today i had a crazy surprise =\ this very nice guy that's kinda after me place my name "iko" as a tattoo on his body =.= the moment i spotted it my mind went blank =\ it's so NONO to do it! omg~ i never agree with putting names on body as a art =\ there's always a saying whereby once u put it, the person wil leave u for sure.. just some superstitious saying la but still it isnt that nice rite~ sigh~ i ask him WHY?! he say "iko will not be with me for the rest of my life but at least this 'iko' will.." -_______- someone kill me pls.. for a moment i feel like the world's biggest sinner of my life x.x he's reali sweet.. spending all his time and money just to make me happy even if it's doing things that he doesnt like.. i've shunned him away a few times before and yet he stood still =\ he's been sacrifising reali alot for me.. sigh~ but i just cant return anything to him =\ i'm not ready for anything and i dun wanna get involve in this kinda BGR thingy for now at least.. sigh~ shoot me in the head.. thanks ppl.. gd nite x.x

this is so.....
gahhhhhhhhh~

I'm not trying to be Emo here but i just happened to see my notes in facebook that i wrote quite sometime ago and i suddenly tink i'm a great writer LOL =x but reali ehh~ so much emotions was down in it and i can stil remember how damn emo i was when i wrote it.. it was named "my untold story" now i tink i should name it "emotions penned" LOL =x anyway such wonderful thing i wrote i just wanna leave it here in my blog as a memorial :) it was written for a special someone but now he's stil a special someone but not the same as that time hehe~ here it goes :)

My Untold Story..

There was once a mr someone appeared in my life out of nowhere.. just so randomly, he appeared and without knowing, i'm slowly being attracted to him.. i still remember the very first day everything started.. it was when he sat beside me at a place i shall not mention and randomly gets my msn.. i was surprise when he request for exchange of msn.. he was my eyecandy but i didnt even had the courage to smile at him.. and even after adding, we didnt chat at all..

til one fine day when i was rotting on my precious off day at bout 5am, he msn me askin me wat was i doin.. i mentioned that i just reach home and was goin to hit the sack.. he said something which made me regretted not goin to work that day.. ok certain things have to be kept secret here :) and ever since, we started chatting a little bit everyday.. and each day at work, i'll be like a idiot waiting for something to happen.. sometimes it did and sometimes it didnt.. but whenever it does, i'll be like a idiot smiling to myself.. time pass fast even when i'm not doin the usual stuffs i do..

and slowly we got closer thanks to a certain game in FB, it was kinda hard for me in the first place to learn it but soon i've got the hang of it.. and it became my motivation to logon my FB daily.. in fact, he's my motivation to check my wall and nearly everything in FB.. i wont deny there's a special something i have for him but sadly the reality aint allowing me to do anything about it..

and ever since we played that game, he'll start to slp real late.. and it somehow became my responsibility to get his ass up in the morning to work.. it didnt became a chore.. it was something i yearn to do daily.. even if it means to stay out late.. i'm not allowed to call/sms guys when i'm home.. some of u will noe the reason.. so, i've gotten another phone just for this.. i place it somewhere convenient for me to use and not being caught..

so every morning became a routine that i'll hide somewhere and start my "job" i'll hit more thn 20 to 30 miss calls just to wake him up and sometimes it reali worries me when he didnt pick it up.. firstly, i cannot stay away from my someone for too long least being caught =\ and secondly, i'm afraid i fail in waking him and him ended up being unhappy =\..

i constantly wil msg him and make sure he's awake before i could reali go to slp.. and the first thing i do when i wakie is to check that phone to see if he did reply.. sadly.. 99% of the time is a nono~ oh well.. wat do i expect? ha~ i remember there's this one time.. i brought a big smile to work.. i received his sms while i was waiting for train.. my heartbeat skipped a beat and my smile couldnt be wiped away.. and one night it was raining while i was working and his reali sweet words to ask me to tc of myself..

there's this period whereby we were getting real close just by watching a show. this period, i felt lonely no more at work. i was reali motivated to go to work and everyday seems so fun.. even on my off day was a fun nite at place i love to be.. til something happened someday.. and things revert back to wat it was before i noe him.. lonely, sad and cold.

i started to receive almost zero msges from him and never seen him since thn.. it occurs to me to totally not contact him so i wont be sad anymore, it occurs to me to stop contactin him so i wont bring troubles to his life.. it occurs to me to just leave him alone as i do not wish to be labeled as a irritant.. but i couldnt.. he's running thru my mind alot.. i miss him so.. but i guess this time i'm reali letting go.. i'll stop interfering with his life and just go on..

it hurts.. but i guess this will make him happier :) i wish to say thanks for leaving footprints in my life unknowingly.. sometimes i wish things werent the way they are now.. i've woken up from my dream and i'll move on in life.. stay happy :) dear fren..

Dedicated to you - dinosaur

ahh a little update :D spent a crazy week or 2 weeks? lol~ after shifting of house immediately went to msia for club with the same old gang :D as usual, play til siao and this time rena toh before me! wahahha! so rare can! =x anyway after that was batam trip with andy :D wah i tell u~ if i went with someone who never been there, i tink i die ther already LOL~ oh~! and not to forget the day before i went batam i had my wonderful left leg crippled =.= went dbl O with rena and as usual, that damned place~ *grr* i dunno how i got myself injured thou =\ and i crippled my way to batam! LOL~! so proud of myself =x went shopping there OMG la~ the things there is cheap de lor!! scarily cheap xD but i didnt buy anything lol~ nite time went clubbing and omg it's so scary! ppl there dun drink at all~ they play drugs! =\ u see ppl shaking heads everywhere x.x and this mama san came to andy and hit on him wahahaha =x and i tink i'm a beauty at batam LOL! everyone keep coming up to me and say "u're very pretty!" geez~ shy si wo xD next day back in sg finally can rest abit and just spent my days clubbing and hanging out with rena.. ytd was like pao geitai can =.= initially went red ant at parklane, thn went powerhouse, thn went sabai~ ok not too bad but not as fun as i thot =\ and today's church! one thing i wanna say i'm REALLY proud of myself today.. i came home at bout 2pm and i took my bath and had a nap til 4pm.. 4pm i got tempted to skip church SOOOOOO much X( it's like something's telling me "nvm la skip one week wont die" and u noe this is always the start of backsliding =\ so another part of me is forcing myself to WAKE UP!!! and i dragged myself to the toilet and get prepared to go to church.. stil having my hangovers and yes! i succeeded in reaching CHC~ during praise n worship, thanks to my damn pig leg i couldnt reali get into the spiritual feel~ but i just prayed n prayed that God wil speak to me and fill me this service.. during sermon, i couldnt focus at all, keep drifting away from God's word =\ so i prayed again for strength and focus~ ok i survived thru xD after that was fellowship with angel mike, yoke pin and ivan! we had dinner at raffles city the japanese styled marche! heavenlyyyyyyyyyyy~ i wanna like eat up the whole place can?! lol =x we ate and had such wonderful fellowship and after that ivan had to leave early.. so me mike and yoke pin went to slack n chat at starbucks til bout 12am we went to joo chiat for durian with the rest of the peeps that went to the SOT grad dinner.. by that time my eyes are like 3/4 close =x damn tired but i enjoyed sharing and hearing from them :D first time i spent so long with them and it's reali fun! hearing different testimonies from them and stories inspired me alot! thank God so much i got to know these wonderful ppl :D we got this plan for a group fasting! LOL~ it's been soooo long since i last fasted! and this time we're gonna set a list of prayers pointers to work towards for our fast! hallelujah! wheeeeee~ i got a whole chunk of names i need to pray for x.x God~ help me! and of cos my pathetic pig leg :( mummy helped me rubbed and i went crazy :( so painful la! heng i nv go those sensei i tink i'll kill the sensei =\ screaming on the top of my lungs i bite my pillow so hard.. and mummy say "after this wil recover le la" MUMMY U LIED!!! roar!! more painful now nor :( lets hope miracle happen uh =\ i wanna run! i wanna dance! i wanna jump! rahhhh~ ok i'm goin mad again very tired now.. hitting the sack! gd nite peeps! with love muacks!

i wanna lead a life with you in it, Jesus

with response to my dearest iBend's taggy~ here i am bloggin! lol~ ok gonna do a little update here.. i'm currently VERY busy with my house stuff.. my contrat with this current landlord is up so i was busy with finding a space to rent.. and yup thank god, i've gotten a room at tampines ^^ and YES IT'S SO GONNA BE VERY NEW TO ME! lol! i never ever stayed in the east side before other thn my e bf's place.. so i'm so gonna be a noobie noob noob~ easterner~ pls guide me ok!? will be shifting tml and need bout a day or 2 to settle down.. wednesday will be heading to malaysia for clubbing again xD i'm soooooooooo anticipating it! lol =x now seldom audi as well as i'm into this new game call Wind slayer~ those maple story lovers, u gotta try this! to me this is way better thn maple! it's player vs player's mode is damn fun but irritating at times LOL~ i'm now a lvl 32 Dark priest xD and it's max lvl now is 49 only so i'm trying to chiong chiong chiong! lol =x i'm so gonna train to be a mage once i hit lvl 49 ^^ and next weekend's gonna be batam trip for me and andy and perhaps mummy wil be taggin along ^^~ i'm so looking forward to it man! i've never been to batam and everybody noes iko loves to travel ^^V anyway just came back from family dinner with granny and all.. it's awesome to see all my little cousins all growing up! couldnt recognise few of them la omg x.x all so pretty and handsome now~ and i realise.. i'm REALI old T_T i'm the eldest grandchildren there so alot of the adults are like "iko when are u getting married?!" HELP!!! i dun even have a bf la! LOL~ and i dun wanna get married like so soon =.= for wat tying myself down?! i'll be dumb if i do that =x life still has ALOT to offer me and i'm so excited with wat'll happen to my life after i shift! i just applied for job with the new casino in singapore and i'm so gonna get my car license and save a sum of money for my little business in manicure and my cert! i'm so gonna get my diploma too! omg my life's gonna be real busy~ i dun wan a bf now ^^ i just need a companion and i guess all my frens are good companions ^^ ok i needa run n game a little bit and hit the sack.. tml's gonna be a longggggggg day for me x.x church in the morning at 7am, rush to suntec for the job fair for the casino one and thn back home to help shifting :D anyway a little note~ i'm dating! LOL =x k i'm contradicting to myself saying i do not wan a bf.. but it's just a date isnt it? :) and i'm firm that i'm gonna keep it as just-a-date now til i get a little achievement in my life and can afford time for a r/s :) ok goodie nite peeps! <3

iBend, i love u for reading lol muacks!