Melody of my Life..

the end of another chapter of my life...

4months 7days.. that's how long this chapter lasted. everything was well and fine but i realise that we're too overly close. which made me felt like a old married hag. yes.. it maybe sweet and nice in the first place to see each other for 24/7. it maybe the most wonderful thing everyone thought it couple happen to a couple. but al i can say is.. it doesnt last.

i felt so tied up even thou he gave me so much freedom. i felt so controlled even thou he didnt at all. why?! i dunno. i'm someone who needs freedom. LOTS of freedom and solid freedom. i dun have freedom at al in games. i'm afraid of this and that. afraid that i go for sch or dance, he'll be lonely. afraid that i'll leave him alone when in big groups as i love being ard my frens. i've lost myself within this short 4months+. i no longer have any frens except that few.

mum nags alot today bout this incident. but wat i can say is.. her words are like a big hammer that hits on my head. they makes lotsa sense. life is not about love.. be realistic.. love dun let us survive. we need to work, school, money, frens, privacy, family etc. love is a bonus. i totally agree with this. the once always emo about love issue iko is long gone. al i wan is a balance r/s. i'm no longer the little girl that needs 24hr of attention. i'm no longer the type that sticks to my bf every single sec.

i dreams for a life whereby my bf goes to work, i goes to school.. we meet often but not everyday. we know each other's frens but stil have own's fren. we goes out on our individual outings and have fun individually. a sweet sms or call whenever we miss each other and 100% trust and understanding. hard? i guess so.. after soooo many chapters have passed.. i cant seem to find even one that's close. not at all...

it hurts me too to be cruel to not giving him another chance.. but still.. watever he said earlier had pierced rite thru.. watever mum said, rubbed salt into my wound. i felt the pain.. so pain that i dunno how to go on anymore.. watever we agreed on before, was not fulfilled.. to leave each other alone in game and not be unhappy no matter wat happen in games. he failed.. he didnt show it, i appreciate.. but i definitely could tell something's wrong.. seeing him unhappy doesnt make me happy at all.. and i mean AT ALL =\

i suggested.. since we're both so unhappy with one another.. we shall just be frens.. both wil be very unhappy since we're stil in love.. but i guess it's the best way to stop the pain for the time being and make sure it's reali LOVE before anything else goes on. i noe i'm VERY playful now still.. i noe i wan LOTSA LOTSA freedom.. so i better stay out of r/s to prevent making more ppl unhappy. i stil believe in this sentence.. what's meant to be, will be.. if we're reali meant for one another, i believe we break up 215641498124721times also stil wil be tgt in the end.

my mind's in a big blanko now.. we shall leave it to fate than.. i feel numb.. very numb..

fading away..