A song i'm damn in love with..

Teardrops on my Guitar - Taylor Swift

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see..

And also this next song..

White Horse - Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
And I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
And days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your White Horse, to come around.

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one to sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Here you are your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappears now
Now its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

i'm not your princess.
This aint a fairytale (:
Bid goodbye.

it's funny how after a smoke i wanted to change the song on my win player and realise that it was the song Beautiful by CHC singers and i choose to hear it while hitting a few keys here :)

okeis anyways, am feeling a little bit on the down side today =\ but afterall i'm fine i guess.. was quite shocking to see him and i seriously dunno why my heartbeat stopped for at least 3 seconds when i saw him. i was totally frozen for 3secs and after that my heartbeat raced like mad =\ i swear i dunno why =\ kinda hmm i would say it's terrible feeling. for a moment i thot i was dying lol =\ anyway nice seeing him early in the morning :) went home at bout 11plus in the morning after tonning at XG ytd with qin ai de, max, fly and randy.

Qin ai de came over to my place to slp cos today's Andy's wedding chalet too so we planned to head straight there after a short rest at my place. but i guess things turned out kinda bad =\ Qin ai de found out some stuffs which were not supposed to be known. it wasnt any wrongdoings i swear but still i noe it'll hurt her. sigh~ i shudnt have that silly idea that time :( she told me she gotta head home cos some stuff happened and when she left she texted me thn i noe bout it. oh well.. at least we got it settled :) this is the first time ever, i was SO DAMN afriad of losing someone dear to me =\ tears gushed out when we were texting one another. it was a white lie but i guess if i were in her spot i will feel equally bad as well ba *i'm so sorry* i ever lost few dear ones in the past and it changed my life entirely. that time, i dun even have the chance to experience the feeling of Fear of losing. it happened all too fast. guess we were too young to even talk bout it back thn. but oh well.. this time i'm thankful that qin ai de could cool her head off and we managed to have a little chat and cleared the misunderstanding. i felt totally drained after that D: it's like.. after a big war? *terrible*

after that on the way to XG to meet the guys to head over to Andy's chalet, i suddenly had this thought.. "lotsa things are happening with XR now and all of us are cracking our brains and reali trying to help one another. but it didnt drained me at all.. but this incident with Qin ai de reali killed me totally.. i felt totally drained." I guess i reali cant lose any of my dear ones anymore =\ the incidents with XRs i see the unity within us, the loyal friends helping one another worrying for one another.. checking on one another everyday to make sure all is safe.. it reali touched me alot :) i'm thankful i'm part of them :) seriously alot of people might wanna bring XR down.. let me tell u ppl.. XRs are standing strong and wil never fall.. and do not judge us by stereotyping pls.. XRs are nice ppl loyal friends who'll never throw anyone to die. take time to understand us well and u'll realise it :) after reachin XG we cabbed down to changi for Andy's chalet.. well nothing much there.. just had dinner there and they gambled abit and that's all for the day :) Congrats to Andy and Caroline on their Big Day! *God's blessings befalls them for life!* ^^

after that just head home while the guys head to XG for few rounds of dota lol~ well was feeling kinda lonely which i dunno why either.. tsk =\ and this i also realised that loneliness isnt about whether you have company ornt.. it's all within the heart. You can have a BIG bunch of frens with u physically but when ur heart is empty, loneliness stil conquers over.. kinda scary but it's true :( when home, audi for awhile and chatted with Joel and Maine for quite abit haha. details shall not be mentioned =p it's a girl's gossip! so shhh~ tsk~ after that dota-ed for 2 rounds and 1st was with Haru korkor with public players :( my first game out and i'm so gg-ed x.x ok first game.. wat u expect >=( after that loost joined me n korkor for AI session =x i'd call it raping the AIs haha =x everytime i high-ing thn gg alr. sian ._. the disadvantage of being a DR ehh :( well that's how my day ended.. started badly, proceeded lonely and ended in peace. so i guess i'll rate it an average day? haha~

hmm a little update bout my emotional world now.. i'm in a very very confused state seriously =\ A are telling me these and B are telling another.. while C seems to be there for me everytime i'm down. grrr! i'm fighting against myself :( i wan to stop all these but i tink i failed.. read somewhere on someone's blog and happen to see this sentence that hit a little bit on my head.. it says "i'm just forcing myself to give up.. why should i make myself suffer?" i kinda think that to give up, is not a choice made by the head.. it can onli be a choice when you heart tells u that it had already given up. and we cant control our heart at all.. thus this is quite a bad news eh? :( for these past few weeks or a month? i've been forcing myself to give up so damn much.. being emo, being down, acting strong and as if nth ever happened. misses but dare not contact.. bought vday choc for him yet have no courage to give it to him. sigh~ i'm reali rottenly rotten :( it hurts u noe? to force ur heart to stop loving someone.. it reali do.. but thn.. to stop loving is another way of loving the person isnt it? hais~ matters of the heart is murdering me slowly day by day :(

anyway 2 more days to my job at MBS lets hope i could get so busy (but not stress) and have no time to even tink bout these ba =\ someone told me he might be jealous that's why he's acting strange too.. i duno? i reali dun~ watever it is.. i'm leaving it to fate ba :) as for now, i choose to wait for the miracle that might or might not happen :) no harm waiting? :) be it virtually or RL i'm waiting :) hoping everything could turn out fine :) but these days it seems we've been talking in RL alot more :) but of cos virtually and mobilly alot lesser :( but oh well.. nothing i can do yea? i'm glad we could stil be friends after watever that happened.

p/s: i need to sort out my feelings too. i totally dun understand wat is going on anymore. i'm lost reali reali lost :( i need a shoulder to lie on i need a hug to comfort me i need to cry my lungs out. i need to.. wat's going on in ur head my dear? wat exactly is going on? :(

i reali miss u alot. :(

lol cant stand some ppl who cant face the facts. onli noe how to delete tags, delete everything that's against herself and frame everything on others. everything bad that happens to her is all XR's fault? omg~ assumption pig :D anyway she's just a kid by turning to her dad / police when things dun go her way :) cant get things done yourself? just a pampered rich kid. why not lock urself at home everyday since u cant even face the society? omg~ cant believe such ppl reali exist.. just wanna rant alittle bit :) one day suddenly die on the street also dunno why lol~

see for yourself :)

i'm proud to say i won max in a dota AI match! AHAHAHA!!!


i'm a happy girl today :) dun ask me why hehe~
thank you <3




-Post editted due to the dog cpl which barks like nobody's business when i mention nth here in my blog. tsk-

Happy CNY and Valentines' =\

The weekends were kinda so-so for me. went to xg on sat after reunion dinner with mummy at gran's place. Reunion dinner was not bad.. uncle Eddie came over too so got to meet my couz Tasya. Am kinda shock how tall she is alr and i swear she n Travis are both ultra hyper kids x.x had dinner and chatted abit with uncle and aunties and gran. and went over to XG at bout 11plus. Jim, wt, wj, jon, pang, rick and bird were there. but i didnt play alot thou. me n qin ai de played abit and went over to meet hua to go hougang find joel. well didnt get to see her thou. guess she might be aslp. so the 3 of us went to chat at some voiddeck bout lotsa stuffs. kinda sucky to be the start of new year and vday =\ lotsa r/s problems haunting everyone. sigh~

and ytd i onli slept 3 hours and thn gotta wakey to head to gran's place for bai nian. my eyes are reali @.@ but oh well~ it's cny D: got into my pretty dress and i wore heels! tsk tsk! =x when at gran's place chatted with couz sarah and claryl alot. this is the very first time in my entire life i felt i have cousins LOL =x every yr i just kept shut and sat at one corner emo. this yr felt exceptionally good :D gerald was away in japan so couldnt see him this yr. royston left early too :( so onli the 3 of us and the rest of the younger ones. it felt good chatting with them so much. and clar's a sweetie to offer to make a japanese sandal for me :D anyway uncle willy say he wants to open a child care and ba principal so he rehearsed while taking care of the younger ones. so cute la! LOL! they were watching some disney thingy on laptop imagine 6kids of age 3 - 7 were trying to squeeze on 1 computer chair LOL. and when sarah went to off the com cos aunt eileen start to nag, their faces were all :( :( and more :( LOL! super super cute!

after that aunt eileen granted them more time to use the lappy so when we on again all of them chiong to the seats again OMG cute die! xD thn we skype with gerald abit and oh i chatted with issac! lol! my couz whom we never even said hi for 23 yrs of my life ._. he's working at Attica as a bartender omg~ and amazingly how many things we can actually chat on LOL! and granduncle kept asking when's my turn to get married x.x i just mention "hi unc did u see my bf standing ard here? no right? no bf how to get married?!" thn everyone say "aiya very fast one la" ._. and the marriage topic went non-stop x.x but oh well i guess this yrs a good CNY for me :D i finally felt the existence in the family~ tsk~ stayed ard til evening and head back home. was super super tired~

rion thn text me out for movie *not bad i got a date!* but ended up didnt go lol dun ask me why =\ and des texted too. also didnt go =x not bad luh at least i'm stil wanted in the market LOL =x but rejected all these dates and chose to went out with a fren of mine to chat over a cup of coffee and had mac for supper at tamp mall :) chatted bout lotsa random stuffs. from sec life to our uniform grp experience, to working exprience, to ghost stories ._. to matters of the heart. poor fren of mine, has a gf but yet couldnt spend vday tgt =\ he kept thank me for accompanying and chatting with him. tsk~ crazy~ wat are frens for man :) i needed a company too to just chat and not someone whom have other intentions on this special yet peaceful day :) never spent a vday as a single for years alr lol~ this yr.. kinda special ba :) but afterall it's all good :) didnt felt happy but didnt felt sad either. with the company of my fren, i didnt feel lonely too :) thank God for a wonderful and peaceful day :) wishes all loved ones be filled with happiness and blessings overflow! <3

Peace fills me on this exceptionally lonely day (:

I've ended the 1yr 6month cpling r/s with him today. it hurts. it reali do. but i guess it'll be pointless since everytime he took it for granted that i'll wait for him and keep giving me empty promises. everytime ppl ask me "eh iko who's ur cpl ar never see before one." it felt like a knife stabbed into my heart. each time i see ppl LP, wedding, mega with nice grats for LP and stuff, my heart turned sour. does he noe? no~ alot of ppl envy my eggyolk ring but do they noe tat i on the other hand envy them for having low lvl rings but a wonderful cpl by their side? during LP, i have to find ppl to help me login and play. even the success of LP meant nth to me already. of cos, tinking back on the past.. how we met quarrelling like some big enemies, for a yr or so til we both MIA form one another's life, and met again on the morning of 4th sep 2008.. how i got "conned" to be his cpl, how angry i was and everyday gave him attitude and demanded him to say 101 things to make me smile and cheer me up. i remembered the day he propose, i told him no way. because i was actually his noob acc cpl.. and i said i onli wan to wedding with main acc. and immediately he broke up with ikki. i was quite shock actually. i never wedding before and that was my first. stil remember my shivering hands at yishun chambers while playing the wedding license. it was scarily scary! we manage to pass at first try (: things have been real sweet since thn. when i was feeling very down one day, he found a way to get acash and bought me a wonderful set of clothes just to cheer me up. btw he's in aussie so there's almost no way to get acash (: he reali was a wonderful cpl who once made me felt reali loved even we're just frens. he's the reason i'm so into audi. he's the reason i'm who i am today. when i was down, he was there for me. but.. i reali hate it when he break his promise over and over again. and each time just solve it with a "sorry" and get it over. it suck.. it reali suck to be having to wait for someone for months and months and he appeared and went missing again. it suck even more to noe that i'm just a spare tyre for him. sigh~ well.. things have ended now and i guess bringing up the past wont do anyone good (: so just to wish him happiness and blessings. and thanks for being a wonderful cpl (:

i chose it.
Gdbye.
Once My Love.
040908 - 080210

my tears burnt my pillow once again. things have gotten out of hand i guess. i guess i've just created an illusion for me to fall into and now the illusion bubble have burst. time to wake up ba. am gonna force myself to accept the fact and pack up my feelings for my new life awaiting. i'm goin into my mourning period for awhile now. maybe the best way is stil the old way. i need to forget my life for a little while (: it's clear how things wil end. maybe i deserve better. maybe i dun deserve him. which ever the way is. this is it (:

p/s: thanks for everything up til now. u've been sweet. thou things have change and u've change. i've awaken too (: this is wat u wan isnt it? i'll make it happen (:

i'll force myself.