我真的好累 :(

从来都没有这样的感觉。。好累好累。。好多的事情，一次过发生着，把我所有的力气都用得彻底。。一直好想好好的继续伪装下去，继续带着一个开心果的面具，继续努力的把笑容挂在每一个我身边的人。 我一直常说 “开心也是活一天，伤心也是活一天。而且我们不知道几时会和这个世界道别，为何要等到太迟了才后悔当初为何不开心一点地离开呢？” 就因为这样的想法，我才一直坚强的面对一切的问题，我才能开开心心的过我的每一天。 就算是假装也好，至少我是笑着而离开，朋友们，爱我的人，也会永远记得我的笑容。 但这次，我觉得好累。好想把心中的不愉快全都抛开，不是不想去面对，而是不知该如何去面对。我好怕有一天，我就这样的崩溃了。我好想好想离开这个残酷的世界，到一个没有烦恼，没有忧愁的世界。成人的世界好黑暗，还残酷，好悲。。我好不想长大，好想永远做个被疼，被宠的公主。。我好想有个自己的家，一个真正属于我的家。。 一个我可以大声地说“这是我的家！” 我好希望我演的不是看着自己身边的朋友一个一个离开的角色，而是演于这个世界告别的角色。我好希望我能拨开人心，好好地去了解我身边所爱的每个人的心。这样，我才知道到底做什么才是最对的。看到所爱的人这么的失落，自己却完全帮不上什么忙，让我感到好沮丧。。好无助。。我生命里重要力量的来源都在面对着好大好大的打击。我最亲的妈妈，曾经跟我一起走过我人生最大的一段的同学们，我好爱好爱的他。。他们都在于这世界的残酷作战。我的力量已有限了，好想一个人静一静，好好的充电。我知道，我不是一个人在拼命的寻找生存的方法，我知道有很多人一直会跟我走到底。。你们知道你们是谁，我只想说句“谢谢你，辛苦了”。 有一首歌真的能诉说我现在的感受。。我把它写在这吧。。

李圣杰 - 远走高飞

爱你错了吗？
为什么会受到这么多惩罚
他们说的话像针往心里扎
我心中的怕
不知该怎么做才可以放下
只不过想好好的爱一次啊

带我远走高飞
不去理会
这一个蜚短流长的世界布满虚伪
是你让我选择沉醉
繁星守侯月不能睡
只因为爱上了夜的黑

带我远走高飞
一起去追
有一个叫做幸福的世界没有泪水
我已经感觉到疲累
只想在你怀抱入睡
不在乎别人眼中是非

重新再出发
能不能让这天地不再吵杂
我的心里面安静得不像话
故事的真假
没有多余的力气去分辨他
只不过想好好的爱一次啊


我会努力的寻找属于我的完美世界。。

i've highlighted the words that meant so much to me at this very phase of my life.. i dun wanna say much.. read it ba..

伍家辉 - 虽然我愿意

请让我靠近你轻轻对你说
别让我每个夜为你受折磨
是多么不容易才默默放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
别让我因为你被回忆折磨
而空气凝结了我们的脸孔

我别无选择
就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂虽然我愿意
(心还想着你)

再让我靠近你轻轻对你说
当我说我要你从此好好过
是真的否则我怎么肯放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
赐给我你现在幸福的笑容
别让恨冻结了我们的脸孔
请你做选择

i'm just so..
helpless..
:(

For all who's always unsatisfied with your other half.. do read up this blog.. it belongs to the superwoman who belong to the honourable RSAF guy who passed on honourably for our country.. read up on it and pls do feel happy that you and ur other half is still breathing.. and pls do cherish him/her..

www.memyselfmine.blogspot.com

i had a hard time reading this cos my tears couldnt stop flowing.. it was a reali touching blog and i seriously can feel for her.. and i can seriously feel the pain of losing someone that played a part in your life once as one of my old fren just left us ytd.. thou my pain wont be as much thou.. but anyway after reading her blog.. i felt that she reali deserves the title "clifton's superwoman" :) she's just so strong and she reali earned my respect for her.. she did all girls proud :) i'm kinda getting speechless here.. too much emotions are stiring in me.. hopefully she'll find her peace and joy with her soon.. may god be with her :)

it's been quite a bad day for me and the people ard me.. few things have been happening recently and 3 major ones especially.. are firstly, i'm shifting house.. i didnt thot of it as a big deal initially.. but now that i'm shifting tml, i'm kinda feeling down right now :( i'll be homeless after 31st july :( thanks to my WONDERFUL father who messed up this family and my life.. but this incident is fine for me.. i'm stil able to take it as i have my precious mummy to stand by me always :)

secondly is that.. one of my pri / sec school mate had just left this world ytd :( thanks to a bike accident.. this is why i'm very against anyone ard me to ride a bike now :( how many have my frens passed away thanks to bikes? sigh~ i onli got the news today and i'll be heading down to the funeral later with bro saychin and jeff.. recently just got into contact back with jeff again and we were still happily chatting bout meeting up soon.. and who could have expected? that our first meeting up after so long will be at our fren's funeral.. i reali felt so.. speechless.. i kinda feel numb.. death has been goin on ard me since i dunno when and i couldnt reali felt the sadness now.. i guess.. this is life? we live to die..

the major thing that's making me goin gaga was baby.. things haven been good in his family and baby's on the verge of breaking down.. it was reali sad to see him like that and i couldnt do anything bout it.. i could onli pass him tissues and give him pats on the back and just hugs =\ i felt so helpless when i look at him and reali dunno wat else i can do :( the one thing that he's very very sad bout was his precious daughter.. maybe i couldnt understand cos i haven been in a parent's stand before.. but of cos i now how painful it is to have to part with someone dear to u especiall ur very own family.. sigh~ i'm feeling kinda bad now.. at points of time i felt like telling baby to go back to her, try to ask for her forgivness and keep the marriage there.. just for the sake of his daughter.. it's like.. i've been in a broken family and witness every single thing that's goin on in my broken family from it's perfect to how damn broken it is today.. the feeling sucks.. i might act like i dun reali give a damn to it.. but afterall.. it hurts.. even til now.. :( and seeing him feeling so sucky having to part with his daughter makes me reali heart broken.. sigh.. i'm very lost too even thou this is something that i can simply ignore.. i dunno wat i shud do.. to leave him alone and let things go as it is and til he got use to his new way of lifestyle and let him come find me again? or shud i always be there for him, goin thru every details of this miserable time with him? which will make him feel better??? he's putting most of the blames on himself.. but when a r/s breaks down.. i suppose it's got to do with both parties ba.. and of cos i'll repeat.. things happen for a reason.. sigh.. i reali am very lost and feeling very bad now.. wat shud i do?! god.. help me pls.. :(

just a little prayer i guess i need now..
dear god.. firstly i pray that mummy and i would be strong enough to go thru this 1 yr of hardship without a house of our own and that mummy would be strong enough emotionally when the day she have to sign the divorce letter with that fucker. grant us a strength mentally, emotionally and physically.. be with us and never forsake us.. secondly, i'm truly thankful for a fren like shawn.. ever since pri sch we've been bickering and never ever could talk properly til the day we grad from sec.. only once or twice we ever talk properly i guess.. even thou we werent reali reali close frens but at least we did play a part in each others' life.. lord, he mentioned that he thinks he got no frens at all.. do calm his soul and let him find the peace in you and know that every single one of us here is missing him and prayed peace for him.. may he return to heaven and be loved by you and find eternity.. thirdly, lord i pray that you could heal xian of his wounds emotionally now.. he needs to be strong for himself now.. and he couldnt afford to break down at this very moment.. lord, grant him the peace and right mind that he needs now.. i pray that everything that he decides to do will be according your rightful will and lord may you guide him in every step that he needs to walk now.. it'll be hard to start a new life for him now at this very point of time.. but lord i believe you have great plans for everyone of us.. do not forsake this child of yours lord.. he needs your loving hand to guide him along and may you send him the pillars of his life like you've sent me mine.. let him know that he wount be walking this path alone, that he'll never be forsaken by anyone of us.. lastly lord.. i pray that you'll give me the right words and actions at the right times.. grant me the right words to use when someone needs me.. grant me the right words that could stir your peace in them and could calm every unrested souls.. grant me strength to face every obstacles that's in this life of mine.. remove all temptations and keep my heart faithful to you.. lord.. heal this body of mine that breaking down very soon.. remove all illness and weakness of this body that you've created.. and heal this soul emotionally and mentally.. grant me a strong mind to think the best out of every solutions.. grant me a strong will to go on with life and make my life your will.. make it the way you planned for me and make it all worthwhile being alive.. i haven found the reali reason to be alive and the purpose of being alive.. but lord, pray that you'll help me realise it soon.. let me die one day smiling cos i've realise the purpose of being alive and may my life be fulfilled the day i return to heaven being with you.. lord i pray for your blessings to fall upon everyone single souls that's hurt and shattered now.. may your peace, love and joy rest upon them and heal their wound.. may they seek for your loving hand and rest in your sanctuary.. in jesus name.. amen

be strong :)

i couldnt sleep and felt like writing some stuffs here.. and typing away, i just came up with a story.. maybe u wont say it's a story thou since it's like ultra short.. might wanna touch up on it when my brain's functioning in a better time other days.. anyway here it goes (:


A dream about he and she..

she is someone who's hard to be tamed and loves to play and party everyday.. maybe sometimes even forgotten what is the responsibility of a girlfriend and couldnt set her heart down.. but when she met him, she's able to stay home almost everyday just to wait for his calls or msges.. understands that he is a man who gives off huge security to a girl and yet has a reali gentle side, she fell so deeply in love with him.. thanks to him, she wishes to be a perfect girlfriend or even a perfect wife.. she wishes to be able to be there for him everyday at home with dinner prepared saying "welcome home my love".. she wishes that everynight she could give him a real nice massage and a kiss goodnight before her eyes closes.. and she wishes to be able to kiss him awake with a reali soft "good morning my baby".. how could a wild party animal be tamed so easily by just an ordinary guy? "it's fate" many would say.. but fate just loves to add lots of obstacles to relationships isnt it? fate brought them together and their love was near perfect.. NEAR~ i repeat.. someone told me this.. "i believe they will be a modal couple if only......." ya.. IF ONLY..

she's beginning to wonder.. "how long more can i take it?" she's breaking down.. she's tired of acting strong and as if it doesnt matter at all.. she's tired of being lil miss nice.. but what else can she do by being lil miss nice? absolutely.. NOTHING! she doesnt want to leave him as, he is someone that can made her felt so loved and belonged to.. but the love was so strong that she's getting greedy and wants him so much now.. she could dream all day with images of them staying together.. getting married in the world's most beautiful wedding gown.. playing and laughing everyday in their lil home sweet home.. and even one day playing with lil kids ard them.. she dreamt that they'd go through thick and thins together hand in hand and never forsake one another.. she dreamt that she could announce to the entire world that this is the man she belonged to and she's the one he belonged to..

but..

afterall..

it's just a dream..




and it'll always be...

to hui..

i dun seriously care wat u're saying anyway since u dun even dare to say who u truly are.. get a life and stop hiding behind ur screen pathetically and trying to bring ppl down with unclear facts u got.. ya ya all my stories are the same.. i guess u just cant understand english as a story itself so u thot it's al the same ya? it's ok forgiven :) ya the guys are very xinfu now and i'm happy for them.. definitely.. come on this is the adult world where we're stil frens even after breakup.. except for some idiots who doesnt know their limit and try to act like some STILL bf.. and u mention that if my ex were all bad guys like i said, why they can be xinfu ya? that's because me and them are just not compatible and not the right one.. hello~ u expect how many right guys can a person meet? use ur brain before u type pls.. thanks :) and gdbye if u dun wanna even disclose who u truly are.. ur comments are totally not affecting anyone here.. maybe some scams wil be happy reading thou :)

it's all u urself to blame for making things it is now.. be frens? DIDNT I?! but what are u doin behind my back? telling everyone how pathetic u are after the ending of the story and making me the baddie? go ahead! i dun seriously give a damn and dun even wish to.. i cant believe that i suddenly felt that u're a BIG stranger to me now! someone that i thot i truly understands and spent 6 bloody months with.. doin all this childish stuff.. making the world pity u.. telling un-nice secrets bout me to others.. for this alone i cant forgive u the least bit! go ahead and say watever u wish.. i dun wanna care anymore.. thanks for the present anyway and u wont have to crack ur head for me anymore.. bye!

Happy 21st Bird day to me!! XD

i'm now an official adult! wheee!! anyway i have to blog onli now because my stupid internet has been SUSPENDED!! #$%^&*%$#@# roar! anyway here's blog bout my celebration at Dbl O~ firstly.. i'm DARN proud to announce that.. I AM NOT THE LEAST DRUNK!! wahahaha!! ^^V didnt drink much thou.. had quite a few shots of baileys and i swear it's darn good! very sweet and nice~ and and and!! it's my virgin waterfall day! XD Mr cash and Mr dbl o senior manager treated me ^^V soooooooooo NOT nice =x the taste is actually stil alrite.. but is after you finish drinking, your throat feels like there's fire in it! :( cash and mel bluff me! they say they drink with me but ended up i finish it on my own :( after drinking i'm like dying for a glass of ice water to extinguish the fire lol~ when the water goes down ur throat, it felt h-e-a-v-e-n-l-y!! XD was quite a crazy celebration there but i guess i was too pissed with the cake smashing thing =\ i just felt.. it's F CHILDISH!! X( dun wanna say much bout it here but anyway it's ok so it's ok now.. anyway baby did come! ahaha! he wear til so shuai can **woolala** after awhile baby, me, gor and jeannie went to eat at bencoolen.. thn we went home le.. had a reali nice day and i love the pressie opening ceremony! lol =x shawnie papa and his gf gave me a perlini bracelet and it's star design!! S-T-A-R!! ahaha! so nice! jeannie gave me a chomel STAR choker with purple blings and hearts bracelet.. STAR again hohoho! ^^V and juzjuz gave me a gold handbag.. reali so sweet of them! XD appreciates! wheee~ oh! and one very special gift!! it's so special my jaws almost drop lol =x it's from my mr nice faci (lecturer) Eric.. he bought me a domain! XD i'll soon be moving my blog over there.. am stil under construction and i'm stil trying to understand how to function it lol =x but anyway the webby is http://www.ryuiko.com/ hehe! so happy! another happy thing here! I PASS MY BTT LE!!! XD OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG so happy! the moment i click end test, my heart almost stop.. but the word PASSED appear i smile and walked out gracefully.. next thing i'm doin is i'm screaming my lungs out on phone to mummy lol =x sooooooo happy!! anyway.. am very touched by everyone that made this day so special for me ^^ my wonderful 21st birthday! wheeee! anyway i'll upload some pics here.. BUT there's still more that i haven gotten from angela so those wil be up in the next post! ^^ **loves loves**

Fairy darling give de lilies all open le!!! WTF! XD

Shawnie papa and his gf de pressie **lovesloves**

Jeannie gave de chomel star bling and bracelet! **lovesloves**

Juzjuz give de gold gold handbag! **lovesloves**

A gift from the traffic police lol =x

Fairy darling and me **loves**

My precious jiejie **loves**

And the 3 RESERVED one lol =x

they call this the family handsign! XD

sisters!! wheeeee

A baileys toast to myself for stepping into adulthood!

Pretty pretty cake from MNL **lovesloves**

i wish i may i wish i might...

cheese with my birthday cake!

and i huff and i puff and POOF the candles are off XD

ya.. family tradition.. thanks -_______-

this is wat i call s-t-u-p-i-d..

and stupidier......

ended my 21st celebration when the clock strikes 12.. was reali ahppy and contented with everything in my life now.. nothing to complain and everything i'm thanking god for it.. thank you everyone for being such a wonderful friend/family! and of cos.. i love my dearie lalala~ =p

Happy 21st Birthday to me!! ^^V

had a reali wonderful celebration at hilltop ytd! i reach there at 9plus for my delicious steak! lol =x went there with gorgor and one of his colleague, lawrence.. met zen, julyn, zen's bro, zen's bro's gf, joshua, joshua's wife, kenneth, yifeng, ah long and ah jin there.. we were like laughing at kenneth cos he eats chilli like as if al the chilli would vanish tml lol~! after i finish eating thn i slacked ard with gorgor they al as it's stil early for my bird bird day ^^

til later, sharen, dave, fairy darling, darling's fren, angela, leonard, junna and shuan came.. whee!! so happy to see them after so long! XD junna gave me the first pressie and it was a pretty pretty necklace chosen by shuan lol~ thn fairy darling gave me a reali reali pretty and sweet surprise!! she gave me a bunch of my favourite flowers!! it's the pretty stargazer lilies! OMFG~! so preeeeeetty can!! XD **muacks**

at bout 11plus, baby haven reach.. so i was like wondering why so long?! :( and i couldnt call or sms him ROAR! X( so i just drink abit here and there and listen to songs nor.. thn it's 12am! **happy bird day!** darling was the first person that tell me "happy birthday!" at exactly 12am lol~ thn it's shuan asking me to open the pressie he and junna bought for me.. woots! pretty pretty~! XD and when i was opening, the birthday song played.. i thot it wasnt for me as i thot there's another celebration at hilltop as well..

so i was like just walking ard talking to junna and shuan bout the pressie.. thn stupid! they ask me look at the lame MTV of the birthday song -______- lol! i reali go and see wat happen.. thn when i turn my head towards the door, baby walked in with the sweet birthday cake! XD OMFG~ reali shock can! XD seeing the 3 candles on the cake makes me soooooooo emotional! lol I'M 21!!! XD the cake is soooooooo preeeeeeeetty too! it's my dream strawberry ice cream cake! roar!! **love love**

everyone clapped and stood ard (ok i felt abit alienated here lol =x) while baby go search for something important.. guess what? the knife!! LOL!! i ended up using the knife for steak hahaha! and.. the cake is extremely hard to cut! lol~! but it's extremely yummy!! XD soooooooo nice can! **muacks muacks** i wanna swollow down the entire cake! but stupid gorgor make me drink this stupid er xin drink :(

i wont forget! kenneth, joshua, yifeng, GORGOR and BABY are the 凶手.. gorgor is the main 凶手 while baby is the 帮凶 X( gorgor mixed a SIBEI ER XIN submarine and ask me tah :( i tah til wan puke liao.. the taste is like.. ROAR!! X( @#$%^&*()*&^%$#@ but anyway i finished it with a lil help from zen and gorgor.. i felt half floating for like... an hour or so? haha~

and the funny thing here is.. there's 2 guys from other table.. and suddenly jacq came to me saying "iko.. that table over there treat u a tower for ur birthday.." i was like O.o HUH?! lol~ ok fine.. i said thanks and offered them cake.. thn suddenly one of the guy came to me and give me ang bao -_____- ok this feels reali reali weird.. even my ah ma never give me ang bao can! lol~! i dunno if this guy is trying to act rich.. or trying to hong me =\

he keep asking me "enough drinks ma? not enough tell me i pay for all ur expenses".. walao ehh sound like he's my sugar daddy can -____- thn i was like "errr.. hahahhahaha dun worry" =x thn he mention that the cake is very nice.. SO.. i took this chance to say "oh? is my BOYFRIEND buy one!!" LOL =x thn he's like asking which is my bf thn i purposely ask baby to wave to him ahahaha! =x thn he stopped bugging me and bugged baby instead =x hehe ^^V

and it just so happened that he's baby's sec sch mate -.- jiuming ar.. world so small can! and he's so haolian that he open a bot for me lol =x jacq wrote my name thn go keep the bot liao wahaha!! =x we had too much alcohol can! the towers and jugs there like never ending one =\ anyway.. my birthday celebration at hilltop was a reali sweet and nice one from baby and al my frens hehe **love love** lotsa surprises from all of them and a few.. funny incidents? lol =x

and yes! i'm very proud to say I'M NOT DRUNK! wahaha **bleah** XD baby drove us home and we had a nice lil fighting session in my rm lol =x initially was watching kungfu panda.. thn wonderful time we spent tgt tmm-ing.. thn i was like questioning him how he planted the surprises.. but he refuse to say! X( roar!! he say he'll tell me after 12am tonite!! rahh! fine!!

am reali anticipating for tonite's celebration at dbl O! XD and stupid shaun said something when i'm making my wish ytd before i blew off the candles.. he mention "my wish for this year is not to get drunk" LOL!! laugh til i wan faint can! haha! but of cos my wish is a secret ^^V i guess i'm a lil greedy this yr lol cos i made 3 wishes! =x they're similar thou lalala =x

baby and me spent some quality time tgt til bout nearly 5am thn baby had to leave le :( so i walked him down and it's a kiss gdbye :) part 1 of my 21st celebration was reali reali good ^^V **thank you everyone!!** and baby made my day so special ^^ **love you deep deep** hehe~ wat'll my part 2 celebration be like? we shall see ^^

just some pics here of my pressie and a few note of thanks giving here lol~ anyway some pics i haven gotten from angela yet so wil be uploading them once i got my hands on it.. aww and i just realise pics of the cake that baby bought I HAVEN GOT IT! :( rahh~ nvm wait for angie to send me hehe~ here we go..

my very first pressie! from junnana and shuan!

The preeeeeeetty stargazer from darling!! IT'S PINK!!

i spotted this stalk just now as i was trying to take pics! it wasn't open ytd!!

sooooooooooooo preeeeeeettyyyyyyyy!!!

i thank god for bringing me to earth 21 years ago on this day.. and i truly thank mummy for keeping me safe all these 21 years.. she already had a hard time giving birth me as i wasnt a normal baby =x and she's unlucky enuff to have such a naughty daughter like =x **in the past!!** well.. she'll always be the one dearest to my heart that no one can compare to :) mummy i love you.. and i truly thank god for giving me the pillars of my life.. thankful for those that were once a pillar.. my clover.. my V.I.P.. my lush.. my 7 brothers.. the true frens in WG.. all my ex bf that made me who i am today.. and of cos.. my dearest boyfriend who made me felt so happy and contented with my life :) thank god for giving me this life and this chance to experience life this way. i'm thankful for everything :)

just kinda get to read some stuff that's kinda.. bad =\ it's nothing to do with me but i kinda feel sad for my fren.. it's actually a forum post from my fren.. we shall call him J here.. J was with C for.. i tink bout 2 years? thn they broke up recently reason was due to C coudnt settle down and am still very playful.. it was a peaceful break up since both agreed that they arent suitable for one another.. and it was til this few days that J realise that the reason wasnt reali due to character differences.. =\

C was actually seeing this 2 other guy behind J's back =\ she kept findin reason to not to meet up with J and went party herself.. of cos.. the 2 other mysterious guys were there.. oh well.. love is selfish? i guess..

J is a very very nice guy.. a almost perfect bf i guess.. of cos i was never with him so i wont know how nice or bad a bf he is.. but from wat i know and see for myself this 2 years of knowing them, he's always been a reali nice guy with almost zero temper and very generous to everyone.. for a moment i thot they're gonna get married lol~ they're already staying tgt.. til recently i guess..

i decide to write this post is not to bitch bout other ppl's love life or wat.. or to tarnish their reputation.. i just feel.. why we humans always dun understand the word "treasure"? maybe.. maybe one fine day.. C wil realise wat she reali lost.. but when that day comes, i bet it'll all be too late.. is it reali human's natural behavior that we always wan someone or something that's better? always seeking for perfection when perfection doesnt exist at all?

C is 1 or 2 yr older thn me.. and wat i see is still a relai playful girl.. am i that playful as well? will i still be that playful when i'm her age? i'm worried.. =\ i dun wanna wait til it's too late to realise wat i've lost.. hopefully god wil give me a reali good brain to think for myself and maybe everything be a blissful one for me.. i'm totally perfectly happy now with the life i'm having.. ok maybe not perfectly but at least i'm contented.. i guess staying contented makes one happy isnt it :)

just a few words to al my readers here.. remember always to cherish watever u have NOW.. you'll never noe when u'll leave this wonderful earth or when someone will leave.. dun wait til it's too late to express your love/care and concern for those ard you.. cherish.. is the key :)

Happy birthday to my dearest brother khim chuan :)

it's been 7 years since you left me.. wish to ask you how have you been.. wondering if you're still there.. wish to hug you so much and tell you i miss you right in your face.. 7 years.. and i still couldnt forget the last day i saw you.. the memories of you were still so fresh in my head.. gorgor.. i'm turning 21 this year.. happy for me? :) ur meimei is a adult le.. you dun have to worry for me anymore :) it's your 22nd birthday today.. wonder how the celebration would be if you're still around.. i bet it must be a fun one with seb they al ard as well.. there's simply too much things i wanted to say to u.. but i just dunno where to start.. how i wish i can hold you now :( may you appear in my dreams soon gor.. i miss you~

your memories linger in me.. always..
with love,
your dearest sister - xinwei

Happy bornday to my someone special :)
loving you more each day..

SCHOOL?! HA-HA-HA

it's been crazy for me when i talk bout school =\ went to school ytd with maye.. but we didnt go class.. i felt happy being in school once again.. the atmosphere.. the place.. it's just.. so nice~ but somehow or rather.. i still couldnt accept the fact that i have to face these bunch of classmates.. this year, i receive the worst bunch of classmate from EVERY different class =\ why am i so unlucky?

indeed it's true that we have to take this opportunity to learn to work with different people as this IS the society.. but.. i guess i'm just not cut out to be that way.. i couldnt imagine myself workin for ppl that's so F*** up and being unhappy my entire working life.. i'm having this trauma period regarding whether to end my school life after this semester.. or to continue with it..

fairy darling is right.. what good does a lousy result can do even if u have a diploma? i can show everyone that YES I HAVE A DIPLOMA.. but on the paper al i get is just a D or maybe what's best is a C =\ i dun wan that to happen.. fairy darling was in that stage but she's lucky enough that her parents willing to let her take her degree so as to cover up her ugly diploma.. but for me? it's either a diploma or a O levels.. =\ i can dun even tink about getting a degree haha~

well.. some ppl tell me that cert is just a piece of rubbish.. experience is the most important thing.. but doesnt this society look at cert so much? a piece of rubbish cost like few thousand dollars? =\ i'm thinking of quitting and just get a job.. work and gain as much experience as i can.. seeing alot of my friends doing reali fine now even they drop out in sec school, made me have the thot "why should i continue to suffer in RP?!"

i used to be so anticipating my poly life.. now? no longer~ ha~ i'm very very disappointed in my poly life.. i thot i could join a poly dance grp and go for performance.. we need not be as gd as FB or NRA or TP.. but as long there's somewhere i belong to, a bunch of reali good friends, i'm thankful.. i thot i could get a few good friends from poly as classmates, hanging out tgt, lunch, movies, party at times, study for exams tgt like how i used to in sec sch.. but i didnt get it all.. =(

all i get was? a rubbish bunch of people that's so damn fake and condems not-as-good student like me.. i dun like the feeling of being alienated from people.. it simply sucks.. what should i do? can all of you who's reading this give me some suggestion? i'm reali reali lost at this point of time.. i'm reaching damn 21 year old in like 2 weeks time? but i still couldnt decide =( HELP!!!!

i'm so in need of help =(