ahh~ it's been awhile since i last blogged.. anyway it's been a rather struggling week for me =\ things weren't going as fine as it seems thou.. recently, i've been trying to psycho myself, brainwashing to make myself awake.. it's really tiring and i really am breaking down.. the last weekend was another drunkard weekend i had *sigh for thurs, hugo boss.. alrite it's juz another event where iko's jumping ard saying hi doing PR, actin happy =\
everyone ask me "where's ur boi?" =\ al i said was "dunno".. i myself dun even noe wat things are like now.. hanging there as if selling some chicken or duck.. it feels terrible.. utterly terrible =\ *sigh i wish to be the true happy me once again.. i wish to stand up on myself once again.. nothing to bring me down, nothing to come in my way.. it's hard, i know.. but i can do it and i wil do it..
recently have met these biker gang.. seriously it's my first time moving in high speed on a expressway for the past 20 bloody yrs.. i swear.. it felt so good that it's out of this world! but once again my vespa dream came back =X and i saw this vespa it's a beauty i swear! now i'm struggling to take bike license or car =( car wil definitely be a better choice but it's like firstly so ex, secondly i like the comfort in car but i love the excitement in bikes! how?! =(
but recently after so much thinking and killing of brain cells, i've realised and finally wake up to something in life.. i realise that ppl always say "humans are selfish, we live for our own and nothing else.." this is VERY true! ppl ard me, al seem so far away now.. sii is one of them =( i'm not saying she's selfish but indeed she's surviving for her own.. i miss her so much =( hope she's doin fine..
HIM is also another case.. someone can throe ur loved ones al alone outside a club for bloody 28bucks and someone that can ignore their loved ones for like an entire day without a single call or sms.. sometimes i wonder.. does he actually really truly noe wat is love??? and have he EVER EVER EVER been in love??? o.O i reali wonder.. does he noe wat's the responsibility of a bf? and does he noe wat exactly is a r/s???
sigh~ it seems that every individual is different is indeed true.. different per spective, different goals, different way of handling things.. and sorry but honestly, his way of handling things makes me sick at times.. i mean MOST of the time.. i hate ppl who leave things as it is, dun solve them and simply keep running.. ket's see how long can they run.. "u can run but u can never hide" a nice sentence that's well known by everyone..
jovi brainwashed me few days back.. i felt much better.. indeed.. yes, we dun need a guy/girl now.. life is all about being happy.. why care the rest? =) i just wanna be hapy and be myself.. maybe one day i'll be tamed.. maybe one day i wil truly be ME yet someone that's accepted by the one i love.. i honestly hate it when someone tries to control over me.. i had enough of those.. i never felt guilty before cos i noe i'm not a slut that touches guy or let them touch me..
i noe myself very well that i'm not someone that kiss everyone i noe.. i'm not the type of girl that hook guys in clubs.. i club, to dance.. to enjoy my fren's accompany.. to de-stress.. but if the guy of my life cant seem to understand and accept that, i'm sorry i guess i'm not yours.. i'm a human.. a girl that needs love and acceptance.. not a pet or property to be controlled over.. after one of my past incident, i'm already VERY afraid of such cases.. i cant let myself fall into any of these.. cos i noe the consequences wil be just making the devil in me goin more wild.. there's such thing as backfired =)
so one last words to al guys out there.. either u accept and cherish wat u have now, or regret later.. one of my fren told me "ignore him la.. he wil ask u to go back to him once u leave him.. guys are all like that haha" he himself is a guy.. but he can say such things.. and i guess it's all been proven haha! well guys.. cherish the girl u have now.. dun regret when it's too late.. *smiles*
Saturday, May 19, 2007
whee~ everything's rather peaceful this week *thank god* hmm just feel like hitting a few keys here on the keyboard t udate abit bout wat had happened this week ba.. for the weekdays obviously i'm stuck in that republic prison =( after sch, either i'll be hoe ZzZz or i'll be meeting fairy at AMK to chill =) it feels gd seeing the girls la.. her lynette.. so happy ^^ was a short session but stil very happy..
AMK's my new hangout already lol~ it's near, cheap and of cos got khaki like fairy and lynette.. muehehe~ oh and few days back got my hair dyed red ^^ wheee~ nothing new but i stil love my red hair hehe~ and i cut my fringe myself again hehe~ now i look so funny -.- sueann say got difference lei but phoebe say i might as well dun cut T_T damn sad.. but nvm i dun wan too short also lol =X
hmm things were peaceful between me and him too *a BIG thank god* my heart very weak liao lol~ cannot take blows le lol!! and i've of cos cut down alot on WG le.. hmm.. webby sometimes also lazy go in talk.. bitching also reply when i feel like it.. forum, go in get myself updated onli.. guess one day i'll totally cut off from WG le ba.. no idea also.. it's hard.. cos they were like family to me.. for my long holiday, i've spent every single day with them lei! and they really took very good care of me that time =)
it was my happiest and saddest holiday thou lol~ sad cos it's too messed up =\ but happy cos i met alot of nice ppl.. ytd i was tinking.. is it gd to get a r/s from WG or is it bad? why i say that? here's how it goes..
good
cos at least the circle of frens are al the same.. we al noe one another and easier to trust that way.. WG maybe a "not so clean" place but if u noe who to choose to hang out with i believe it isnt that bad afterall =)
bad
WG r/s i've seen too many TOOOOOO many!!! and NONE are long term.. =\ i guess is cos they rush into r/s too fast ba.. like i've said.. after being in WG for half a yr, even myself am used to the rushing of things =\ so now thank god i foud him and he's keeping my pace down =) WG have too many temptations inside them.. girls that are sluts that goes after attached guys, guys trying to make couples break up.. al these i've seen it all =\
so is it a gd or bad thing to have a r/s within WG? for me i tink it's a NONONONO! haha~ i rather get someone from non WG, slowly build the trust, thn to get someone in WG that has a short r/s lifespan.. lol~ so anyway.. i'm sick and tired of quarrels and fights in the bgr side.. so watever that's gonna happen i'm not gonna deal with it the way i dealt with in the past le =) someone gotta give in.. i chose to give in most of the time nw.. but who knows? i might explode inside haha~ when i explode, i guess nothing can bring me back =)
it feels good being in ur arms
it feels good when u come for me
it feels good when things are peaceful..
we need to trust more..
AMK's my new hangout already lol~ it's near, cheap and of cos got khaki like fairy and lynette.. muehehe~ oh and few days back got my hair dyed red ^^ wheee~ nothing new but i stil love my red hair hehe~ and i cut my fringe myself again hehe~ now i look so funny -.- sueann say got difference lei but phoebe say i might as well dun cut T_T damn sad.. but nvm i dun wan too short also lol =X
hmm things were peaceful between me and him too *a BIG thank god* my heart very weak liao lol~ cannot take blows le lol!! and i've of cos cut down alot on WG le.. hmm.. webby sometimes also lazy go in talk.. bitching also reply when i feel like it.. forum, go in get myself updated onli.. guess one day i'll totally cut off from WG le ba.. no idea also.. it's hard.. cos they were like family to me.. for my long holiday, i've spent every single day with them lei! and they really took very good care of me that time =)
it was my happiest and saddest holiday thou lol~ sad cos it's too messed up =\ but happy cos i met alot of nice ppl.. ytd i was tinking.. is it gd to get a r/s from WG or is it bad? why i say that? here's how it goes..
good
cos at least the circle of frens are al the same.. we al noe one another and easier to trust that way.. WG maybe a "not so clean" place but if u noe who to choose to hang out with i believe it isnt that bad afterall =)
bad
WG r/s i've seen too many TOOOOOO many!!! and NONE are long term.. =\ i guess is cos they rush into r/s too fast ba.. like i've said.. after being in WG for half a yr, even myself am used to the rushing of things =\ so now thank god i foud him and he's keeping my pace down =) WG have too many temptations inside them.. girls that are sluts that goes after attached guys, guys trying to make couples break up.. al these i've seen it all =\
so is it a gd or bad thing to have a r/s within WG? for me i tink it's a NONONONO! haha~ i rather get someone from non WG, slowly build the trust, thn to get someone in WG that has a short r/s lifespan.. lol~ so anyway.. i'm sick and tired of quarrels and fights in the bgr side.. so watever that's gonna happen i'm not gonna deal with it the way i dealt with in the past le =) someone gotta give in.. i chose to give in most of the time nw.. but who knows? i might explode inside haha~ when i explode, i guess nothing can bring me back =)
it feels good being in ur arms
it feels good when u come for me
it feels good when things are peaceful..
we need to trust more..
Saturday, May 12, 2007
honestly i'm tired.. very tired of everything.. i'm so tired that i chose to give up and walk away since he doesnt even wanna do anything about it.. i guess sometimes human gets tired too.. i'm not a supergirl.. i'm not a superwoman.. i'm really tired of everything.. al the hanging there and wild imagination.. my brain can no longer take anything like that anymore.. i feel so.. drained.. like i told them.. someone ask me whether is this really the end? i say i guess so.. i really feels like giving up and walk away.. i feel he's drifting away from me.. when we were at BF, he's juz standing beside me.. but i feel he's so far away... we're like so near yet so far..
now this later that.. my heart's cant be as strong as any other girls can be.. everytime i wish he's here he isnt.. i told someone i dun even feel loved at all.. sometimes i wonder.. was i even in the same league as him? are we living in the same world? things changed so much since we first met.. and it had onli been about a month or so.. i'm kinda seeing history repeating itself.. some history that i never wanna have again.. i dunno how to go on.. how to move on?
i dun wanna be the emo iko again.. i dun wanna sulk my life away again.. i wanna climb out of the well of emo and i never wanna be sad again.. J had helped me get out of it once.. i know i can do it! i'm born a emo girl.. yes indeed.. but i know al need to do is to tell myself "love is not everything" i've been telling myself these kinda stuff few days back as i got a damn feeling i'm losing him soon.. this time.. i wont be silly enough to hurt myself again.. i wil choose to walk away before he does.. since i cant give him wat he wans, and watever i do doesnt reali helps.. i guess i'll let go..
someone told me.. it'll be his damn lost if he lost me.. oh well.. maybe.. but to him if he doesnt noe how to cherish me than so be it.. i wan someone that cherishes me as much as i cherishes them.. i wan someone that trust me and loves me.. i need someone that holds my hand and guide me along my path of darkness.. i need someone that never give up on me.. bring back my smile and keep it there..
i guess i've done al i can to keep this going.. watever he doesnt like i stop.. i chose to do everything i can for him.. i chose to do everything i can to help this r/s grow.. but i alone cant make anything work.. i alone cant do everything.. he need to work along with me.. is he willing? i dunno..
when things are meant to be they'll be
i hate to lose u
but if it's not meant to be
i'll let go..
now this later that.. my heart's cant be as strong as any other girls can be.. everytime i wish he's here he isnt.. i told someone i dun even feel loved at all.. sometimes i wonder.. was i even in the same league as him? are we living in the same world? things changed so much since we first met.. and it had onli been about a month or so.. i'm kinda seeing history repeating itself.. some history that i never wanna have again.. i dunno how to go on.. how to move on?
i dun wanna be the emo iko again.. i dun wanna sulk my life away again.. i wanna climb out of the well of emo and i never wanna be sad again.. J had helped me get out of it once.. i know i can do it! i'm born a emo girl.. yes indeed.. but i know al need to do is to tell myself "love is not everything" i've been telling myself these kinda stuff few days back as i got a damn feeling i'm losing him soon.. this time.. i wont be silly enough to hurt myself again.. i wil choose to walk away before he does.. since i cant give him wat he wans, and watever i do doesnt reali helps.. i guess i'll let go..
someone told me.. it'll be his damn lost if he lost me.. oh well.. maybe.. but to him if he doesnt noe how to cherish me than so be it.. i wan someone that cherishes me as much as i cherishes them.. i wan someone that trust me and loves me.. i need someone that holds my hand and guide me along my path of darkness.. i need someone that never give up on me.. bring back my smile and keep it there..
i guess i've done al i can to keep this going.. watever he doesnt like i stop.. i chose to do everything i can for him.. i chose to do everything i can to help this r/s grow.. but i alone cant make anything work.. i alone cant do everything.. he need to work along with me.. is he willing? i dunno..
when things are meant to be they'll be
i hate to lose u
but if it's not meant to be
i'll let go..
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
am not reali in any mood to talk bout anything anymore.. sigh~ i cant stop imagining things.. seems like things are slowly getting out of hand and i cant seem to take control too.. i guess i'll be on my own and juz be myself for once.. i need to get back my life and be who i truly am.. i've lost myself far too much and have lost my own life.. for now.. i juz wanna keep on dancing and studying.. get busy and forget anything else that shouldnt affect me too much.. if they doesnt noe how to cherish me, so be it..
i dun need a guy who can have so many other girls in their heart.. i dun need a guy who makes empty promises and i dun need a guy who doesnt noe how to love me and dote on me the way i need.. someone told me that i've been lowering myself far too much and overly pampering him.. i guess that someone's right.. i shouldnt go on that way.. i'm a girl that needs to be love and dote on.. no the other way round..
i need a gentleman.. i need a man.. i need a sensitive guy that understands me well and give me the security i need.. i dun need a little boy that dun even noe when i'm feelin down and i dun need someone that come to me onli when i needed them.. so for now.. i shall keep shut and see wat things are gonna turn out like.. anyway.. events.. watch out for the last event on this list.. cos i'll be performing~ thanks
i dun need a guy who can have so many other girls in their heart.. i dun need a guy who makes empty promises and i dun need a guy who doesnt noe how to love me and dote on me the way i need.. someone told me that i've been lowering myself far too much and overly pampering him.. i guess that someone's right.. i shouldnt go on that way.. i'm a girl that needs to be love and dote on.. no the other way round..
i need a gentleman.. i need a man.. i need a sensitive guy that understands me well and give me the security i need.. i dun need a little boy that dun even noe when i'm feelin down and i dun need someone that come to me onli when i needed them.. so for now.. i shall keep shut and see wat things are gonna turn out like.. anyway.. events.. watch out for the last event on this list.. cos i'll be performing~ thanks
PARADIZE @ Del Mar
Date: 15th May 2007 (tues)
Time: 9pm til late
Venue: Cafe del mar
Price: FREE!!
Tickets left on hand: 30
note: those with ticket presented
while entry, will be entitles to 1-for-
Date: 15th May 2007 (tues)
Time: 9pm til late
Venue: Cafe del mar
Price: FREE!!
Tickets left on hand: 30
note: those with ticket presented
while entry, will be entitles to 1-for-
1 on all housepour and beers from 9pm -
11pm!
11pm!
--------------------------------------
Tertiary Fling (UNI edition)
Date: 10th May 2007 (thurs)
Time: doors open at 9pm
(free entry with tix from 9pm - 11pm)
Venue: MOS
Price: FREE!!
Tickets left on hand: 34
--------------------------------------
Date: 10th May 2007 (thurs)
Time: doors open at 9pm
(free entry with tix from 9pm - 11pm)
Venue: MOS
Price: FREE!!
Tickets left on hand: 34
--------------------------------------
KONVICTED!
an event by planne kayos in
collabaration with whosgoing.sg
time for some party people ^^
Date: 30th May 2007 (wed)
Time: 8pm til late
Venue: Fort gate, fort canning park
Price: $20 (pre-sale) $23 (door)
Tickets left on hand: 20
--------------------------------------
an event by planne kayos in
collabaration with whosgoing.sg
time for some party people ^^
Date: 30th May 2007 (wed)
Time: 8pm til late
Venue: Fort gate, fort canning park
Price: $20 (pre-sale) $23 (door)
Tickets left on hand: 20
--------------------------------------
Back to Baggies
A party u cant miss!
Free VIP membership @ Butter factory to be given away
and catch the performance of
LUSH, The cartelz and Trivalation!
Date: 9th May 2007 (wed)
Time: 9pm til late
Venue: Butter Factory (clarke quay)
Price: Guys ($15) Ladies (Free)
P/s: guys with the black card can enter free and i might be able to help i said MIGHT =X
i got no ticket but still pls pls go and support!!! ^^
A party u cant miss!
Free VIP membership @ Butter factory to be given away
and catch the performance of
LUSH, The cartelz and Trivalation!
Date: 9th May 2007 (wed)
Time: 9pm til late
Venue: Butter Factory (clarke quay)
Price: Guys ($15) Ladies (Free)
P/s: guys with the black card can enter free and i might be able to help i said MIGHT =X
i got no ticket but still pls pls go and support!!! ^^
HA~HA~HA!
why am i laughing? because i feel that i'm reali super dumb and stupid at times.. no i mean ALL the time.. haha! i actually feel sad for him and am thinking that he REALLY wil change for me.. and worst is i even thot of going back to him! how dumb am i?!?!?! i've finally trust this saying "a leopard never change it's spot" so i am stil glad i chose and force myself to move on.. i wil not turn my head back anymore.. i had enough of all the cheating and sweet talking.. but watever it is i thank god he's out of my life.. dun tell me u stil like me and wan me.. dun tell me u miss me when u can call other girls all the way from taiwan! dun tell me u wish to see me and dun ever say u love me still.. u're juz someone that wants me as a spare tyre.. juz someone that u can toy with whenever u're lonely.. i hate u! stop lying to me anymore.. i wont take in ur sweet honeyed words anymore..!
to trust i'm so dumb..
haha!
why am i laughing? because i feel that i'm reali super dumb and stupid at times.. no i mean ALL the time.. haha! i actually feel sad for him and am thinking that he REALLY wil change for me.. and worst is i even thot of going back to him! how dumb am i?!?!?! i've finally trust this saying "a leopard never change it's spot" so i am stil glad i chose and force myself to move on.. i wil not turn my head back anymore.. i had enough of all the cheating and sweet talking.. but watever it is i thank god he's out of my life.. dun tell me u stil like me and wan me.. dun tell me u miss me when u can call other girls all the way from taiwan! dun tell me u wish to see me and dun ever say u love me still.. u're juz someone that wants me as a spare tyre.. juz someone that u can toy with whenever u're lonely.. i hate u! stop lying to me anymore.. i wont take in ur sweet honeyed words anymore..!
to trust i'm so dumb..
haha!
Monday, May 07, 2007
it juz hurts so much when truth smacks in ur face.. when i chose to trust him when i chose to let go and dive in this love once again.. ugly truths shows.. disappointed, lost, confuse, speechless is my reaction when i see those ugly truths with my own eyes.. indeed, this kinda things did happen to me before but i didnt get it rite infront of my face and i didnt have to deal with it.. why? because i was stupid enough to keep quiet bout it and juz slowly being treated like a fool..
but now.. iko's no longer stupid.. i promise not to let myself get hurt again.. never to.. i chose to stand up for wat i wan.. i chose to stand up for myself and not to run and hide and cry in my own lil closet.. at least now i cry out loud.. even if it's to myself, i'm glad i stood up for myself.. al the confrontations might make me lose him.. al the confrontation might juz end everything within today.. but stil, i chose it.. because i noe wat's meant to be, wil be..
i noe he did try to apologise and make me feel better this few days.. but the incident juz keep haunting me.. i haven been myself after that happened.. when we were at the ktv, the song "i dun wanna fight no more" reali hit me.. i honestly truly, dun wanna fight anymore.. be it whichever way u're lookin at it.. be it fight as in quarrels, or fight as in fighting my own struggles of the insecurity in me.. i'm tired.. i'm drained.. i wan to be love.. i dun wanna get hurt..
i'm someone with not much patience when kept hanging there.. i've always been silly enuff to wait and wait.. things always ended up in vain.. so i promise myself not to let myself down again.. i noe i'm selfish.. but why cant i? i've never love myself in my past 19 yrs.. from now on, i chose to love myself.. even if i dunno how to, but stil i'll learn.. i hate to lose him.. i hate to fight with him.. but sometimes when things goes reali wrong, i have no other choice i guess.. if i could i wish i could understand him alot more.. but wat else can i do? he's not opening his heart to me at all..
i wish to talk to him too.. some nice heart to heart talk.. but how?? his closeness of the dorrs of his heart, made me cant seem to open mine too.. i have soooooooo much to say to him.. but how?! :( i thot he's someone i can reali count on.. i thot he's someone i truly can slowly place my heart in.. but that incident brought down my trust for him way too much.. i wish to trust him again.. i wish to ignore that incident.. but i guess it's too hard for me :(
ya.. maybe some of u esp him, might tink that it's no big deal.. but wat if it happens the other way round? if i'm the one in his position and he's in mine.. i bet things might be worst.. his ego would have blew everything out.. i have my ego too.. i noe i've always been nice and calm bout things.. but i too have my ego.. i juz chose to hide them when it's not neccessary.. but stil the old saying, i cant accept my other half to betray me.. i cant except my other half to have other girls in their heart and mind other thn me.. likewise.. i cant allow myself to have more thn 1 guy in my heart n mind too..
so wat am i gonna do? i dunno.. i reali dunno.. i feel strengthless to move on.. i feel strengthless to deal with anymore blows.. i've been crying alot lately.. and i mean alot :( he's reali affecting my life and yes i'm very into him.. but i would not force anything anymore.. i wont beg him to stay if he choose to leave.. and i wont tie him down if he chooses freedom.. if he want me, he'll do everything to get me.. if he doesnt, it juz shows he doesnt wan me enuff.. i admit days with him are happy.. he made me felt loved and he cared.. he search for me when i go missing and his hugs are truly warm..
yes it's wat i wan.. but if he cant make me the onli one, i guess i wont wanna be involve in it anymore.. i dun wanna fall deeper and get myself hurt al over once more.. yes i'm already very hurt by now that the fact things are now.. how do i give us another chance? how do i trust him again? :( i reali dunno..
it's juz gonna be another nite
that my tears burn thru the pillow
crying in my own corner
suffering al alone..
but now.. iko's no longer stupid.. i promise not to let myself get hurt again.. never to.. i chose to stand up for wat i wan.. i chose to stand up for myself and not to run and hide and cry in my own lil closet.. at least now i cry out loud.. even if it's to myself, i'm glad i stood up for myself.. al the confrontations might make me lose him.. al the confrontation might juz end everything within today.. but stil, i chose it.. because i noe wat's meant to be, wil be..
i noe he did try to apologise and make me feel better this few days.. but the incident juz keep haunting me.. i haven been myself after that happened.. when we were at the ktv, the song "i dun wanna fight no more" reali hit me.. i honestly truly, dun wanna fight anymore.. be it whichever way u're lookin at it.. be it fight as in quarrels, or fight as in fighting my own struggles of the insecurity in me.. i'm tired.. i'm drained.. i wan to be love.. i dun wanna get hurt..
i'm someone with not much patience when kept hanging there.. i've always been silly enuff to wait and wait.. things always ended up in vain.. so i promise myself not to let myself down again.. i noe i'm selfish.. but why cant i? i've never love myself in my past 19 yrs.. from now on, i chose to love myself.. even if i dunno how to, but stil i'll learn.. i hate to lose him.. i hate to fight with him.. but sometimes when things goes reali wrong, i have no other choice i guess.. if i could i wish i could understand him alot more.. but wat else can i do? he's not opening his heart to me at all..
i wish to talk to him too.. some nice heart to heart talk.. but how?? his closeness of the dorrs of his heart, made me cant seem to open mine too.. i have soooooooo much to say to him.. but how?! :( i thot he's someone i can reali count on.. i thot he's someone i truly can slowly place my heart in.. but that incident brought down my trust for him way too much.. i wish to trust him again.. i wish to ignore that incident.. but i guess it's too hard for me :(
ya.. maybe some of u esp him, might tink that it's no big deal.. but wat if it happens the other way round? if i'm the one in his position and he's in mine.. i bet things might be worst.. his ego would have blew everything out.. i have my ego too.. i noe i've always been nice and calm bout things.. but i too have my ego.. i juz chose to hide them when it's not neccessary.. but stil the old saying, i cant accept my other half to betray me.. i cant except my other half to have other girls in their heart and mind other thn me.. likewise.. i cant allow myself to have more thn 1 guy in my heart n mind too..
so wat am i gonna do? i dunno.. i reali dunno.. i feel strengthless to move on.. i feel strengthless to deal with anymore blows.. i've been crying alot lately.. and i mean alot :( he's reali affecting my life and yes i'm very into him.. but i would not force anything anymore.. i wont beg him to stay if he choose to leave.. and i wont tie him down if he chooses freedom.. if he want me, he'll do everything to get me.. if he doesnt, it juz shows he doesnt wan me enuff.. i admit days with him are happy.. he made me felt loved and he cared.. he search for me when i go missing and his hugs are truly warm..
yes it's wat i wan.. but if he cant make me the onli one, i guess i wont wanna be involve in it anymore.. i dun wanna fall deeper and get myself hurt al over once more.. yes i'm already very hurt by now that the fact things are now.. how do i give us another chance? how do i trust him again? :( i reali dunno..
it's juz gonna be another nite
that my tears burn thru the pillow
crying in my own corner
suffering al alone..
Friday, May 04, 2007
hmm juz decided to blog abit here to update bout my stupid lifeless life -.-
ytd went to butter fac for uniform fetish 2.. it was better thn uniform fetish 1 thou.. the previous one i didnt wear uniform so this one i'm in ^^ i swear i'll never wear a sweater to club ever again!!! X( damn hot la! !@#$%^& but it was fun thou.. tink everyone was kinda shock cos i seldom wear til so "wrapped up" to club lol!!! overly wrapped up i guess =X
anyway ytd was simply a bad bad day =\ infact.. i dunno why but felt that this few days are kinda bad =\ keep having lil tiff with him and ytd wasnt any day better =\ we had abit of miscommunication and sensitivity issue.. was kinda a bad one thou.. felt very hurt by the things said by him.. but ya things turn fine after awhile =) (thank god!) so we had LJS thn head to BF..
i swear it's FARRRR from the train station la!!! idiot.. dunno who stil bluff me say very near! @#$%^&* when at BF, i swear there VERY little ppl -.- but ok la.. once awhile no need entertain so many ppl also gd =X hang ard with gab, bubbles, charlene.. hmm.. james and mich was ard.. shawn n darren run in and out.. alan's there too.. intro al of them to sweets ^^ and seems that shawn n him get along well ehh lol~ with their c-walking talks -.-
hopefully he didnt felt sian ba.. cos i drag him there.. without roy somemore lol~ *he and roy are inseparable!* =X but it definitely felt gd that he's ard ^^ wanted to go home at 12plus BUT as usual lol =X ended up home at 3am heee~ so that explains why i didnt go sch today AGAIN =X muehehe~ okok promise wil cut down on pons =X anyway today's lesson i CONFIRM can pass one so no nid worry hee =X butttttt! today's on dance! and i skip it! omg! i deserve to be shot in the head! X(
so i spend my entire day at home pokemon-ing ^^ for some funny reason, the episodes i watch today are all emo emo one! -.- made me waste so many tears sia !@#$%^&* oh ya! speaking of tears! i woke up today IN TEARS! nabei! damn scary can! i got nitemare.. after so long nv had nitemare ytd nite kana! wth sia~ i dreamt that i was involve in some case again and i was caught and the scene of me being charge on court, the moment i wait for my sentence.. the scene all flashes back sia!
in my dreams i reali cried and regretted MUCH more thn it was last time in the reality.. and it juz felt so real! i woke up tinking "omg thank god it's juz a dream!" it seriously was very very very real =\ i was very scared when i woke up, i hugged whiskers damn damn tight.. and first thing i do i sms him and tell him bout it =\ damn jialat.. so i told myself i'm gonna be a gd girl today whole day at home =X i did the laundry, clean my room, did my nails, clear the dishes and cooked dinner <-YES COOKED DINNER!! lol =X cant imagine iko cook rite!!! but mummy love it!!! but i dun reali love them lol =X
it felt gd lei.. feels like a housewife lol =X damn funny.. first time so aunty yet felt gd lol.. anyway i cooked fried sotong, fried some mince meat egg and some prawn hehe~ but i stil prefer maggie mee =X ok la.. once in awhile must torture mummy's appetite keke =X ok and that's bout my day ba.. am now rotting online as WG's down -.- and my pokemon haven dl finish *faint* tml's mos nite!!!! wheeeeeee~ i simply LOVEEEEEEE weekends! XD
i like it when u're so sweet ^^
but the lock to my heart is stil unlocked
the chains are tangled up
are u the one that's able to release them?
i dunno..
ytd went to butter fac for uniform fetish 2.. it was better thn uniform fetish 1 thou.. the previous one i didnt wear uniform so this one i'm in ^^ i swear i'll never wear a sweater to club ever again!!! X( damn hot la! !@#$%^& but it was fun thou.. tink everyone was kinda shock cos i seldom wear til so "wrapped up" to club lol!!! overly wrapped up i guess =X
anyway ytd was simply a bad bad day =\ infact.. i dunno why but felt that this few days are kinda bad =\ keep having lil tiff with him and ytd wasnt any day better =\ we had abit of miscommunication and sensitivity issue.. was kinda a bad one thou.. felt very hurt by the things said by him.. but ya things turn fine after awhile =) (thank god!) so we had LJS thn head to BF..
i swear it's FARRRR from the train station la!!! idiot.. dunno who stil bluff me say very near! @#$%^&* when at BF, i swear there VERY little ppl -.- but ok la.. once awhile no need entertain so many ppl also gd =X hang ard with gab, bubbles, charlene.. hmm.. james and mich was ard.. shawn n darren run in and out.. alan's there too.. intro al of them to sweets ^^ and seems that shawn n him get along well ehh lol~ with their c-walking talks -.-
hopefully he didnt felt sian ba.. cos i drag him there.. without roy somemore lol~ *he and roy are inseparable!* =X but it definitely felt gd that he's ard ^^ wanted to go home at 12plus BUT as usual lol =X ended up home at 3am heee~ so that explains why i didnt go sch today AGAIN =X muehehe~ okok promise wil cut down on pons =X anyway today's lesson i CONFIRM can pass one so no nid worry hee =X butttttt! today's on dance! and i skip it! omg! i deserve to be shot in the head! X(
so i spend my entire day at home pokemon-ing ^^ for some funny reason, the episodes i watch today are all emo emo one! -.- made me waste so many tears sia !@#$%^&* oh ya! speaking of tears! i woke up today IN TEARS! nabei! damn scary can! i got nitemare.. after so long nv had nitemare ytd nite kana! wth sia~ i dreamt that i was involve in some case again and i was caught and the scene of me being charge on court, the moment i wait for my sentence.. the scene all flashes back sia!
in my dreams i reali cried and regretted MUCH more thn it was last time in the reality.. and it juz felt so real! i woke up tinking "omg thank god it's juz a dream!" it seriously was very very very real =\ i was very scared when i woke up, i hugged whiskers damn damn tight.. and first thing i do i sms him and tell him bout it =\ damn jialat.. so i told myself i'm gonna be a gd girl today whole day at home =X i did the laundry, clean my room, did my nails, clear the dishes and cooked dinner <-YES COOKED DINNER!! lol =X cant imagine iko cook rite!!! but mummy love it!!! but i dun reali love them lol =X
it felt gd lei.. feels like a housewife lol =X damn funny.. first time so aunty yet felt gd lol.. anyway i cooked fried sotong, fried some mince meat egg and some prawn hehe~ but i stil prefer maggie mee =X ok la.. once in awhile must torture mummy's appetite keke =X ok and that's bout my day ba.. am now rotting online as WG's down -.- and my pokemon haven dl finish *faint* tml's mos nite!!!! wheeeeeee~ i simply LOVEEEEEEE weekends! XD
i like it when u're so sweet ^^
but the lock to my heart is stil unlocked
the chains are tangled up
are u the one that's able to release them?
i dunno..
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
see how bored am i in class ZzZzz..
| You'll Find a Boyfriend Within 3 Months |
 Maybe you need a bit more time to get over an ex Or maybe you need a confidence boost to talk to new guys Either way, you'll find a boyfriend in time... As long as you keep getting out there and meeting new guys |
| You Are A Woman! |
 Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood. You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out. You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat. This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife! |
| You are a Great Girlfriend |
 When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too! |
| You Lack Confidence |
 You're not so sure of yourself - and it shows more than you think Your lack of confidence affects your friendships, career, and romantic life People know that they can take advantage of you, because you won't stand up to them Start realizing that you're great the way you are, and almost everything in your life will improve |
| Your Makeup Look Is |
 Dramatic Eyes with Naked Lips You rock an edgy, modern look with feminine grace |
| You Are a Normal Girl |
 You are 50% Good and 50% Bad Sure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past. But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl. |
| Guys Like That You're Sensitive |
 And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships! |
| You Belong in Spring |
 Optimistic, lively, and almost always happy with the world... You can truly appreciate the blooming nature of spring. Whether you're planting flowers or dyeing Easter eggs, spring is definitely your season! |
| Your Birthdate: July 16 |
 Calm and understated, you struggle to express your love with words. Over time, your partner learns to recognize your passion by the actions you take. You're good at wooing someone slowly, without them even realizing it! Number of True Loves You'll Have: 5 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 You are most compatible with people born on the 7th, 16th, and 25th of the month. |
| What Ryuiko Means |
R is for Rare Y is for Yummy U is for Unusual I is for Innocent K is for Keen O is for Openhearted |
| You Are Pretty Happy |
 You generally have a happy, fulfilling life. But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it. Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career. Something is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is! |
| You Would Do Most Things For Love |
 You are willing to go pretty far for love - but not far enough to compromise your core values. Love is a priority for you, and you'll go further than most people to hold on to someone you love. But killing for love? Or even taking a bullet? Probably out of the question. No matter what, you love yourself the most! |
| You Are Bad Girl Sexy |
 Girl, you are nothing but trouble. And that's hot. You've got the classic bad girl sexiness mojo going on. And your badass attitude makes men fear you - and crave you. Don't give into people who say to tone it down. You're perfect as is. |
| You Are 40% Jealous |
 You're occasionally jealous, but you wouldn't be human if you weren't You keep your jealousy under control. You accept it, deal with it, and move on. In fact, most people would be surprised to know that there's a jealous bone in your body. So congratulate yourself for keeping your emotional impulses under control! |
| You Are Basic Panties |
 You are a laid back chick with a real natural beauty. You can make unwashed hair and minimal make-up super sexy. Men tend to notice you show the "real you" - and they appreciate it. And while basic makes boring for some, it looks classic on you. |
| Your Sensitivity Score: 45% |
 As far as sensitivity goes, you're a lot more in tune than most people. You can't help but be touched by what's around you - good and bad. But when things do get really bad around you, you are strong enough not to break down. |
| You Are a Bad Student |
 You aren't really that into school, no matter what you are studying. Maybe you need to take a year off and figure out what you want. Because right now, class is the last place you want to be. |
| Your True Love Will Find You Eventually |
 You definitely put yourself out there a little - but you could be doing more. If you're truly looking for love, try doing more things and meeting more people. You don't have to actively look for love, you just need to stay active. Be out there a little more, and the right person will find you! |
| You Would Choose Love |
 Money may buy a little happiness, but not the happiness of true love. You rather have a true soulmate than a private jet. And while many people may claim they would choose love too... You're one of the few who would really do it. |
| Your Love Type: INFJ |
 The Protector In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship. For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls. Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in. However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself. Best matches: ENTP and ENFP |
| Cancer - Your Love Profile |
 Your positive traits: You're intuitive enough to know what's going wrong in a relationship early on A total sweetheart - you're often the most caring person anyone knows You are a generous and devoted parter to whoever you fall in love with Your negative traits: Insecurity - you tend to need a huge amount of comforting from your partner You tend to be overly sensitive and easily hurt, which make loving you difficult It's difficult to predict your moods. One minute you're up - the next you're down. Your ideal partner: Someone equally sensitive, who wants to take time to get to know you deeply Dreams of an everlasting love - complete with marriage and a family Loves to take care of you. Being a good cook and masseuse doesn't hurt! Your dating style: Slow. You enjoy dates that last all day, with plenty of time to talk and get to know one another. Your seduction style: Quite tender and loving, once you are comfortable in your relationship. Coy. You tend to play it cool to drive your lover wild. Orally talented - you're known as the best kisser in the zodiac. Tips for the future: Be a little less sensitive. Not every little mistake should hurt you. Spend time away from your partner every so often - independence is a good thing. Find ways to take care of yourself. You'll be happier if you put yourself first. Best color to attract mate: Aqua Best day for a date: Wednesday |
| You Are 28% Spoiled |
 You're barely spoiled. You may have some nice things, but you never let them go to your head. You appreciate each gift you're given - and you don't dwell on what you "deserve" to have. |
| Never Date a Cancer |
 Clingy, emotional, and very private - it's hard to escape a Cancer's clutches. And while Cancer will want to know everything about you, they're anything but open in return. Instead try dating: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, or Aquarius |
| You Are 76% Intuitive |
 You are a very intuitive person. And luckily, your intuition is normally right. You're wise enough to know that relying on intuition alone can be dangerous. When your intuition seems really off, you tend to ignore it - and look at the facts instead. |
| You Are A Good Friend |
 You're always willing to listen Or lend a shoulder to cry on You're there through thick and thin Many people consider you their "best friend"! |
| You Are a Life Blogger! |
 Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible. |
| Your Learning Style: Personal and Passionate |
 You are very flexible and curious about the world. Human understanding is very important to you. You Should Study: Anthropology Architecture Art Art history Art therapy Classics Counseling Foreign Languages and Literature International Studies Linguistics Literature Psychology Sociology Teaching |
| You Are 72% Grown Up, 28% Kid |
 Congratulations, you are definitely quite emotionally mature. Although you have your moments of moodiness, you're usually stable and level headed. |
| Your Ideal Pet is a Cat |
 You're both aloof, introverted, and moody. And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed! |
| You Will Die at Age 58 |
 Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits. |
| You Have Low Self Esteem 48% of the Time |
 While you sometimes feel good about yourself, you tend to struggle a little with self esteem issues. It's not about changing who you are, it's about accepting your faults. You just need to be less critical and demanding of yourself! |
| Your Love Element Is Metal |
 In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash. Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past. You connect best with: Earth Avoid: Fire You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other |
| What Your Sleeping Position Says |
You are calm and rational. You are also giving and kind - a great friend. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games. |
| You Are a Beagle Puppy |
 Cheerful, energetic, and happy go lucky. And you're sense of smell is absolutely amazing! |
| How You Are In Love |
 You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance. |
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
| Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage |
 You've dated enough to know what you want. And that's marriage - with the right person. You're serious about settling down some time soon. Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to! |
FREE EVENT!
UNIFORM FETISH 2 @ Butter Factory on 2nd May 2007 (TOMORROW!!)
UNIFORM FETISH 2 @ Butter Factory on 2nd May 2007 (TOMORROW!!)
i realise i stil got alot of tix left so whoever wan or need tix, GET FROM ME!!! lol =X
am currently having 2 more events on hand too.. but the "canner" is not out yet so i cant post it here.. anyway, it'll be the UNI tertiary fling @ MoS on 10th May (thurs) and another event will be PARADIZE @ Cafe Del Mar on 15th May (tues) DJ tang and DJ will will be spinning RnB/Hiphop whole nite and with the ticket, individual get to get drinks 1-for-1 on all house pours and beers from 9pm - 11pm!
so... get me for any tickets that u wan!!! lol~ i dun wanna flood my table with tickets =X hurry hurry~~~~
am currently having 2 more events on hand too.. but the "canner" is not out yet so i cant post it here.. anyway, it'll be the UNI tertiary fling @ MoS on 10th May (thurs) and another event will be PARADIZE @ Cafe Del Mar on 15th May (tues) DJ tang and DJ will will be spinning RnB/Hiphop whole nite and with the ticket, individual get to get drinks 1-for-1 on all house pours and beers from 9pm - 11pm!
so... get me for any tickets that u wan!!! lol~ i dun wanna flood my table with tickets =X hurry hurry~~~~
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
no trust no love..
this is true isnt it? when there's no trust there's no love.. and vie versa.. sigh i dunno why is this happening to me.. shud i be glad or shud i frown?? smile- it matters to him.. frown- he doesnt trust at all.. sobs.. felt so dead and dunno wat to do now.. sigh~ like wat fairy said.. he might be juz insecure.. afterall we met in a club and ppl revolves ard me are all clubbers.. lousy clubbing guys that are famous for F-and-go.. sorry if i offend anyone here but it's juz the fact.. that's one reason why i'm gonna be MIA from WG already.. maybe at the most just sometimes drop by for events or help out in ticketing ba.. like i've told sueann too that i will have to stop all these sooner or later.. this is NOT the kind of life i should be leading.. ok now i've gotta be firm to wan to leave this kinda life.. bidding gdbye is never easy.. especially when i simply am enjoyin this life which seems to be rotten.. yucks.. dunno wat am i actually typing here anyway wil be back after i tink things thru.. sigh~
insecurities sucks
this is true isnt it? when there's no trust there's no love.. and vie versa.. sigh i dunno why is this happening to me.. shud i be glad or shud i frown?? smile- it matters to him.. frown- he doesnt trust at all.. sobs.. felt so dead and dunno wat to do now.. sigh~ like wat fairy said.. he might be juz insecure.. afterall we met in a club and ppl revolves ard me are all clubbers.. lousy clubbing guys that are famous for F-and-go.. sorry if i offend anyone here but it's juz the fact.. that's one reason why i'm gonna be MIA from WG already.. maybe at the most just sometimes drop by for events or help out in ticketing ba.. like i've told sueann too that i will have to stop all these sooner or later.. this is NOT the kind of life i should be leading.. ok now i've gotta be firm to wan to leave this kinda life.. bidding gdbye is never easy.. especially when i simply am enjoyin this life which seems to be rotten.. yucks.. dunno wat am i actually typing here anyway wil be back after i tink things thru.. sigh~
insecurities sucks
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