woots.. it's been LONG since i last update XD anyway 2 new pictures for my new look ^^ cut my hair myself and hopefully it does looks much better ^^ stupid takashi say i look like 7th month "gd brothers" IDIOT >.< nvm.. others says nice can le =P been getting abit more thn usually "hiao" recently lol =X i'm growing up! XD need to work alittle bit harder on my diet.. am getting fatter le X( anyway love the addition to my family lots ^^ introducing my daughter to all <3




my dearest daughter~ ball ball XD cute rite?!?!?!?! XD <3333333

"Happy" 20th to me..

4 more hrs and it's the end of my lousy birthday (thank god) every year i wish and look forward to nice parties or gatherings with frens or family or even bf.. this yr, the same.. BUT the difference here is.. this yr simply SUCKS! 16th july.. a date i always look forward to and LOVED! but somehow i wish this day never come this yr =( simply because everything just sucks..

how did i spend my birthday? at jer's place MAPLE best of all ALONE! (how nice) was honestly having a bad bad bad day.. gave him quite a few attitudes today some reasons are personal la so not nice to say here.. other thn that it's purely boredom plus boredom.. everyday same thing.. this life CANNOT go on! my special day became one of the lousiest day of my life.. DAMN! and for some unknown reason i dun reali look forward to the MNL july babies BBQ =\

just feel that nothing good wil turn out again.. or rather i dun wish to put too high hopes again and get crashed like today =\ this yr VERY special thing is i have no cake (sigh) it used to be a MUST and tradition when i was with the clovers.. but this yr is the first time i'm celebrating without them =( and ya everything just feel so wrong =( i dun have my fren surrounding me.. my bf is slping away.. my mum doesnt give me anything not even a nice dinner..

so wat if my dad gave me 300bucks? so wat if everyone wished me "happy birthday"? i aint happy at all.. i repeat.. AT ALL!!! X( i bet this yr's birthday id gonna be the MOST NON-memorialble one for me.. it's the first time i'm holding the age of a 2+ but yet it wasnt at all a happy one.. everyone had their memorialble big 20 birthday.. i didnt.. oh well maybe birthday isnt anything special at all.. why should i hold it so hard to me?

it's just another day that signifies my coming to this earth.. thats all.. wat's so special? haha~ i started my birthday with sadness.. and ended it with sadness too.. or rather.. loneliness.. my jer's always here.. but stil i feel VERY lonely.. i dun wish to end it with tears.. but stil it's rolling.. i always ask myself wat i wan for my birthday every year.. but this yr it's empty.. i just wish for a big get-around with my frens.. my bf.. my family.. i dun need any big parties or luxurious celebration.. just a small cake and a song? that's al?

this yr.. no cake.. means no candles.. no candles means no blowing of candles.. no blowing of candles means no birthday wish.. sigh.. wat's the point of wishing.. every year, my wish is the same.. but it never came true.. i guess i'm just too attention seeking.. sigh~ well i just ask for abit more attention on this day.. is it wrong? is it too much? sigh~ it seems like a quiet birthday this yr.. obviously i'm stil trying to announce to the world that "it's my birthday!!!" but still.. seems like none cares.. the MNL BBQ is like got head no tail.. my celebration at pub wasnt really nice.. nothing's good basically..

for the whole day.. i've been holding back my tears.. trying to act silly or be stupid infront of jer.. but within, i cant take it.. everytime i tink of the date today.. it just brings tears.. i tink of the past celebrations, it brings tears.. sigh~ sometimes.. i dun wish to grow up..

oh well..
happy birthday iko..

Meow Meow~

many will be surprised by this title as iko obviously and am famous for disliking cats.. but this time i got a kitty.. YA! iko got a kitty XD but onli for a day =( why? thanks to my fcuk up mum AGAIN! i swear i hate her! cb! it's like the first time i actually like cats and first time a cat likes me (i guess so) but damn my mum! i curse al the fcukers who dislike animals go to hell! fcuking cb!

how did i get this kitty? it was on 13th july midnite, me and dearie and calvin went to penninsula to lan.. thn while smoking, this kitty happened to be there.. and for some funny but unknown reason, it seems to love dearie =.= so i bought a packet of milk for it.. and i thot of bringing it home.. but thn we stil gotta lan.. so i said if when we going home that time she's stil here thn bring home.. (fate ma rite?)

and yes.. we came out while walking to take a train, we saw her again XD so of cos like wat i've said, i brought her home.. first to dearie's place (that's the initial plan) but so happened that kitty doesnt like big cats (i have no idea why) and according to dearie's mum that she(kitty) dun even dare to eat, pee, poo =.= (how nice ya?) so bobian, we brought her to my home.. thot mum would let me keep it but.. argh fcuk her! >=(

it was til like minutes ago thn mum found out bout her as she just came home.. kitty was in my bathroom while me and dearie's out to my bday celebration at BQ.. when we came home, OH MY GOD~ my bathroom seems like a war aftermath =.= wat else could it be.. everything was fine til mum gets home.. (dun feel like saying much.. go imagine urself) so no choice, kitty's out of my place T.T hais.. juz hope can see her again ba..





*ugly me but who cares.. i juz love kitty



*goodbye meowmeow*
=(

i was juz informed that there's a remix competition and I'M INVOLVE!!!! XD i'm soooooooo happy la!!! when fil ask me i was wondering should i join ornt lol =X cos competition very scary =\ i scared i'll pull down the team.. somemore i so long nv dance le =( but still i decided to give it a shot ^^ the finals is on 28th july.. and during the whole of july, we have a LONG list of dates for rehearsals, stylings, buskings and funnily there's home vist o.O lol!! i see the list i shock lol =X take a look at it ba ^^

Finalists Rehearsals dates for Remix finals

July 6pm onwards

1 - sunday
6 - friday
7 - saturday
13 - friday
14 - saturday
15 - sunday
19 - thursday
20 - friday
21 - saturday
22 - sunday
24 - tuesday
25 - wednesday
26 - thursday
27 - friday
28 - saturday (BIG DAY!!)

looking at the dates i dunno how am i gonna die lol =X my poor things bf is gonna be ggddsll again le.. =X wondering wat is ggddsll? it means 孤孤单单酸溜溜(gu gu dan dan suan liu liu) lol =X but hopefully dearie will be more understandin ba =) wish me luck for this event ^^ <3

it's been long since i hit a few keys here.. just to update those who reads my blog to get themselves updated bout me.. for the past few weeks, i've been a very happy girl.. like ive said bout me meeting a few biker frens who bring me go round and round.. indeed it was a good experience.. and for ur info.. i'm attached to one of them.. aka jeremy.. he's someone that i swear i can never let down.. he treats me so well that even me myself am convinced that good guy stil exists.. it's been about 2 weeks since we've been together.. honestly.. for the past 2 weeks or so, i've been a VERY happy girl..

being with him made me realise wat's the real true love.. being with him honestly made me know wat it means by "accepting the one u love FULLY" when i go crazy, he stil loves me.. when i get my bad temper,he stil accepts me.. when i get ugly/get fat, he stil loves me.. wat else can i ask for? this is definitely more thn enuff for a bf.. i can never ask for more.. he never throw his temper at me and he never made me feel unhappy.. the only problem here is that i stil misses K.. i dun wish to.. but wat else can i do? =( i honestly had tried my best to forget everything bout us.. i've spent everyday, every hour, every min with jer and honestly, i'm happy being that way..

the only thing that i'm afraid of is that when one day i faced K i'll get all F-king emo and al the emo nonsense wil strike back.. and KNN it does!!!! ARGH~ today.. jovi celebrated his bday at VD.. and just as i've thot that K wil be there =.= and yeap.. he's there.. *sigh* before goin to VD, i was thinking bout wat the hell wil happen when we meet.. wat the hell wil he say when we meet.. honestly if he didnt say things regarding us, i wil stil be able to control my emo-ness and keep everything in control.. but it was til he said something regarding us, i broke down..

i couldnt face anyone at that point of time and thank god sueann's there.. so obviously she knew wat happened and she hugged me tight and there i cried.. i wasnt crying for the sake of K nor jer.. i was just plainly lost and didnt know wat the F am i doin.. thus the tears rolled.. roy asked me to think carefully who treats me better and who suits me more.. the answer i gave was honestly cruel and straight in the face.. of cos.. i chose jer.. in the first place, i never felt in the same "league" as K :( our family background, our thinking, our brought up etc.. are all DIFFERENT!! =\ we're way too different.. thus the frequent communication breakdown occurs..

the reason for the breakdown today has alot! i swear.. firstly.. my ex-best fren couldnt recognised me.. or rather.. she did but didnt bother to even say a "HI" :( secondly, my dearest darling fairy aint feeling anywhere near good (P&C), thirdly, the meeting of him =\ and lastly.. I GOT NOT ENOUGH SLEEP!!!! X( thus al these plus tgt = ULTIMATE BREAKDOWN OF IKO =\ *sigh*

i reali dunno wat else to say now to either of them.. the only thing i can say to K is that u didnt cherish me while u could and for my character and own philosophy, i know that i will not turn back to ppl who didnt heed my advice and get the hint i left.. i gave u alot of chance.. but u just didnt cherish them and at the same time, i got tired.. i choose to leave.. who knows whether i wil regret leaving ornt.. but honestly.. i didnt wish to care anymore.. it's far too tiring having to act someone that i'm not and it's far too tiring to keep trying to maintain the r/s with ALL i have.. like i've said before.. i'm a girl and i need to be loved more thn i love.. how could i take it when i'm the one who always try to give in to u?!

i'm sorry.. i've left.. thanks for al the nice memories we've once shared and here wish u all the best.. we could stil be frens once again unless u chose not to.. it was nice meeting u again but next time pls dun drink so much again.. u shud noe ur own limit and u shud stay far away from ur limit.. dun make ppl who cares for u worry.. take care of urself and all the best =)

and as for myself, i know i wil be stronger that ever and stand up for myself.. no worries ppl.. all i wish now is to get back to my dance, my studies, my stupid PP and of cos may my r/s be smooth sailing.. oh not forgetting, my online audition =XXX recently am DAMN into it AGAIN =X hehe~ wish me al the best in everything i wish to put my time into yea? *smiles*

the pain in me
no one understands..
*sigh*

ahh~ it's been awhile since i last blogged.. anyway it's been a rather struggling week for me =\ things weren't going as fine as it seems thou.. recently, i've been trying to psycho myself, brainwashing to make myself awake.. it's really tiring and i really am breaking down.. the last weekend was another drunkard weekend i had *sigh for thurs, hugo boss.. alrite it's juz another event where iko's jumping ard saying hi doing PR, actin happy =\

everyone ask me "where's ur boi?" =\ al i said was "dunno".. i myself dun even noe wat things are like now.. hanging there as if selling some chicken or duck.. it feels terrible.. utterly terrible =\ *sigh i wish to be the true happy me once again.. i wish to stand up on myself once again.. nothing to bring me down, nothing to come in my way.. it's hard, i know.. but i can do it and i wil do it..

recently have met these biker gang.. seriously it's my first time moving in high speed on a expressway for the past 20 bloody yrs.. i swear.. it felt so good that it's out of this world! but once again my vespa dream came back =X and i saw this vespa it's a beauty i swear! now i'm struggling to take bike license or car =( car wil definitely be a better choice but it's like firstly so ex, secondly i like the comfort in car but i love the excitement in bikes! how?! =(

but recently after so much thinking and killing of brain cells, i've realised and finally wake up to something in life.. i realise that ppl always say "humans are selfish, we live for our own and nothing else.." this is VERY true! ppl ard me, al seem so far away now.. sii is one of them =( i'm not saying she's selfish but indeed she's surviving for her own.. i miss her so much =( hope she's doin fine..

HIM is also another case.. someone can throe ur loved ones al alone outside a club for bloody 28bucks and someone that can ignore their loved ones for like an entire day without a single call or sms.. sometimes i wonder.. does he actually really truly noe wat is love??? and have he EVER EVER EVER been in love??? o.O i reali wonder.. does he noe wat's the responsibility of a bf? and does he noe wat exactly is a r/s???

sigh~ it seems that every individual is different is indeed true.. different per spective, different goals, different way of handling things.. and sorry but honestly, his way of handling things makes me sick at times.. i mean MOST of the time.. i hate ppl who leave things as it is, dun solve them and simply keep running.. ket's see how long can they run.. "u can run but u can never hide" a nice sentence that's well known by everyone..

jovi brainwashed me few days back.. i felt much better.. indeed.. yes, we dun need a guy/girl now.. life is all about being happy.. why care the rest? =) i just wanna be hapy and be myself.. maybe one day i'll be tamed.. maybe one day i wil truly be ME yet someone that's accepted by the one i love.. i honestly hate it when someone tries to control over me.. i had enough of those.. i never felt guilty before cos i noe i'm not a slut that touches guy or let them touch me..

i noe myself very well that i'm not someone that kiss everyone i noe.. i'm not the type of girl that hook guys in clubs.. i club, to dance.. to enjoy my fren's accompany.. to de-stress.. but if the guy of my life cant seem to understand and accept that, i'm sorry i guess i'm not yours.. i'm a human.. a girl that needs love and acceptance.. not a pet or property to be controlled over.. after one of my past incident, i'm already VERY afraid of such cases.. i cant let myself fall into any of these.. cos i noe the consequences wil be just making the devil in me goin more wild.. there's such thing as backfired =)

so one last words to al guys out there.. either u accept and cherish wat u have now, or regret later.. one of my fren told me "ignore him la.. he wil ask u to go back to him once u leave him.. guys are all like that haha" he himself is a guy.. but he can say such things.. and i guess it's all been proven haha! well guys.. cherish the girl u have now.. dun regret when it's too late.. *smiles*

whee~ everything's rather peaceful this week *thank god* hmm just feel like hitting a few keys here on the keyboard t udate abit bout wat had happened this week ba.. for the weekdays obviously i'm stuck in that republic prison =( after sch, either i'll be hoe ZzZz or i'll be meeting fairy at AMK to chill =) it feels gd seeing the girls la.. her lynette.. so happy ^^ was a short session but stil very happy..

AMK's my new hangout already lol~ it's near, cheap and of cos got khaki like fairy and lynette.. muehehe~ oh and few days back got my hair dyed red ^^ wheee~ nothing new but i stil love my red hair hehe~ and i cut my fringe myself again hehe~ now i look so funny -.- sueann say got difference lei but phoebe say i might as well dun cut T_T damn sad.. but nvm i dun wan too short also lol =X

hmm things were peaceful between me and him too *a BIG thank god* my heart very weak liao lol~ cannot take blows le lol!! and i've of cos cut down alot on WG le.. hmm.. webby sometimes also lazy go in talk.. bitching also reply when i feel like it.. forum, go in get myself updated onli.. guess one day i'll totally cut off from WG le ba.. no idea also.. it's hard.. cos they were like family to me.. for my long holiday, i've spent every single day with them lei! and they really took very good care of me that time =)

it was my happiest and saddest holiday thou lol~ sad cos it's too messed up =\ but happy cos i met alot of nice ppl.. ytd i was tinking.. is it gd to get a r/s from WG or is it bad? why i say that? here's how it goes..

good
cos at least the circle of frens are al the same.. we al noe one another and easier to trust that way.. WG maybe a "not so clean" place but if u noe who to choose to hang out with i believe it isnt that bad afterall =)

bad
WG r/s i've seen too many TOOOOOO many!!! and NONE are long term.. =\ i guess is cos they rush into r/s too fast ba.. like i've said.. after being in WG for half a yr, even myself am used to the rushing of things =\ so now thank god i foud him and he's keeping my pace down =) WG have too many temptations inside them.. girls that are sluts that goes after attached guys, guys trying to make couples break up.. al these i've seen it all =\

so is it a gd or bad thing to have a r/s within WG? for me i tink it's a NONONONO! haha~ i rather get someone from non WG, slowly build the trust, thn to get someone in WG that has a short r/s lifespan.. lol~ so anyway.. i'm sick and tired of quarrels and fights in the bgr side.. so watever that's gonna happen i'm not gonna deal with it the way i dealt with in the past le =) someone gotta give in.. i chose to give in most of the time nw.. but who knows? i might explode inside haha~ when i explode, i guess nothing can bring me back =)

it feels good being in ur arms
it feels good when u come for me
it feels good when things are peaceful..
we need to trust more..