Melody of my Life..

"Happy" 20th to me..

4 more hrs and it's the end of my lousy birthday (thank god) every year i wish and look forward to nice parties or gatherings with frens or family or even bf.. this yr, the same.. BUT the difference here is.. this yr simply SUCKS! 16th july.. a date i always look forward to and LOVED! but somehow i wish this day never come this yr =( simply because everything just sucks..

how did i spend my birthday? at jer's place MAPLE best of all ALONE! (how nice) was honestly having a bad bad bad day.. gave him quite a few attitudes today some reasons are personal la so not nice to say here.. other thn that it's purely boredom plus boredom.. everyday same thing.. this life CANNOT go on! my special day became one of the lousiest day of my life.. DAMN! and for some unknown reason i dun reali look forward to the MNL july babies BBQ =\

just feel that nothing good wil turn out again.. or rather i dun wish to put too high hopes again and get crashed like today =\ this yr VERY special thing is i have no cake (sigh) it used to be a MUST and tradition when i was with the clovers.. but this yr is the first time i'm celebrating without them =( and ya everything just feel so wrong =( i dun have my fren surrounding me.. my bf is slping away.. my mum doesnt give me anything not even a nice dinner..

so wat if my dad gave me 300bucks? so wat if everyone wished me "happy birthday"? i aint happy at all.. i repeat.. AT ALL!!! X( i bet this yr's birthday id gonna be the MOST NON-memorialble one for me.. it's the first time i'm holding the age of a 2+ but yet it wasnt at all a happy one.. everyone had their memorialble big 20 birthday.. i didnt.. oh well maybe birthday isnt anything special at all.. why should i hold it so hard to me?

it's just another day that signifies my coming to this earth.. thats all.. wat's so special? haha~ i started my birthday with sadness.. and ended it with sadness too.. or rather.. loneliness.. my jer's always here.. but stil i feel VERY lonely.. i dun wish to end it with tears.. but stil it's rolling.. i always ask myself wat i wan for my birthday every year.. but this yr it's empty.. i just wish for a big get-around with my frens.. my bf.. my family.. i dun need any big parties or luxurious celebration.. just a small cake and a song? that's al?

this yr.. no cake.. means no candles.. no candles means no blowing of candles.. no blowing of candles means no birthday wish.. sigh.. wat's the point of wishing.. every year, my wish is the same.. but it never came true.. i guess i'm just too attention seeking.. sigh~ well i just ask for abit more attention on this day.. is it wrong? is it too much? sigh~ it seems like a quiet birthday this yr.. obviously i'm stil trying to announce to the world that "it's my birthday!!!" but still.. seems like none cares.. the MNL BBQ is like got head no tail.. my celebration at pub wasnt really nice.. nothing's good basically..

for the whole day.. i've been holding back my tears.. trying to act silly or be stupid infront of jer.. but within, i cant take it.. everytime i tink of the date today.. it just brings tears.. i tink of the past celebrations, it brings tears.. sigh~ sometimes.. i dun wish to grow up..

oh well..
happy birthday iko..