我狠不下心。。
这是最后一次我答应我自己不会再被伤害了。
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
i'm totally disappointed in him.. totally.. i've chose to end this r/s.. not due to a game.. but due to the insecurity that leads to a truth that's been hidden from me.. guess wat i found out today? guess ppl who've been reading on me n him will noe bout this famous person name GINA.. he told me that he never contact her already.. and YET~ she's now his main acc de cpl in audi.. and just yesterday they wedding. HA! to think he could stil tell me it's someone i dunno.. it's someone that doesnt go XG.. it's someone that he seen before but DUNNO! fking hell am i a fool? do i look so nice to be lied to? without a proper sorry, he stil tries to wriggle his way out of this quarrel making it sound like he got no fault! HA! he say is ME who cannot take it that he got a cpl in audi.. HELLO~ if i cant take it i wont fking attend the wedding and ask them to jy n grats them! wat i fking cannot take is WHY HER?! he perfectly know it that we had big fights over her and he promise me not to contact her anymore.. the word here is ANYMORE!!! end up? COUPLE! so clever.. it seem he cant forget her ba? ask her to change a identity and be his main cpl. ha! and he stil can say they're just frens.. correct just frens.. thn why lie? just how many more lies are there? in this incident there's 1) he lied they didnt contact. 2) he lied she is someone i dunno. 3) he lied she doesnt go XG. 4) he lied he dunno her just seen b4. 4 lies in a single incident.. maybe more to be unsolved.. fking put urself in my shoes la hor! brainless idiot.. totally disappoint me. to tink i stil gives him a chance.. to tink i stil believe he will change. to tink i was so happy few days back talking to my frens saying he reali did change for me.. to tink i thot this might work out.. to tink to tink to tink.. this is just rubbish! fucked up! he's nothing but lies. enuff! stop it! i'm not someone u can lie to. i've stop this insecurity feeling.. i dun wan anymore.. u hurt me enuff.. thanks.. go have fun with ur GINA! fuck
nothing but lies..
i'm a fool..
nothing but lies..
i'm a fool..
Sunday, June 21, 2009
feeling kinda sucky now.. just when i thot things are getting slightly better, i'm feeling down again.. this might be a rubbish post so for those who're gonna give stupid comments, pls click on the close button ont the top right corner of the screen thanks..
firstly first i'm lacking of proper slp and am stil very sicky.. mood wont be anywhere near good.. and today there's a audi event at XG.. wanted to go join in the fun and get to noe his circle of frens.. but i guess it jsut isnt fated to be ba.. he told me he gotta work and wont be goin for the event.. and he called me at like 11.30 to ask me if i wanna join the event.. it's reali nice of him to ask me.. BUT he mention that i have to be there at 12.30.. hello i stay woodlands and i haven bath i'm not the least ready to go out.. how the fk can i reach there by 12.30?? so in order not to mess things up.. i give up.. i dun go.. wanted to just go and get to noe his frens, see the comp and join if possible.. end up? i'm at home helping him lvl-ing his noob acc.. ha~ sometimes i reali tink i'm stupid.. why am i doin all these things for him? i sacrifised my slp just to be more into his life.. but i guess i'm not appreciated at all.. he was almost confirmed that he's not goin for the event.. end up?? he even joined it.. i wasnt surprise actually.. kinda expected it.. how will he not join haha~ his XR ppl lei~ oh well this is one thing that dampens my mood for the day.. another was my stupid didi who spammed the fking winner shout thingy in the room while i was trying to do the story for bf.. i repeatedly ask him to stop cos mum is complaining.. and he ignored.. ended up i'm the one getting scolded and nagged at.. oh well.. i guess my day's gonna suck big time today.. wanna bet? he'll be ending up at XG tonite (: a place i hate with the ppl i hate.. he just love doin things i hate (: somehow.. i'm a unwanted loner ba.. i'm tired.. get me out of here.. thanks. bye
firstly first i'm lacking of proper slp and am stil very sicky.. mood wont be anywhere near good.. and today there's a audi event at XG.. wanted to go join in the fun and get to noe his circle of frens.. but i guess it jsut isnt fated to be ba.. he told me he gotta work and wont be goin for the event.. and he called me at like 11.30 to ask me if i wanna join the event.. it's reali nice of him to ask me.. BUT he mention that i have to be there at 12.30.. hello i stay woodlands and i haven bath i'm not the least ready to go out.. how the fk can i reach there by 12.30?? so in order not to mess things up.. i give up.. i dun go.. wanted to just go and get to noe his frens, see the comp and join if possible.. end up? i'm at home helping him lvl-ing his noob acc.. ha~ sometimes i reali tink i'm stupid.. why am i doin all these things for him? i sacrifised my slp just to be more into his life.. but i guess i'm not appreciated at all.. he was almost confirmed that he's not goin for the event.. end up?? he even joined it.. i wasnt surprise actually.. kinda expected it.. how will he not join haha~ his XR ppl lei~ oh well this is one thing that dampens my mood for the day.. another was my stupid didi who spammed the fking winner shout thingy in the room while i was trying to do the story for bf.. i repeatedly ask him to stop cos mum is complaining.. and he ignored.. ended up i'm the one getting scolded and nagged at.. oh well.. i guess my day's gonna suck big time today.. wanna bet? he'll be ending up at XG tonite (: a place i hate with the ppl i hate.. he just love doin things i hate (: somehow.. i'm a unwanted loner ba.. i'm tired.. get me out of here.. thanks. bye
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
i cant help but to feel damn insecure every single seconds.. thanks to watever things that had happened this 2 days.. just this 2 days alone the trust that was built, was totally gone.. how scary can that be? sigh~ i dunno.. but this insecure feeling is dirt strong and i'm very very uneasy with it =\ i can onli say he made the wrong-est move to use someone to gek me.. reali wrong.. yes it did gek-ed me but have he thot of the after effect of it? i'm fking insecure now =\ like reali fking insecure -______- and thanks to whoever that adds oil to fire that mentioned that he's actually 2-timing me.. the insecurity is even higher thn anything on this earth.. i'm beginning to do things which i usually dun do and i'm beginning to not being myself.. i can only say.. i'm going crazy reali soon.. i've never felt so insecured before and i think.. it sucks.. argh! just fking end this life of mine la.. for wat bringing me here and make me suffer? >=( paranoid iko X(
fk everything!
fk everything!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
i doubt i'm rank no. 1 in his heart at all..
why do i say so?
he choose to go meet his friends to slack at lan at BEDOK instead of coming down to boonlay to accompany.. his excuse were no money take cab.. hmm i wont is bedok nearer to woodlands thn boonaly? ha~ he meet them almost everyday and yet on my off day he choose to find them again. wat bullshit is this? i can choose to club i can choose to pub i can choose to movie with my frens.. but i chose to acc him on my one and onli off day.. even if it's just to stay home and rot.. in the end? he stil left me alone at home.. i guess i'm not important at all.. he flares up at my mom when she did something not so nice to him.. hmm ok i understand that she can be irritating at times but still i feel he shudn't do that ba.. it's not very nice to disrespect ur bf/gf's mom isnt it? he told me he's goin to XG in the first place and changed it to 23.. after me knowing that nobody else was at 23, he said it doesnt matter where he goes.. oic.. now i noe le.. wherever ur bf/gf goes it doesnt reali matters to know.. so next time i tink there isnt a need for him to noe where i am ba.. his msn personal msg was "ABCDEFHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ <3" there's a missing G.. G stands for? G-I-N-A it's someone used to be his gan gf.. ha~ i confronted him on this and guess his reply.. "long ago this was already there i nv change nia" OH? it was there ONLY after we got tgt.. so means? he's flirting with her? HA-HA-HA! so wat if she knows i'm his gf? cant they flirt? he keeps saying i'm flirting with my audi cpl create4u.. hmm~ i guess in the room i'm playing, hans and noob was ard ba.. they can be very gd witness if we did flirt ornt :) even if i'm flirting.. wat can happen? he's like way way at australia? he's not even a singaporean so he doesnt come sg at all.. btw he's getting married soon too.. and wat about that GINA? she's right here is damn sg and they're meeting almost every single day while I AM AT WORK! woots~ how nice? who knows they might even did things behind my back? i felt that this r/s is full of lies.. nothing else but lies.. everything i'm kept in the dark til i find out myself.. seriously.. i'm tired.. i'm tired of quarrels i'm tired of lies.. i'm tired to find things out myself and i'm seriously very very drained.. why cant he put himself in my shoes? to him, i might be just throwing temper, being jealous over something that doesnt exist.. but HELLO~ i'm a girl.. i need security.. i need someone there for me.. not someone that spend more time with his frens (including that fking G) thn me.. ya ppl might say "u all stay tgt le day day see each other wont sian meh.. let him meet his frens ma" CORRECT! we're staying tgt.. but how much time we really have for one another? almost zero.. i reach home at 9am, he's aslp.. so i went to slp.. i wakes up at 6pm and have to prepare for work.. when i'm at work, he's with his frens.. and the circle goes round.. SO LET ME ASK.. HOW MUCH FKING TIME DO WE HAVE TGT?! NONE! so dun fking tink that we stay tgt and we're spending alot of time tgt.. we dun even have a proper dating day.. we dun even have time to say "iloveu" we dun even have time to play game or watch movies tgt! fk my off day! why not i just work 7days a week?! sometimes i reali tink i shud just stay single at this point of my life since i have no time for my bf.. his G might do a better job thn me.. and also my frens are spending more time with me.. why? cos they made the effort to come down to bl to acc me.. at least for 1 or 2 hours.. i'm happy and i thank them for that.. some even stayed til morning just to acc me.. so who exactly is my bf? i dunno~
failure
i failed as a gf.
why do i say so?
he choose to go meet his friends to slack at lan at BEDOK instead of coming down to boonlay to accompany.. his excuse were no money take cab.. hmm i wont is bedok nearer to woodlands thn boonaly? ha~ he meet them almost everyday and yet on my off day he choose to find them again. wat bullshit is this? i can choose to club i can choose to pub i can choose to movie with my frens.. but i chose to acc him on my one and onli off day.. even if it's just to stay home and rot.. in the end? he stil left me alone at home.. i guess i'm not important at all.. he flares up at my mom when she did something not so nice to him.. hmm ok i understand that she can be irritating at times but still i feel he shudn't do that ba.. it's not very nice to disrespect ur bf/gf's mom isnt it? he told me he's goin to XG in the first place and changed it to 23.. after me knowing that nobody else was at 23, he said it doesnt matter where he goes.. oic.. now i noe le.. wherever ur bf/gf goes it doesnt reali matters to know.. so next time i tink there isnt a need for him to noe where i am ba.. his msn personal msg was "ABCDEFHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ <3" there's a missing G.. G stands for? G-I-N-A it's someone used to be his gan gf.. ha~ i confronted him on this and guess his reply.. "long ago this was already there i nv change nia" OH? it was there ONLY after we got tgt.. so means? he's flirting with her? HA-HA-HA! so wat if she knows i'm his gf? cant they flirt? he keeps saying i'm flirting with my audi cpl create4u.. hmm~ i guess in the room i'm playing, hans and noob was ard ba.. they can be very gd witness if we did flirt ornt :) even if i'm flirting.. wat can happen? he's like way way at australia? he's not even a singaporean so he doesnt come sg at all.. btw he's getting married soon too.. and wat about that GINA? she's right here is damn sg and they're meeting almost every single day while I AM AT WORK! woots~ how nice? who knows they might even did things behind my back? i felt that this r/s is full of lies.. nothing else but lies.. everything i'm kept in the dark til i find out myself.. seriously.. i'm tired.. i'm tired of quarrels i'm tired of lies.. i'm tired to find things out myself and i'm seriously very very drained.. why cant he put himself in my shoes? to him, i might be just throwing temper, being jealous over something that doesnt exist.. but HELLO~ i'm a girl.. i need security.. i need someone there for me.. not someone that spend more time with his frens (including that fking G) thn me.. ya ppl might say "u all stay tgt le day day see each other wont sian meh.. let him meet his frens ma" CORRECT! we're staying tgt.. but how much time we really have for one another? almost zero.. i reach home at 9am, he's aslp.. so i went to slp.. i wakes up at 6pm and have to prepare for work.. when i'm at work, he's with his frens.. and the circle goes round.. SO LET ME ASK.. HOW MUCH FKING TIME DO WE HAVE TGT?! NONE! so dun fking tink that we stay tgt and we're spending alot of time tgt.. we dun even have a proper dating day.. we dun even have time to say "iloveu" we dun even have time to play game or watch movies tgt! fk my off day! why not i just work 7days a week?! sometimes i reali tink i shud just stay single at this point of my life since i have no time for my bf.. his G might do a better job thn me.. and also my frens are spending more time with me.. why? cos they made the effort to come down to bl to acc me.. at least for 1 or 2 hours.. i'm happy and i thank them for that.. some even stayed til morning just to acc me.. so who exactly is my bf? i dunno~
failure
i failed as a gf.
Saturday, June 06, 2009
it's very funny! =\
i was listening to some songs in cab while on my way to work and suddenly she came across my mind.. suddenly felt the heartache to lose her as a close fren.. guess things gotten too harsh previously =\ well, still i tink i'm not in the wrong.. i'm stil angry over her poking her nose into my issues.. let it be~ have been reading her blog recently and was actually quite glad that she's doin pretty fine now while she's facing her worst nightmare.. but just read some stuff that aint very nice and felt quite a heartache again.. i wish to tell her i do love her as a fren.. but it's just.. hais i dunno wat to say =\ bf says i'm being too soft hearted but oh well.. i'm a soft shell crab =x in my lifetime onli few ppl are truly my closest fren and she happen to be one of them.. how can i not feel for her in times like this? sigh~ all i can do now is to give her my deepest blessings and hope that ppl ard her now can truly understand her and love her ba..
min..
jiayou..
i reali do love u..
i was listening to some songs in cab while on my way to work and suddenly she came across my mind.. suddenly felt the heartache to lose her as a close fren.. guess things gotten too harsh previously =\ well, still i tink i'm not in the wrong.. i'm stil angry over her poking her nose into my issues.. let it be~ have been reading her blog recently and was actually quite glad that she's doin pretty fine now while she's facing her worst nightmare.. but just read some stuff that aint very nice and felt quite a heartache again.. i wish to tell her i do love her as a fren.. but it's just.. hais i dunno wat to say =\ bf says i'm being too soft hearted but oh well.. i'm a soft shell crab =x in my lifetime onli few ppl are truly my closest fren and she happen to be one of them.. how can i not feel for her in times like this? sigh~ all i can do now is to give her my deepest blessings and hope that ppl ard her now can truly understand her and love her ba..
min..
jiayou..
i reali do love u..
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
a cpl stays tgt but doesnt understand each other at all.. this cpl sleeps beside each other every night.. but sad to find out that they both dun understand each other at all.. even his frens says so..
"u shud try to find out things about him urself wor.. initiate to talk to him ma.."
"i know i did.. but wat i get back is 'i'm with my frens lo, u dunno de..' wat else can i say?"
"i believe i noe his things more thn u do"
"i believe too.. infact i believe everyone noes him more thn i do.. haha"
another case..
"where ur bf?"
"at home lo"
"why he nv pei u one? he got work in the morning?"
"errrr ya he's busy with his job"
(in my mind: i dunno where he is i dunno who he's with i dunno wat he's doin)
another case..
"who's iko?"
"my couple"
(in my mind: oh cpl? not gf? aww~~ *cries*)
another case..
"omg where u? how come i cant find ur rm?"
"rm 18.."
"pw?"
"other ppl invite me one"
"oh thn i go play myself ba"
(in my mind: oh i'm not even invited to play with his frens.. why? am i a hidden gf? his frens are anti social? or am i anti social??)
we were online at the same time.. but we rent even pm-ing at all.. not even in the same rm.. and wat i saw? 2 girls in the same rm as him.. i know they're his frens.. i'm not jealous over him playing with girls.. i'm just sad that i'm just a hidden gf.. do they have to lock rm? btw they're ALL at my house without me knowing.. all at same place need to lock rm? hmm i wonder.. i reali wanted to trust him.. alot.. but his actions aren't even telling me that he's transparent to me.. how can i trust someone that cant even trust me with things? sigh~ i dunno how to get the message across anymore.. i'll just keep shut and just let it be..
i'm sad..
very very very sad..
a hidden gf :..(
"u shud try to find out things about him urself wor.. initiate to talk to him ma.."
"i know i did.. but wat i get back is 'i'm with my frens lo, u dunno de..' wat else can i say?"
"i believe i noe his things more thn u do"
"i believe too.. infact i believe everyone noes him more thn i do.. haha"
another case..
"where ur bf?"
"at home lo"
"why he nv pei u one? he got work in the morning?"
"errrr ya he's busy with his job"
(in my mind: i dunno where he is i dunno who he's with i dunno wat he's doin)
another case..
"who's iko?"
"my couple"
(in my mind: oh cpl? not gf? aww~~ *cries*)
another case..
"omg where u? how come i cant find ur rm?"
"rm 18.."
"pw?"
"other ppl invite me one"
"oh thn i go play myself ba"
(in my mind: oh i'm not even invited to play with his frens.. why? am i a hidden gf? his frens are anti social? or am i anti social??)
we were online at the same time.. but we rent even pm-ing at all.. not even in the same rm.. and wat i saw? 2 girls in the same rm as him.. i know they're his frens.. i'm not jealous over him playing with girls.. i'm just sad that i'm just a hidden gf.. do they have to lock rm? btw they're ALL at my house without me knowing.. all at same place need to lock rm? hmm i wonder.. i reali wanted to trust him.. alot.. but his actions aren't even telling me that he's transparent to me.. how can i trust someone that cant even trust me with things? sigh~ i dunno how to get the message across anymore.. i'll just keep shut and just let it be..
i'm sad..
very very very sad..
a hidden gf :..(
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