Melody of my Life..

actually am gettin a lil bit emo here =\ not exactly alot but juz a lil bit.. was blog hopping and seriously i tink this is the season of the "emo" =\ many ppl ard me aint feel very gd recently.. ppl like syam, nikz.. felt kinda helpless here.. as a fren.. someone who's rather close to them as well.. yet i can do anythin to make them feel juz alil bit better.. =(

it's something they themselves have to overcome too.. so there's nothing i can do.. i juz wish them al the best in everything.. and of cos keep them in my prayer.. not onli that i feel emo.. i'm emo over alot of stuff actually.. i felt the hidden "distant" between me and someone (one of my best fren) dun wish to name her here thou.. it somehow felt something is inbetween this gap and am quite sad things didnt turn out the way i expected it to be..

separations create distant in the heart as well.. does it? hais.. nikz's post was abit on frens and personal dreams.. i kinda agree the point where he says about the walking around the rock thing.. my dream is there.. and yet i aint doin anythin much about it.. it seems so far away.. and syam's blog about frens and family.. he seeks for "family" i too! but who do i have? i noe there's a few.. but who are the ones that truly truly understands me? sigh..

and was chatting with floyd and was teasing about having bf/gf blahh blahh.. was talking about finding a hlaf that has the same frequency.. like "heaven-heaven" "hell-hell" in mentality and character wise.. but i wonder.. if it's truly possible? wil there ever be someone that understand and tinks like me? where's my heaven or hell.. and who's the one that thinks like me? i dunno.. i juz seems to feel that everythin was a dream.. a dream that i juz woken from.. everythin that i've been thru past few months seem unreal.. and now i'm back to this empty me..

this empty me trying to put up a strong and cheerful character to everyone i meet.. smiling, cracking lotsa lame jokes every thou they might be salt that were rubbed into my wounds.. i juz have to keep smiling.. i seem to dun understand this me.. this me that smile all day yet ended my day with a question mark in my mind when i ask "so wat have u achieve and how do u feel now?" no more dreams in the middle of my slp.. no more dreams and goals i work towards directly..

somehow i'm missing the emo me long ago.. the me that wil get emo at nite, having many thots of life.. i noe being emo aint a gd thing.. but i felt that was the real me.. i am born emo.. i am born the way i am.. why do i try so hard to alter them as i grow? ppl dun like me being emo.. ppl dun like me without the smile on my face.. ppl dun like my bochup attitude.. but tat's me.. why do i have to cater to everyone and bury the real me?

this is the reality i guess.. we always try to fit ourselves into other's life.. we always try to find acceptance.. we seeks for attentions.. we seeks for peers.. but how can our peers truly understand us when we hid the real us? so now's the question.. shud we be who we reali are, wait for ppl to accept and understand us (which might never happen cos ppl always reject bad points) or shud we juz keep on hiding the bad points and cater to fit into other's life? sigh.. cruel world i'm living in..