Melody of my Life..

i didnt wanna blog.. but i reali needed somewhere for me to rant =( i noe he'll read.. but i'm sorry dear i needa a space to rant.. =( i was lying on my bed.. but crying.. to the new songs of winds.. in my mind thinking.. how sad can i be? it's juz disappointment.. pure disappointment.. =(

after a day of quarrel.. usually the next thing u wish is to see the person an hug him real tight and have a gd cry (tears of overwhelming love) but i cant.. that's stil ok.. i rushed home after shoppin today hoping to chat with him alil more.. hoping juz to spend the rest of the nite with him.. after a long tiring day in sch..

he gamed.. fine.. i ask him go play.. thinking that he might nt game later in the nite and we can reali have a gd talk.. a gd nice talk b4 we go to bed.. but no.. it didnt turn out that way =( he game.. and game and game.. ya.. tat's about it.. and me feeling empty and down, lost.. i have to turn to some other ppl..

haru, kiankuen and my angel micheal.. are the ones that were there for me.. acc me thru the nite.. they kept asking why i stil dun wan go slp.. my ans is always the same.. "i'm waiting for him" micheal seems mad.. =\ he says i shud juz go n slp and hack it.. hais.. wat to do.. stayin up waiting for him to have a nice chat and thn to bed.. is something the least i can ask for today..

but no.. it stil didnt happen.. every single nite.. it's either him goin to slp earlier thn me cos he's tired.. or me goin to slp cos i'm tired of waiting for him to end his game.. i dun wanna complain.. but i cant help it.. every single nite ok.. EVERY! =\ now i noe how irene and emi felt when their bf were gaming.. hais.. now i noe why many girls wanted to destroy al games..

and iw as waiting for him to finish some stuffs.. so to have a gd chat juz for awhile even thou i'm reali reali tired.. but no.. again.. i have to slp.. before my temper went off again.. before i blew everything up again.. and before i fail my UT again tml.. =( my results are terribly goin way way down.. cos of my absence.. and my tiredness due to late nites..

and why the late nites? i dun wish to say.. hais.. i realoi dunno why am i goin thru these.. i'm not happy.. i truly am NOT happy.. =( if being tgt means things wil be this way, i rather not be.. =\ i rather those not tgt but happy nites.. happy endings of everyday.. =( haru say he goes to slp sometimes crying.. cos he misses his gf.. i told myself i wont.. but i failed today =( i cant stand the "side effect" which some of them name it.. of the quarrel and no hugs no talks.. i cant act everythin's normal and fine..

i wanna talk.. but he aint free.. devoting his time to gaming whole day.. i thot.. everythin is i thot.. i shudnt assume cos "it makes an ass out of u and me" hais.. i needa slp.. hopefully he'll be more sensitive in this way.. i dun nid him to remember everythin.. i dun nid him to be sensitive in the way he is now.. juz.. spend a lil bit more time on my needs can? i dun need ur presence every now n thn.. juz call? a sms? or even a moment of chats online?

i cant believe it that haru kiankuen and micheal were the ones cheering me up and entertaining me in this lonely nite.. =\ whenever my msn window blinks i thot it would be him.. but out of 10times, onli 3 would be him.. =( and i look at al the windows.. there are many "=)" in the 3 guys' window.. but not many in his.. =( where has the guy that never fail to make me smile go? i dun nid u to tell me "i love u" alot alot of times.. i dun need words like "i miss u" and plainly "i miss u" i dun nid them.. juz.. juz care abit more can?

feeling sucky in the middle of a lonely nite..
feeling of unlove.. thou the words were said..
doubts of "who exactly is my bf?" swirled thru my mind..
and "has things change?" teared me apart..
i need ur attention.. not juz words..
juz a lil bit more.. at the rite time can?