how's my bloggy skin? keke~ this is the 2nd skin i decided to change last minute -.- because ytd i actually did one with my ugly face on it and i seriously tink it's HELL juz by lookin at it =\ dunno y.. it's kinda a complicated design with alot of layers of pics.. and also it's kinda emo =\ ok i WAS emo few days back.. guess it was the "i-miss-him" sickness =X i noe i noe it's onli been like 2 days since i last saw him.. but u noe.. MISSES~ bleah! XD

anyway this skin is stil 1/2 done -.- i'm gonna remove the pic of the lil baby and put my zi lian pic lalala~ abit se bu de thou cos it's kinda cute la but have to make something more personal so i can stick to it for long lol.. but i tink i love my previous skin alot more hehe~ that one HARD TO MAKE NOE?!?! rahh~ but well.. since it's new yr, it's time for a new skin XD decided to make a simple one and of cos my fave colour PINK! and white wahaha~

nice nice? comments please :D tml or by monday wil get to see my zilian photos up le muehehe and the baby wil be GONE~ say bye to him before it's too late.. now am at baby's place so cannot reali edit anythin *pouts* he's slpin and here i am bloggin -.- gonna fight for the bed with him later wahaha~ but he look kinda cute while slping =X ok sweet talking lala~

anyway my day was spent very simple and nice with baby.. was slacking at home doin my half done bloggy til bout 6pm, meet baby at jurong point.. were suppose to catch "confession of pain" but the seating sucks.. so we went to rent dvd and buy dinner home :D of cos~ i had my cuttlefish bento!!! XD so happy wahaha~ never more satisfying thn a ika (cuttlefish in jap) see the resemblance? ika... iko.. no wonder i'm so in love with it XD

we rent almost al horror shows lol~ feel kinda saddistic now =X we got the following..
1) house of wax
2) amittyville horror (dunno how to spell la)
3) the doll master
4) stay alive
5) love wrecked (the onli romance lol!!!)

we've cleared onli 2 -.- and that's 1 & 2 haha~ baby watched his soccer while i watch house of wax.. damn it's er xin rahh! X( anyway tml's the last day of 2006!! wat's my wishes? ALOT!!!

1) to have more money! XD
2) mummy have a better health.. she's been having trouble for her hand alot recently.. heart pain sia =(
3) to successfully get into yr 2 and may yr 2 be a smooth one and that i wont skip sch too much =X
4) a smooth r/s with baby XD
5) to have more dance projects and another big step into my future of being a dancer :D
6) to successfully jian fei!!!! X(
7) to keep up with al my close frens and get closer!! XD
.
.
.

that's al for now hehe~ sory i very greedy but hack! lala~ oh!! i saw a rainbow today!!!!! XD like FINALLY~~~ it's been ages since i last saw one.. i tink it was like when i was 15 at OBS -.- 4yrs ago!!! gosh~ how time flies ehh.. and yes~ when the midnite clock strikes tml nite, i'm moving towards the firs digit 2 in my age =( ok gotta grow up miss iko.. sians~ oh well young at heart! muehehe~

i tink i'm being super naggy here anyway tml's a nite out for fun! whee~ mosst prob with be at MoS or clinic ba :D with baby and his frens i guess =) *pray is MoS* hehe homeground ehh =X dunno y juz feels gd there.. no where else hehe~ so peeps.. if there's any celebration for whoever's bday or watever festive, UNLESS it's MoS, dun get me anywhere :D if not u're gonna see my sulky face again.. haha~ ok gtg! gd nite!! *mwah*

i was sleepin til i woke up from a nitemare.. so i decided to write abit on my bloggy befoe my mind went overload.. anyway this following post might make u tink i AM crazy but trust me.. DONT continue to read if u dun wish to.. i'm being super damn emo after watching sleepless in seattle and tonnes of thots came upon me and i juz feel i needa be like the girl and throw everythin out to feel better.. so here it goes.. remember! there's a red cross up at the right hand side of this page u can click on to avoid emo attacks..

each morning i wake up.. first thing i'll do is to check my phone for his msges.. his face, is the thing i wan to see first thing in the morning.. to hug him tightly in my arms.. to stick myself onto him like onto a bolster.. it never felt gd knowing he's not by my side.. wat is love exactly? wat is this drug that made us go so mad for it? wat is it that made us so addicted to it? i wan to get into his mind to noe wat he's tinking.. i wish to feel wat he feels.. one thing i'm always questioning myself.. is he loving me? or is he loving his girlfriend? yes i am his girlfriend.. but is he literally loving me because he loves me? or because i'm his girlfriend? i wish to noe how deep he loves me.. i wish to noe are we loving each other even sub consciously.. is he loving me because he loves me? or is it because i love him and so he loves me? there's alot of question in my head.. but these juz seems to cant get out of me.. i'm goin crazy everyday wondering wat al these might be.. i'm not doubting him.. but it's juz the insecurities i'm having.. on my part, i felt he love me and be with me because i love him and he wants a girlfriend.. correct me if i'm wrong.. and i'm seriously in love with this guy i'm with.. like wat the show sleepless in seattle state "it's magic" i felt that way.. but does he? did he feel that i'm "the one"? or it's juz another girlfriend of his? i noe i cant expect so much in the beginning of the r/s but somehow somewhat i am insecured too despite him giving up clubbings giving up lotsa things for me.. how can i feel more secure? how can i ease this confusion in me? i'm goin crazy.. i feel we're so far away.. i feel he's hiding from me.. no letting me into his world.. i'm standing at the door but is he willing to open it up for me to get in? i am willing to see, understand and accept watever that's in him.. but if he isnt willing to open up.. how can i? wat am i suppose to do to make him feel warm? wat am i suppose to do to make him feel secure? wat am i suppose to do to make him feel home? i'm goin nuts.. help!

for u, i will..
for me.. wil u?

i did not blog this purposely to pass any msg to anyone but purely juz i reali needed a place to rant.. and al these is purely based on me myself and i who did not talk to my darling over it before.. so it's nobody's fault that i'm being in a confuse state now but myself.. like i said.. u can always choose not to read if u have any comment.. i noe many are not happy with me complaining , ranting on my blog.. but hello~ it's MY blog.. thanks for keeping shut and gd bye.. continue on my beauty slp..

bahh~ juz feel like typing a few stuff here :D anyway baby went with me to return tix to the WG ppl at attica.. so sweet of him to acc me even thou he's dead tired.. thanks baby.. mwah~ ^^ it was a short meet up but a sweet one.. we went there, return and off to mac for dinner and back home.. simple enuff? but it's al these lil things that counts.. passed him the pressie that i've spent my life this week days working on @_@ hope he likes it thou.. i noe it's girlish but i couldnt have any other ideas on mind =
can see from his face that he's plain tired =( the NS lifestyle is killin him =( awww.. wish this 2 yrs for him pass faster.. he went home, online for less thn 30min and off he go to bed.. that's how tired he is.. sobsob.. tml's a off day for him! XD cos he got his pinky's check up at the doc.. wanted to go with him but he say no nid cos it's early in the morning and after that he'll be home to slp anyway..

sii got me to go to st james tml.. baby dun mind goin either! XD i'm so happy.. whee~ but it stil aint confirm yet cos sii stil finding more ppl to acc her since my baby's goin with me.. muehehe~ that's the price our frens have to pay when we got attached hehe~ sorry babe~ anyway it'll be my last or 2nd last party before i get my ass seriously on fire for sch @_@ wat a dread...... *yawns*

lookin at my GPA i'm gettin worried sick =\ i wont be able to skip a single day of sch for the next 5weeks =( at the UT i have to pass too and minimum a B if not i'm gonna fail like crazy and i seriously dun wanna repeat my pathetic yr 1 anymore!!! i dun wanna study all the not related stuffs to my course again! and math~ i HATE it!!!! X( rahh~ can someone donate me some GPA for good??

sians.. but sch start also gd la.. at least i'll have a more proper lifestyle thn late nites, partying and crazy unhealthy stuffs =\ poof i'm off to bed since baby wans me to slp early :D goodie nite everyone!

i wish time wil bring us closer to one another..
mentally, physically and of cos emotionally..
loving u deeply that i dunno how far am i from he reality..

BLAHHH! @#*&^%$#^&*

i'm goin crazy!!!!! ok i swear i'm mad now.. at this very moment -.- went thru baby's older post and ermm.. hate to say but i saw some stuffs i wish didnt see -.- i noe it's the past but errrr.. i'm someone who feels alot u noe.. rahh! #$%^&* jiuming arr~~~ X( and imagine me seeing the so sweet things and my damn itune was playing the damn song "my little princess"!!!!! stupid itune u definitely noe when to play wat song huh~ ROARS~!! X(

somehow i feel i'm reali very "pei bu qi" him =\ and the moment this thot came to my mind.. something appeared on the next few post i saw..

In love there isn't any comparasion of whether a couple is good enough for each other. If u love someone then that someone is perfect for u isn't it.
nin nao hia~ got so zhun ma?!?!?! when i was reading the stuffs i shudnt or wish i'm not seeing, the inner me felt lower and lower like this..


yes.. like this!!! -.- exactly like there's a devil doin some idiotic stuff to my inner self =(

and thn the sentence from his post came and hopefully i'll feel better.. but as i read on wahhhhh reali bth~ i click on the tiny red box with a X in it and POOF here i am blogging -.- definitely i've known a lil bit more bout baby.. but err.. not a wise way thou when i'm crushing myself down with the things i see -.- so i decided to continue with it tml thou.. at least i wont get emo al over in the day yea? nite time is a dangerous time for me to read such stuffs =
ROARSSSS~

anyway got a this interesting *for me* post from baby's bloggy about stars hehe and find it kinda true for myself.. gonna highlight some impt points for myself XD so here it is la ^^

Water - Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

Sensitive, intuitive and emotional, the water signs are all emotional introverts who live in their own world. Don't be fooled by how popular they are or how many friends they have. Usually aware of the smallest details, water signs see human subtleties and instinctively understand them. They trust their feelings as a source of truth and more than often would use their heart over their heads unlike air or fire signs.

Water sign people are often psychic sponges and need to be self protective in negative siutations because they are easily prone to hurt and emotional stress which can cause a change in their moods. Their feelings are often so intense that it is nearly impossible for them to deal with the day to day frustrations of life. This make them very difficult people to understand.

They are also slow at moving on after a setback as they tend to think and get too carried away with their thinking or unwilling to let go of the past.

Water signs live and die by their feelings and so if they strongly feel something, without question they will know it is true and stick by it. As they are sensitive people, they detest insensitive people who often get on their nerves as they cant see and feel what water signs can.

They have a special gift in being perceptive(very sensitive). But it is also their curse as living day to day in a superficial world when you have such amazing emotional depth is not easy. Thus water signs end up battling their moods with their emotions daily. They are one of the most moody people you can find. <--BOTH HANDS UP!!!

The people who need love more than any are usually water sign people. Highly romantic and passionate, they seek close, intimate connections that reflects their affirm and inner sensitiveness. Most water sign seek a soulmate and would would be the LAST to marry for money. What they want in life is not the bucks but the love and bliss they can find in a true love.

They can have all the millions and success in the world but they will never feel complete without love.

as i was reading his blog sometimes i wonders.. haha~ dun wanna say watever i wonder.. but ya i wonder lotsa stuffs =\ oh well.. cancerian tinks alot dun i XD thanks to my stupid itune now i'm damn emo! *DOINKS* guess wil continue with my pokemon as to calm my emo-ness -.- pikachu! i choose u!!! lalalala~ madness attacks XD another quote from his blog..

Well love is always beautiful in the first place. Its ugly only because we choose to stain it with our wrong-doings.

ok off i go le! before i reali go mad~ rahhh~ goodbyes! anyway here's the pyrics for "my lil princess" it's damn sweet!!!! XD more thn enuff said.. both hands up for sweetness! XD

My little princess - DBSQ (translated)

I suppose this feeling in my heart would be love.
Although I try to hide it, a smile appears on my lips.
It hasn't been even a day but I begin to miss you again.

What should I do? My heart has caught a deep illness.
Now I will not have a lazy appearance anymore.
I want to show you just my good points.

Up there, high in the sky, I want to fly to tell the world that I love you.
Deep in the night sky, girl I will become a star to protect you.
You're my love.
Those words "lets break up", those words "be happy",
Lets never say those to each other..

Like now, please be by my side.
I pray that you understand my lacking heart.
Lean against my manly appearance..
I want to become a man that best suits me.

Please give me approval to go be inside your heart always.
If you are like me, than there won't be any pain, Because now I will protect you. for you.

My little princess everyday I'm going to show you love that
I've hid until now.
For forever, without a changing heart girl
I'm going to love you more than myself. You're my love.

i wonder..
wil he..
am i..
reali?

had a chat with baby over the unhappy issues in our r/s : dressing.. =( but ya am glad he understands and tries to accept me for who i am.. *thanks baby* i felt like i was living in his higher world of standards, brands, materials.. and i was sturggling badly to live.. thn i asked myself.. if i can choose to live.. in this 2 world..

1) a high standard of living with rich asses, branded stuffs, nice cars, expensive daily lifestyles and get envied by almost everyone ard u..

2) a carefree life, with no worries over luxury, plain simple being ourselves and enjoying life as we are living it.. public transports.. simple foods from coffee shops or foodcourts..

which wil i choose?

i chose the 2nd one.. tat's y i say i'm juz a simple girl.. asking for nothing much but juz a happy life.. i dun need luxury.. i need juz the exact amount of cash that i can survive everyday.. even shopping dun have to be a everyday thing for me.. i noe as a girl we love shopping.. we love dolling ourselves up.. but i wont mind giving it up as long as i can be happily living carefreely..

who gave the rules of how a girl shud behave and how a guy shud behave? why cant girls be jumping ard on streets? why cant girls be doing al the "chor lor" things.. i dun mean reali chor lor til CMI but maybe things like hmm.. playing ard, sitting cross legged *when in pants* on the floor instead of a chair? why shud a girl be reali soft and sweet?

ok maybe that's wat a woman shud behave like.. but i'm juz a girl.. and i stil wan to be a girl! for at least 2 - 3 more years before i reali have to leave my sch and get into the bloody society to work =\ why cant i enjoy the last few years of "youngsters" life before i torture myself to death in the working scene =\ grrr.. i hate to grow up! =(

my dad shud have continue let me learn ballet and piano instead of letting me join netball and band la.. maybe i would have been a super sweet and soft girl by now.. not this crazy iko.. no one ard me are reali sweet and soft type.. i do have frens liddat! but definitely not close at all.. ppl say i'm very frenly and open.. i can say that's cos i'm not the soft soft type who'll juz smile shyly and juz a HI.. i'll juz come up and crap as much as i can to befren anyone cos that's my bringup..

anyway had longer chats and things seems to be clearer in anyway now =) wont say much as it's our lil secrets XP juz wish everythin turns out fine.. i noe there'll be more rubbish to overcome in the future.. it wont be easy.. it needs time.. much much more time to overcome it.. it take lotsa efforts.. sweats and tears too.. we need to understand each other's culture and bringing up.. we need to noe how to love each other the way he need and the way i need..

guess i'll stop ranting here before i go crazy and emo all over again.. ok gotta watch my pokemon!! lol =X got season one down yesh!!! XD finally! thn got the 7movies down too! whee~~ cartoons cartoons.. i wish i never have to grow up~

the insecurities..
the inferiority..
the sadness..
may al these be gone.. soon..
loving the imperfect perfectly is a perfect love..

5.18am..

it was kinda a bad day for baby =\ not very gd for me either.. it's baby's first day at CMPB and guess it seriously sucks for him =\ he took cab down for 10bucks++ and ye have to wait for the officer for like about an hour =\ and thn he was told to go to CCK for dunno wat thing la.. tink it was some posting stuffs..

and when on thway there, he got drench as it was raining madly for a whole day *again* he was able to share umbrella with someone but the someone was selfish enuff to juz drench him *fuck u* and thn his officer wasnt there at CCK and he had to wait like an idiot til 5.30 before he can go home *wtf is wrong with them*

worst,his phone got no reception for the entire day *M1 sucks* we couldnt sms and he poorly can do nothing =\ and he rushed home cos he was scared that i'll be lonely *indeed i am* when he came home, he's covered in sweat and rain =(

and when he's home, some misunderstanding happen between us =( but well all things well =) *thank god*

i wasnt in a very perfect mood either =\ stayed at his place last nite and woke up at 1pm++.. went to the toilet and i never step out of the room for the rest of the day =\ *i'm shy la!* cos his bro and sis were at home so inda feel weird as i dunno them yet ma..

so i was hung on the com for the whole day doin nothing but sms, forums and search for gifts ideas online.. and of cos waiting for him to get home.. and when he's home, the misunderstanding happened and POOF my mood's totally gone.. and basically my day rots liddat.. =
i dun blame him thou i dun blame anyone and i noe that we're al humans and have our ups and downs and of cos moodswings yea =) and of cos after he been thru sucha bad day, i dun expect him to put on a wide big smile whole day long..

i could see that he's seriously tired.. so after clearing up the misunderstanding, i juz be quiet and be there for him =) baby send me home as i was super duper hungry *i didnt eat at all* it was sweet of him to bring a jacket for me before we went out as it was a cold weather =
the chills' killing me YUCKS! so we parted at my lift.. with a nice big hug from him.. wanted to get him to join me and sii for dinner but he's tired la and also he got his soccer match *doinks* so i let him off :D wan him to rest more too =)

so i went home, bathe and went out to meet sii for laksa at 925.. aww~ when the smell of the laksa approaches us, we were like "HEAVEN!!!" =X we were both darn hungry! =\ sorry sii.. for waiting for long.. i ate alot =X after laksa, we chilled there for awhile as it was raining ma.. and also met libing and ken.. so i ordered fries =X and i ate alone -.-

had real gd chats with them esp sii.. told her watever's on my mind recently and she definitely can give great advices thanks babe! love u! XD felt like a big load off my mind.. not reali off but at least someone shares them with me =) it's always been liddat and it'll always be XD

thn ken ask "NYE expo?" wah reali is @#$%^&*!!!! X( cos i seriously dunno wat to do la.. everyone's goin for expo.. but me and baby's stil deciding.. hehs! wherever we'll be, i'm juz glad i'm with him =) maybe a day for us both after countdown go expo? lol~ i dunno la! aiya damn it.. it'll be my last party before sch reopen too =( starting sch on wed le hurhur~ wanna die! DIE!!!! X(

anyway am tired le and i promise baby i'll slp early (i noe it's not early stil but at least it's not 6am =X ok i go off le.. missing baby so much! rahh~ may tml be a gd day for him =) and of cos me! i noe it'll be gd cos i'm gonna stuck home to rest myself mentally, physically and not forgettin emotionally =X lol~ been too tired to even tink this holiday.. crazy holiday! gd nite~

i noe it's tough to be a new NS man..
but baby, u can do it!
tink positively and everythin wil be fine..
we'll got thru it tgt ya?
loving u..

ok here am i gonna blog bout x'mas eve til now =D

24th dec 06..
went to meet baby and his classmates at harbourfront.. obviously, we went to vivo.. had dinner there and we celebrated irwan's bday.. it was fun thou~ we had dinner at thai accent and i swear irwan's gonna hate cheesecake for at least a yr =X they were so crazy that they force him to eat up everythin from our leftover cakes! lol! imagine it's a big cheesecake and there's like 10 of us and most of us eats less thn half the cake! lol~

but he's sporting enuff to reali finish most of them~ woohoo~ way to go! XD after that we went to MoS.. i noe baby didnt wan to club initially =\ but i was seriously in the mood for it as al my frens were there =\ and also.. it's X'mas eve! how can i not party before a festive?? and especially when i'm stil young and having my holidays! lol =X cos i tink when i gets a year or 2 older, i'll stop partying as much..

i'll prefer to send a white silent x'mas with my love ones and family ba =) juz a x'mas prayer infront of our dining table, having our grilled turkey and exchangin gifts, with orangey lights and soft x'mas carols at the background =) that's a perfect x'mas day for me man.. haven came true but i'm wishing for it every yr =)

at MoS, we were playing hard like mad lol! al of us were trying to make irwan drunk! lol~ and baby's mean enuff to get a tranny to dance with him! but irwan rejected i guess.. aiyer no fun! X( and i got to noe baby's fren, serene too.. she's cute la lol! keep saying i cute.. thn we're like "u so cute" thn pinching each other's cheeks -.- it was a fun nite out there but doesnt reali feel like x'mas..

sigh.. where's the festive modd for everyone? i was initially excited for it.. but when i heard the counting down at MoS, i was like "uh huh so?" =\ omg~ i need a proper x'mas celebration in the yrs to come before x'mas becomes nothing to me =\ it's my god, jesus christ's birth! rahh~ happy birthday my dear god =)

after that headed to baby's place to slp.. cos it'll be very ma fan for me to go home at that timing and no money arrrrrrrrr~ X( i'm a broke ass this week man =\ left like 0bucks for this week.. pathetic? yesh~ =(

25th dec 06..
it's christmas time! woke up at baby's place, he bathe and we went back home for me to change =) baby met mummy too! lol~ was kinda cute la.. baby's like die also dunw anna go into the room cos i ask him to use lappie while waiting for me to bathe and al ma.. thn mummy's watchin dvd in the room lol! end up mummy ask him go in lol! cant help but wanna laugh at baby's facial expression lol! =X

after everythin's done, we went ot vivo *againnnn* for our er ren shi jie muehehe~ we had dinner at terra.. i swear i wont wanna order a medium steak again =\ kinda too bloody for me *doinks* can someone tell me slightly more cook thn medium is call wat? rare? or medium rare? lol =X i can never remember this -.-

it was kinda a bad day for baby thou =X he had flu all day long -.- keeps sneezing like nobody's business lol =X and also when he ordered honey ham baked rice, the person serve wrongly lol! the person gave us shepherd's pie instead -.- and we wanted strawberry ice cream and they onli have chocolate lol!! bad bad day for baby =
after that we went for movie deathnote 2 at the cineplex.. baby's so sweet! he booked the tix in advance wor.. and i didnt even noe! XD and best of all.. he booked someting i wanna watch and i tink he totally have no interest in watchin cos he fell asleep like within the first 5min of the show *doinks* and thru out the show, i guess he onli watch like 10% of it lol!! silly baby!

but i have to agree that deathnote 2 aint that nice la =\ i guess they try to shorten the storyline til over shorten everythinw as so brief =\ guess i'll stil have to stick to the anime -.- slowly download baaaaa~ roars! X( and the movie ended at 12am -.- no more train *again* so ya here i am at baby's place *again* lol! i noe mummy's gonna chop me into pieces and sells it for money soon! lol~ but i promise no more sleeping on not-my-bed this week ler.. at least pei mummy ba..

or mummy might tinks that baby led me astray =\ i guess yeap that's al for my x'mas busy busy days! =) oh! baby gave me a guess wallet as pressie~ so sweet.. he says my wallet very old le lol! it's cos i didnt take care of it la =X everytime dance anyhow throw =X ok now i wil take care of it XD and baby made a damn cute card with his face on a body of a ermmm.... elf? lol! damn cute! bth!!

and speaking of pressie.. my pressie for baby ISNT DONE YET! ROARSSSS! X( i already rush like mad le but stil it's gonna be late hurhur~ guess i'll stuck home doin it for tonite and tml.. thn pass to baby on thurs or fri when we meet up ba.. =\ sorry baby =( and when i pass the cards to the WG khaki of mine.. lol! they were reading so hard at MoS and it's seriousyl funny! lol~ imagine the dim lights and tiny handwritings lol!!! but am glad they appreciate it la thou it's juz a tiny gift =)

ok everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS! thou it's kinda late.. but haven u heard that there's 12 days of x'mas? =) enjoy the rest of the 10 - 11 more days ba~ wishes all happy always XD -huggies hugs-

had a rather emotive day today =\ but anyway enjoyed the day with baby as we went to vivo to eat and movie =) he's sweet enuff to "plan" w/o telling me lol!! anyway am stil at his place now so i guess for more details, i'll blog in tml :D gd nite

Post of sorries.. =(

had a super packed brain today =\ and seriously, i need and want to say many sorries to my baby =(

Firstly..
sorry for saying i'll be home by 12am+ yet i was home at 3am+.. sigh.. but i reali didnt wan that to happen =\ we (andy,xiang,shirley,andy's bro) were eating at wisma when i look at my watch, it gave me one of the big shock of my life =\ it was 12am! 12 bloody am!!! X( i was damn shock n andy n gang stil can say "relax la.. stil early" basket! my plan was to get home latest by 12.30am and continue on baby's pressie @_@ i left like one chunk not done and i'm kinda worried over it..

had no choice but to take NR at a later time since NR starts at 1am+.. initially, i reali reali wanted to get home quick to chat with baby and to do his pressie.. yet i dunno how and why, we ended up at starbucks =\ from here on, i admit it's my fault for being tempted to stay out late =( i hate to but have to admit that i'm a "night" person..

remember thattime aaron mixed drinks for me and sii.. he created "one sweet day" for me and "one sweet night" for sii.. and he said "u look like a day person.. whereas crystal look like a night person.." but when we drink, i like "one sweet night" and sii like "one sweet day" =\ does that reali means that i AM born a night person?

i noe i reali need to tame e wild and playful side of me now.. =\ i'm far too playful and had lost myself as a tamed 100% perfect gf typed me.. i rely too much on my frens ever since me and kel ended.. =\ i have long forgotten how to be a gd gf =\and now, i met baby.. i'm dying to get back that me =( why?! why of all, when i met baby, someone i truly love.. i cant find myself back? =( sighs

Secondly..
i wanna say sorry to baby over the issue of my dressing.. i know perfectly well that baby lovesssss girls who dress well and doll themselves up.. but i juz feel super super stress over this =\ i dun wish to feel stresswhenever i'm meeting baby.. =\ i dun wish to act somthing/someone that's not me =
a few quotes that touched me when i was goin thru my thinkexist..

“You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”

“The meaning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
-Thomas Merton-

baby said it again.. that he wil accept me for who i am and wont try to change me (my dressing) anymore.. i am truly truly grateful for that.. but i felt the pain in me.. =( why cant i be a perfect gf for the one i love? i dun wish to hear baby say that same thing for the 3rd time =\ cos that wil juz mean that it's something not sincerely form his heart.. i mean.. if someone reali mean it, they wont have to repeat it times and times again yea? i felt like a bird.. being released from a cage initially.. but after i try to flap my wings and fly, i found out that there's a metal chain on my leg.. restricting wherever i go.. and now when baby said it the 2nd time, i hope the metal chain's been cut and i can truly flap my wings and sore to the sky.. anyway thanks again baby.. *hugs*

Thirdly..
baby brought back a lil part of me from the past.. BUT.. it's something erm.. to me, not that gd =\ possessive.. doubts.. i hate to say.. but i doubted baby today =\ his fast reaction when i went over to his lappie scares me =\ causing my damn imagination to run wild at that point of time instantly =\ but i tell myself after i calmed down abit.. "if i cant even trust him, there's absolutely no reason why this r/s shud go on.."

and i noe it's plainly me myself and i thinking too much over unneeded things.. i noe perfectly well that baby love me and i love him.. and of cos.. baby had assurred me enuff that he loves me.. thou at times i stil feel insecure =\ (duhh~ it's onli been like a week or so we got tgt?? -.-) trust.. is a important factor in every single r/s.. thus, i threw my crazy thots and doubts away and emptied the recycle bin in my head and went to shop for baby's pressie stuffs =)

indeed.. my day was al well except for al these sorries i had for baby =( and i dunno y but it seems like these 2days i've not been a gd girl and had made baby unhappy a few times =\ ytd was one of them too as he was sooo tired yet i dragged him out to meet his fren who's gonna book in on x'mas eve =\ i juz felt that it's a must to acc frens liddat ba.. treat it as a pre-x'mas celebration for him? =\ if it was me, i'll do the same ba.. so hopefully baby understand that his gf is a self-sacrificial kinda fren =X

oh well.. gotta continue with baby's pressie.. my eyes are gettin heavy thou @_@ but arghhh have to continue la! rahh~ jiayou jiayou~

i love u so much that i'm willing to change for u..
but i dun wish u to love me for who u wan me to be..
i wish u to love me for who i truly am..
baby.. i love u..

BABY'S OUT!!!! XD

my dearest BOTAK =X wahaha! miss him like mad =\ finally get to hug him real tight =) cook some rubbish fried rice for him =X ok i noe it taste bad.. but seeing him swollowing everything up reali touched me =) had a tired day preparing everything lol! well.. anyone that noes me, noe that i sucked at cookin =\ messed up my kitchen and blur like sotong.. imagine i went downstairs to buy the stuff, i was so excited that i forgot to bring them home lol! so have to go down again and again cos i forgot to buy alot of thing hehehe~ got this 2 new wine for him also.. anyway am at his place now XD wil blog again when i'm home.. so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

muacks

it's juz so fuck up~ ppl can be real fuck when it comes to self.. wat's with everyone performing tgt? wat's with me mixing the song even when i'm so damn sick? wat's with me trying to arrange my work schedule and fit into theirs for the damn countdown? wat's with me now almost quitting my job fo that bloody 100bucks?

argh i'm simply feeling fucked now la~ hacing bloody menses and the cramp is killing me.. missing him like mad is a everyday thing now.. and the moodswing from my menses is crazy.. many shits happen today and i'm feeling damn shitty.. if onli i can seriously shit! @#$%^&*( ate onli a packet of potato chips.. tat's al for a whole day's meal haha~ seriously am in no mood for anything.. not even coming online..

yucks! wa's my life becoming?! damn la~ ok so nvm i guess countdown wil be off for now.. unless i'm dancing with maliq and gang.. but i'll see how first.. cos somehow might be weird la.. ok nvm i'm starting to talk abit of rubbish here.. gd bye

-pissed-
dun wan dance with me say so la!
why be a hypocrite?!

woots my day sucks.. =\ ok i wrote a post on my phone while i was alone at zouk.. since got nothing better to do and also need to let out my anger and frustration so here it is..

It's a fuckin nite out here at zouk.. i swear i'll NEVER come again.. e crowd sucks, the music sucks.. even the ppl i'm with.. hooking girls with the excuse of "we're playing a game" i'm already damn pissed with e crowd yet i have to wait for them to finish their "game of girls" before leaving for MOS.. wtf?! i cant help but wanna curse and swear.. it's a damn fuck up thing to have to wait for more thn 30min for them when they say "we're making our way out NOW" i might as well spend my nite at home with baby's present.. i might as well go back home and have more sleep since i'm lacking them terribly.. i might as well go home and enjoy missing my baby before i die here!

damn the stupid things that are happening rite now.. fuckers! argh! fucking pissed! and seriously sometimes i feel tat i'm being a too nice fren .. why shud i intro everyone tgt when i noe that i'll be out of the picture? never have i expect this.. and yet they say is "someone attach liao forget fren liao lor!" WTF?!?! and why do i have to light a fire for a guy and lost my seat outside zouk?! DAMN! it's a ng mo somemore KAOX! X( i cant fucking imagine i'm out here fuckin myself~ hearing al their watever excuses for being so slow in coming out.. damn! had enuff of clubbing with al the girl hooking guys who always tinks that i'm transparent here.. i feel like i'm sucha idiot~ in the past was with the 7bros who treats me like a guy.. and now i'm treated like a piece of transparency~ goodness! and wat's next? thin air? ha~

-1.17 am-

ya.. how? understand how fuck up my nite is? that's y i'm home earlier.. and i've never "abandon" my frens and came home early when we're out.. this is the first time.. so i guess i was seriously turned off.. partly moodswing ba.. having terrible PMS now and of cos missing baby so much.. =( argh~ miserable time i'm goin thru.. anyway was home at 4 and bathe and continued with baby's pressie til now.. my eyes' getting cocked so i have to stop before my fingers are gone..

cannot say too much arbo baby wil noe wat i'm gettin him haha! =p anyways.. i tink it was ytd nite.. i forgot which nite la =X i had a terrible nitemare that baby dun wan me anymore =( it was at a weird place.. some restaurant i guess.. kinda old sch lol! and i tink i was sms-ing him and his reply is like super bochup =\ thn aiya alot la thn the reason is that he likes another girl =( wahh i very cui sia~ felt like last time when i was with gary and he fell for hui.. gosh~! X( nonono~ ppl usually say dreams are opposite yea?

but of cos the opposite here means no one wil come between us and not i wil be the one fallin for someone else la! CHOY~ i wont man.. i love my baby! XD am gonna prepare some surprise for him on fri nite XD he wont see this til earliest fri nite so can say here wahaha! guess i'll cook for him hehehe~ i noe my cookin sucks.. but errr at least that's something i can make him feel "home" enough after being trap in that all-trees-island tekong ba =
ok my eyes are shutting.. off i go to slp! gotta wake up at about 12pm to buy the stuff needed for the "homely" rice lol! and thn with my nails thn continue with baby's pressie.. omg! talking bout my nails! i miss doin manicure myself man! grrrr! ever since i work at tatsu i cant even keep long nails.. damn la! super super sian.. sigh! but this week i dun care ar.. x'mas week must be pretty pretty XD anyway i dunno wat to wear for baby's family dinner on x'mas.. sighhhh~ clothes again =( it seems like a topic that turns me super off nowadays =((((((

missing u..
day 3..

accept me for who i am?
or the words at the bridge arent fully meant from heart?
-sighs- =(
my x'mas wish.. baby to accept me for who i TRULY am.. =(

the wind is blowing, the sky is raining..
so does my heart as i misses him =(

i'm missing him badly that i'm goin crazyyy~ X( lucky enough that i receive gd news..

"dear i'm coming out on fri nite instead lei.. they say 8plus 9 liddat wil reach pasir ris"

YES YES YESSSSSS!!!!!!!! XD
finally something gd came from the botak at tekong =X hurr.. cant wait for baby to come out.. wanna hug him realllll tight =(

anyway, went to bugis with park and xiang for ajisen =X today's cuttle fish not nice one =( without baby's presence, everything's not nice! ma de! @#$%^&*( -sigh- but oh well.. walk around as park wanna buy phone.. didnt get one in the end -.- but i got something! XD got the thing that i wanna give to baby for x'mas~ whee! head pain no more.. wahaha~ so am super busy with preparing it even now! lol! i'm stil at it but decided to have a break and blog my misses to him and eat abit of food to last me the whole nite XD

after that went to dance at esply le.. errr almost done with learning "passion" left with "moto" and "girls on top" thn POOF we're done XD but wahh that's already alot since we left so lil days =( and hor wahh! today got this ah neh ask us join his "crew" from mediacorp -.- hello! mediacorp need to be so despo to look for dancers at esply meh?! somemore he didnt even see us dance la -.- we're like sitting there, they having dinner me doin baby's pressie.. thn he came and approach us say need gd dancer and gd lookin one -.-

wtf rite?! lol~ cant help but wanna laugh =X of cos i didnt wan la! but the rest wan -.- so i kana pull in~ nabui.. sian like mad.. the choreo from him sucks la! and dancing to ah neh song somemore! kaos! %$#@^& super bth.. i juz walk away, go sms baby and smoke lol~ dun care la.. ma de.. how to learn like within 3days and perform on sat? he say the show gonna air in UK somemore! UK?!?! dun throw our own face better ba.. lol~ stupid la.. i pull out i dun care.. LALALAALALALALA~ XP

and kelvin makes me wanna strangle him when he noe that baby juz went in NS and say this "huh?! why he get a gf when he's goin NS? shouldnt it be a period of break up for couples?" wah! nin nao hia! go NS cannot have gf?!?! wat logic siak! rahh! and some of them say me for tryin to change my dressin thou =\ sigh.. i too wish to be who i truly am infront of him ar.. =( but u noe.. there's time when either side have to compromise.. haiss.. if onli i can truly be who i am to him.. i dun wish for a day whereby i have to wear a mask whenever he's ard =( i feel so relax and happy today that i got to wear like myself out.. =\ the onli thing i'm unhappy now =(

anyway.. am gonna stay up til ard morning ba.. to complete more of baby's pressie.. =) wil slp at bout 5 or 6 i guess.. *baby dun scold me horr.. no time le lol* ok i guess i'm goin back at it now =) connection sucks so no more MSN.. and since i'm busy with baby's pressie, no monopoly for me tonite =X rahh~ anyway hor.. ytd i played using baby's name lol and hor i won!! lalala~ ok i wanna go back at my stuff le whee~ hope he'll love it thou it's nothing big deal =\ gd nite!

missing u
day 2..
3more to go~

MISSES AND ONLY MISSESSSSSSSS......................





=((((((((((

I MISS MY BABY!!! =(

i swear i'm damn missing rite now =( today's a happy yet sad day for me =( 18th dec 06.. my dearest baby was enlisted into the national service today.. the stay over at his place was seriously a good one.. spent quality time tgt and he's real sweet =) the maggie mee taste extra tasty and the nite was a extra cosy one thou the weather's damn cold.. seriously i couldnt slp the whole nite =\ was tinking of alot of stuff.. like how am i gonna survive this pathetic 1 week.. like wil baby be able to come out for x'mas.. alot alot~

i did slp ar.. it was too cosy not to be slping thou =) we both were like fighting thru out the nite la lol!! keep flipping here and there lol! i was afraid he might fall off the bed lol! so was huggin him damn tightly *whenever i'm conscious la* XD another reason i didnt dare to 100% slp is cos i was afraid i cant hear the alarm =\ we have to wake up at 5am.. and we slept at 2am @_@ usually if is me alone at home CONFIRM wont wake up one =X but lucky i manage to wake up ar..

baby very lazy! lol =X i wake him up le, he stil show me a good sign *i thot he sriously wake up liao* BUT NO!!! lol!! he ZzZzz again -.- seeing him so tired, i juz let him slp awhile longer la.. so i woke him at 5.15.. haha! this time i shake til he wake up sia! lol =X thn baby went to do some surfin online and get prepare while i continue my beauty slp =) but couldnt slp la.. was kinda sad =( he's leaving! hurhur~ so i typed a longggggg sms to him in case inside got no reception =D

after that we ate our breakfast *baby prepare for me oh XD* thn had some photo taking time tgt =) must have a few picture of the "before" and "after" ma lol =X i swear i wil compare his photo before and after this week man =X muahaha~ my botak baby! XD ytd was funny.. we were out shopping for stuff for NS and also plain shopping :D got myself 2 tops, 1 from mng and 1 from bossini.. nice la! XD and baby got alot of stuff -.- lol! richass! haha~ oh and of cos we bought SUSHI!!! wheeee~ XD

here's the photos taken at his place =) firstly.. he say he look ugly -.- WHY?! lol~ stil as cute ma.. HOR???



ok i swear my smile were fake =X 5am lei!!!!! @_@

baby's a better cameraman thou -.- i love this pic hehehe~

ok i noe i'm rather random now lol~ too many things in my mind to blog about la.. forgive me :D back to today.. we took cabbie down with baby's daddy and uncle.. and met his granny at pasir ris.. imagine the heavy load of stones in me -.- lol!! but thn lucky ar.. we click! :D i guess when this kinda things ar.. family and gf gets along well easily :D

we reach the shuttle bus pick up point at pasir ris interchange at about 8am ba.. and here's the board -.- upon seeing this i SIAN~ X( anyway company W.. whiskey wolves haha~

and on the bus to the ferry terminal.. damn the bus was shacky rahh~ pic so blurr~ hurrr!

look at his eyebag!!! lol =X awww.. poor baby =( wait.. mine isnt any better -.-

ahhhhhhhhh~ i didnt expect this lol! *shys* see the grin on my face muahaha~

again again! with a nicer smile from me :D

and a kiss from me to my dearest NSman-to-be baby MUACK! *ehh how come he look like a botak in this?!?!*

mwah mwah mwah~! XD cant bear to part with him AT ALL! gosh~~ T_T

ok look at his sian face! lol! i find this damn cute la! XD and his orange juice =\

walking on this long stretch of path to board the ferry feels like "the road to heaven" lol! or rather more like HELL~ hurr~

nice scenary.. bad environment~ so lonely! onli got trees! X(

another ferry of un-partable families and NS men.. *by lookin at this pic i somehow feel i'm on the ferry again! lol! the seasickness.. HOW COME?! i love the sea neh..*

on the ferry XD feels like goin on cruise thou lol!!! =X

ahh~ i hate my smile -.- but i love him XD

*baby:"i'm so happy i have u by my side"*

*me:"it's been a long time since i feel like this.. i dunno y but i love u alot alot.."*

here we come.. baby's new home for this week =( *looks like some resort or chalet to me thou =X*

heavy footsteps towards the parted week for us.. ahahahaha! SIAN lol!! XD

ROARS!!!!! tekong! #$%^&*#@

baby's room! dunno which bed thou.. upon seein this, his reaction is "HUH! no bolster?!" lol!!!!

i dunno whether can take photo ornt but aiya juz take blur of cos =X

waliew! see the canteen! not bad lei~ after touring the campsite, it seems like i dun have to worry that much for baby thou =D but i'm stil worried la~ his conditions.. sigh~~

see that?! koh yong jie floyd! lol! company W platoon 2 section 4 =D

ok here's the happy moment thou.. oath taking.. i'm proud that my baby's gonna be a MAN real soon =) and of cos seeing al the parents worrying for their son truly touched me alot.. for once i wish i dun have a son =X no nid to part with them lol =X ok day dreamin -.- i was sitting on the same row as baby.. BUT different ends! rahh! X(

see him?! the one in "black" it was dark blue la but the lightings..

woots! that's my baby :D

cant reali see thou~ lol!

after that we had lunch tgt *for the last time this week =(* thn walk him to the place to report to thn we part le =( hurr~ i wanna cry!! =( baby juz sms me.. he's very very sian.. his bed was one of the ones that were beside the window and damn the rain is coming in =( wahh! baby baby!!! =( i reali hope he'll be fine there man.. today first day.. confirm very hard for him.. now day 1's over le.. he's having free time now.. hope he slps earlier.. dun wan him to get tired man =\ omgomgomgomg i'm goin nuts~ rahhhhhhhhhh~!!!! X(

counting down to our next meetin man! oh ya.. he'll be able to book out on sat le :D 23rd.. evening i tink.. the commander say evening la.. but baby say noon.. dunno la~ wil confirm again one fri.. thn he'll be posted to new unit on 26th.. hopefully is somewhere gd and near for him =) and of cos hope it'll be 8-5!! thn i can see him moreeeeeee! XD hurr counting down~ 5 or rather 4 more days....

we may be worlds apart.. but definitely we're close at heart..

missing him like crazy is al i can say

him is al i can onli tink of now..

i swear i'm goin crazy..

gd nite baby..

i miss u~

i felt like i have not been living on earth for like a long time even thou i was onli busy this 2 days lol =X i haven been onl,ine, haven been touching my lappie and haven been slping well this 2 days lol! madness of partying.. i shall stop.. or rather cut down =X since holi's not over yet so the party stil goes on but thn muz seriously find the right timing man.. MOS for me ytd was HELL =
imagine me.. in dancefloor.. WITH space.. yet slping lol =X too bored la.. not in the mood to club.. ok anyways.. today finally got some rest and able to be home to see mummy.. YETTTT she tell me not to go home !%$# =( but she kiddin one la.. haha~ juz tat she nv see her bf for long also le ma.. haha~ so ermm.. private time u noe? haha =X

hmm went to bugis with baby before i went to work.. terribly need to see him nah~ lol =X and muahaha~ had ajisen AGAIN! XD okok at least the craving's tamed :D so hapy siak~ cuttlefishy!!! XDXDXD okok i wil cut down on that.. MUST jianfei!!! rahh~ i've been complaining i'm fat yet am not doin anythin bout it~ IKO IKOOOOO~~ *slaps*

had a happy day with baby thou errr.. at one point he was quite "turn off" by wat i also dunno =\ juz hope it was a normal moodswing nia.. cos i seriously dun wish there's anythin more wrong =\ we're both trying hard to match one another.. and i noe it takes time.. i was fed up with myself at times.. =\ but i noe i'll take time too..

so lets hope there'll be enuff time for us to reach where we both meets =) i'm rather emo today.. err not the sad sad kinda emo but mixed feelings ar.. miss mummy alot.. never see her like a week le =\ and miss my lappie =X miss my bed =X and of cos miss baby la XD oh and this is affecting me alot recently =\ i had this scary dream =\ on the day we got tgt.. i definitely hop it's not a bad sign or wat =
it was a scene where i see myself jumping on many pieces of glass.. i dunno is by accident or wat =\ *i might be psycho in my dreams* thn got 1 pieces pierce thru my sole.. so i sat down and try to pluck/squeeze it out.. and it wasnt a tiny piece =\ was about hmm.. the size of a green bean or slightly bigger.. thn when i was pushing it out, suddenly the surrounding of the wound size about a 50cent coin, sunk in =\ like as if my meat dissolved within sia!

thn worst is after it sunk in, there's another piece! =\=\=\ it's like alot of pieces got into my skin but i onli see 1.. but after it sunk, i see them.. my god! it's damn gross~ and my reaction after my meat sunk in was i went mad =\ as in i relai scream and shout and freak out =\ when ever have i freak out in my entire life? other thn seeing jabs, seeing insects on me.. even these i wont freak out like screming ard la -.- the dreams' damn scary.. i seriously woke up SHOCKED~ =
damn.. god ar god.. dun scare me liddat nei.. ok? my heart weak lol =X anyway i'm missing my baby badly le =( tml's his "last day" before NS.. HURRRR~ last time i keep wanting a bf in NS so i can feel the desperation to see each other every weekend.. now i dun wan le la!! very tong ku siak~ hurhur~ =( anyway tml's gonna spend my nite there =) can spend a nite with baby before he go in.. go there stay over, thn morning send him in le =( thn i come home koons and work at evening..

gosh.. work's getting tiring =\ i MIGHT quit when yr 2 starts.. dunno.. not sure yet.. sigh.. aiya! sigh dabian la! $%^&* gonna slp soon~ tml meeting baby and acc him for shops :D:D *me too not onli him wahaha* i'm gonna be labelled shopping queen by fen soon lol! =X anyway juz a note.. i'm happily attach.. dun try to do anythin funny to this r/s or i kill!! lol! not specifically referring to anyone but some stuff i hear today during work was quite a turn off =\ so BLEAH~ i'm taken :D

anyway here's the sweet photos that day XD firstly is baby and the "circle that never breaks" =)



thn is the ugly me -.- U-G-L-Y

AHHHHHH~ why i so fat?! X( and why baby looked like kana force to smile!? ok anyway we ARE standing in the circle lol juz that cant see XD

heh heh~ i look thin here! XD and baby look nice too whee~

aiyer i wish i more thin lol =X okok enuff of nonsense tml's gonna get busy~ woohoo~ goode nite! XD

how do i live without u? i wan to noe..

how do i breathe without u? if u ever go..

how do i ever.. ever survive?

how do i.. oh how do i live?

i love u

*the song tian tian ye ye by FIR hit me =\*

i can never expect this thing to happen to me.. things werent as gd before i went for work thus had a terrible day at work thou =\ writen a LONG blog on my mobile and wil post it tml since i'm damn tired now =X and even during the club, i was telling myself.. "argh damn the happenings that's goin la.. juz be happy today be it tml's gonna be a sad day or watever dabian la" so i juz simply enjoyed myself..

dance and drink.. that's al.. =\ and yea some thiongs are not meant for the public's eyes =X anyway.. after club, we went to the lover's bridge and guess wat? i was running thru my smses for today and happen to see one that jie send.. it's about "dun draw a heart cos it breaks.. draw a circle instead cos it never ends" i showed it to baby and wahhhhh~ he damn sweet.. he went to collect leaves and form a circle on the bridge!!!

damn i was so touch that i teared =X but of cos the tear didnt come out of my eyes la :D thn we sat at the side chatted awhile.. and he said some stuffs that made me wanna cry the whole freakin nite =X cos he said "i thot about it and if i were to accept u fully for who u r, i have to accept everythin including dressin as well" *cos we were different in our dressing sense thou* and seriously that was one sentence that i'll remember even if i were to get super drunk and not even recognise myself =X

ok i'm frigging drunk now and i'm gonna blog the rest tml :D juz noe that i'm a happy girl now and always as long as he's there XD ok tired.. drunk.. fainted.. coma.. lol~ gd nite!!

151206

first date.. XD

i swear i hadnt felt this nervous after a longgggggg time =\ my heart almost stop! lol =X we watch the last kiss.. NICE LA!!! XD those who love romance stuff die must watch! the lessons inside is power! i see til i wan cry *ok i cried* -.- but it's damn nice! touching too.. the most impt thing i learn is "a gf needs to noe how to be a wife at times and a wife needs to noe how to be a gf at times" same for guys..

why do i say this? to me la.. a wife is someone who take care of the family, a woman who listens to the husband.. one who plays the role of a mother and a "comfort" place to the kids and man when they're down.. a wife is responsible, not playful and gives gd advices.. a gf, is playful, cheers ppl up.. naughty at times *u noe wat i mean*.. and another lesson is that never never try to change ur mate's life..

never try to stop them from meeting frens.. be understanding and of cos be there for them.. when one gets over protective, the other side wil tend to tink "i have to lie cos if he/she noe they wil XXX.." get it? i always believe in truth in a r/s.. a lie and that's a fullstop to the r/s.. another lesson is loving the imperfect.. i dunno why but i feel alot in the show =X it's reali like soooooooo true.. i'm not a perfect girl.. i not even close to perfect =
but somehow, like wat leonard (sii's bf) teaches her "it's about loving the imperfect perfectly.." very true i gotta agree on this.. who the F is perfect? no one! absolutely no one~ but are u gonna compare and compare and keep changing bf/gf each time u found a "better" one? how long wil it go? how far wil it go? sometimes separation is a way to improve the r/s.. there's this old couple being sick and tired of the r/s they're in and the old woman "throw tantrum" and left the house..

she felt miserable.. and soon, sh ewent home.. happily ever after.. this reminds me of stan and chailing.. haha~ remember when we were sec5 stan told me about the feelin somehow faded =\ due to extreme closeness.. thus they took a "break" from each other, no contact, no meet ups.. for a week.. it's terrible that week.. but after that it's seriously a rainbow after the storm =D so this is another lesson learn =)

ok anyway am very happy la XD not gonna say too much hehe~ thn went arcade.. and we were so bored, we went to J8 *sucks* =\ thn northpoint *quite sucks* lol! but i meet sii after that so he left.. and me and sii chatted til like 11pm.. =) such nice feeling to chat over the past =) thou it's sad to noe it's the past but well.. they stil mean alot to me.. =) missing the x'mas feast~ XD missing everythin back thn.. thou i was single, thou i wasnt a gd dancer, thou i dun even have sch.. felt like a useless dump back thn.. but i have them.. who's always there when i'm down.. who's there to share my joy and pain.. oh well.. things change yea? =\ juz have to accept it..

anyway am gonna slp now le.. tired @_@ msn cant even let me online properly! @#$%^& sian! argh~ i go slp le~ gd nite everyone =)

u made my heart miss a beat..
u made my mind so full i cant tink..
u brought back the frozen heart..
and it feels gd to be in ur arms..

i'm thankful for everythin..

mixed emotions =X i'm happy yet stress.. tml's a special day.. it's a last min decide one anyway.. i tink i'm goin mad =X dunno y but siew say i keep smiling like a mad girl today =X and i suddenly talk to customer alot lol!! siao liao~ the smses, the cares.. it's been awhile since i felt like this.. it's weird but magical.. the wall within me is startin to break down? am i even suppose to let it break down? =
anyway i read some stuff i dun feel real gd about.. the guilt came straight up to me.. why?! dun i even have the slightest right to feel for others? dun i eve have the right to look for my true one? why muz things be this way? why hold on so tightly and get hurt? i feel like a devil now.. i did nothing wrong but stil i felt bad.. very bad.. =
recently am so damn busy that i hardly can even breathe.. yet some ppl are stil msging me stuffs that are out of my range of helps.. my sms overshoots like mad yet i'm stil heavily wasting them.. i tink next month my pay, half is directly goin to my bills.. sians.. and in the midst of this messed up lifestyle with the messed up schedule, now i got chingay! now i got so many stuffs left undone.. how am i suppose to care so much bout others?

it's not i dun wanna be there for them but thn again... choose the rite time PLEASE~ and when watever i say doesnt go in.. how am i to help?! grr.. i juz wish ppl ard them can cheer them on ba.. i cant be the one doin al these always.. i have a life of my own too.. and i've say before we live for ourselves.. this world is selfish not selfless.. dun expect everyone to be there for u when u'r in deep shit.. dun expect everyone to be so kind to lend u a helping hand when u fall.. u shud be grateful that they dun trample al over u.. u cant expect when u die on the bed, everyone to be there to listen to how sad u are rite? we come to this world alone, we leave here alone.. there's no forever companions..

in the heart, there is.. "i'll always remember u" blah blah blah~ but reality is that there isnt.. get a life and move on with life! everyone got a future ahead.. say it in a crude way.. "dun drag anyone backwards" get it? this is not for onli 1 person.. is for those whom i seriously tink needs to get a hold on themselve and depend on themselve.. i wont be here forever.. i might even turn into a bitch and walk out of everyone.. who knows? grow up pls.. i'm tired too~

the reason we broke is we cant find happiness in one another
since i found mine now.. why are u pulling me back?
why are u "complaining" on ur blog and nick?
i have to move on and let go so i can find happiness..
since u wan me to go.. thn truly let go..

make me sound like a bitch for all i care..

wahh chingay practises schedule is out OMG~ i dunno wanna smile or cry =\ this is the schedule..

8th jan monday 5.30pm - 9pm.............. practise with blast and MPs
15th jan monday 5.30pm - 9pm............. practise with blast and MPs
22nd jan monday 5.30pm - 9pm............ practise with blast and MPs
29th jan monday 5.30pm - 9pm............ preview at 7.30pm by chingay production committee
9th feb friday 5.30pm - 9pm.................. combine practise with float
10th feb saturday 4.30pm - 10.30pm.... full dress rehearsal at performing area
23rd feb friday 5pm - 11.30pm............... chingay first show
24th feb saturday 4.30pm - 11pm.......... chingay 2nd show

biantai enuff? =\ my days after sch is totally no more rest liao.. =( i dunno wanna say it's alot of practices or very lil =\ alot cos it's like al the way til feb.. lil cos hor.. got 2 or 3 stupid choreo to learn and we have to be everythin done by 29th jan which is the preview.. which means we onli got 3 practices to get everything! MAD! somemore got 300dancers and the MPs.. how to get it done?! OMG~ i see the schedule ytd i wan faint lol!! nvm la.. watever~ dance is my life anyway muehehe~ never tink it's enough XD

anyway... here's something..



wahaha! see the "LUSH" part? =X i noe i very haolian but LALALA~ we deserve the glory hor! overnite practices for 2 mad nites my tears! my sweat! my poor injuries! but all worthwhile man! i love it! XD

it's been ages since my heart miss a beat..
it's been ages since i truly smile..
it's been ages since i can feel with my heart..
i wish i'm not dreaming..
i wish it's true..
all i wish for x'mas...




is happiness..
true happiness..
u

i'm a happy girl! XD
lookin forward to x'mas

a fruity date..

alrite alot to blog about ytd lol! so ya here i am starting to nag on my bloggy again =D

firstly - Step it up 2

it was a big success! serious man.. everything was so dope! the sound system, the DJ, the bboys, the MC (tosh) the judges, the audience.. basically everythin la! lol!! FTC won and follow by fuyo.. well guess it was a tight fight as usual lol!! if i were the judge, i'll uz keep shut and wait for other 2 judges to judge =X

every crew was dope ytd.. EG.. woo! their tag POWER! and kel inprove alot! his footworks ar wahh! XD thn yea dian was damn zaii! her attitude wahh!! see le can faint! XD the boogie family is dope as wel man! the boogie queenz.. wahh! zaii shit! jasmine and eve improve like one big chunk la! madness!! and netty was seriously cute and seriously clean sia! hey're my idol! lol!!

talking bout idol.. GIN WAS THERE!!!!! XD XD XD omg! i was like "EHHH!!!!!! i saw my idol!!" lol =X and she said hi! wahhh *faint* ok enuff of nonsense.. but serious ar was damn happy lol =X xuehui was there too =) but abit shy so didnt say hi lol =X i got my new converse!!!! lol!! it's black with the pink and purple inside! can fold down or wear as normal that kind! woohoo~ damn happy! got a pink shoelace and new pair of socks as well.. free one cos got voucher XD

nice to wear sia! but stupid jon step on it ytd!!! rahh! *idiots* ok after SIU, we went to MoS.. dun talk about the rest they simply bastard me.. grr! went to MoS, was with yaofeng initially but after go in al seperate lol =X i went to find sii.. but after awhile she dunno fly where.. ok the crowd was MAD.. seriously.. initially i was so damn turn off and bored ar til i wanna die!! =
thn i was all alone with definition and the oschoolers.. but am stil alone.. -.- thn til like super late liao.. jon came -.- we went dance floor for less thn 5min thn secided to go vip room cos super hot!! =\ and damn! it was definitely a gd idea!!! there was so damn happening til can die lor! lol =X free drinks everywhere.. party like mad! and best of all.. all the WG ppl are there! XD dope shit la!

the ppl are nice and frenly.. (thou some are super i dun wanna say =x) but it's stil very very nice! XD dance like mad.. and the best part of the whole nite is after we left vip room, we went to dance floor at 4.30.. wahhh WE open circle -.- WE WE WE!!! ME!! lol wat have i done?!?! seriously was mad!!! krump like siao.. thn was dancing with this 2 NRA girl.. they're HOTTTT!!!! wahh today met alot of ou xiang lol!!

thn til 5.30 MoS close le we went to PS mac eat le lo~ haha! all eating breakfast.. i gei kiang dun wan eat.. reach home hungry like mad -.- cook maggie and went to slp at 10am @_@ shagggg~ oh ya.. saw ***** hehe~ alrite stil cute =D ok i'm falling XD off i go!


the moment i saw u, i hid..
i turn as quickly as i can cos i was shy..
but the warm smile u gave me was very inviting..
thou we onli spoke 3sentences but still..
i'm happy.. =)
pls dun be so sad anymore.. there's someone who cares here..
juz tat u wont noe..

tummy reaction.. giddiness.. dry eyes.. blue-blacks.. cuts.. pms.. omg~ can u imagine wat a day i had?! =\ yes all these shits happen at one go today -.- when working, wahh busy til can go die tat kind! and is reali suddenly busy one.. and the worst thing is.. our sushi bar so nice, so cosy with nice nice aircon.. they dun wan sit.. all sit outside.. and ma de suay enuff today ang weixian nv come.. so me, pohsiew and a new girl call mabel do outside *faint*

lucky no yaya customer.. arbo i sure @!#$%^&* them ar! X( but got ar.. got a table wahlao ehh! got this 2 uncle very de kns! i serve ma.. thn one of them say "wah u japanese?" i say "no" thn he say "wah wasted.. if u japanese i confirm bring u out tonite" WTFWTFWTF?! tink i hookers ar?! kao i hear liao i say "excuse me i tink u have to respect others before u can gain any respects" thn i walk away.. nin nao hia! tink liao also dulan..

but other thn that, other customers al very very nice ppl.. all wil say thank you and stuff.. thn suay enuff i cut my hand while opening beer.. kaos.. sian 1/2 sia! i jit tao no mood i anyhow liao.. lol =X thn worst is when i wash the soy sause wahh! i wan to die sia! so pain la! =( thn stupid jie bully me somemore.. nabui! he put ice in my shirt lei! kaos! somemore stil got customer.. lucky those big shot ass not there arbo i confirm kana scolding =(

damn sian.. a tiring day i had la.. after work meet zhenwei kelvin and jc slack.. we went to cine LJS makan thn slack thn at bout 3am al go home le.. i damn tired la! keep yawning.. wah and hor! i seriously wanna complain sia! my kitchen that toilet today renovate ma thn hor! early in the morning 9am! they "BIANG BIANG BONG BONG" i wan faint la!imagine can wake me up when i'm so damn tired!

i bek cek til i wake up take ipod BLAST lol =X i first time slp stil can blast song one sia -.- but serious ar they choose wrong timing to come BIANG my toilet liao.. damn pissed.. ok other thn al the bad stuff i had today, everythin else was normal la.. at least i survived it lol! ok guess i go koon liao.. tml got SIU and milkshake! WOOHOO~~ shiok! oh ya.. wanna say sorry to jc ar lol =X he might not read but thn i play too roughly juz now lol =X more details, ask me or him ba lol =X goodie nite!

i dun have the least self confidence in me..
i dunno wat i'm feeling rite now
but somehow somewhat i feel...

for u

actually am gettin a lil bit emo here =\ not exactly alot but juz a lil bit.. was blog hopping and seriously i tink this is the season of the "emo" =\ many ppl ard me aint feel very gd recently.. ppl like syam, nikz.. felt kinda helpless here.. as a fren.. someone who's rather close to them as well.. yet i can do anythin to make them feel juz alil bit better.. =(

it's something they themselves have to overcome too.. so there's nothing i can do.. i juz wish them al the best in everything.. and of cos keep them in my prayer.. not onli that i feel emo.. i'm emo over alot of stuff actually.. i felt the hidden "distant" between me and someone (one of my best fren) dun wish to name her here thou.. it somehow felt something is inbetween this gap and am quite sad things didnt turn out the way i expected it to be..

separations create distant in the heart as well.. does it? hais.. nikz's post was abit on frens and personal dreams.. i kinda agree the point where he says about the walking around the rock thing.. my dream is there.. and yet i aint doin anythin much about it.. it seems so far away.. and syam's blog about frens and family.. he seeks for "family" i too! but who do i have? i noe there's a few.. but who are the ones that truly truly understands me? sigh..

and was chatting with floyd and was teasing about having bf/gf blahh blahh.. was talking about finding a hlaf that has the same frequency.. like "heaven-heaven" "hell-hell" in mentality and character wise.. but i wonder.. if it's truly possible? wil there ever be someone that understand and tinks like me? where's my heaven or hell.. and who's the one that thinks like me? i dunno.. i juz seems to feel that everythin was a dream.. a dream that i juz woken from.. everythin that i've been thru past few months seem unreal.. and now i'm back to this empty me..

this empty me trying to put up a strong and cheerful character to everyone i meet.. smiling, cracking lotsa lame jokes every thou they might be salt that were rubbed into my wounds.. i juz have to keep smiling.. i seem to dun understand this me.. this me that smile all day yet ended my day with a question mark in my mind when i ask "so wat have u achieve and how do u feel now?" no more dreams in the middle of my slp.. no more dreams and goals i work towards directly..

somehow i'm missing the emo me long ago.. the me that wil get emo at nite, having many thots of life.. i noe being emo aint a gd thing.. but i felt that was the real me.. i am born emo.. i am born the way i am.. why do i try so hard to alter them as i grow? ppl dun like me being emo.. ppl dun like me without the smile on my face.. ppl dun like my bochup attitude.. but tat's me.. why do i have to cater to everyone and bury the real me?

this is the reality i guess.. we always try to fit ourselves into other's life.. we always try to find acceptance.. we seeks for attentions.. we seeks for peers.. but how can our peers truly understand us when we hid the real us? so now's the question.. shud we be who we reali are, wait for ppl to accept and understand us (which might never happen cos ppl always reject bad points) or shud we juz keep on hiding the bad points and cater to fit into other's life? sigh.. cruel world i'm living in..

emi say i neh update -.- so here i am =D err seriously i dunno wat to blog lol =X hmm.. was reading up n floyd aka mango's blog.. wah seriously i'm gonna be a big fan of his blog lol =X his post are so BIANG! very meaningful and his english very powDerful lei =\ as in reali gd la.. haha~ my english cui -.-

if there's a chance, go read his blog k.. i dunno if i'm suppose to post his link here but it aint very nice if i do that huh.. so try find urself ba =D very nice entries he got..

anyway am very excited for milkshake this sat dunno y also lol =X juz another day to club but i'm so excited over it -.- ok dunno wat to say le..

emi.. enuff le ma? lol =X al the best for tml's perf!!! gogogo~ lush's the best! XD

bad day.. bad bad day =\ the indian uncle who didnt have a home and loiter ard my house area, passed away =\ hais.. so sad sia.. and i heard that he died while drinking beer and sitting on a chair.. omg =\ like so =\ hais.. sad la.. i reali tink we shud treat everyone in our life well.. even thou me and him didnt have any link, neither do i talk with him b4.. juz a smile once in a while.. but stil i somehow feels sad.. =(

life.. is juz taken away liddat.. but i hope he finds peace liddat ba.. since he's all alone, no home.. =( may heaven be a home for him now and always.. and i saw the news.. a car bang into dunno where and 1 person died.. =\ why sia.. today so suay? =\ and i saw the news about afganistan, the poor kids there.. omg la! =(((

hais.. and with al these emotions, work sucks.. =\ today, onli got me, josephine, jasmine and weixian.. me and weixian keep kana scolding.. tmd suay like dabian.. >=( lil lil thing also wan scold.. siao one.. and i hate it when josephine and jasmine say "u see for urself wat went wrong la" like so cb la! @%^& yaya simi dabian?! i stil new rite.. thn they al teach also so chap ba lang.. how i learn sia.. everyone teach differently.. knn! tink liao also dulan..

and that jasmine.. wahh jittao tink liao also dulan.. as a fren i dunno la.. but as a colleague i feel like chopping her up and mince her meat poor all her blood into the sea ar! argh! dulan.. so wat if she senior?! cannot talk nicely ar! cb.. already dun reali like her since sec sch.. nabui suay da dabian now stil meet her.. kns! argh! forget it.. i HATE her lalalalala~

before work, went out with jie.. =) hmm ok la.. abit weird initially cos somehow errr.. he likes me ma =X hais.. i dun wan la! =( cant we be normal frens? those that play ard like mad? =( why muz he like me? somemore he very gorgor to me lei =\ as in.. maybe cos he likes me that's y treat me so gd.. but thn i feel more of a gorgor-ish thingy.. haiyo.. jiuming ar!! thn juz now he even ask "wil u let me take care of u?" walan i jittao "?!?!?!?!" =\ i reply "ahahaha~ as a fren u MUST take care of me ma XD" =X i dunno how to react le la =(

hais.. i dun wish to hurt him.. i dun wish to lead him on.. but how?! omg! i even told him "dun have any hopes on me la.. cos i reali wanna enjoy life as it is now.. love is nothing more me cos i cant understand it" he reply "i'll wait" nabeis -.- jiuming arrrrrrrr.. but he is a nice guy la.. but thn buay sai la.. wrong timing =\ hais.. and this guy ask me "u intend to look for bf now?" i reply a straight NO hahaha~ =X how to get into a r/s when u cant even understand urself? haha.. aiya damn this thing call love la.. !%@^& #