i've never felt so drained in my entire life.. giving and giving.. it's tiring.. no one understands.. no one will know.. i'll be strong and take all loads on me.. til the day i collapse.. i'll trade my dreams, my passion, my love for my survival in this world.

i've been forsaken..
i need a gd cry..
:(

it's quite funny when now i'm out of the circle to look at relationships in the point of a viewer.. haven been seeing MSN nicks like "let's stop contacting one another ba.." or things like "i'm sorry i've hurt you but t's for the best.." -____________- hello?! wat is the world becoming? or is it always like this? o.O why is everyone getting oh-my-fcuking-godly so emo? does stop contacting one another helps anything? does hurting someone helps the someone? and yet knowing that you purposely hurt the someone u stil tell the peron "i hurt u" wtf?! i'm seriously beginning to not understand this world of love and hate =\

i also realise we humans love to say things we dun mean.. or maybe we TRY to pass the msg across but failed most of the times.. example? when someone says no to something, n their heart it's always a "yes pls beg me pls yes yes yes".. this is human isnt it? dun deny.. it's the fact.. we're just lowly creatures that are seriously in chinese call "fan jian" =.= i 100% agree on this ok~ we reali need to learn how to cherish somethings or someone ba.. it isnt easy for 2 person to crosss path out of the billions of ppl in the world.. there's a reason why we appear in one another's life and dun regret when it's too late for anything..

stop finding faults with ur another half and fcuking think of his/her good point.. we tend to lose our mind and onli look at the bad side of things when we get involve in a quarrel or fight.. but my advice.. stay cool, take time away from the fight and use ur brain/heart to think.. how good is the person to u? how many happy memories you both spent tgt? and wat will happen to u if he/she dies infront of u this minute? i believe when these are taken into consideration, the love wil go grow stronger ba..

just my 2cents worth thou.. sprouting abit of nonsense here in my lousy blog to pass time.. am waiting to get to work thou.. lala~ oh ya in case no one knows.. i'm currently working at a lan shop at boon lay shopping center.. visit me if u're free :D ** no free coms thou =x hehe~


cherish..
is the key to success..

for those who have been ard me recently should have know that i'm currently goin through a "i-am-lost-" process now.. firstly, bf n me has ended our 6months-to-be r/s.. why? cos i'm stil playful.. i couldnt settle my heart and be a "good gf" that doesn't club, drink, game as much.. he didnt let me down.. i did.. guilt was all along within me since the beginning of the r/s.. everything seems stable and fine til i realise, maybe we weren't meant for one another.. we had very different backgrounds, very different circle of frens, very different lifestyle, different likings etc.. i know this is no excuse for the breakup as ppl always says "opposite attracts".. correct.. but not when it's TOO opposite ya? we've been trying to compromise to one another and trying reali hard to live in each other's world.. he tried reali hard i will say.. i wont deny, he's the perfect bf everyone dreams to have.. ok at least near perfect? but i couldnt give him my all.. i couldnt love him the way he needed.. the problem lies with me, not him.. ahh~ and there's lotsa ppl asking him to break with me.. including my best sister.. HA~ honestly, i'm very disappointed already.. ya i noe i'm not good, asking him to leave me might be the best and right choice :) at least he'll be free to find one that reali loves him the way he needed.. one that stop biting and slapping him.. one that suits and blends in his life more.. i do not need hypocrite frens ard me.. i do not need anyone to give me watever advices that u can tink of.. everyone knows how stubborn am i and i honestly am turning a deaf ear to them.. my lil advice, save ur troubles and saliva for nothing can affect my own decision.. have been spending a rather hopeless life these few days.. getting drunk, game whole day, just basically to rot my day off.. but i was truly happy.. it's been long since i had this kinda lifestyle.. honestly i miss it.. i know this cant carry on for life but still let me enjoy it while i can ya? i just feel both of us need time and space to adjust ourselves once again.. i couldn't breathe.. i was suffocating.. and the more anyone pushes, it'll just cross the line and i might face a terrible breakdown.. for now just let me live life the way i wan ya?

freedom..
i yearn for you..

hello all :D it's been sometime since i last blog.. here's a little update of my life.. i'm currently VERY busy with work at Sony Ericsson :D as a customer service officer at Junction 8.. drop by and ask me for a smoke when free! lol~ thou this reali isnt the kinda job i'll want for life but still i feel this is where i can be more stable and learn bout working life.. everydya see different faces, different cases to handle.. very challenging job i can say.. at least i can learn to control my temper and handle different kinda ppl in different kinda situation lol~ ppl there are all very nice and helpful.. couldnt help but thank god for grantin me this job :)

ok it's late and it's time for me to hit the sack if not i'm so gonna be dead tml for work haha~
will be updating soon..

with love,
iko

i do not wish this post to be all about being emo or watsoever.. but in watever case, i'm gonna write something that have been lingering around in my head these few days..

bf has been complaining that i have been gaming a lil too much.. and yes indeed i know that's wat i'm doin now.. but what else can i do?? i'm stil jobless and there's nothing much to do when my bank is left with like 200bucks til i get a job.. all the gamings started with him sleeping early at nite when he had a whole day long at work and i got nothing to do when i couldnt sleep.. of cos i'll start doin something using my com.. and he said that he sleep early because i game =.=

bf complains bout me being too close with my audi cpl (which in the first place we got tgt i've told him everything bout it and it's been clarified and assured that me n him are JUST frens). and just ytd he said that he gets jealous because i doesnt show enuff love to him and yet am being extreme sweet to my cpl.. sad to say but this is true.. one thing.. online frens are just for show? to me that is.. and in real life.. how long can a honeymoon last? some can last dirt long, bring sweet and mushy.. but i cant! it's just so not me.. ok it was but no longer..

dun expect me to be sweet and sticky when it's the current me.. no longer the same as ever.. i guess one thing is cos we've been seeing each other too much and staying tgt etc, that makes each other a kind of "xi guan" to one another.. there's always sayings that if a cpl gets too close or see each other too much, the r/s goes down the slope faster and also fades fast.. i find it very true.. we'll start to not cherish one another as much and maybe some will expect more.. something u will think that it's a OF COS thing that ur opposite half gives u certain things or do something u wan..

i just guess we need some space.. if my bf couldnt accept me for who i am i dun find it a need to continue any longer.. isnt it so? love isnt about changing someone.. it's about how you accept and adapt to one another's life.. every individual is different.. especially us.. how are we gonna adapt to one another and compromise to each other's way of life and way of love? that's the solutionf or us to find out.. different ppl has different ways of showing our love.. i'm definitely not the type that hangs it at my mouth "i love u i love you"..

after 4 months(goin 5) of being tgt he said that he dun feel love.. omfg~ i cant believe this.. i'm not someone that can still be in a r/s if i stop loving that person.. if he can i got nothing to say.. and the way he takls bout my audi cpl, makes me just thinks that he no longer trust me in this r/s.. there's basically no more muture trust.. i see him typing all the sweet things with girls i too feel bad.. even thou it's just jokingly/casually.. but hello! my audi cpl is exactly the same shit! we're just frens putting up a show on the virture world.. if he cant see the same point here i got nothing else to say anymore..


space are needed..
time will tell..
bye~

2009 is a BAD BAD yr for me :(
why do i say so?
please read below..

1. i cried on CNY 2nd day cos i felt i left mummy alone.
2. my audi cpl went MIA.
3. i got fine $800 (dun ask me why).
4. my audi acc got banned for a month plus fine.
5. i lost my job.
6. christmas fail in toilet training.
7. my credit card bills cost a bomb.
8. my electricity was cut off for 3days (tink is 3days la cant remember).
9. i have to pay my internet bills which accumulated to 200bucks.
10. my dad is facing recession.

now is only like march? and i'm already getting all these.. hello~! it's approximately 3event in a month? can be more suay ma? btw, these are the more major ones.. stil got minor ones nv count ok~ i got a feeling.. it's gonne be a "GG" year =\ and wat does GG stands for? ask ur gamer frens..

and today i almost lost my HIGHLY important thumbdrive at work x.x thank god my manager picked it up =\ ok i better go koon if not tml not enuff energy to handle my suay-ness liao =\

oyasumi~

i need a job :(