Melody of my Life..

i'm suffocating myself.. with al the moodswings, emo, drinks, smoke.. i noe this is not me.. i noe.. and i noe i gotta bring myself back.. i gotta face everything.. clean up the mess i've created myself.. everything felt like a dream.. with juz a shake and i'm into another world.. stop treating me hot and cold as u like.. i aint no toy.. sometimes i wonder wat makes things become as they are today.. have i done something wrong? or is it that i cant catch up with the fast pace that's moving along?

i need to noe wat's goin on.. i need to hear ur voice.. sometimes i feel guilty cos i show my attitude like there's no tml and hurt everyone ard me esp him.. i dun wish to hurt him but i realise the one i hurt is always him.. i noe i ought to treat him better.. i am trying! i am.. but i guess it's a lil too late.. it's getting colder here yet he's standing so far away..

flashbacks of us pops up like crazy everyday.. every morning.. every night.. everytime my phone rings i wish it's him.. and everytime my heart sinks with disappointment.. doubts keep staying in me.. i always ask him "do u reali love me" or things like "are u sian of me" and each time the ans i get is the same.. it's always positive.. his assurance do make me felt so much better.. but the doubt juz wont go! why?! i hate it i hate it!!

i dun wanna be a sensitive girl that gets emo every now and thn.. i dun wanna show fuck up attitude to anyone i noe! i juz wanna be a happy girl in everyone's eyes and i juz wanna see smiles from everyone ard me! but why am i such a failure now?! i wish to give him the freedom he needs.. but my heart is tying him so damn down! my mind and heart are having WW4 every now and thn.. to trust him and keep shut or to doubt him and dig for truths..

can he dun be so playful? can be juz grow up slightly a lil bit? i dunno.. i cant seem to let him go but it seems he's drifting further from me.. this thing is making me go reali gaga.. it's funny how i ended up here.. i cant even recognise myself! who am i? maybe i reali shud refrain from the slightest BGR.. not even crushes.. because i noe.. i wil get hurt.. i noe i wont be able to make the person happy.. i noe i wil be a failure as a gf.. i aint a gd girl afterall..

sighs
为什么相爱的人不能够在一起?
=(