this is the face i wanna see..
this is the hand i wanna hold..
this is the body i wanna hug..
this is the lips i wanna kiss..
this is the guy i wanna love..

taking things slow feels good too..
thank you for everything..

"知错能改，善莫大焉"
我知道了 =)
时间能证明一切

hais.. i'm so lost.. =( so very lost.. i stil cant accept the fact that he juz left liddat =( i wish to feel more sad.. instead of lost.. at least.. when i'm sad i could cry al i wan and thn get over it and move on in life.. but i couldnt! why? cos i stil cant accept someone actually was so in love suddenly disappear liddat! =( sigh~ wat am i hoping for? i'm in a total mess now =( i dun wanna hurt anyone.. neither do i wanna get hurt myself =( but hurts.. pains.. are al after me! argh~

i've been rotting on my bed the whole day.. wishing i could juz slp and forget this whole thing.. after the doc.. a big blow came into me.. but why do i eel nothing about it? sigh.. i'm so numb to feel.. i finally understand wat it means to be totally utterly despair.. hopeless.. no dreams.. no wishes..

i looked at the stars tonite.. there's lotsa them.. but stil i couldnt make any wishes.. al in my head is him him and more him =( it juz sucks to be in this position.. someone i used to have.. wanted so much.. yet gettng further away.. was talking with sueann in the noon.. both of us are in the same situation.. we wan the person so much.. we reali wan the person so damn much.. but stil.. obstacles are there =(

someone thn explained to me.. love is not easy to get.. that's y when the end of the day u get em, u'll noe how to cherish.. isit? sigh~ i wish to settle down.. i wish to stop this f-up life.. why am i even created? why am i even here? where's the iko that dance and have fun al day long? where's the non-emo iko? where have i gone??? =( i miss myself.. i love myself.. but wat am i doin?! argh! it's a gd day for me to tink things thru..

i tink alot of things today.. bout myself.. him, frens.. how can i adjust my life back? sigh~ i got a tongue lashing from dad when he came back juz now.. cos mum complained to him how f up i am now.. drink everyday.. go home either in the morning or dun even go home at al.. =( i also hate myself liddat! when dad nags.. he suddenly stop.. and said this.. "is there anything bothering u?" my tears broke out.. =( i didnt tell him thou.. i juz kept quiet and cry.. and he kept silent and went off..

more or less.. he shud noe something happened.. i dun always break down infront of him.. it's like the 2nd time after my ugly past.. sighs~ i reali am so lost!!!!!!! argh!!!! someone.. help pls =(

再见了我的宠爱 谁愿接受这种意外
你赞我天生可爱 不愿看着我离开

同伴也话我傻 喜欢受挫
宁愿情敌在伤我

人天生根本都不可以爱死身边的一个
无奈你最够刺激我 凡事也治到倒我
几多黑心的教唆 我亦捱得过
来煽风来点火 就击倒我黱

谁恋爱就多障碍 死性我不想改
如我没有你的爱 我没法活得来
情人的存在是我从来都志在
难在我拱手让爱

"点解要咁姐"
"点解唔可以咁呀"
"你唔觉得好辛苦咩"
"辛苦但系我钟意呀"
"算吧啦"

我怕可一不可再 难道你被爱都有害
我确信天真不会错 威力会移山填海

wil u hold my hand and guide me along?
wil u hold me if i fall?
i'm so lost without u..
-sighs-
=.......(

the curse of a shooting star..

everything has ended.. ya i've lost him.. one guy i lvoed with al my heart.. due to a mistake i did in the past.. it seems he cannot accept it.. oh well.. i was totally unwilling to let go.. but i keep reminding myself.. that when u love someone, it's all about him being happy.. that's all.. so since he's happier without me.. i'll chose to let go.. pain? yes! it hurts like crazy! but i'll endure it.. i've learnt.. that seeing the one u love smiling, is the happiest thing that can ever happen..


i once chosen to give up everything for him.. to even give up dance cos i noe i cant survive long if i dance too much due to some personal reason.. i juz wished for a life, peacefully with him.. i noe maybe it's too fairytale.. but stil tat was one of my last wish.. but it seems that the chance of it coming true is like tinier thn a bacteria.. thus i've made a decision that i once made again.. and this time it's gonna be for real.. whether ,where i'll be or wat i become, depends on this.. close frens wil noe..

but peeps dun worry.. i'll write a entry bout this before the day this big thing happen.. remember to check my bloggy often! =) al i can say now is.. i wish everyone happy.. show me ur smile! if not i'll hate u! sorry to al those have been hurt by me.. be in frens or ex.. i didnt mean to =\ i was too naive and didnt noe wat does the word "cherish" reali means.. i guess the saying "one regrets when it's too late" reali makes sense.. now i juz wish to cherish everyone ard me while i stil can.. i wish to see everyone smile while i stil can..

even if i were to close my eyes for good, be it now or 50 yrs down the road, i was those ard me to smile n not tears.. that's wat i promise myself when my grand daddy passed away few yrs back.. tat was his last wish.. and that's mine too ^^ i can remember how me and sii keep talking bout those "wat if i die tml" things.. haha~ it wasnt nonsense! reali it's true we never noe when we'll be gone.. so it's always better to talk bout it with someone who can "help" u if u reali are gone.. my blog have dunno 8723659263592numbers of post regarding deaths.. they truly werent nonsense alrite! it's juz i dun wish to regret not done anything if i reali were gone =\

i wont admit i'm not scared by the word "death".. i wont deny that i fear leaving this world so early.. but sometimes, life is all destined.. i'm juz thankful i've found him before i left.. even the happiness were short.. but i'm stil thankful there werent any unhappiness when we were tgt.. stil this sentence rings in me.. it's a sentence in the lyrics of jay chou's song 退后.. here it goes..
"最美的爱情回忆里待续" beautiful isnt it? =) ya i noe it's a way of self- consoling.. but stil.. memories are forever.. the rest maybe fantasy but stil.. it's a wish a dream =)

someone once told me.. "i dun wish to see u shed tears cos of him.. because when u do, deep in ur heart u stil wish for him" well.. maybe it's true.. but for me now.. i dun have anymore wish or dreams le.. everything seem so blurr.. i dun even noe if i'll survive tonite! haha~ well life is unpredictable =) ok i may stil have dreams.. but not wishes anymore ba.. dun dare to wish le.. sigh~

oh ya.. why do i name this post the curse of a shooting star? haha~ those who reads my blog since the very FIRST post wil noe ba.. wat's a shooting star? something that comes and go very quickly, something that grants u wishes, something that travels ard hoping to find a place where it belongs but gets burn and perish before they even noe it.. that's juz me dun u tink so?! i've always been putting others infront of me.. i've always been making ppl smile and hides al my emoness here in my blog.. this is the onli place where i'm truly me~ well.. who understands me? haha~ not even mummy =\ many says i'm too nice a person.. oh well.. maybe.. like i've said.. i lived a life of a shooting star.. bringing along the curse of prishing once a wish is granted.. and never to find where i truly belongs..

i remembered i once went for this prophercy thingy in church by pastor cecil.. he says god wants me to do more missions (as in volunteery works to poor countries or watever) as my destiny was to become a missionary.. i was thn sent to laos for a mission.. thou i never thot i would be chosen as a missionary.. but maybe i stil thank god for givin me a soft heart and deep compassion.. i rather have al these and always get hurt.. thn to have none of these and hurt others.. at least i feel that my life is lived fully =) bringing blessing to each and every individual is al i wish for.. hanging smiles on them and thn leave silently.. i'm not trying to act wei da or wat.. but stil it's truly something i like doing..

wah very long nv blog so long le haha~ so naggy eh? =X forgive me alrites? keke~ afterall i stil thank god for this life.. i stil thank god for everyone i've met.. every laughter every tears is something i'll bring along with me.. every face.. every memory.. i believe god have been merciful enuff to me le.. after all the sins i've done in my younger days.. i thank god i'm stil standing strong here =) for now.. juz promise me whoever u maybe.. that u'll smile alrite? life is cruel.. but face it! and the sun wil shine one day =)

look at the stars cos that's where my soul wil be
feel the sea cos that's where my ashes wil be
touch ur heart cos that's where i wil always be
gdbye baby..

woots.. ok i noe it's been a long time since i heck a few buttons here forgive me ya? =X my life was too messed up and i totally have no intention of writing them here.. and so now my life's slowly adjusting back to normal, i'm here to blog abit to apologise to al my loyal fans of my blog =X ok juz a lil update.. iko's attach :D hehe~ loving my baby desmond to bits ^^

and i'm cutting down on late nites and ciggies.. booze and hurting myself are all banned from myself keke~ kinda miss dance alot.. lush, vip, sisi.. alot ar.. juz missing everything else in my life.. kinda sick of WG =\ not totally sick but juz sian of al the complication inside =\ all the u like me i like her he like she blah blah~ listen also sian.. *yawns*

maybe it's time for me to hide in my lil corner with love ^^ for awhile before i go out and help the rest of my frens-in-need ba.. just hope everything can be simplified REALL soon =\ my mind already broke down from alot of things.. few days back i had isomnia =\ guess was due to al the F-up stress added on by that someone whose name i dun wish to mention here.. thanks god he's outta my life now.. i'm kinda mean but he ask for it.. kinda regret knowin him actually =\ but well.. it's al over so hack care la XD

ok gtg~ gonna meet baby for movie thn goin labyrinth with the rest of the fcukers ^^ gdbye

i'm suffocating myself.. with al the moodswings, emo, drinks, smoke.. i noe this is not me.. i noe.. and i noe i gotta bring myself back.. i gotta face everything.. clean up the mess i've created myself.. everything felt like a dream.. with juz a shake and i'm into another world.. stop treating me hot and cold as u like.. i aint no toy.. sometimes i wonder wat makes things become as they are today.. have i done something wrong? or is it that i cant catch up with the fast pace that's moving along?

i need to noe wat's goin on.. i need to hear ur voice.. sometimes i feel guilty cos i show my attitude like there's no tml and hurt everyone ard me esp him.. i dun wish to hurt him but i realise the one i hurt is always him.. i noe i ought to treat him better.. i am trying! i am.. but i guess it's a lil too late.. it's getting colder here yet he's standing so far away..

flashbacks of us pops up like crazy everyday.. every morning.. every night.. everytime my phone rings i wish it's him.. and everytime my heart sinks with disappointment.. doubts keep staying in me.. i always ask him "do u reali love me" or things like "are u sian of me" and each time the ans i get is the same.. it's always positive.. his assurance do make me felt so much better.. but the doubt juz wont go! why?! i hate it i hate it!!

i dun wanna be a sensitive girl that gets emo every now and thn.. i dun wanna show fuck up attitude to anyone i noe! i juz wanna be a happy girl in everyone's eyes and i juz wanna see smiles from everyone ard me! but why am i such a failure now?! i wish to give him the freedom he needs.. but my heart is tying him so damn down! my mind and heart are having WW4 every now and thn.. to trust him and keep shut or to doubt him and dig for truths..

can he dun be so playful? can be juz grow up slightly a lil bit? i dunno.. i cant seem to let him go but it seems he's drifting further from me.. this thing is making me go reali gaga.. it's funny how i ended up here.. i cant even recognise myself! who am i? maybe i reali shud refrain from the slightest BGR.. not even crushes.. because i noe.. i wil get hurt.. i noe i wont be able to make the person happy.. i noe i wil be a failure as a gf.. i aint a gd girl afterall..

sighs
为什么相爱的人不能够在一起?
=(

life's been down.. i noe i gotta pick myself up.. i noe i gotta stand tall and be strong.. i noe i can and i will.. but juz let me stay here for awhile.. have been coughing like nobody's business and i guess i'm dying soon =\ no kiddin.. sickness are like leeches that sticks to me.. i just wish they're happiness la =\ if happiness sticks to me like leeches i tink i die now also nvm le.. sigh~ when wil i smile again? when wil my sunshine be back? when wil this lousy life end?

没人疼爱，再美的人也会憔悴。。