Melody of my Life..

damn it fucking cheebye!

i know he wil read my blog but i dun care.. i'm gonna say everything out.. cheebye.. i shudnt have went out today! shudnt have tink that i could go there and hug him and be happy and juz smile.. and the "i love u" and the "omg i miss u".. thot i wil end my day happy again even thou i'm fucking tired..

but fucking hell.. today's not a gd day for me AT ALL! i woke up with my back feeling like a piece of log! stiff and pain everywhere.. i force myself to go amk by 3 to meet the rest to go mediacorp.. but ALLLLL were late! fuck! i waited for more thn 30min.. feeling very very pissed.. but i wanna see him.. no choice..

at the mediacorp while recording.. i was fucking piss by the cameraman.. he wanna shoot me.. i hide.. he scold me! fuck it! who the fuck are u to scold me?! at the show, i feel so damn out.. i'm not close to any of them there.. i'm alone al the way.. except talkin a few times to fauzi and kelvin..

me giving suggestion to the cheer, no one cares! someone even gave the "orh ok lor" comment and did NOTHING about it! cheebye.. shud have kept my mouth shut la! and i keep a seat for HIM and yet he didnt sit at al.. and the ppl beside me giving me al the "eh why she dun wan move sia" look.. knn.. doing al these shits today juz make me feel worst la..

thot after show could have a gd hug.. a nice chat.. ya i admit it was very sweet of him to send me home even thou he's so tired.. in the bus while lying on his shoulder.. i thot to myself "wah.. so xing fu.. so happy he send me home" but..

cos i wanna buy tibits from ntuc.. thn he say "no" i insisted that i wan.. eh come on la.. wat's wrong with buying tibits? scared i grow fat? thn u wont wan me? ok FINE! seriously if our love is onli that much ar.. thn reali no point being tgt or wat la.. al the "i reali love u" "i reali wan u" "i miss u" wat are those???? another fakey fake lies from guys to girls when they wan them? and forgotten when they got hold of us??

pls la.. i had enuff of al these ok.. al i did today was nothing.. i juz see nothing wrong in getting fat.. he said b4 no matter how fat i turn into he'll wan me.. YAYAYA! as if! go get those girls with super good figure thn! sorry but ur gf here does not have a gd figure.. and ur gf here hates guys who'll leave me alone when i stomp off.. and i hate it when u simply dun care.. and say "thn i go already lor" FINE!

i noe nothing of a romnace that wil go up to u and sai nai saying "err err dun wan la.. dear i love u sorry can?" NO WAY! i'm not that.. i took it as a joke but u took it seriously and leave.. FINE! maybe my pride is too high.. sorry but that's me.. u said b4 u wil love me for who i am.. including my pride and my stubborness.. i did turn ard with the mentality that he might be playing.. but things were not as i had think wil be.. he's serious! damn it..

maybe i'm childish.. i dun care.. i'm juz me.. i love myself the way i am.. and i simply juz wanna be me.. argh fuck it.. i shud have juz went to durian with lester and juz dun see him for a day today.. damn it.. waste my time goin to mediacorp.. waste my fare.. waste my anger.. and waste myself for being scolded and pissed.. fuck it..

wat a nice 2nd day of tgt huh?
never imagine things wil be liddat..
crying from way deep within..
FINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!



i wont cry! NO I wont!


and i'm just down.. so very down...................
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