Melody of my Life..

taken granted once again.. ha.. how nice.. not once not twice.. but umpteen times.. why is it that always when i'm helping someone, when the person needs help.. thn they'll come "iko.. can help me..." but when i'm not needed, not even a sms nor call.. let alone msn.. are humans reali so selfish? self centered? where's all the true frenship? they're onli seen truly when one met with danger isnt it? when al my frens met with danger, i'm always there.. when they needed help.. i'm always there.. but when i met with danger.. who's there for me?

isnt frenship a two way thing? but why am i facing it alone now? i am no dogs trying to tag along it's owner.. i am no charity machines to help u with ur chores.. i am a human.. with flesh and blood and feelings.. i need frens too.. not onli anyone of u out there.. i need true frens.. ppl who understand me and protects me as a true frens.. not those with fake lips fake words.. fake smile and fake intentions.. why do i feel lonely? why do i feel frenless? parts and parcel of life? i guess..

seeing people giving up on themselves yet i cant do anything is the worst.. the end of the world is when i myself dunno how to communicate the message to them.. i'm bad at words.. i noe.. and i'm bad at controlling my temper.. especially with ppl who dunno how to control theirs.. am i sure i wanna be a instructor one day? pastor cecil says God's plan for me has something to do with the children ministry.. can i do that? am i fit for it? i doubt so.. i cant even help ppl ard me.. how am i to be able to help ppl whom i'm not related to?

i've always felt taken granted when helping these guys.. i noe this day wil come.. either they give up on themselves or me giving up due to miscommunication.. i knew it and i expected it.. but why am i so foolish to continue throwing myself deeper? continue helping them? why am i always so stupid? and why the fuck is this enthusiasm in me in helping ppl? what's so gd about helping others? what benefit do i get? nothing.. even the frenship is fake.. do they befriend me because of my network of frens? because of my ability to bring them intot he scene? thn.. wat's the point of me being a fren that helps?

seeing them being so slack worries me alot.. because i "manages" them.. but wat can i do? it's their life.. they decides.. i shouldnt even have ask them to join watever comps.. i shouldnt even have helped in the first place.. quarrelling with my bf so many times over them? what's the point? what's the point of me getting sad and emo over this when they themselves are hack caring? and even someone being so childish? hais.. it's ok.. treat it as a burden down.. one climbs higher after a fall yea? ppl who took me granted.. wil have their time one day too..

getting damn emotional recently..
wat's wrong with me?
hais..