Melody of my Life..

i was sleepin til i woke up from a nitemare.. so i decided to write abit on my bloggy befoe my mind went overload.. anyway this following post might make u tink i AM crazy but trust me.. DONT continue to read if u dun wish to.. i'm being super damn emo after watching sleepless in seattle and tonnes of thots came upon me and i juz feel i needa be like the girl and throw everythin out to feel better.. so here it goes.. remember! there's a red cross up at the right hand side of this page u can click on to avoid emo attacks..

each morning i wake up.. first thing i'll do is to check my phone for his msges.. his face, is the thing i wan to see first thing in the morning.. to hug him tightly in my arms.. to stick myself onto him like onto a bolster.. it never felt gd knowing he's not by my side.. wat is love exactly? wat is this drug that made us go so mad for it? wat is it that made us so addicted to it? i wan to get into his mind to noe wat he's tinking.. i wish to feel wat he feels.. one thing i'm always questioning myself.. is he loving me? or is he loving his girlfriend? yes i am his girlfriend.. but is he literally loving me because he loves me? or because i'm his girlfriend? i wish to noe how deep he loves me.. i wish to noe are we loving each other even sub consciously.. is he loving me because he loves me? or is it because i love him and so he loves me? there's alot of question in my head.. but these juz seems to cant get out of me.. i'm goin crazy everyday wondering wat al these might be.. i'm not doubting him.. but it's juz the insecurities i'm having.. on my part, i felt he love me and be with me because i love him and he wants a girlfriend.. correct me if i'm wrong.. and i'm seriously in love with this guy i'm with.. like wat the show sleepless in seattle state "it's magic" i felt that way.. but does he? did he feel that i'm "the one"? or it's juz another girlfriend of his? i noe i cant expect so much in the beginning of the r/s but somehow somewhat i am insecured too despite him giving up clubbings giving up lotsa things for me.. how can i feel more secure? how can i ease this confusion in me? i'm goin crazy.. i feel we're so far away.. i feel he's hiding from me.. no letting me into his world.. i'm standing at the door but is he willing to open it up for me to get in? i am willing to see, understand and accept watever that's in him.. but if he isnt willing to open up.. how can i? wat am i suppose to do to make him feel warm? wat am i suppose to do to make him feel secure? wat am i suppose to do to make him feel home? i'm goin nuts.. help!

for u, i will..
for me.. wil u?

i did not blog this purposely to pass any msg to anyone but purely juz i reali needed a place to rant.. and al these is purely based on me myself and i who did not talk to my darling over it before.. so it's nobody's fault that i'm being in a confuse state now but myself.. like i said.. u can always choose not to read if u have any comment.. i noe many are not happy with me complaining , ranting on my blog.. but hello~ it's MY blog.. thanks for keeping shut and gd bye.. continue on my beauty slp..