Melody of my Life..

i tend to laugh at my own life alot. tinking back on how wonderful my life was when i was a kid. with a perfect family, backgrounds, financial status.. having everything i wanted.. a well brought up little girl.. within one night, everything turns to ashes.. am missing my very first and biggest dream of being a pianist when alvin shared with me a piece by Yiruma. the song's "Kiss the rain" it's reali reali nice.. it's heartwrenching tinking that my piano dreams went down the drain thanks to my parent's failed marriage. it pains me to see other's performing on the stage so wonderfully and yet i can onli be a audience. it hurts each time i watch a concert wonderfully performed in my face.. it hurts when i cannot be the one there. musical concerts always leaves me in tears. always i'm tinking.. if i were to continued my music lessons since thn til now.. i might be a very very different person. i might be a well tempered girl who's demure and much liked by everyone else. not this ah lian (whom everyone tinks i am). it's funny how and why everytime i act so damn positive yet i'm all about negativity. haha~ wat rights do i have to preach on ppl's life? it's easy to portray a happy image.. but it's definitely very and i mean VERY VERY lonely in the inside when no one truly understands. having to hide away all my negativity and live like any happy girl is not a easy job. but al i wan is ppl ard me to feel happy. i like it when ppl see me they smile. i wouldnt mind even if they teases me as long it brings a smile on them. thus i guess i've formed this habit of acting all so positive ba. well.. the world stil spins even when we're down.. nth i can do but to accept fate as they comes :) oh well.. God i need strength.. the strength to live with this smile everyday.. the strength to hide my loneliness and unhappiness which was stolen from me. i need u once again.. i'm on a low batt already.. :(

i wish to just cry my hearts out just like a little girl..
the pains.. the pasts.. the darkness..
where's my happiness that was stolen since young?
would u pls return to me? :(