Melody of my Life..

i happened to juz read his blog and saw alot of things i tink i shudnt see.. ya i noe it's the past already i shudnt tink so much anymore.. but thn again.. he's juz making me feel so "tied" cant i go club? and i go club not when he's free.. i did not neglect him, throw him aside and go club ok.. i went club when he's busy.. no time for me.. dun i need my entertainment as well? dun i need frens?

if he tinks my world shud be 100% onli him.. i'm sorry i cant do that.. neither do i wan his world to be 100% onli me! come on la.. this is reality.. we need frens.. we need peers.. i too am human and am afraid of loneliness.. but it seems he cant see this! he always say he understand.. sound nice.. be nice..

but i cant stand goin to clubs having to worry "wat if he not happy" i cannot stand it! damn it.. it's not as if i go club and hook up guys or go ard fucking guys up.. i too dun get myself so drunk that i cant even recognise myself.. i go club to dance.. listen music.. relax.. hang ard with frens.. wat's wrong with that?!

and wat's so fucking wrong with him?! why cant i stay and watch felix battle? why cant i watch bboys battle? fyi i've been watching them way before i noe u ok!

"i wan a gf. so that i can shower my love and all on.
i no wanna be a father yet, to nag and scold and also at the same time shower my love on."

i dun wan anyone to nag me.. not even my mum nag me.. who else got the rights to nag at me? this is my life.. my choice of living.. no one controls it except me.. especially when u're my bf.. being my bf for like 3months.. u stil dun understand me?! having a r/s that lasted 5yrs or so, u cant understand how human change? u cant noe how to deal with situations?

i cant believe it.. i cant believe the guy i'm with now nags me like fuck.. why has he change so much? he wasnt liddat before.. i swear! some says "maybe he too stress with his work that's y start to be possesive over u and start to control u without knowing himself" WTF?! thn wat can i do?! let him control my life thru?! i dun wan! i dun wanna be controlled.. i wan, need and crave for freedom..

i thot this r/s wil be a free one.. one that trust is absolute.. one that is matured.. or at least a guy that understands wat i've been goin thru and will go thru cos he had been thru.. am i wrong? is this r/s reali not wat i expected? possesive.. something i used to be as well.. but i HATE it.. i dun wanna be a bird that's caught up in a cage..

"u say u know ur own limits. but do u know when is the limit to losing me?"

thn do u noe when is the limit to losing ME?! i dun control u.. i let u have ultimate freedom.. i give u space.. i even force myself to adapt to ur "no-time-to-meet-so-often" kinda r/s.. what else more u wan? so u expect me to be at home or school whenever u're not with me? i cant go out? i cant club? when u got no time to entertain me, leave it to my frens! dun make me suffer being alone at home.. caught in that bloody cold room of mine..

i need freedom.. i need frens.. dun try to caged me up juz because u're sress at work.. dun try to control my life or my mind for i am leading my life.. like u've said i'm a frenly person.. yes.. i am.. tat's y i need more frens and hang out with.. i hate and am afraid of loneliness.. so pls give me the freedom and space i deserve..

i'm starting to forget the meaning of the rainbow on our msn nick.. it was meant to be a promise from u to me to make me happy no matter wat.. but i can say.. i'm not happy when u're naggin and controlling me liddat.. i'm not happy when u're like 75% negative in life.. i'm not happy when u always say "it's fuck up.." i'm not happy when u get al stressed up and get over possesive over me.. if u tink this is making me happy, u're wrong.. pls tink in my shoe..

it's not as if i'm perfectly fine if i lose u.. it's not as if i dun wan u anymore.. but it's juz i dun wish to be controlled.. i wish for a free life.. i wish for a 100% understanding bf.. i wish for absolute trust.. but why are things changing it's path now? not onli i'm disturbed by it.. i'm sad.. disappointed.. tired..

losing grip..