had alot of thoughts after the launching of iTalentStar at MoS.. should i just quit? i dun blend into the entire group.. i cant speak properly on stage n even infront of the camera.. basically i suck.. ppl had always been telling me "dun quit!" or "u did perfect".. i noe al these are words of encouragement.. thanks to al of u (: but i'm feeling the strain here and the inferiority.. i'm not a born entertainer.. i'm not born a performer.. wat qualities do i have? almost none~ these people are all awesome~ they were great friends and great competitors.. so much have been learnt and so much i've seen.. afterall i do not have full support from my friends or family and love ones.. how am i to go on? where's my strength?
i ask myself "do i have the confidence? am i able to withstand the stress and tensions of all that's happening?" i noe i can do it if i can find my source of strength.. i didnt noe wat it was.. til today.. it was from my friends, family n loved ones.. when i was on stage, i freak out.. but i told myself that i cannot let tose that believes in me down.. i dun wanna let myself down too.. dun wanna regret "i did not do a good job!" again.. so i gave in watever i can to make it a good show.. and thank god everything went real well (: everyone was supportive be it my frens or the other iTalents.. we encourage one another and helped out each other alot.. reali thankful for these wonderful ppl (:
but now i'm deciding if i should go on.. from here on.. i believe more n more obstacles wil be in.. i'm already facing one which is from my bf.. he's against me joining.. he didnt say but i noe for sure he's not reali happy with this.. i dun wish to lost this r/s cos of a comp.. but yet i dun wish to lose this chance to shine n gain confidence cos of a r/s too.. i gave up on dance once for someone, i regretted and i told myself nv to be like that again.. and i noe if i were to give up now, i'll hate myself.. wat should i do? i've lost al my strength and determination to get goin.. i dunno what i should do from now on.. i'm all alone afterall..
Time
Travel!
Take me back
Before the tears
Before I hurt her
When I could help her
When it was easy to hope
Hard to find a reason to mope
When we could find the truth together
Have I lost that closeness forever?
It is my fault for so much of her troubles
And now the foundation crumbles, turns to rubble
Love
Battle!
Take me back
Past the fears
Before the fervor
So that I can cheer her
When it is easy to frown
If I lay my troubles down
I create my own world's weather
Perhaps a cloudless sky's better
The truest vanity is struggle
Where there shouldn't be one that's visible
If I learn to grown in strength, I'll find it best
To drop my past troubles and prepare for the rest.
i hearts those that gave me strength..
but need to seek for my strength once again..
i'm lost..
):