Melody of my Life..

Am having a little mind breaking moment with myself now :\ what does the kiss means? what does the actions means? all kiss have a meaning dun they? it's either "iloveyou" or "lets get it started" and the later meant no good here :\ but what is it when it's neither of them? *sigh* it feels good hugging u. it feels good to be able to throw my tantrums in ur arms. it feels good to fall asleep in ur arms. it feels good to have u stroking my head when i cant slp. it feels good to wake up seeing ur slping face rite infront of me. the urge to ask u just wat exact wat position are we in now was so strong but just couldnt force it out of my mouth. i felt happy having u with me. but it was extremely cold and painful after u left without a nice goodbye. and following ur cold smses sucks. had alot of different comments thrown to me regarding u.. some were encouraging while most were disheartening :( the urge to let go and walk away was so strong once again. this dun feel good.. reali :\ wanted to have a nice chat with u but couldnt.. u came online and went offline without saying a thing. guess u were tired. guess God's telling me to hold back my words and tink thoroughly before i speak. oh well. my heart's in a big mess. i'm breaking down :(

help :(
it's been awhile since i last cried over this.