Melody of my Life..

ok my 2nd post.. i juz wanna blog about something la.. me and dearie had a tiny tiff over his problem of "dying at 50" -.- so i'm gonna juz blog about my feeling of death ba.. not against u.. dear.. but i'm juz gonna say watever i truly feels about death alrite..

hmm.. death.. i once seeks it.. nope not once.. but alot of times =X ya i admit it's scary.. i almost died once when i wil i tink 15.. trying to jump off the ledge haha.. luckily bro save me with a sms -.- ok that's a very lame story.. but ya.. death.. indeed it's scary..

but EVERYONE in this world faces it.. and there' s no running away from it i guess.. so i've learnt to juz be brave and face it.. last time, i used to tink tat "when wil i die?" "how i wan my funeral to be like" i seriously thot of that before.. in fact, i even talked about it with my clover girls last time.. lol! but ya.. death is lonely.. cos we have to die alone.. we came to this world alone.. so we have to leave here alone..

i swear i HATE loneliness.. alot of u noe how much attention i need la lol! but ya.. i HATE loneliness.. i cant do things alone.. u al sure noe one! lol! even i dunno how to face death.. how wil life be like after death? wat about my frens? my family? wat if i have things undone? but.. wat's the point of worrying about them? ok i noe la.. so that we can die happily?

but i feel that no matter how many goals we reach b4 death, we'll never be satisfied.. well.. humans.. haha.. and wat if.. now i'm worrying and plannin how i'm gonna spend my days b4 i die.. and suddenly before i can do anything to make myself happy, i'm dead.. thn wont i be dying without being happy the minute b4 i die? i dun wan man!

like wat sii said.. "being happy is the most impt thing on earth.." yes! i came here happily.. i wanna leave here happily and return to heaven with god.. when i die.. i noe ppl ard me wil cry/sad.. but i dun wish that.. i mean.. who wish to see ppl u love, ppl ard u sad? rite? especially when it's ur last few days on earth..

to me.. being happy is the most impt thing i wan before i die.. life is already so so so short.. why do we stil spend it on worrying bout the future? i mean ya we have to worry abit but not those unneccessary stuffs like "wat wil happen if i die" or anything related to death ba.. i heard one scientist say b4.. "80% of the human worries are unneccessary worries" i tink it's very true u noe.. even times when we worry about things like "what wil happen to whoever if something happen?" like the sentence say "WHAT IF.." it means it havent happen.. why worry?

ok la./ maybe need plans in case.. but tink about it.. often it is reali unneccessary one lei.. i dunno la.. or maybe i'm stil too young to understand wat the adults thinks.. adn in anyway i'm stil having the mindset of "i dun wanna grow up" so i juz wanna be happy.. tat's why each time i not happy, i'll say.. haha..

is death reali tat scary? i reali dunno.. i seems to dun care already.. the doctor told me "if u continue dancing, u might be paralysed forever or even die if ur nerve got stuck again.." but i juz cant let it overtake me.. =\ i juz cant stop dancing.. i dunno.. but i told mummy.. "if i become paralysed, juz let me die k.. please" cos i reali dun wanna live a life without dancing.. a life without my true passion.. a life cannot do things i like.. a life that's not happy.. i dun wan.. even if u give me 1000000000000yrs to live.. but i'm not happy.. no point.. i rather use the 999999999 of yrs to exchange with 1day of happiness.. i truly will..

dun u feel that living on this earth, worrying bout so many things.. not being happy, is very tiring meh?? at least i feel it is la.. i'm a person that worries alot.. and i mean ALOT lol! but i've learnt that is no point.. some of my nonsensical worries in the past were like "wat if his feelings for me faded? (my exs ar)" i worry this for EVERY guy i used to be with.. but see! no point! lol! and i worry things like "eh tml how sia.. so sian.. alone at home" also no point! cos i wil stil be alone at home! lol~

maybe these are minor worries.. imagine minor worries i already worry so much.. wat if is those super impt de things.. lol~ but like i said in my previous post la.. "it's not the length of yrs i can live that matter.. it's the happiness i spend every seconds of my life that matters.." =) last time i'm well known for being a emo queen lol! but see! another useless thing.. emo le so wat? wat wil happen? NOTHING.. or maybe bad things like quarrels, cryings, anger.. blah blah~

iguess ya.. my mentality of death.. it's a must.. i dun care when is it.. tat's y i nv ask when i go tarot readin or fortune tellin.. haha.. tat time mama g was tarot reading for me.. she ask "do u wan to noe how long u wil live?" i say no.. dun tell me.. haha! so instead i asked about my love life hehe~ but it's a rather funny one la.. she say that i wil be super kelian in the first place.. but after the moment of test thn we'll truly see and understand each other..

i wonder is it him lol =X but aiya.. sometimes.. these things can onli be trusted like to a limit onli la.. maybe one day i wil get a tarot card and prove to him wrong that he wont live so short lol~ ok lame.. many pastors also say i wil become a missionary.. eg.. child care teacher.. nursery teachers.. BU KE NENG~ lol!! reali is bu ke neng.. and i wont wan.. seriously i WONT wan =X maybe our fate can be control by us.. tat's wat i believe at least la =) maybe it makes me feel better everyday.. ahha.. even thou mym life wont be smooth ahead.. but i'll juz work it my way.. i believe things can be done and wil work out eventually..

ok la.. very naggy liao lol =X go slp le.. NITES!! muacks..

death.. haha..
i wil stand up against it..
cos i noe my god is with me..
and wil protect me from it..
it's a way i return to my god as well =)
no point being scared ^^