i loved.. he didnt..

started my journey-to-recovery session with fellow ppl who cared.. was reali heart broken yet angered when i saw the scene. he can blame me all he wants.. he's no where better. come on. i'm not a idiot. i can feel too. seeing her pics at his place. not good.. seeing her pic on his fb.. not good either.. seeing him with her.. HA! bam~ it hit my limit. all these while have been blaming myself so much for watever happened.. ppl who knew told me i wasnt at fault. he's the one who didnt want to give me a status, not even a dating status. he's the one who kept hurting me by leaving and abandoning me. he's the one that made me all tired of being led on yet no status at all. sometimes, a man gotta do wat a man should do. dun leave the girl dangling if you dun love her. it hurts. it drains us off totally. when they ask "do u still love him?" my ans was "yes" i'm v firm about it. yes i'm a idiot despite being hurt so many times, being abandoned so many times.. i stil love him. dun ask me why.. perhaps i owe him in my previous life. sis ask why am i always so in-confident whenever we mention bout us. i dunno.. perhaps i always tink i'm nt good enough for him. afterall, i have always been loving him and places him on top of my priority list. have been tinking alot recently.. he never loved me. perhaps he did.. but i believe one wouldnt let go of someone if they have truly loved. and in just 5 mths, he had let go of me umpteen times.. and the scene i saw. it was fated. i swear it woke me up finally.i was al along, just a spare tyre. it's ok.. i have no guilt in this entire r/s.. i will just live my life as it is.. it's a mess to be cleared. it was a wrong move to have confessed to him. if i hadnt frm the very beginning, we would stil have been real good frens. now its all ruined. should have just keep the memories there. beautiful frenship. i'm tired.. and drained from all the emo thoughts. he left.. just let him go, iko.. it's all over..

it still hurts a hell lot..
perhaps it wil never heal..
just.. let it be..