Melody of my Life..

like i explained to him i NEVER do anything wrong to him when we were tgt! argh fuck it! i say "i did u wrong when we were tgt" is cos i had feelings for another guy.. why cant he seem to understand? keep tinking i slept with others?! wtf sia~ but watever it is.. i'm moving on too.. it never feel good seeing him with al the different girl each time we met.. but who cares! i wil move on.. for those who cared.. thanks alot.. i felt like a living zombie recently.. but i wil pick myself up once again and be the bubbly iko u al noe (: al he said sounds so beautiful of him and ugly of me.. ever wonder why i cry? ever wonder why i was so scared of him?

when were inside colour zone.. he suddenly grip me and ask for another chance.. i kept mum.. the words are screwing my mind.. and i was already half way gone. but he keep repeating and repeating.. i was seriously fed up.. i said no.. cos i wanna be frens and noe each other al over again.. i stood firm this time round.. cos i wan r/s to last.. not to rush anything and get out of it.. but he cant seem to understand! i was at my limit.. i told him i did him wrong.. but wat i meant was i had feelings for someone else.. NOT SEX! grrr~ am i such a lose person?! fuck!

thn al i remember was he pulled me out of colourzone as they were closing.. thn al i hear was "give me a chance ok???" i went mad.. my mind shut off.. i swear it was literally BLANK~ i never felt so scared.. i broke down.. and next thing i noe i was shouting for susu.. i hid behind her while dan hold him back.. i dunno wat they were talking but i remember susu shouting back.. we board the cab.. and juz when i thot i can finally rest my mind, he was beside me..

i broke down AGAIN~ reach susu place, same thing my mind was in total blank.. i cried and cried.. while susu console me and dan speak to him.. from wat i heard after i was sober, was that they almost fight.. cant believe it.. from that moment on, his mr-nice-guy, sweet-gentle-loving bf image became ashes.. i cant believe this is someone whom i loved and loved me.. where did the gentle guy go? many say "he love u too deep" i noe i noe he love me alot.. but love is not about having the person rite?

love is about the person being happy.. respect.. not everyday meeting different girl, shouting and yelling for another chance.. pushing me to the limit.. i swear i never felt so scared and forced before.. drama? yes~ it felt exactly like a drama.. i have no idea wat's goin on and how things came to this position.. but al i noe is.. the guy i loved deeply with my heart, is gone.. his actions has proven that i'm merely an object to possess and not someone whom he shud love and respect.. i never felt worst in my entire life.. but however i'm gonna be strong.. i dun need love to make me happy.. i noe i'll be happy just by having frens..

i'm sorry to my mum for making her worry.. i'm sorry to my frens who worried bout me.. i'm sorry to myself for tarnishing myself like this.. i'm sorry to everyone and everything.. lastly i'm sorry to him.. maybe we shouldnt even be tgt in the first place.. we noe we dun belong tgt.. yet we chose to go against it and force ourselves to be tgt.. the hand i never wanna let go.. the guy i never wanna lose.. wil al be buried in my memory forever.. i wish him al the best from here on.. like he said.. he need a woman not a girl.. and me? i need someone who can take care of himself and me.. respect and love me for who i am.. supporting me in everything i do.. i wil be strong..