of my late huggy! hurhur =\ i miss huggy! thn the hamster wahbiang eh slp til like pig damn damn cute! al squeezed up lol! i wanna squeeze like them too siak! haha =X wah imagine one day, me, binggie, sisi and sharon stay in a house thn damn small room thn al squeeze liddat lol! =X oopss! haha! but muz be real cosy la.. hurhur.. nvm reali cute.. almost bought one hamster.. but thn i tink again.. 1 wil be damn lonely =\ and i onli got big cage no small one =\ lol.. if put inside the big cage tink i have to search for my hammie like mad.. haha! nvm la.. save money buy rabbit or chinchilla! hehe!
@_@
ROARRRRRRR! =\ ok i'm juz tryin to let out my tiredness by being mad.. lol! hmm went to read up darling binggie n darling sii's blog juz now.. sii's having exams and i reali hope she can do well! *pray* and binggie's blog suddenly like so WAH! lol.. 1 entry is on some animal abuse i guess.. idnt reali read properly as my eyes are like @_@ already.. haha.. thn another entry is on tammy the NYP girl.. i truly agree with binggie that ppl shud stop spreadin the video! she also dun wan such things to happen de ma.. why everyone's pointing their fingers at her? and not the bf? by doin that with him is already her at disadvantage rite! and yet when this kinda things happen she gets it all to.. OMG "tian li he zai ar"! and seriously why shud they make it soo big? nt as if doin those things are wrong rite? thou it's wrong abit here in this case la.. to do them b4 marriage and at her age.. but HELLO! it's ppl's private life! she's nt a celebrity.. why shud u ppl care n bugged her life? does it feels that gd to ruin a girl's life? does it reali feel that gd? juz bcos of jealousy and that theif do this kinda things to her.. wtf izit! i seriously hope she get caught! and best is jail forever and get al the canning! curse her that she'll fall into the toilet bowl and get stucked! curse her that she'll get carbang and wont die but suffer! argh! so damn mad now.. =\ and tot hose who keep spreadin for the sake of fun.. tell u ppl.. it's no fun ok! put urself in her shoes la.. imagine ur video goes ard like mad.. everyone looks at u differently how wil u feel? dun u guys have some sympathy for the weaks? du u guys have a heart that feels for ppl? dun u guys tink human al deserves a chance n nt to be condemned? omg.. i'm juz so mad now.. =\ ROARRRRRRR! fancy gettin myself so mad at tis time.. =\ am waiting for time to pass lol.. to call him up for sch.. =) stil got another 30min to go! thou my eyes' @_@ but i can de! jayou!!! lol.. ok siao liao.. buaibuai peeps! *DELETE EVERYTHIN RELATED TO THAT INCIDENT PLS SHE'S KELIAN ENOUGH!!*
Just a song which i wanna share =)
"here in my heart" by plus one
it's a real sweet song which i tink i love it to the max!! =)

Wherever you are tonight girl
I'll see you in my dreams
Wherever I go tomorrow
You'll be here next to me

Even we are a world apart
I know you'll never be that far
Oh, noo

Chorus:Cause here in my heart
There's a picture of us
Together forever unfaded and unbroken
Wherever you are
Your love covers me
Forever more
You'll be here in my heart

Oh yeah

Whenever I miss, miss you so much
It's more than I can bear
Now, I wont cry
I'll just close my eyes
And know you'll be there

Your kiss and your touch
I'll never forget
Cause your as close
As my very next breath

Cause here in my heart
There's a picture of us (Oh yeah)
Together forever (forever) unfaded and unbroken (unbroken)
Wherever you areYour love covers me (Your love covers me)
Forever more (Forever more)
You'll be here in my heart

Oh, oooh
Even we are a world apart
I know you'll never be that far

Chorus:
Cause here in my heart
There's a picture of us (Of us, yeah)
Together forever (forever, yeah yeah yeah)
Unfaded and unbroken (And unbroken)
Wherever you are (Whoo!)
Your love covers me (Your love covers me)
Forever more (Forever more)
You'll be here in my heart

OohMy heart...

Monday, February 20, 2006

our first hug =) we went to his sch area to print his project stuff.. he asked me to acc him cos i'm bored at home ma.. thn we went to town n shop n walk ard lo.. we went to PS to eat first at mac.. thn went to heeren thn taka thn fareast.. walk like mad lol! but ok la at least i'm not bored to death at home lol! hmm at bout 8+pm we went to esplanade cos i needa pass kelvin my documents for SP DAE thingy.. thn happen to see erika n jun there.. hmm went mad with them again lol! hmm after awhile we went home le lo.. thn when reached khatib, he walked me home.. when reach my house le we hugged each other cos ytd we promised to =) cos i cried ma over the jon thingy.. thn he suddenly say "wahh i feel like hugging u" thn i say "actually me too" so today we hugged lo =) hmm had nice chats today la.. i feel very comfortable with him.. it's like it's so damn different from the past r/s.. =) like i can juz talk to him the way i talk to anyone.. i dun have to hide myself.. i dun have to hide my emo times.. i dun have to cry alone w/o him noeing.. i dun have to act girlish which is very not me.. i juz can be myself lo.. =) am reali glad bout that.. =) thank god for lettin me meet someone like him.. but pls pls pls show me the truth first b4 we got into a r/s.. i dun wan anymore hurts le.. am protecting myself real gd now =)
=^,^=
omg.. jon msn me.. he wrote "Hey.. Xinwei. I'm really sorry for being the bad guy in your life. I know it can't be forgiven but I hope you've become happier with new stuff to experience and school life is going to happen ok? study hard." =\ this thing made me cry! fuck! i dun wan to sia! i keep sayin "no no no xinwei no!!!" thn the tears drop liao =\ argh nvm.. he's the past.. i ask myself.. do i stil miss him? am i sure i got no more feelings for him? i cant be unfair to kel.. =\ and yes.. i'm damn sure that i got no more feeling for jon.. NO MORE! =) i ask kel.. "wat if i stil love jon?" he said "i'll wait.. but i'll be more selfish.." thn i ask what he mean by selfish.. he said "maybe trying hard to make u like me" i'm freakin freakin touched when i see this.. this makes me a little bit more sure of my feelings for him.. =) but of cos stil stickin to the take things slow thingy =) we both agreed to the one month thingy.. hmm had a real real nice chat with him.. =) the rest of the chats wil be on my other blog.. haha onli 3 person wil noe them.. =p

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Happy life i have
hmm today had chats with sii, mikal and emi after our dance.. hmm we chatted alot.. thn sii talked bout her thingy in remand.. and we linked it back to those days.. those days when we had probation.. =) now when i look back.. i reali felt the happiness in me.. like.. wow! i made thru the probation.. i made thru the terrible no freedom 3years! =\ being stressed by the stupid curfew.. being stressed by how others look at me.. but now.. i got ALLLLL the freedom i need and i'm reali reali glad i been thru them =) w/o probation, i might be a worst person now.. i might be a ah lian somewhere out there.. or worst i might be in jail now =\ thank god for bringing me thru this =) reali grateful.. thn i look at my school life.. hm my result is always the borderline or fail de.. and i onli pass by luck.. see.. my PSLE 214point when i go arcade like mad everyday.. by luck.. N level 8point when i never go to sch like 1full year.. by luck.. and my o level let me realise that i cannot depend on luck anymore =\ cos i failed my math.. but lucky enuff my other sbjects were ok.. and best is now i got my math.. i got a B3.. i reali wonder if it's stil luck or wat.. cos i reali nv study at all.. most of u wil noe la.. i study like the day b4.. w/o any slp thn go for paper =\ how to pass liddat rite? but i pass! =) i feel that god's helpin.. reali.. and i look back at my r/s life.. oh man.. how it sucked =\ for the past 2years.. i can say it's til pass 2years thn i noe wat's true love n the real cruel reality.. when i noe them.. i met jason, gary and jon.. these are the ones which made me damn damn sad and hurt me the most.. but they are also the ones that made me learn so much.. thank them anyway.. w/o al the hurts i might nt be a better gf.. might nt be a better person to handle r/s.. and i look at my frens.. wow great frens i have! i'm a lucky girl! =) i got real gd frens since sec sch.. ppl like clover, stellarnine, VIP.. uan peeps.. but i can say bad ppl do stil exist.. selfish ones.. many! peeps in UAN also made me realise selfish ppl and hypocrites do exist =\ names shall not be mentioned cos too many of them.. well maybe in this line it's liddat de ba.. selfish ppl killin one another for the sake of fame.. =\ oh well i noe i'm not liddat can le.. i juz wanna be in this line to be happy.. to have nice frens.. not fame.. fame if i have them shall be a bonus to me.. =) now i look at my life.. my dance.. great! on the rite path! my school.. yeay! i finally made it to poly! my frens.. they're stil here forever with me! my r/s.. hmm that's the prob now lol.. well at least i'm seeing hope now =) m stil young to talk bout FOREVER.. but am sure i'll get it one day =) see.. wat a happy life i have! =) thank god so much man! i love everythin that's in my life now.. striving to be better in everythin i do =) Mmmmmuacks! i love myself! wahaha!
One Sweet Nite
hmm my nite was a real sweet one i guess.. =) had great chats with him.. and oh..haha.. one thing that makes me smile whole nite is when i send him my private blogs' background he said he *hurhur* lol! so cute la! haha! hmm.. it reali felt great when someone treasures wat u done for them.. =) at least u felt appreciated.. seriously i nv felt so damn appreciated by a guy b4.. =) it's like.. i did juz so little and yet he's so happy.. hmm a nice guy indeed.. sharon say b4.. "xinwei always like the correct guy de.. always is mr nice" tink i have to agree with this.. haha =X but got times kana bad de la.. at least they're bad onli in r/s.. at least they're reali a nice fren =) haha okies wil blog again tonite.. needa go dance le =) take care everyone! -huggies-
HAPPY
today had performance at *scape.. it suck i can say =\ not we suck but the place the even the organiser.. suck totally!!!! =\ i almost fell like 3-4times la.. stupid carpet stupid stage! RAHHHHHHH! forget it la.. over le.. we did our best.. hmm we slacked ard thn went to pasir ris.. the battle is gd! FTC champ.. haha expected la.. lol was tellin emi who i predict as champ even b4 the 2nd round lol.. and yea.. i'm right! haha! oh.. got hid bboy.. name faiz.. wahbiang i 3years ago wtched him battle b4 at taka.. couldnt remember wat event it was.. he's damn gd.. and he left a deep impression in me.. now i sw him again.. wahhhhh! stil as gd sia! or even better!!! OMG my new idol! OU XIANG!!! oh and when i was watchin norbin n jarel breakin i tink they got the X-factor that attracts my attention.. (AHEM jarel dun fly ok!) lol! but seriously.. dunno wat is it that makes my eyes stucked on them.. hmm muz see longer thn noe.. muz learn it! so i can make ppl's eyes stucked on me as well! wahaha!! =X they're reali gd la.. and there's this bboy name jonathan i tink.. wahbiang he reali make me hate him.. =\ it's like his xialan-ness reali turns me off! heard from kelvin that he's a nice guy la.. but hmm maybe it's juz when battlin i hate his face lol! see liao wanna slap sia lol =X maybe that's the wrong-factor that a performer shudn't have! lol =X muz learn it man.. al the stupid factor factor thingy lol! after that we went to slack at tamp mac.. thn after awhile went home le.. cos need to catch last bus home.. hmm when me n kel is in bus we chatted alot ar.. which i tink is gd.. cos i believe is thru conversation we got to noe each other more =) and i'm real glad we can talk bout things like our thinkin of each other.. like "wat if we go into a r/s" that kind thingy.. it's gd thou.. that he can be so transparent with me.. cos i'm as transparent too =) as most of u noe me la.. i'm liddat de rite.. haha! hmm am reali happy today.. tink i love chats haha =) anyway not gonna say much here for more info go to my lil secret garden haha! bleah.. =p wanan peeps.. off to chat with him =) buai buai *Mmmmuacks*

Friday, February 17, 2006

BIG AUNTY!!!
wahbiang eh can be more suay.. this morning kana big aunty but thn not pain i thot today wont be pain.. end up when shoppin with clover babes.. wahbiang the kick lai liao =\ damn sian sia.. thn we went to fareast n taka.. wah i saw a tee damn damn nice!!!! nv buy thou.. cos no money =\ but tml i'll go buy.. haha! damn nice! it's PINK!!!! OMG!!! wahaha! after few rounds of walkin me n si thn went to newton to dance le.. OMG cant believe tml's the performance already =\ quite nervouse actually.. nervous for sii also.. haha! woooooo damn happy.. dunno y also.. juz happy for everythin in my life now =) got my besties clover, got my dance mates, got my frens.. got a nice eyecandy =) hmm.. juz now took cab home with sii.. was chattin al the way.. she mentioned that yutaki is a very very nice teacher.. yes! i agree!! he's juz so damn concern for everyone of us.. not onli dance wise.. even our studies, our r/s, our bonds.. everythin! last time when me n jason broke off he knew bout it and he talk to me.. wahhh relai relai nice of him.. maybe he's partly the reason why i'll never give up dance.. cos he have high hopes for me.. and i dun wanna let him down.. hopefully i can reali make him proud one day.. i noe i'm stil far from it.. but i'll try al i can and go for it! hmm.. very tired today.. but cant slp yet cos stil got lotsa stuff to do =\ wahhh damn tired.. my god.. =\ hurhur! nvm at least i'm tired so i can slp very fast tonite lol.. and tml i can wake up on time w/o lookin like a zombie.. haha.. hmm wahhh tml's the big day =) so many ppl's performing.. haha! bryant performing, er cong performing, we al performing, yutaki's another group performing, FTC performin or shud i say battling.. thn kel was suppose to be in the battle too but now dunno how le.. hmm best part is every of the nsmes that i mentioned are performing at different places lol! so non of them can come watch my performance.. argh sian la! -________- nvm da.. hope they'll al have a smooth performance!!! =) lookin forward to tml =) oh i got a surprise for him.. haha.. but tink when he noe le he might #&*$%$ at me ba lol! =X wahaha!
@_@ i'm tired man! OMG.. slept at 6 woke up at 1.. hurhur.. thou got 7hours la.. but for a person like me or shud i say for a pig like me who needs more thn 12hours of sleep de where got enough?!!! hurhur! wuhuuu goin to meet my darlings le =) for vday celebration (belated) and to celebrate my o level math's GREAT result! lol! hahaha! they gonna eat mala steamboat i tink =\ sian liao lor.. gonnab e the loner who eat the none spicy side one again liao -________- warao who can invent a sweetie steamboat? all sweets inside? hmm sounds weird huh.. lol! ok enuff of nonsense.. need to FLY le! cos i'm late AGAIN!!!! wil be back to blog again tonite! oh i kana big aunty today! wakao damn sian! =\ nvm la at least not tml can le.. roar sian! byebye peeps.. muacks =)
..ONE LAST CRY..
oh.. and i went thru ALL the sms that he send me.. i mean jon.. =\ well kinda real sweet thou.. i deleted most of them.. from 200over delete til left 50 liddat.. i noe ican let go le.. but my fingers juz aint listenin to me by deletin some of them =\ maybe i'll juz leave it to my next right to delete them haha =\ hais.. went thru al of them.. flashbacks came back.. and al the sweet timesand al the sad stuffs.. everythin juz came back.. but no worries juz missing them nothin else.. dun wan him back n wont wanna go back =) hmm.. when walkin home i view them all.. when i read til the part when we haven got tgt.. but like each other.. oh man.. my tears came =\ accidentally! i dun wanna cry over him anymore.. but i juz couldnt control it.. well i thot to myself.. "ok xinwei.. this is the last time! one last cryandeverythin's seriously OVER" so i cried while walkin home =\ luckily the streets were empty.. if nt ppl sure tink i'm crazy lol! well.. felt gd after the one last cry =) at least i noe everythin's over n done with =) reali glad i'm fine so soon.. and reali glad had al my frens standin by me =) thank u peeps.. u guys are the one i never never wanna lose! =) love u guys lots! *muacks!* oh somethin else to add on.. haha i'm someone's eyecandy wor! wahaha! =p happy =)

ONE LAST CRY..
My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry
I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on and on
I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I end my one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
to my last cry.....................................
-Weirds-
today weirdy day =\ ok shall blog bout where i went.. i went to fareast with kel.. hmm we went to alot of shops but couldnt find the shirt that i wan =\ argh! sian.. nvm we decided to change to red n black.. so i can wear my crown jacket le.. haha =) hmm thn we went to eat subway =) WUUUUUUU finally!!! my tuna!!! i miss it sia!!! =) heehee finally got to eat it.. thn we juz slack there lo cos everyone wil be late for practise *again* -_______- haha.. thn after awhile we went to esplanade le cos shir reach liao thn she *** me liao haha! oh ya.. i got VDAY GIFT!!!!! heehee! after 19 years of giftless vday.. lol =) thou it's juz fren.. hey but he's my eye candy ok wahaha! gd hor.. eye candy gave me pressie =) so happy seh.. lol =X okok shuold put the rest into my secret garden haha =) hmm and hor today reali weird sia =\ when was at esplanade saw yoshi.. thn hor dunno why he behave very weirdly =\ juz like very not him la.. i dun feel like sayin much la.. not gonna be BHB.. wanna noe thn ask me lor.. =\ rahhhhh.. thn in train.. wahh *faints* got ppl fight beside me sia RIGHT beside me =\ OMG! i hate this man.. tat time kana b4 once.. but not reali beside me.. so not so scared.. but today.. wahhhhh! =\ thn the person almost accidentally slapped me sia! if he slapped me i swear i give him no father's day ar!!! nehnehpok! i damn scared sia.. dun dare move dun dare look.. kaox!!! =\ lucky nothin much happen arbo i sure sian 1/2 =\ hmm weird day thou.. but wahhvery tired.. haha and my ankle =\ sian la better be ok by sat =\ pray pray prayssssssss =\

Thursday, February 16, 2006

=D
hahaha! my bloggy nice? i found a few cute icons so i added them to my bloggy's deco.. heehee.. damn damn ahppy sia.. like "oh xinwei u're so li hai!" wahaha! =X shiok! ehh nt bad le wor.. a html idiot can do so many things now.. even when nobody teach me.. hahaha! ok enuff bout craps.. haha =X was doin al these when waitin for time to pass to meet mr superduper kel =) he accompany-ing me to farest to see my shirt for performance.. hmm dunno wat to get also.. worst come to worst wil juz borrow shir's red jacket.. AGAIN.. haha =X wuuuuuu i'm gonna be late if i stil dun run.. tonite blog again =) enjoy my icons hor.. heehee! buaibuai =) muacks
Family of injuries
hurrr.. my god.. now i noe why yutaki say "u al reali wanna be in the team hor.. muz be perapred de lei.. the training is hell!" ok i finally noe abit.. =\ yay i got 2more new addition o orh chei.. and 1more twisted ankle and a twisted wrist.. haha sound like i'm a saddist rite.. lol! =X but hor.. wahhhhhh pain sia!!! hurhur! and dunno y my whole back like super stiff! my god! aiyo izit when someone's stress u tend to get urself injured easily? cos i never been injured for a long long time le lei.. =\ aiyo sian la.. nvm la.. injuries are gd.. cos they're signs of "u r hardworkin" lol! ok.. juz too free and am tryin to come up with my new "LOGICAL BOOK" haha =X those who noe me very well noes that i'm a VERY "LOGICAL" person la huh.. haha =) hmm danced alot today.. wah when yutaki ask me to whack i very shock sia.. like i'm not a gd whacker yet he ask me to.. WUHU! very happy =^,^= heeheehee! but hor i see myself whack i wan bang wall sia =\ like so UGLY! OMG.. muz train hard on my whackin!!! lol.. hmm.. wahaha dunno y very shiok today.. like sweat alot wuhuuu =) and of cos viewing pleasure wahaha! oops.. =X saw him nah =) but nv talk cos he dunno who am i lol =X shir u say esplanade nt small.. indeed it's nt small.. but he said he's blind.. sooo =\ lol! lol oh yea.. i've got my "secret hiding place" done =) those who wan it and i tink those who can have it ask me for it ba =) but til now onli 1person got it successfully =) and tat's my bestie sii.. ok i now expect ms irene see to ask from me le lol =X

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

-____________-
wahhh.. noe y i blog again at this time?? cos i'm chattin with mr jarel.. and he's makin me wanna jump off my window -_____-.. lol! wah jarel pls pls pls.. u noe wat to do la hor.. heehee =) anyway.. very tired but cant get to slp.. hmm dunno y also.. die ar die ar.. i dun wanna be a zombie in sch in the 1st week man =\ roarrrrr.. i'm tired @___@ hurhur! i wana sleep! but i cannot sleep.. due to unknown reason.. who got BIGGGGGG hammer can lend me? or juz give me a hand by DANG the hammer on me.. =\ OMG i seriously need to sleep.. i'm like a half zombie now.. my moodswings are extremely jialat now.. anytime can face turn de =\ ohh ohh! =\ wahaha i juz gave jarel la my dabians icon.. lol!! he king of the sai! lol =X ihope he dunr ead this..! *jarel tis is juz ur imagination this dun exist u nv see this b4!* lol! wahhh i tis few daysreal head pain for my postin result lei =\ lol JAE haven close i gan jiong liao =\ hurrr.. but i relai wanna noe where i'm goin lei =\ SCHOOL! yay! here i come! after a longggggg good wait.. heehee! oh i saw my guiding star again tonite.. it reali seems to be there ALWAYS! =) so sweet hor.. heehee.. ok i wan try zzz le.. try la.. haha.. wan an everyone.. hugss
..Valentines' 06..
today went to NP and SP to do my DAE stuffs.. wahh.. this year the system change again.. very chim ar! sian! -_____- thn went to town to shop for some stuff for performance.. i reali didnt wanna go man =\ cos confrim guarantee plus chop wil see ALOTTTTTTTTT of couples.. =\ and yes indeed.. we saw like 78145145649779913couples.. =\ lol! and wahhh many girls holds roses in their hands.. hurrr.. i wish i had one too =\ thou i dun like roses tat much.. but oh well.. RAHHHHH! ok nvm -_______- i rather have a rose given by someone who's true n love me thn someone who's juz tryin to be nice rite.. haha.. nvm no valentines' no nid to say so much.. haha.. saw joey today =) oh.. he n the gf broke up =\ sad.. but oh well.. we are al juz victims of the breakinup-season =\.. nvm la.. be happy!! haha! in life.. the most important thing is to be happy rite? =) haha! wont wanna die noeing that i've been sad al my life or most of my life =\ thn went dance at newton.. wahhhhh studio damn big damn nice!!!!!!! love it man! wuhu! haha.. wah fei went out with 'him' today wor.. so gd.. got date.. we al the rest al left unwanted sia =\ damn sad.. aiya nvm la.. be les for a day.. spend my day with si, emi, fei and michelle at the studio.. haha! danced alot today.. super tired.. i slept abit there.. shiok ar.. with the lights music and the aircon.. wuhu! haha! hmm.. very worried for this sat.. =\ hopefully things wil be well.. =\ OMG he'll be there.. =\ my eye candy! wahaha =X die.. more stress. =\ nvm i'll be blind that day.. haha or shud i say the audience wil al be transparent to me.. =X oopss.. haha! wuhuuuuu.. i'm bz.. bz chattin.. with.. "someone" =p wahaha might or might nt come back later.. bye peeps.. muacks!
p/s:i got my JAE amended..
1st choice : digital media (SP)
2nd choice : multimedia & animation (NP)
3rd choice : internet & multimedia development (TP)
4th choice : information techonology (NP)
5th choice : information techonology (SP)
6th choice : games & entertainment technology (TP)
7th choice : new media (RP)
8th choice : technology n arts management (RP)
9th choice : sonic arts (RP)
10th choice : multimedia infocomm (NYP)

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

@_@
waken up by the terrible ringings of my handphone n my house phone =\ OMG feel like juz throw my hp n house phone away! my precious free hours of sleepsssss! hurhur.. but nvm la.. need to meet si also.. haha.. we went to town o shop abit.. thn went to simlim buy speakers.. i saw a bling bling necklace! very nice!!!! it's not a crown dun worry peeps -_____- it's a snowflake.. very very nice!!! the size juz nice also.. and it's not 3D kind.. at least my teeth wont get knocked out by it when i dance =\ lol! most of u noe wat i mean la huh.. my crown my teeth -_____- haha! me n si are like crazy ppl tryin to find our way at simlim lol! if we're nt speakin chinese or english ppl might tink we're tourist.. why? cos we're like lost kids in lost kingdom lol! we bought a speaker.. 25bucks.. cheap n small.. light too.. but not very loud la =\ nvm la can hear can liao.. haha! we crap alot today sia! dunno wat's wrong like abit too stress like siao liao lol! ok PPS.. pre performance symtom! lol! thn when at esplanade we're stil mad -_________- but today danced alot =) real gd sia.. like we always slack ma.. but today reali never slack at al.. damn tired.. thn that yiwei pissed me off a little today sia.. =\ she mad one la.. actually sometime quite dulan when play with her.. damn rough la! and dunno y sometime see her face feel like juz walk away sia =\.. si if u're readin.. sorry.. but reali i felt that.. pls ask her to stop disturbin me.. wan say i wan bu qi or wat i dun care.. it's juz me.. u see carmen n me last time play til no matter how mad i also wont angry.. but i dunno y i'll angry with yiwei.. her words ar.. better dun be so XL.. seriously.. i dun wish to hate her =\.. sorry if i'm harsh on my words.. juz now i reali tried to hold back.. tat's y i didnt wanna say anythin.. sorry.. hmm ok oday at esplanade.. crazy peeps we're again =\ lol! we clean up our lines and unsure steps.. very fun.. duno y keep laughin.. dance til i no strength lol! thn nua there like no bones liddat thn after awhile went home le.. hmm b4 we went home we sat down n had some casual chats.. haha emikeep sayin her skater nv come.. tn suddenly got a inline skater walk pass thn shir is like "this one ar?" lol me n emi faints! lol! cos it's super opposite.. haha! thn shir ask bout me.. lol.. erm.. emi showed her la.. haha! ok she abit shootbird today so cant see i tink.. lol! aiya dun wan talk so much bout him ar.. someone's readin!!! =p eyecandy eyecandy la! lol! wah today nv touched my DAE n JAE stuff.. tml goin NP n SP.. hopfully got better news ba.. =\ early lei my god! meetin si 11.15 at dover.. wah -faint- muz wakey at 10.. hurrr and i'm not slpin now lol! stil online-ing chatting la heehee! =^,^=V listening to LEAD's songs now.. "minna minna ikiteirunnda tomodachi rammda.." whaha! yay got 2ppl willing to help me with my portfolio le =) heehee! ryo chan n mr kel =) wahaha! oh.. he juz went off.. heex.. i mean HE! peeps got who i mean? if nt nvm haha! si sure noe ba.. u're smart enuff lol! aiyo i'm abit mad mad le.. dunno wat's wron with me today.. yan zhong! i need a doctor! no.. i need a psychiatrist! lol! ok later gonna be a bz day! better go K.O real soon.. =) hmm had a gd day thou.. haha! i mean nite.. haha oopss! =X e those who noes my lil secrets.. i got things wan tell u al!! haha erm.. try contact me anyway u wan sms or msn.. give u al my secret hiding place's link lol! sii, bing.. is our lil heaven =) i'll leave somethin there now.. go read ok =) wahaha! *muackssss muackssss muackssss* love u girls the MOST!!!!!! (VIP included) =)

Monday, February 13, 2006

..Star..
juz now when i looked outta my window i saw this bright star.. guess wat.. i see it EVERYDAY! sometmes i wonder.. is it my guiding star? hmm.. weird.. hope it is =) at least something's there for me to throw my rubbish out to.. heehee~ oh i juz read shir's bloggy.. shir, if u're readin.. i reali wanna say sorry if i were one of them who made u felt that way.. i reali didnt mean to.. u're nt left out u noe.. it's juz cos u've been disappeared for quite awhile or shud i say u disappeared when we were at esplanade.. that's where al out topics come from.. u tink back.. the times when we were al dancing there.. as ALL of us almost everyday.. u're in the picture rite? i swear u r.. and am damn sure u're in our world.. i dun mean u're outta our world now.. but it's juz we have lesser common topics due to ur absence.. nobody's to blame.. not even urself.. cos u're bz is nobody wan de rite? hmm.. u shud have voiced out.. why do u tink we wont listen to u? why do u tink we'll onli listen to certain ppl? tat's nt the way we work rite? our way of workin had always been the same.. everyone voices out and we decide with the idea most ppl wan.. rite? unless u had voiced out and we reali did ignore u.. for me, i'm quite sure i didnt.. if i did.. pls let me noe.. cos i relai dunno.. ok i dunno wat i'm sayin.. haha.. erm.. to me, VIP if 1person is missin, i'll feel weird.. i seriously do.. whenever u're nt at esplanade.. u can ask emi.. we both wil say things like "eh shir nt ard.. no boa ar?" u understand the deeper meaning of tis sentence? it's like we're so damn used to u being ard, makin fun, play, crap, dance, BOA! reali.. if u're nt in our world, we'll nt even notice tis lil things rite? so darlin.. cheer up ok.. trust me.. thou we meet less often, we're nt different at al.. =) even me.. i wil start sch real soon.. and i have no idea how damn bz i might be.. and i'm very sure the times we meet wil be even lesser and lesser.. =\ but pls do noe.. u or anyone else are not left out! cos VIP started with the few of us.. and the ones that had always been ard are the ones we're al closer with isnt it? =) u see.. today's dance lesson me n u are like crazily tryin to learn the dance rite? if i didnt care bout ur presence i wont even ask u the stuff rite? babe.. if u do feel somethin.. pls voice it out ok? u muz let us noe.. remember kelly's incident? =\ she left us cos she didnt voice out and we didnt noe wat went wrong.. until the day she tell nard bout it.. so remember to VOICE IT ALL OUT!!! haha.. reali ar.. in fact to al VIP i tink al of us should have the mentality that we shud "say if we feel".. so tat each other wil noe.. and things wil change.. it's juz like.. u're bz with sch stuff and if u nv tell us we thot u didnt wanna dance cos u got no passion.. i'm juz exampl-ing la.. haha.. same thing wat.. imagnie u nv write in ur blog and i nv read it i never noe wat's goin on in ur mind.. thn i didnt do anythin bout it.. and thn maybe u'll juz "hate" us more, and maybe wat's worst u might felt more left out and one day like kelly.. leave us.. u wont wan that rite? so voice it out.. =) dun feel inferior, dun feel lonely, dun feel left out.. i noe it's hard to control.. trust me a felt tat b4.. imagine how bad a dancer was i.. =\ thn with VIP i'm like freakin stress.. remember the day i cried when we're learning "get on te dance floor"? haha.. i felt inferior too.. i felt left out when the crew's doin damn well in dance n i'm like so farrrrrr behind.. i did voice out.. to a few of them.. and it reali did help.. even emi.. few days back she got this "i wanna quit dance" mentality.. imagine if she nv voice out to me.. =\ things might have gotten worst.. rite? so now i've listed ALOT of examples n my post is like damn freakin long.. haha.. hope u reali do feel better le ok =) shall go out for subway one day =) remember! u're nv alone! =) -huggsss- ehh any other VIP readin this hor.. pls hor.. dun another one sayin u eflt left out hor.. haha! i dun wanna repeat this LONGGGGGGG post again =\ lol! but do voice out if anythin u guys are feelin ok! comments welcomed! haha! -muacksss-

Sunday, February 12, 2006

..JAE DAE..
wahbiang eh i'm goin crazy by al these JAE DAE stuffs.. =\ stupid sia.. irene say lookin at my JAE choices i most prob wil get into RP! OMG!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! i like that course la.. but not that sch.. =\ the system seriously suckz for me la.. yr 1 study math, science blah blah.. yr 2 thn study wat u choose.. wahbiang.. waste time lei.. carol say can pass very easily.. but that's not the point i dun wanna pass juz for the sake of passin.. i wanna pass cos i reali noe wat i learn n i reali pass! and i dun liek the system.. i prefer lelctures, class, labs, projs.. i prefer learning it thru the lecture way and not the online way =\ i hate online learning =\ it sucks.. imagine everyday have to face ur com to play n study!! OMG! NO!!! hurhur.. God! pls pls pls pls pls let me be able to squeeze my way thru SP or NP that 2courses.. PLS!!!!!! tues wil be goin to SP n NP to do the DAE stuff.. hopefully can consult the lecturers there.. and hopefully words from them give me hope and of cos hopefully i can get in la.. lol! hurhur! my god.. oh anyway i got sacked today =\ tml actually got work de but i cant go cos got dance n might be doin some poly stuffs.. thn dex angry lo.. ahhh watever la.. sack sack la.. xiong help me ask fo another job le hopefully can get it..
..SIAN..
this is the second time i'm typing this stupid blog cos my stupid computer restarted by itself stupidly.. -__________- ok.. enough bout stupid things.. today went to dance at esplanade.. we got no speakers so we borrow from kelvin.. haha.. heng he got ar.. arbo we sure can sit there kill fly like =\ danced like mad.. my hair totally wet sia.. long time nv liddat le.. haha! shiok! thn walao my back injury pain again le =\ juz like last time.. cant walk properly in the morning but after few stretchings better le.. cannot do whackin today sia.. damn sian -_____- hais.. hope wil be ok lo.. thn haha emi got her new eye candy le.. lol! skater wor.. lol! nt bad nt bad.. thn me.. i also haha =X juz eye candy la.. is a breaker hahaha! but tink he's damn damn young.. tink so la.. not sure also.. hmm me n emi say le.. NO MORE BGR!!!those who noes our story of the esplanade n the GUYS wil noe y we say NO le la.. haha.. damn scared le.. =\ but fo cos if can find a nice gd guy who's a dancer as well wil be great la.. but not for now i guess =\ muz hit on my dance this year.. and sch as well.. oh.. i did my JAE registration le.. wahhhhhh i didnt noe that if i apply a course thru JAE i cannot apply it thru DAE sia =\ now i have to amend my submitted form -________- extra $10 lei.. warao damn sian! rahhhhhhh! and if al DAE fail hor CHOY la.. thn i sure get into RP de new media de =\ sian! i like the course la but nt the sch =\ hurhur! pray damn hard that i can get into SP de digital media or NP de multimedia & animation.. PRAY PRAY PRAY!! TP de interactive media design tink reali cannot la.. haha 15 lei.. i 21 lei how t fight sia.. =\ nv la.. applied anyway.. haha i damn kiasu! lol! =X muz get into somethin i like man! jiayou jiayou jiayou!!!

Friday, February 10, 2006

-B3-
OMG! got my math result today!! wahaha! got a B3! i slapped myself like alot of times and rubbed my eyes alot of times to double confim watever i see is rite! lol! i onli expect a D7 and hoped for a C6.. but wahhhhh! God treat me damn nice.. gave me a B3!!!!! whe i check it online i couldnt believe it.. thn i went al the way down to open my mailbox.. haha! and yes.. the result is B3.. wahahaha! damn shiok.. from morning high til now..! heeheehee! goin out now for VIP steamboat! haha! tonite thn continue my HIGH-NESS ba.. wahahaha! buaiz! muackz muackz muackz!!!

had a real bad quarrel with my mum.. =\ she reali hurt me like F***.. when reach home, thot she'll be happy for my results.. but no.. she's damn sarcastic.. when i told her "eh i gt b3 lei.." she say "so wat? u r a retake student ok!" wah reali fuck la! so she had condemn me since ilke that time.. oic man! now thn i noe.. she condemn me for so long le.. i tink she condemned me when i drop to normal acad and kana case lor.. muz be one.. call herself a mother.. ha! my foot! how long hasnt she been givin me money? how damn long hasnt she spend time with me? how damn fuck can she be to say watever she said today.. she wan me to earn money myself n survive on my own rite? she better dun regret sayin this.. she nt happy that's her prob liao la.. nt gonna do anythin for the sake of her anymore since she dun appreciate.. even sisi rewards me sia.. she say she got a pressie for me.. haha wahh love her so much.. =)

juz went to have steamboat with VIP.. haha real fun.. we laugh like crazy sia! they al stil as funny as ever =) miss them al so much.. they al say nard fat le lol! his heart "PIANG" like siao! lol! er cong cook for me n emi cos we scared of the PIAK PIAK oil lol! poor er cong =) ate ALOT man! seriously ALOTTTTT! OMG have to jian fei from tml onwards le lol! we went to arcade and play also.. damn fun sia! like al the old memories lol! ah lian sia! me n emi especially! we play PARAPARA! OMG -faint- lol! after that actually wan go pub but end up nv go.. no mood go la lol! dunno y.. juz feel likie goin home n rest.. no not rest.. is to headache over wat sch n course to choose.. lol! i reali dunno sia! anyone can recommend any gd course? i wan design related.. and hor my result not VERY gd la so can onli go afew nia.. =\ damn sian.. but nvm la god has his plans =) anyway tml dance! haha FINALLY! after 3days of rotting at home.. lol! yay yay yay i'm so happy..

oh and.. i receive his sms this morning for gd luck.. at first i see his name thn i'm like "argh wth la" thn when open the msg.. dunno y i felt diff.. like.. hmm i dunno.. like not so mad le.. but of cos not to the extend that "wah i like him sia" liddat la.. juz a fren.. =\ i dunno la.. maybe he's reali sincere ba.. oh well.. NONONONONONO! not gonna tink bout anythin related!! RAHHHH! busy with sch busy with dance busy with clover.. that's al!! haha!