like i explained to him i NEVER do anything wrong to him when we were tgt! argh fuck it! i say "i did u wrong when we were tgt" is cos i had feelings for another guy.. why cant he seem to understand? keep tinking i slept with others?! wtf sia~ but watever it is.. i'm moving on too.. it never feel good seeing him with al the different girl each time we met.. but who cares! i wil move on.. for those who cared.. thanks alot.. i felt like a living zombie recently.. but i wil pick myself up once again and be the bubbly iko u al noe (: al he said sounds so beautiful of him and ugly of me.. ever wonder why i cry? ever wonder why i was so scared of him?

when were inside colour zone.. he suddenly grip me and ask for another chance.. i kept mum.. the words are screwing my mind.. and i was already half way gone. but he keep repeating and repeating.. i was seriously fed up.. i said no.. cos i wanna be frens and noe each other al over again.. i stood firm this time round.. cos i wan r/s to last.. not to rush anything and get out of it.. but he cant seem to understand! i was at my limit.. i told him i did him wrong.. but wat i meant was i had feelings for someone else.. NOT SEX! grrr~ am i such a lose person?! fuck!

thn al i remember was he pulled me out of colourzone as they were closing.. thn al i hear was "give me a chance ok???" i went mad.. my mind shut off.. i swear it was literally BLANK~ i never felt so scared.. i broke down.. and next thing i noe i was shouting for susu.. i hid behind her while dan hold him back.. i dunno wat they were talking but i remember susu shouting back.. we board the cab.. and juz when i thot i can finally rest my mind, he was beside me..

i broke down AGAIN~ reach susu place, same thing my mind was in total blank.. i cried and cried.. while susu console me and dan speak to him.. from wat i heard after i was sober, was that they almost fight.. cant believe it.. from that moment on, his mr-nice-guy, sweet-gentle-loving bf image became ashes.. i cant believe this is someone whom i loved and loved me.. where did the gentle guy go? many say "he love u too deep" i noe i noe he love me alot.. but love is not about having the person rite?

love is about the person being happy.. respect.. not everyday meeting different girl, shouting and yelling for another chance.. pushing me to the limit.. i swear i never felt so scared and forced before.. drama? yes~ it felt exactly like a drama.. i have no idea wat's goin on and how things came to this position.. but al i noe is.. the guy i loved deeply with my heart, is gone.. his actions has proven that i'm merely an object to possess and not someone whom he shud love and respect.. i never felt worst in my entire life.. but however i'm gonna be strong.. i dun need love to make me happy.. i noe i'll be happy just by having frens..

i'm sorry to my mum for making her worry.. i'm sorry to my frens who worried bout me.. i'm sorry to myself for tarnishing myself like this.. i'm sorry to everyone and everything.. lastly i'm sorry to him.. maybe we shouldnt even be tgt in the first place.. we noe we dun belong tgt.. yet we chose to go against it and force ourselves to be tgt.. the hand i never wanna let go.. the guy i never wanna lose.. wil al be buried in my memory forever.. i wish him al the best from here on.. like he said.. he need a woman not a girl.. and me? i need someone who can take care of himself and me.. respect and love me for who i am.. supporting me in everything i do.. i wil be strong..

everything seem to come thumbling down on me.. everyone's shattered.. just by this fucking thing call love.. wat is love exactly? why do we always have to throw ourselves to it and get ourselves terribly hurt? and why do love happen to me at this point of time when i dun wan it to come? my heart can no longer feel.. i can no longer love.. so why do u guys wanna come to me and get urself hurt?! i dun wanna hurt anyone.. thus i chose to be alone.. one side force me to give him a chance again but i felt i need alot of time to be single and make sure i'm ready to be a gf once again.. the other side wants to take care of me and love me and he dun wanna drag on anything anymore.. but again i dun even noe who am i wat i'm doin.. how can i be sure i can commit in another r/s? to be with either of them, i'll hurt definitely the other one.. which i dun wan.. i dun wanna hurt anyone.. i dun wanna lose anyone..everyone is equally precious to me.. worst is wat if i get into another r/s and end up all 3 of us gets hurt?! that's the last thing i'll ever wan to happen.. so tell me wat shud i do?

it ended..

dun ask me what happened.. dun rub salt into my wound.. for now at least alrite? abit update here.. i've been drinking since dunno when non stop til ytd.. wat i see everyday is dim lights, alcohol, green tea, coke.. sing, listen, getting emo.. drink, laugh, cry.. wat else? ha~ i'm very lazy to blog now.. maybe gimme a few more day i'll tell u the story alrite?

i'm stil here..
i wont leave..
cos i noe i love u still..
i juz need time to be ready to be a gf..
will u give me the time i need?
or wil u simply leave?
no matter wat is it..
i just wan u to be happy too..
take care and thanks for the 2month of happiness..
i loved.. u too..

李圣杰 - 最近

你最近不说话
怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

你想要的
我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

爱我却不能给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福

Valentine Day History

There are varying opinions as to the origin of Valentine's Day. Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.

Gradually, February 14 became the date for exchanging love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers. The date was marked by sending poems and simple gifts such as flowers. There was often a social gathering or a ball.

In the United States, Miss Esther Howland is given credit for sending the first valentine cards. Commercial valentines were introduced in the 1800's and now the date is very commercialised. The town of Loveland, Colorado, does a large post office business around February 14. The spirit of good continues as valentines are sent out with sentimental verses and children exchange valentine cards at school.

The History of Saint Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day started in the time of the Roman Empire. In ancient Rome, February 14th was a holiday to honour Juno. Juno was the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. The Romans also knew her as the Goddess of women and marriage. The following day, February 15th, began the Feast of Lupercalia.

The lives of young boys and girls were strictly separate. However, one of the customs of the young people was name drawing. On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars. Each young man would draw a girl's name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. Sometimes the pairing of the children lasted an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.

Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. At that time it was the custom in Rome, a very ancient custom, indeed, to celebrate in the month of February the Lupercalia, feasts in honour of a heathen god. On these occasions, amidst a variety of pagan ceremonies, the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men as chance directed.

The pastors of the early Christian Church in Rome endeavoured to do away with the pagan element in these feasts by substituting the names of saints for those of maidens. And as the Lupercalia began about the middle of February, the pastors appear to have chosen Saint Valentine's Day for the celebration of this new feaSt. So it seems that the custom of young men choosing maidens for valentines, or saints as patrons for the coming year, arose in this way.

Saint Valentine's Story

Let me introduce myself. My name is Valentine. I lived in Rome during the third century. That was long, long ago! At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius. I didn't like Emperor Claudius, and I wasn't the only one! A lot of people shared my feelings.

Claudius wanted to have a big army. He expected men to volunteer to join. Many men just did not want to fight in wars. They did not want to leave their wives and families. As you might have guessed, not many men signed up. This made Claudius furious. So what happened? He had a crazy idea. He thought that if men were not married, they would not mind joining the army. So Claudius decided not to allow any more marriages. Young people thought his new law was cruel. I thought it was preposterous! I certainly wasn't going to support that law!

Did I mention that I was a priest? One of my favourite activities was to marry couples. Even after Emperor Claudius passed his law, I kept on performing marriage ceremonies -- secretly, of course. It was really quite exciting. Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride and groom and myself. We would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers.

One night, we did hear footsteps. It was scary! Thank goodness the couple I was marrying escaped in time. I was caught. (Not quite as light on my feet as I used to be, I guess.) I was thrown in jail and told that my punishment was death.

I tried to stay cheerful. And do you know what? Wonderful things happened. Many young people came to the jail to visit me. They threw flowers and notes up to my window. They wanted me to know that they, too, believed in love.

One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard. Her father allowed her to visit me in the cell. Sometimes we would sit and talk for hours. She helped me to keep my spirits up. She agreed that I did the right thing by ignoring the Emperor and going ahead with the secret marriages. On the day I was to die, I left my friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. I signed it, "Love from your Valentine."

I believe that note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day. It was written on the day I died, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, people remember. But most importantly, they think about love and friendship. And when they think of Emperor Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love, and they laugh -- because they know that love can't be beaten!

Valentine Traditions

Hundreds of years ago in England, many children dressed up as adults on Valentine's Day. They went singing from home to home. One verse they sang was:

Good morning to you, valentine;
Curl your locks as I do mine ---
Two before and three behind.
Good morning to you, valentine.

In Wales wooden love spoons were carved and given as gifts on February 14th. Hearts, keys and keyholes were favourite decorations on the spoons. The decoration meant, "You unlock my heart!"

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

In some countries, a young woman may receive a gift of clothing from a young man. If she keeps the gift, it means she will marry him.

Some people used to believe that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a millionaire.

A love seat is a wide chair. It was first made to seat one woman and her wide dress. Later, the love seat or courting seat had two sections, often in an S-shape. In this way, a couple could sit together -- but not too closely!

Think of five or six names of boys or girls you might marry, As you twist the stem of an apple, recite the names until the stem comes off. You will marry the person whose name you were saying when the stem fell off.

Pick a dandelion that has gone to seed. Take a deep breath and blow the seeds into the wind. Count the seeds that remain on the stem. That is the number of children you will have.

If you cut an apple in half and count how many seeds are inside, you will also know how many children you will have.

Happy Valentines' day to everyone..

-loves-

Goodbye W24D =(

it's finally the day i've been waiting for ever sinc ei'm a student once again.. yes it's the last day of me being a yr 1 freshie.. but why aint i happy? =( sigh.. nvm.. i tink i'm juz missing my classies and the wonderful facis we had this sem.. argh i knew it.. i knew i'd be sad after all.. stil remember the very first week of sch where we ALL hated one another lol~ not reali hate but reali DUN LIKE.. =\ but now? omg~ emo la! =( today's final lesson.. enterprise. basically did nothing.. went to sch at 10am (thanks for the morning call uh -.-) and this is wat i see..


eveyrone's simply enjoying! wtf?! no one's actually doin work lol!! including my faci.. most bottom right is his head -.-

Ong ah huat relai wanna celebrate CNY with u suh -.- rich ass!!! he treated the class today!

and for some funny yet unknown reason, darwin and gang bought him a cake, we sang him happy birthday BUT it's not his bday -.- lol~ shui bian la~

brenda and justin trying to slice the cake :D the messy table fo food and watever u can find =X

the ah bengs!!! lol~ from left.. dinie, darwin, bryan(fuck him), ken and bernice :D the CS gang

see! i told u they're the bengs! INCLUDING ah huat! omg~ *faint*

sometimes we needa have fun with wat we use when at work rite? the projector is now playing CS in game..


wah this one can give me a heart attack =\ was in train with fen and happen to see this OMG! wat does it resembles? lol~


bahhh~ my swollen eyes due to lack of slp @_@ ok that marks the end of my yr 1 life.. hopefully i can pass smoothly and eveyrthing go smoothly from now ba.. my life is in a mess now.. i feel lost.. and VERY lost.. i need a job to occupy my holidays.. i need ppl for me to talk to.. i dun nid cold shoulders and liars out there.. i juz wan to be happy.. give me a life..

it's a lie

ytd went for dinner with the WG peeps at maxwell food center.. it's a nice gathering =) like finally get to see their faces clearly lol~ was stil kinda shy so i was with susu and ricky most of the time.. and there's someone i dun reali like ar.. and she's like stealing the limelight acting cute the whole entire nite =\ so i juz kept shut.. we all split into 4 tables and take turns to eat.. imagine how many there are lol~

after that me, susu, ricky, edmund, boi and sam went to walk ard for awhile thn decided to go pubbing =) a nice thing to do to relieve stress isnt it? ;) and i'm gonna have my holiday! :D thank god~ we went to i tink 2 or 3 places and couldnt get our ass stick to the chair til we arrive at QB lol~ we met shawn, john and alan too =) after awhile i tink boi, edmund and sam went to pool while the rest of us stay there to play and drink -.-

yes we were playing dice for the whole entire nite and drink drink drink.. wtf?! can u believe me, iko.. actually puke when i ONLY drink beer?! omg~ beer nia lei.. liew.. i felt er xin cos it was very gassy and somemore after boi KO i keep losing =\ i onli win him nia ehh sian~ but good la at least i win someone muehhehe~ tink i was half gone and susu called my darling who was at MoS to come fetch me home lol~ so here i am at his place le.. but stil am so happy to see him =) after al the unhappiness the sky's finally clear once again.. thank god~

today, slack our day off.. we actually slp til 4plus! lol! lihai ba.. thn we cook maggie (dearie do the cooking i do the washing) thn watch fullhouse i swear it's very very nice!!!! i was like crying la!!! lucky dearie fell aslp lol =X tink i wanna rent it haha! XD too nice liao.. thn after that slack again, dearie went to send his best fren off cos she's leaving to aussie while i be gd at home =) and now he's watchin soccer while i am here bloggin :D

that's juz the simple yet nice day i had =) wish everyday can be so simple.. ok anyway my back is aching =\ no idea why.. my neck, my shoulder, my old injuries of my waist.. OMG! i'm falling apart again!!!! =( tml nite ask mummy massage for me :D hehe~ ok la i go tv also liao byebye..

i like the way u hold my hand
i like the way u care
i like the way u look into my eyes
i like the way u hug my waist
i like the way u slp beside me
i like the way we kiss
i like the way u pat my head
i like the way u pats me to slp
i like u juz the way u are..
my dearest mango..