Melody of my Life..

Post of sorries.. =(

had a super packed brain today =\ and seriously, i need and want to say many sorries to my baby =(

Firstly..
sorry for saying i'll be home by 12am+ yet i was home at 3am+.. sigh.. but i reali didnt wan that to happen =\ we (andy,xiang,shirley,andy's bro) were eating at wisma when i look at my watch, it gave me one of the big shock of my life =\ it was 12am! 12 bloody am!!! X( i was damn shock n andy n gang stil can say "relax la.. stil early" basket! my plan was to get home latest by 12.30am and continue on baby's pressie @_@ i left like one chunk not done and i'm kinda worried over it..

had no choice but to take NR at a later time since NR starts at 1am+.. initially, i reali reali wanted to get home quick to chat with baby and to do his pressie.. yet i dunno how and why, we ended up at starbucks =\ from here on, i admit it's my fault for being tempted to stay out late =( i hate to but have to admit that i'm a "night" person..

remember thattime aaron mixed drinks for me and sii.. he created "one sweet day" for me and "one sweet night" for sii.. and he said "u look like a day person.. whereas crystal look like a night person.." but when we drink, i like "one sweet night" and sii like "one sweet day" =\ does that reali means that i AM born a night person?

i noe i reali need to tame e wild and playful side of me now.. =\ i'm far too playful and had lost myself as a tamed 100% perfect gf typed me.. i rely too much on my frens ever since me and kel ended.. =\ i have long forgotten how to be a gd gf =\and now, i met baby.. i'm dying to get back that me =( why?! why of all, when i met baby, someone i truly love.. i cant find myself back? =( sighs

Secondly..
i wanna say sorry to baby over the issue of my dressing.. i know perfectly well that baby lovesssss girls who dress well and doll themselves up.. but i juz feel super super stress over this =\ i dun wish to feel stresswhenever i'm meeting baby.. =\ i dun wish to act somthing/someone that's not me =
a few quotes that touched me when i was goin thru my thinkexist..

“You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”

“The meaning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
-Thomas Merton-

baby said it again.. that he wil accept me for who i am and wont try to change me (my dressing) anymore.. i am truly truly grateful for that.. but i felt the pain in me.. =( why cant i be a perfect gf for the one i love? i dun wish to hear baby say that same thing for the 3rd time =\ cos that wil juz mean that it's something not sincerely form his heart.. i mean.. if someone reali mean it, they wont have to repeat it times and times again yea? i felt like a bird.. being released from a cage initially.. but after i try to flap my wings and fly, i found out that there's a metal chain on my leg.. restricting wherever i go.. and now when baby said it the 2nd time, i hope the metal chain's been cut and i can truly flap my wings and sore to the sky.. anyway thanks again baby.. *hugs*

Thirdly..
baby brought back a lil part of me from the past.. BUT.. it's something erm.. to me, not that gd =\ possessive.. doubts.. i hate to say.. but i doubted baby today =\ his fast reaction when i went over to his lappie scares me =\ causing my damn imagination to run wild at that point of time instantly =\ but i tell myself after i calmed down abit.. "if i cant even trust him, there's absolutely no reason why this r/s shud go on.."

and i noe it's plainly me myself and i thinking too much over unneeded things.. i noe perfectly well that baby love me and i love him.. and of cos.. baby had assurred me enuff that he loves me.. thou at times i stil feel insecure =\ (duhh~ it's onli been like a week or so we got tgt?? -.-) trust.. is a important factor in every single r/s.. thus, i threw my crazy thots and doubts away and emptied the recycle bin in my head and went to shop for baby's pressie stuffs =)

indeed.. my day was al well except for al these sorries i had for baby =( and i dunno y but it seems like these 2days i've not been a gd girl and had made baby unhappy a few times =\ ytd was one of them too as he was sooo tired yet i dragged him out to meet his fren who's gonna book in on x'mas eve =\ i juz felt that it's a must to acc frens liddat ba.. treat it as a pre-x'mas celebration for him? =\ if it was me, i'll do the same ba.. so hopefully baby understand that his gf is a self-sacrificial kinda fren =X

oh well.. gotta continue with baby's pressie.. my eyes are gettin heavy thou @_@ but arghhh have to continue la! rahh~ jiayou jiayou~

i love u so much that i'm willing to change for u..
but i dun wish u to love me for who u wan me to be..
i wish u to love me for who i truly am..
baby.. i love u..