Heya~ it's been long since i last update =x everything had been peaceful til this 2 days and i guess shud be consider as good news ba :D firstly, i've got the dealer's job at casino! wheeee! xD will be goin down to sign the agreement next week i guess.. and another thing is tat tml i'll be heading to korea~! anyeonghaseyo! xD a very nice fren's sponsoring my trip lol TY!! ^^ come to tink of it it's the furthest place i've ever travelled and it's been 10yrs since i last took the plane! lol! am very very excited over it ^^ pray for my safety ya! :D it's a pity i couldnt go for the gathering at perry's place this fri! grrr! i wanna watch the movie my angel acted in! X( well i'll get the disc from them thn =x and couldnt go for service this sat as well =\ i'll be bringing my bible there and God, i promise i'll be good ok? xD everything has been so nice and smooth nowadays.. thanks be to God :D just read up on the job scope of a dealer and i tink the "intensive training" they mention will be SUPER intensive for me =\ firstly, i'm slow in math, secondly, i dun even play cards let alone gamble =.= i dunno the rules and i dunno wat shud i do/say LMAO~ ok let's just devote everything into God's hands ya? :D gotten some complications settled and am feeling much more at ease now :) but yet another stirring thing is goin on in my tiny brain =\ few days back i was stil worrying i might become so anti-relationship to the extent whereby i'll be left on the shelve.. and this 2 days things doesnt seem to be that way lol~ my heart's stil not cold afterall xD got the hint? if not thn forget it lol =x has been into this new anime Blood+.. it's a vampire/mystery anime.. so different from the one i watch previously lol! the previous one was Shugo Chara.. which is about this very cheerful girl that has super powers.. one is lively yet the other is so dark and intense x.x my brain is getting a real good exercise LOL~ anyways few occasions are coming up so i'm gonna get gifts from korea :D on 21st will be mummy's bday, 24th andy's, 3rd oct is jiejie's ROM n bday x.x i'm goin broke D: anyways dun miss me! =x

today i had a crazy surprise =\ this very nice guy that's kinda after me place my name "iko" as a tattoo on his body =.= the moment i spotted it my mind went blank =\ it's so NONO to do it! omg~ i never agree with putting names on body as a art =\ there's always a saying whereby once u put it, the person wil leave u for sure.. just some superstitious saying la but still it isnt that nice rite~ sigh~ i ask him WHY?! he say "iko will not be with me for the rest of my life but at least this 'iko' will.." -_______- someone kill me pls.. for a moment i feel like the world's biggest sinner of my life x.x he's reali sweet.. spending all his time and money just to make me happy even if it's doing things that he doesnt like.. i've shunned him away a few times before and yet he stood still =\ he's been sacrifising reali alot for me.. sigh~ but i just cant return anything to him =\ i'm not ready for anything and i dun wanna get involve in this kinda BGR thingy for now at least.. sigh~ shoot me in the head.. thanks ppl.. gd nite x.x

this is so.....
gahhhhhhhhh~

I'm not trying to be Emo here but i just happened to see my notes in facebook that i wrote quite sometime ago and i suddenly tink i'm a great writer LOL =x but reali ehh~ so much emotions was down in it and i can stil remember how damn emo i was when i wrote it.. it was named "my untold story" now i tink i should name it "emotions penned" LOL =x anyway such wonderful thing i wrote i just wanna leave it here in my blog as a memorial :) it was written for a special someone but now he's stil a special someone but not the same as that time hehe~ here it goes :)

My Untold Story..

There was once a mr someone appeared in my life out of nowhere.. just so randomly, he appeared and without knowing, i'm slowly being attracted to him.. i still remember the very first day everything started.. it was when he sat beside me at a place i shall not mention and randomly gets my msn.. i was surprise when he request for exchange of msn.. he was my eyecandy but i didnt even had the courage to smile at him.. and even after adding, we didnt chat at all..

til one fine day when i was rotting on my precious off day at bout 5am, he msn me askin me wat was i doin.. i mentioned that i just reach home and was goin to hit the sack.. he said something which made me regretted not goin to work that day.. ok certain things have to be kept secret here :) and ever since, we started chatting a little bit everyday.. and each day at work, i'll be like a idiot waiting for something to happen.. sometimes it did and sometimes it didnt.. but whenever it does, i'll be like a idiot smiling to myself.. time pass fast even when i'm not doin the usual stuffs i do..

and slowly we got closer thanks to a certain game in FB, it was kinda hard for me in the first place to learn it but soon i've got the hang of it.. and it became my motivation to logon my FB daily.. in fact, he's my motivation to check my wall and nearly everything in FB.. i wont deny there's a special something i have for him but sadly the reality aint allowing me to do anything about it..

and ever since we played that game, he'll start to slp real late.. and it somehow became my responsibility to get his ass up in the morning to work.. it didnt became a chore.. it was something i yearn to do daily.. even if it means to stay out late.. i'm not allowed to call/sms guys when i'm home.. some of u will noe the reason.. so, i've gotten another phone just for this.. i place it somewhere convenient for me to use and not being caught..

so every morning became a routine that i'll hide somewhere and start my "job" i'll hit more thn 20 to 30 miss calls just to wake him up and sometimes it reali worries me when he didnt pick it up.. firstly, i cannot stay away from my someone for too long least being caught =\ and secondly, i'm afraid i fail in waking him and him ended up being unhappy =\..

i constantly wil msg him and make sure he's awake before i could reali go to slp.. and the first thing i do when i wakie is to check that phone to see if he did reply.. sadly.. 99% of the time is a nono~ oh well.. wat do i expect? ha~ i remember there's this one time.. i brought a big smile to work.. i received his sms while i was waiting for train.. my heartbeat skipped a beat and my smile couldnt be wiped away.. and one night it was raining while i was working and his reali sweet words to ask me to tc of myself..

there's this period whereby we were getting real close just by watching a show. this period, i felt lonely no more at work. i was reali motivated to go to work and everyday seems so fun.. even on my off day was a fun nite at place i love to be.. til something happened someday.. and things revert back to wat it was before i noe him.. lonely, sad and cold.

i started to receive almost zero msges from him and never seen him since thn.. it occurs to me to totally not contact him so i wont be sad anymore, it occurs to me to stop contactin him so i wont bring troubles to his life.. it occurs to me to just leave him alone as i do not wish to be labeled as a irritant.. but i couldnt.. he's running thru my mind alot.. i miss him so.. but i guess this time i'm reali letting go.. i'll stop interfering with his life and just go on..

it hurts.. but i guess this will make him happier :) i wish to say thanks for leaving footprints in my life unknowingly.. sometimes i wish things werent the way they are now.. i've woken up from my dream and i'll move on in life.. stay happy :) dear fren..

Dedicated to you - dinosaur

ahh a little update :D spent a crazy week or 2 weeks? lol~ after shifting of house immediately went to msia for club with the same old gang :D as usual, play til siao and this time rena toh before me! wahahha! so rare can! =x anyway after that was batam trip with andy :D wah i tell u~ if i went with someone who never been there, i tink i die ther already LOL~ oh~! and not to forget the day before i went batam i had my wonderful left leg crippled =.= went dbl O with rena and as usual, that damned place~ *grr* i dunno how i got myself injured thou =\ and i crippled my way to batam! LOL~! so proud of myself =x went shopping there OMG la~ the things there is cheap de lor!! scarily cheap xD but i didnt buy anything lol~ nite time went clubbing and omg it's so scary! ppl there dun drink at all~ they play drugs! =\ u see ppl shaking heads everywhere x.x and this mama san came to andy and hit on him wahahaha =x and i tink i'm a beauty at batam LOL! everyone keep coming up to me and say "u're very pretty!" geez~ shy si wo xD next day back in sg finally can rest abit and just spent my days clubbing and hanging out with rena.. ytd was like pao geitai can =.= initially went red ant at parklane, thn went powerhouse, thn went sabai~ ok not too bad but not as fun as i thot =\ and today's church! one thing i wanna say i'm REALLY proud of myself today.. i came home at bout 2pm and i took my bath and had a nap til 4pm.. 4pm i got tempted to skip church SOOOOOO much X( it's like something's telling me "nvm la skip one week wont die" and u noe this is always the start of backsliding =\ so another part of me is forcing myself to WAKE UP!!! and i dragged myself to the toilet and get prepared to go to church.. stil having my hangovers and yes! i succeeded in reaching CHC~ during praise n worship, thanks to my damn pig leg i couldnt reali get into the spiritual feel~ but i just prayed n prayed that God wil speak to me and fill me this service.. during sermon, i couldnt focus at all, keep drifting away from God's word =\ so i prayed again for strength and focus~ ok i survived thru xD after that was fellowship with angel mike, yoke pin and ivan! we had dinner at raffles city the japanese styled marche! heavenlyyyyyyyyyyy~ i wanna like eat up the whole place can?! lol =x we ate and had such wonderful fellowship and after that ivan had to leave early.. so me mike and yoke pin went to slack n chat at starbucks til bout 12am we went to joo chiat for durian with the rest of the peeps that went to the SOT grad dinner.. by that time my eyes are like 3/4 close =x damn tired but i enjoyed sharing and hearing from them :D first time i spent so long with them and it's reali fun! hearing different testimonies from them and stories inspired me alot! thank God so much i got to know these wonderful ppl :D we got this plan for a group fasting! LOL~ it's been soooo long since i last fasted! and this time we're gonna set a list of prayers pointers to work towards for our fast! hallelujah! wheeeeee~ i got a whole chunk of names i need to pray for x.x God~ help me! and of cos my pathetic pig leg :( mummy helped me rubbed and i went crazy :( so painful la! heng i nv go those sensei i tink i'll kill the sensei =\ screaming on the top of my lungs i bite my pillow so hard.. and mummy say "after this wil recover le la" MUMMY U LIED!!! roar!! more painful now nor :( lets hope miracle happen uh =\ i wanna run! i wanna dance! i wanna jump! rahhhh~ ok i'm goin mad again very tired now.. hitting the sack! gd nite peeps! with love muacks!

i wanna lead a life with you in it, Jesus

with response to my dearest iBend's taggy~ here i am bloggin! lol~ ok gonna do a little update here.. i'm currently VERY busy with my house stuff.. my contrat with this current landlord is up so i was busy with finding a space to rent.. and yup thank god, i've gotten a room at tampines ^^ and YES IT'S SO GONNA BE VERY NEW TO ME! lol! i never ever stayed in the east side before other thn my e bf's place.. so i'm so gonna be a noobie noob noob~ easterner~ pls guide me ok!? will be shifting tml and need bout a day or 2 to settle down.. wednesday will be heading to malaysia for clubbing again xD i'm soooooooooo anticipating it! lol =x now seldom audi as well as i'm into this new game call Wind slayer~ those maple story lovers, u gotta try this! to me this is way better thn maple! it's player vs player's mode is damn fun but irritating at times LOL~ i'm now a lvl 32 Dark priest xD and it's max lvl now is 49 only so i'm trying to chiong chiong chiong! lol =x i'm so gonna train to be a mage once i hit lvl 49 ^^ and next weekend's gonna be batam trip for me and andy and perhaps mummy wil be taggin along ^^~ i'm so looking forward to it man! i've never been to batam and everybody noes iko loves to travel ^^V anyway just came back from family dinner with granny and all.. it's awesome to see all my little cousins all growing up! couldnt recognise few of them la omg x.x all so pretty and handsome now~ and i realise.. i'm REALI old T_T i'm the eldest grandchildren there so alot of the adults are like "iko when are u getting married?!" HELP!!! i dun even have a bf la! LOL~ and i dun wanna get married like so soon =.= for wat tying myself down?! i'll be dumb if i do that =x life still has ALOT to offer me and i'm so excited with wat'll happen to my life after i shift! i just applied for job with the new casino in singapore and i'm so gonna get my car license and save a sum of money for my little business in manicure and my cert! i'm so gonna get my diploma too! omg my life's gonna be real busy~ i dun wan a bf now ^^ i just need a companion and i guess all my frens are good companions ^^ ok i needa run n game a little bit and hit the sack.. tml's gonna be a longggggggg day for me x.x church in the morning at 7am, rush to suntec for the job fair for the casino one and thn back home to help shifting :D anyway a little note~ i'm dating! LOL =x k i'm contradicting to myself saying i do not wan a bf.. but it's just a date isnt it? :) and i'm firm that i'm gonna keep it as just-a-date now til i get a little achievement in my life and can afford time for a r/s :) ok goodie nite peeps! <3

iBend, i love u for reading lol muacks!

AhHhhHhHHhhHhHhHhhhHhhHh!!!!

sorry pardon me i reali got the urge to give out a loud scream and blog watever happened today~ went to City Harvest for service today with Angel Mike and omg la he's reali sweet! he got me a new bible! i've lost mine =.= and he even tabbed it for me! OMG~ XD to get a bible is easy but to tabbed it is OMG-ly hard la! u need to get the pages out for every book in the bible and VERY nicely paste the tab on it. i doubt i can do a gd job thou =\ but anyway THANK YOU LOVE! ^^

ok service~ i tell u! i was never such a crybaby for a longgggggg time liao x.x CHC invited this Taiwan artiste name Wawa to perform us a song written by her and she wrote it for Jesus ^^ and i tell u! the song i hear liao i chui T.T she was inspired to write this song when she was facing a r/s breakdown.. and she mention one day she just was so tired that she could lift her head up and suddenly she heard a voice saying to her "Child.. i'm always here" (i translated it =x) and she felt that as long in her life, there's Jesus, it's more thn enough.. and this same sentence knocke on my head when i was at CHC last week! during last weeks' praise n worship, there's this song that only goes "More thn enough, u're" and just repeat.. isnt that so?! God.. is more thn enough for me~! look at me! i've been spending my everyday much more happier now! needless to seek things to fill my emptiness, needless to sulk everyday feeling life is useless.. and also! remember the dream that i always sees? the image whereby i'm in a empty room kneeling down while Jesus's on a stool and me reseting my head on his lap while he stroke on my head? the same image appeared while i hear this song!!!

ok anyway back to today's service.. after hearing she sang, I CRIED LA! OMG~ X( the lyrics are reali straight to the heart one =\ and her voice~ woolala too power x.x she's so gonna touch alot alot more hearts with her works ^^ and today's sermon is on the Book of Matthew chap 8 - 10 and also 1 Corinthians 11-12. i feel it's more about loving the weak and not sucking up to the riches.. sorry my ang moh not very good but i try ok!!! X( anyways, there's this sentence i like alot "We're not to come to the church asking wat the church can do for us, instead we're to come to church asking wat we can do for the church". and this sentence "reach out to the poor and lost sheeps not those with riches or the elites of the world". God wants to bring back his lost sheeps not those that are already back! and also another learning is "if there's hatred and anger in our heart, how are we going to touch the hearts of others truthfully?" i'm just summarising wat i've learnt today ok so dun expect much i've been reading my new bible for the past 1hr plus and i tink my brain is alittle overflowing now x.x

ok this post is not to nag about wat happened today but is to share how touched i was today in CHC! the songs today were good as well! and i can stil remember the words.. one of it was "unfailing love, so unreserved, because of you, i now can live.. you gave yourselves on calvary, and now i stand forever free.. my saviour rescue me!" awww~ i reali cant help but to tink that God's love is just~ OMGGGG~ XD keep feeling like tears are uncontrollable ANYTIME ok~ LOL~ too touched and hallelujah! i love Jesus ^^ i got this thing in my mind i'm trying to do.. i'm so gonna learn to love all even my enemies and forget wat is hate~ so i've been starting to pray for some of the ppl that i seriously do not like.. and hope it would help me forget the hate and learn to love the way God does :)

here's the lyrics of the song by Wawa that touched me to the max! i'll try to get it on my playlist right >>>> if my bloggy ya ^^

娃娃 - 有了你

轻轻的闭上眼，你就在我身边
你说，孩子，我永远都会与你同在
我一直不停的思念你

轻轻的点点头，你就在我身边
我说，耶稣，我要永远躺在你怀里
我要不停唱歌给你听

有了你， 我再也什么都不缺
有了你， 就不怕任何的攻击
有了你， 生命都充满着美好
有了你， 就有了再勇敢的心
有了你， 耶稣~

轻轻的点点头，你就在我身边
我说，耶稣，我要永远躺在你怀里
我要不停唱歌给你听

有了你， 我再也什么都不缺
有了你， 就不怕任何的攻击
有了你， 生命都充满着美好
有了你， 就有了再勇敢的心
有了你， 耶稣~

有了你， 我再也什么都不缺
有了你， 眼泪都会变成甜的
有了你， 生命都充满了奇迹
有了你， 就有了再勇敢的心
有了你， 耶稣~

亲爱的， 我的耶稣
我有了你
我有了你

i love u daddy *loves*

ok enough about the unhappy things which happened~ to all that asked if i'm alrite.. thank you all so much (: and yes i'm perfectly fine (: dun wry little iko have moved on to a better life without him (: anyways this post is inspired by my dearest angel Mike :D his MSN nick "Pursuing simplicity = True happiness~" somehow hit something in my tiny brain..

for those that know.. my life have been reali complicated for the past erm.. 2 - 3months ever since i met him.. i used to have a very blissful life with a perfect boyfriend, a perfect job, a perfect lifestyle (abit of clubbing is perfect ok~).. but i gave all of them up the moment he step into my life.. i've let my previously bf down by giving up his love for me.. his love was unconditional.. his love was true.. so very true.. but i did not cherish it.. he's just a very simple guy.. leading a ordinary til cannot ordinary kinda lifestyle.. working 8-5 everyday on weekdays, weekends will be dating time with me or staying at home rotting day.. and my previous job a very simple customer service officer with Sony.. same thing.. working 10 - 8 everyday and weekends spending time with him.. this kinda simple life is wat i yearn for.. but i gave it up thinking that it's boring..

i thn seek for new and fun things in my life and i guess i messed it up terribly.. but i thank God for bringing me out of this now.. it's onli been 2 - 3 month.. and i've seen it all.. i never wanna go back to this kinda lifestyle again.. i'm glad he left me because i might be the one preg not preparing to crack my brain over keeping or murdering the baby.. i do not and will not allow myself to be in that stand.. never ever~ i thank God for giving me friends like Rena who could give me a hand in my career life.. am learning some business thingy from her and might work on something real soon :)

and now, i'm picking myself up once again to be someone who lead a simple life :) i'm gonna stay contented with everything that's given to me.. never to complain and never to compare.. i may not be a super model or superstar with pretty faces or figures, i may not earn big bucks like those big shots are earning.. but i believe God has his plans for me and i'm so gonna love this new life he gave :) i was once told by one of the pastor that God's plan for me is to be a missionary! my immediate reaction was "HUH?!" lol~ firstly i dun travel, secondly i believe i'm so gonna breakdown seeing the ppl there suffer how am i gonna be strong enuff to reach them x.x but oh well.. i'm leaving it to God still ^^

i wanna touch lives, i wanna change lives.. i wanna help those ard me.. but i'm just so tiny.. i need You by my side to help me and guide me.. give me the right words and right actions to show ppl ard that i reali do care.. they're not alone.. remove my bad temper and stubborness and fill me with love and compassion.. i wanna make ur will be done.. love u daddy <3

be gone all satan's temptation