丁噹 - 猜不透

hmm.. dust have been lying somewhere here for pretty long :x time for a little hitting of the keys on this dead space. life has been pretty ok so far since the last post :3 have been totally shutting myself off from the "love love" thingy to stop myself from hurting myself deeper :\ and have been focusing on working and earning money. but recently kinda came across a few lessons in life that i shouldnt shut myself out totally and shouldnt be TOO firm on the stand that money is SO important :\ but the thing is.. in my situation, how can it be not important? sigh. recently contacted back few frens from my longggggggggg ago past lol! am so glad we're in contact again after decades! miss all of them so much! xD after contacting back, we chatted bout pasts, silly things we did back thn, silly thinkings all of us were having lol~ was reali cute. and honestly i miss those days so much :( those were the days when we were all so naive, so innocent and so pure. sigh~ gone were the days as we grow older :( i wanna feel that feeling again! i wanna be who i was :( have been hearing this song 猜不透 by ding dang quite often recently and am reali loving this song sooooo much! the lyrics.. omg! >< every single sentence kinda hit real hard on me for my past r/s. this song came too late! LOL! it would have been a real good song for "recovery" during those times :\ but anyway just to share it :)

丁噹 - 猜不透

作詞：黃婷 作曲：林邁可

猜不透
你最近時好時壞的沈默
我也不想去追問太多
讓試探為彼此的心 上了鎖

猜不透
相處會比分開還寂寞
兩個人都只是得過且過
無法感受每次觸摸 是真的 是熱的

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活

如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

猜不透
相處會比分開還寂寞
兩個人都只是得過且過
無法感受每次觸摸 是真的 是熱的

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活

如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活

如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

到底這感覺誰對誰錯
我已不想追究
越是在乎的人越是猜不透

this song speaks the mystery of guys and girls in a r/s..

we'll always be left trying to understand wat each other wants but we'll never get it..

those who do, congrats! :)

WHY?!

ahh.. been so long since i hit the buttons here :x hehe.. life has been a big roller coaster for me recently.. yr 2010 ended peacefully for me thou. wanted to party but couldnt reali get into the mood =\ on the very last day of 2010 i decided to let go of someone which i held too tightly on. afterall.. it's pointless to hold on anymore isnt it? i admit i do still misses him.. but well.. the him that i miss was someone in the past alr. he's no longer mine and no longer give a damn about my life. it's actually amazing how someone can love one so much and thn changed in one nite. this is one thing i'll never understand i guess.. but also thanks to his heartlessness, i met my love.. yea i noe i kinda sound like a bitch who can let go of a old r/s and get into a new one so soon.. a new chapter begins unknowingly and it was indeed a big surprise for me. i admit this r/s is a "too-fast-too-furious" r/s.. me n baby onli known each other for about a week or so and there we are, walking down the path of being "us" :) for the first few days, i did doubt the whole r/s was a mistake. i did tink of "aiya just play along la". but now, i'm pretty sure that i truly love him. in fact, i was shock.. he made me ignore Mr J's call. baby took away memories of "him". baby amazingly made me willing to truly love unconditionally once again. but this 2 weeks of being tgt, was reali a terrible ride for me =\ waking up to see another girl msging him "dear and muacks". goin out to drink knowing that the entire nite i'm hearing his ex gf's name. knowing that he got drunk and spill "i made the wrong choice" to someone he fell for before me. i thot i was strong enough to handle the first 2. althou i was seriously struggling with myself.. but i just wanted to make this r/s work.. i told myself and even told baby that i would act blind and deaf and just tink that i'm his one and onli one =\ well.. i guess i reached my limit when the 3rd incident happened =\ i burst out last nite. i let out all my emotions and cried terribly. but i'm glad baby did not choose to run.. we talked about all issues and i'm very very touched and glad when baby showed me wat he sent to them stating that he made his choice on me. i stopped crying and thn continued with tears of joy.. it meant so damn much to me. i was actually prepared for a negative outcome the moment i chose to confront him =\ i was prepared to let him fly. to let him go.. but he turned my world ard with his response :) althou one of the girl is seriously making me very very pissed off. but i told myself i dun wan to hate ppl. i do not wan to allow myself to turn love into hate. i just wan our r/s to stay pure. i do not wan any regrets. i'm stil trying to control thou =\ i dun hate the other girls. truthfully.. they're great girls and very very nice ppl. just that bitch alone. got bf alr stil wan underground with someone attached. fking throw girls pride and face. grr! >< i just hope baby's stand would be firm and hope everything he did is not just "for show". i know it's gonna take sometime for me to trust baby again. and it's gonna take sometime for my ache to go away. but i'm willing to go through it. i do not wanna let go without even trying anymore. i wanna make this r/s last. infact i wanna make this r/s my very last. thou it's stil early to judge.. but it's reali been so long since i last felt this way and willing to love unconditionally again. baby's not perfect.. infact if were to compare, alot other guys are better. but it's just magical when love happens isnt it? :) in my eyes, he's good enough. lets hope he wont let me down :)

it's the first time i'm holding onto a r/s so tightly despite he betrayed me.
will true love overcome betrayal?
will true love touched one's heart?
does true love even exist?

watever it is, baby iloveu :) and a huge thank you for making me ur choice *loves*

i need to get these off my head before i can seriously slp well.

Work

i dunno wanna say FML at work or wat.. i'm seriously underpaid and overworked.. i need more motivation to work! grr.. pls... give me more motivation? ><


Family

my mum never seem to believe watever i said until someone else tells her that i'm speaing the truth. why ar? i reali dun understand. and wat's best... she listens to her bf way more thn me. when i complained that she love her bf more thn me she scolded me.. but wat are her actions showing? laughs.

today is my dad's bday. i just sent a happy birthday and he replied a ty. is he disappointed or wat? lol. today is a day i dread most in my life. sigh. why cant i have a nice and warm family? :(


Friends

it seems i'm holding too tightly to this frenship i found. a forbidden frenship? hmm i dun reali noe lol. i wont blame my guy fren's gf for disliking me talk to their bf IF we're behaving too intimately.. but the fact is.. a "HEY!" also kena kp? wth? ._. not once alr.. this is happening quite frequently ard me nowadays. i've chose to gave up 2 frenship over this.. i wont hesitate to drop more frenship cos of this reason especially if the guy wei le this come and say me. a very epic example..

fren A : eh iko my gf using my acc dun pm me. i kena kp alr sia
me : i nv pm u? i onli in fam say "xxxxxx sia!"
fren A : aiya just dun talk to me there la
me : fine

nice reply uh? lol. it mean nth to me losing someone like u as a fren :)


Love

this is one topic i dun ever wanna tink about. but it just keeps repeating in my head times and times again to the extent that i'm so numb of it. everyday counting our monthsary.. wat's the point? LOL. everyday tinking "wat wil i be doing now if we're not where we are today". wat's the point again? LOL. why am i a cancer? why am i a emotional person? i dun wanna be. in my next life, i'll wanna be a taurus, aries or even capri. a much more "undreamy" horoscope. argh FML.


ok summary for this post? MY - LIFE - SUCKS.

nites

独白:你知道吗?
没有你的日子我有多想你
关喆-想你的夜

分手那天我看着你走远

所有承诺化成了句点

独自守在空荡的房间

爱与痛在我心里纠缠

我们的爱走到了今天

是不是我太自私了一点

如果爱可以重来

我会为你放弃一切


想你的夜


多希望你能在我身边


不知道你心里还能否为我改变


想你的夜


求你让我再爱你一遍


让爱再回到原点

:(

i wanna laugh the way i am born to laugh.. i wanna be the way i'm born to be.. i'm someone that cannot brings u happiness.. sorry.. but i need a true man who canprotect me from all odds.. i need a true man who can keep to his promises.. i need a true man.. to love me the way i needed..

it seems that he'll never understand the feeling of waiting for someone's call or sms every single day.. keep checking my phone every few min for 24 hr a day and for everyday.. the feeling.. sucks. he's busy.. ok it's reali so hard to get 2 min of his time a day to sms me? dropping me a msg in the morning when he wakes, go work reach home.. is that hard? sigh.. when he's with his frens he dun even care about me too. not a single msg. not a single call.. i can sms him the whole day but get not a single reply. i dunno why isit that hard.. i'm the world to him? action speaks louder :) i reali went speechless after few days of waiting. all i get this few days are a 1min duration call to tell me he's goin out. and a nudge on msn when i was slping. tat's all. nt even a single thing else. so he always complain i dun care for him enough, dun spend much time with him and dun give him much attention.. is he taking revenge now on me? by doing all these back to me? oh well.. he succeeded. my heart sank to the lowest part of the world. speechless.. reali speechless.. i dunno wanna say that i'm angry or sad.. disappointed.. very disappointed.. i'm gonna bury myself in work thn since this is the case.. dun complain about r/s drifting apart thn.. i alone doing all the waiting wont keep a r/s tgt and wont help the r/s grow stronger.. i'm a girl that needs care and concerns too. a sms isnt that hard isit? sigh.. tml gonna work full shift to help out in stock taking at the same time earn more. not gonna wish for any weekend meetups or watsoever alr. tired.. very tired.. gd nite world.

i feel lonely..
very lonely..