Melody of my Life..

dear dairy aka bloggy.. i'm so down =( i'm so so so so so so so down X( the song is killing me but i cant help but wanting to listen to it more.. =( wat shud i do?!?! i hate pms.. i hate evrythin! tell me.. wat SHOULD i do?!! =...................( i wish to cry out loud.. i wish to juz bang the wall and maybe juz die liddat.. =( i dun wanna be sad anymore.. i dun wanna cry anymore.. =( HELP!!! why cant i be happy always? why muz things always have to change? why why why?!?!?! why cant time stay? why cant human stay the same? why muz things alway change? is it true that ppl always say "happy together"? more like "sadly together" =( no no i'm not complaining he's not a gd bf.. but.. it's juz why things have change ever since we got tgt??? i can stil remember how i smile everyday, feeling energetic everyday.. with al his sweet stuffs.. ever since after my bday things change =\ why!? i wan a happy 19th yrs of my life.. not a sad one! i thot i can be happy after that special day.. but no! why?!?!?!?! wat's so fuckin wrong?! =( oh god.. save me! i too wan happiness! i too wan to be understanding juz a little bit more.. i too wan to be a perfect person.. but WHY?!?! WAT IS SOOOOOO WRONG?! damn it.. hais.. i juz reali reali am sooo down.. =( can someone tell me how to stop these tears? i dunno why.. but this is a small matter but i'm juz feelin so damn hurt.. i juz feel he cant accept me for who i am.. =( wat's al the rainbow promise for?! wat's al the "love u" for?! when he cant accept me, these means nothing! =( is it me not giving enuff? or him not giving enuff? is this the end? is this all? oh god.. =........(

Totally shattered.. =.....(