ahhh~! i'm goin crazy~! stop telling me who likes me who falling for me! i dun wanna noe!! shoo shoo go away!! X( i'm not interested at all!! who cares if u're mr superstar! who cares if u're mr universe~ i dun care! unless u're mr kyohei kaneko =x okok i'm goin nuts.. just let me rant.. thanks~~

i'm missing mr a so much that i just kept singing.. singing is my new hobby to release my emotions and take away the urge to find him.. they keep telling me i sing with so much feelings.. yea.. if you're me.. in this situation singing with al ur heart.. i tink u'll be able to sing like me too.. sigh~

**imissyou**

the cold war between mummy and me is over =) felt kinda happy even i haven slp @_@ a goin for pinic now! hoho~ i guess there's things i have to let go to feel better ba =) i decided to let nature takes it course and stop being a dummy le.. i believe fate has it's plan for everyone of us.. god plans it all =) eventually i'll find my happiness.. all i need to do now is to be a good girl and live my life the right way.. reali have to say thanks to alot of ppl that has been there for me thru this phase of my life.. ppl like my darling crystal, sii, gorgor, dasao and al my jiejies.. reali thankful for al these love i get =) and of cos mr a.. for being a wonderful fren.. thanks for always bein there =)

thou sometimes i reali miss him so much that it hurts.. i stop myself from having contact with anything related to him.. it's torture but the best way to let it fade i guess.. each time my phone rings i wish it's him.. when it is, i smiled but the truth stil hurts after all yea? haha but i'm glad this is the way thou.. if he told me that he stop liking his ex doesnt that just simply means he's a bastard? so yeap.. i'm thankful for meeting a nice guy once again.. thou we cant be tgt but i'm thankful that i have such a caring fren =)

ok i'm logging out for pinic ^^V bb everyone..

keeping u within my heart..
-loves-

haven been feeling good today =\ i guess i just messed up my life for like 2days? hmm~ was thinking bout quite alot of stuff while on the way home from phuture.. firstly.. i didnt sleep last nite.. went to gor's workplace drink and ended up drinking 24hrs zz thn i dunno wat i was doin i went to put tattoo =( ya my very first tattoo and i swear it'll be the last.. i'm kinda regretting it now.. not because of the design or wat.. but i simply felt guilty and this is so NOT IKO~ =\

piercing? yes i have lots and love them but i never regretted.. this time is tattoo.. i just felt i let mummy down =( she stil doesnt noe but i just feel damn guilty.. i know she'll gek sim for sure.. i just wish she'll accept it ba since it's my name and not some pic that's not link to my life..

i felt my life is in a big mess now.. maybe cos i've been drinking n drinking.. it's just so like last time.. i dumped that life.. why isit back?! =( i'm gonna take charge and change my life now.. no more clubbing especially on weekdays.. pubbing? maybe~ no more drunk iko (except for my bday - i noe i cant run from that..) it's reali time to change.. i'm turning adult like in a month's time? =\

and i'm damn firm on goin to school this time round.. no motivation? it's ok i'm just gonna push myself to my max.. my PP, FYP will be done this year and everything wil go just fine.. =) nice ppl reading this post please bomb my phone every morning at 7am to wake this pig up thanks =x

one last thing.. i'm missing mr A now~ like.. a hell lot =( wondering what happened that cause him to be unhappy.. but couldn't do much but just a "take care" is al i can say.. i'm thinking alot.. how is he feeling when he knows i likes him.. was it negative? =\ lotsa thots running in my mind but al shall be buried deep deep down.. a good guy should be cherished.. a bad girl shouldnt~ but glad we're stil gd frens even when he knows bout it.. =) lala~ i better hit the bed.. haven sleep for nearly 48 hr liao @.@ zombie!! gd nite!!

missing u~

just in case i forgot about this.. i wanna blog down my tongue piercing experience lol~~

firstly, the procedure..
-the piercer gave me a oral B mouth rinse to rinse my mouth..
-he asked me to stick my tongue out as long as possible so he could do a marking.
-he use a clipper to clip my tongue <-most fucking painful part!!
-thn he use a hollow to pierce it through.. <-this isnt painful it just feels very tight.
-i thought it's over and my tongue slowly shrink in..
-the piercer ask me NOT to put in my tongue lol~
-he remove the clipper <-ultra happiness here XD
-tada! my tongue is pierced!! XD

the first day was ok~ hard to talk but wasnt painful.. lotsa saliva being produced lol~ keep swollowing and yes i went to dbl o after that lol =x drank onli 2 and half glass of bourbon coke and zero shot =( was a total boring experience....

second day.. stil ok~~ onli felt the tongue very swollen =\ couldnt talk.. couldnt eat =( i tried to eat maggie mee.. i smash it all up before cooking lol~ took 1hr to finish a cold bowl of maggie mee =(

third day.. PAIN PAIN PAIN!! X( i woke up all thanks to the pain =( the dumb dumb stud is so in the way, my tongue's swollen to the extent that i felt that the ball would fly out anytime =( i ate maggie mee as well today.. i took 46min ^^v

fourth day.. i'm so having the urge to let go of the stud cos the pain and uncomfort is killing me =( and wat's worst.. all the cravings for all the wonderful food i loved =( OMG~ kill me~~ but anyway i ate CHICKEN CHOP today!! took an hour ^^v

fifth day.. kinda numb to it.. but am stil feeling abit of pain at times and stil thinking of whether should i let go of the stud.. i ate bread today! XD

sixth day.. the wound isnt as sore anymore =) and i could feel the inner tongue not as swollen le.. the den on the tongue created by the ball is damn funny lol~~ ate maggie mee in 30min and ate fried noodle and CHICKEN WING!!! XD so happy can~~~ oh and i'm depending alot on mouthrinse ^^v

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anyway darling n her "potential" came to find mummy today.. i guess her potential's goin crazy by mummy's shootness =x lol~ and we played the poker card but use it to tell fortune one.. when i got mine told.. i was like OMG~~~~ LOLS~ the result was i like this guy, A.. more thn he likes me.. i miss him alot (bad bad reali bad for me) and he doesnt wan sex in our r/s (swee la~ best ans i ever can find) hmm but oh well.. nothing's been told or clarify if we reali like each other so.... hahaha~ it's best to leave it as it is ^^v

i tried the second time on another guy, K.. i tried two times on him actually.. but the first time was a couldnt be told kinda thingy =\ so i tried the 2nd time.. it was a he got my heart but didnt not contact me today (true!!) but he has no other girls in his heart.. <-abit hard to believe thou~

oh well.. just for reference ^^v for the sake of fun as well haha~ K is someone i used to date and wants to get back.. but due to alot of past experience, i'm not ready to be with him now.. unless i've see wat i wans to see.. thanks to the fortune telling, i'm more convinced that A is potential.. but of cos i would not decide on anything now.. at least for awhile =) it's good to keep options open ^^v

i kinda.. miss u~

i think i will eat al the chicken that's available in popeye chicken when my tongue recover =(

iko's having a damn craving for..

POPEYE CHICKEN!!!

=(

i was trying to slp but the moment i close my eyes tears couldnt help but flow.. i tried praying and hoping God'll fill my empty heart i guess he did =) i felt comforted at least abit.. but i stil couldnt slp.. thus i sat up, on my laptop and try find some stuff to do and was given a link by my darling fairy to read a story.. a reali nice story.. it did bring tears to my eyes like terribly.. but i guess it helps relieve a little bit of heartache.. so here's to share it with you guys =)

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It was almost Christmas... John is working three shifts to support his family.

Despite of his packed schedules, he would never forget to pop by Justine’s house just to see her for a while before he turns in.

John got to know Justine when they were young. And until now, they were in love with each other.

John comes from a poor family and Justine came from a moderate one.

You have a “Wonderful” relationship, my dear. Said Justine’s father

“Dad”, I’m just in love with him… Nothing else to matter, am I right?

Girl, his bloke… he can’t give you happiness… I can introduce you some rich sons from our company if you want.

“NO”; never. I’m not going to pick anyone else beside him!

Seven days a week, 168 hours. John hardly sleeps for an hour per day.

His family members are worrying for him yet they are unable to do anything for him.

Without any complain he started working at the age of fifteen. And it has been for five years.

John’s dad is a cripple and his mum sews clothes in the factory with low labour-cost.

During his lunch break, he took out his wallet with hangs a picture of him together with Justine.

Glazing at the picture and dreaming of her.

*Ahem*; may I have a closer look at this picture? His supervisor said.

Oh yes sure; he replied.

Supervisor: Hmm… Is she the daughter of Mr. Davidson?

John: Yes… yes she is. Why do you ask that?

Supervisor: Nothing… I can see that both of you are in love and it’s just not a good start.

John: Why? Yes we are in love and deeply in love.

Supervisor: Look at you, what do you have for her? Money, Future or Career?

John: I have a heart being sincere and faithful. And that’s what we need to stand strong!

Supervisor: Young man, get this fact right… There is no true love in the reality… Ok, Get back to work now…

John was thinking of what his supervisor told him in the afternoon.

He suddenly realised that Justine’s birthday is coming. And what she wants is a pair of handmade cotton shoe.

John took out his savings and it is not enough…

Five days left to her birthday, one hundred dollars needed…

Where can he find that sum of money? He ponders.

John: Hey little girl, I’ll meet you at this tree five days later and I’ll get you a surprise alright?

Justine: Why? So we are not able to meet for the rest of the days till Friday?

John: Yes, be strong alright… now go back home. I’m tired and need some rest.

John went to the shop requesting for a negotiation regarding that pair of shoe.

He was being rejected. It is a limited production of shoe and only one in town. The price would not drop but increase every now and then.

The only way for him now is to work four shifts of job which will not allow him to have any sleep at all.

“For her sake, I’ll be strong. For her smile, I’ll be brave, and for her love… I’ll be invincible”.

He kept repeating to himself while working.

He skipped meals just to save the cash and only wait for free meals provided in the night.

He works 4 shifts, one meal per day and no sleep at all.

This is a torture to him, said his fellow workers…

Five days have pass and he head back to the shop with one exhausted look.

It’s sold out… he saw the tag on the window. The pair of shoe is sold out.

John: Sir, May I know who bough the shoes?

Shopkeeper: You were late for a moment young man, that guy wearing a black cardigan and short sleeve shirt bough it away.

John: Thank you so much…

He gave chase towards the man… but his weak… no strength to move on.

He fell down and injured his knees…

Crawling towards the direction of him and he grabbed his legs.

John: Si…r… Could you please sell me that pair of shoe? I’m really interested in this…

Man: Sorry? No. I’m getting it for my daughter.

John: Please, I promised her to give her as a surprise… I really need it…

Man: But why? Who is she related to you.

John: She… is the best lady I’ve ever met. She did not look down on me being poor nor have the time to accompany her… she… even prepare soup for me when I’m working… I’m not going to leave and let her go… and today is her birthday, I beg you…

The man could sense love through john and john started crying as he is afraid that the man would not sell it to him.

Man: Alright, I will sell it to you. And I’ll sell it for ninety bucks.

John: Really…. Thank you so much…

John stood up with his broken knees and thank him.

He walked bristly towards a card shop and wrote something for her.

Being hungry, tired and injured john will collapse any moment but he got to stay strong just to pass the present to her.

While walking down the stairs to the tree, dehydrations kick in.



He loses his balance and fell down from stairs…



At that moment all he could think is Justine… the one he loves most.



And when he reaches the ground floor… the shoe bag were torn and the shoe flew out… All he left for Justine is just the pair of shoe and a piece of letter.



“Dear Justine. I believe that this is the present you would like to have. Right now, I’m glad to hand it to you on your twenty-first birthday.



Lastly, I have to thank you for loving me. I’ve never seen someone being so sweet and lovely like you. What would I do without you? You have never complain about the time I have for you, neither complaining how poor am I. Not able to bring you out for movies, shopping, or even a simple meal I’m unable to treat you.


But don’t you worry, I’ve plans ahead. I’ve decided to work harder just for our future.


Do you believe this is true love? When things don’t appear as simple as it is and when it appears in a way that people do not believe in.


Right now, I’m so glad that you are reading this… My sweetie, happy birthday and I’ll always be there and love you.

Regards
John”

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the original context is taken from http://isolationworld.blogspot.com/


p/s: true love do exist =)

it's been awhile since i had this kinda lost feeling.. it's weird.. we both agreed on the breakup but why am i feeling so lost? have he reali truly loved me? have i truly loved him? initially i thot it's just a companion thing between us.. we were just 2 person tat just lost our way and happened to met at a crossroad.. but now i'm beginning to think further than that..

is it true? wat i thot isit reali true? i guess we both did put in our heart in this r/s.. at least for me i did.. i feel so lost.. this is sucky.. sigh~ maybe this is wat i call 玩出火 ba.. =( for the entire day i keep asking myself is this wat i wan? or wat exactly is the truth deep within me.. i couldnt get a answer.. sigh~

why did he gave me a false hope last nite and slam me straight to the ground tonite? why cant that sms didnt get thru? why cant i get drunk last nite and del that sms away? i'm so lost.. someone save me from this mess pls.. sigh~

sorry i didnt noe i hurt u with those words til they tell me..
truly sorry..

mixed feeling up and down in me =\ who do i actually miss at this point of time? i couldnt make up my mind.. no longer have the someone special in my heart kinda feeling.. all dead..

my bf.. someone i wish to love.. yes i've got him.. but i ask myself.. wat else? it's just so.. puppy love-ish =\ he's too young in the mind despite his age? he couldnt love me the way i need.. i told darling.. if he's less beng and try to understand me in a way i need, i'll love him so much..

my heart sways as all the unhappy things entered our r/s.. flashes and images of the past came across.. the 2 K that i used to date and someone that's a gd fren now =( but of cos.. these 3 ppl will be a never never thing again.. 2 are history and 1 is just a gd feeling that'll eventually fade =) gd frens are always better yea?

my bf.. argh~ i dunno wat shud i do too.. i felt that i'm not impt to him at all.. i guess we both got tgt cos we both just needed a companion.. and bot happened to cross path at that point of time.. wrong move i can say =(

fate shall decide..