HA~HA~HA!

why am i laughing? because i feel that i'm reali super dumb and stupid at times.. no i mean ALL the time.. haha! i actually feel sad for him and am thinking that he REALLY wil change for me.. and worst is i even thot of going back to him! how dumb am i?!?!?! i've finally trust this saying "a leopard never change it's spot" so i am stil glad i chose and force myself to move on.. i wil not turn my head back anymore.. i had enough of all the cheating and sweet talking.. but watever it is i thank god he's out of my life.. dun tell me u stil like me and wan me.. dun tell me u miss me when u can call other girls all the way from taiwan! dun tell me u wish to see me and dun ever say u love me still.. u're juz someone that wants me as a spare tyre.. juz someone that u can toy with whenever u're lonely.. i hate u! stop lying to me anymore.. i wont take in ur sweet honeyed words anymore..!

to trust i'm so dumb..
haha!

it juz hurts so much when truth smacks in ur face.. when i chose to trust him when i chose to let go and dive in this love once again.. ugly truths shows.. disappointed, lost, confuse, speechless is my reaction when i see those ugly truths with my own eyes.. indeed, this kinda things did happen to me before but i didnt get it rite infront of my face and i didnt have to deal with it.. why? because i was stupid enough to keep quiet bout it and juz slowly being treated like a fool..

but now.. iko's no longer stupid.. i promise not to let myself get hurt again.. never to.. i chose to stand up for wat i wan.. i chose to stand up for myself and not to run and hide and cry in my own lil closet.. at least now i cry out loud.. even if it's to myself, i'm glad i stood up for myself.. al the confrontations might make me lose him.. al the confrontation might juz end everything within today.. but stil, i chose it.. because i noe wat's meant to be, wil be..

i noe he did try to apologise and make me feel better this few days.. but the incident juz keep haunting me.. i haven been myself after that happened.. when we were at the ktv, the song "i dun wanna fight no more" reali hit me.. i honestly truly, dun wanna fight anymore.. be it whichever way u're lookin at it.. be it fight as in quarrels, or fight as in fighting my own struggles of the insecurity in me.. i'm tired.. i'm drained.. i wan to be love.. i dun wanna get hurt..

i'm someone with not much patience when kept hanging there.. i've always been silly enuff to wait and wait.. things always ended up in vain.. so i promise myself not to let myself down again.. i noe i'm selfish.. but why cant i? i've never love myself in my past 19 yrs.. from now on, i chose to love myself.. even if i dunno how to, but stil i'll learn.. i hate to lose him.. i hate to fight with him.. but sometimes when things goes reali wrong, i have no other choice i guess.. if i could i wish i could understand him alot more.. but wat else can i do? he's not opening his heart to me at all..

i wish to talk to him too.. some nice heart to heart talk.. but how?? his closeness of the dorrs of his heart, made me cant seem to open mine too.. i have soooooooo much to say to him.. but how?! :( i thot he's someone i can reali count on.. i thot he's someone i truly can slowly place my heart in.. but that incident brought down my trust for him way too much.. i wish to trust him again.. i wish to ignore that incident.. but i guess it's too hard for me :(

ya.. maybe some of u esp him, might tink that it's no big deal.. but wat if it happens the other way round? if i'm the one in his position and he's in mine.. i bet things might be worst.. his ego would have blew everything out.. i have my ego too.. i noe i've always been nice and calm bout things.. but i too have my ego.. i juz chose to hide them when it's not neccessary.. but stil the old saying, i cant accept my other half to betray me.. i cant except my other half to have other girls in their heart and mind other thn me.. likewise.. i cant allow myself to have more thn 1 guy in my heart n mind too..

so wat am i gonna do? i dunno.. i reali dunno.. i feel strengthless to move on.. i feel strengthless to deal with anymore blows.. i've been crying alot lately.. and i mean alot :( he's reali affecting my life and yes i'm very into him.. but i would not force anything anymore.. i wont beg him to stay if he choose to leave.. and i wont tie him down if he chooses freedom.. if he want me, he'll do everything to get me.. if he doesnt, it juz shows he doesnt wan me enuff.. i admit days with him are happy.. he made me felt loved and he cared.. he search for me when i go missing and his hugs are truly warm..

yes it's wat i wan.. but if he cant make me the onli one, i guess i wont wanna be involve in it anymore.. i dun wanna fall deeper and get myself hurt al over once more.. yes i'm already very hurt by now that the fact things are now.. how do i give us another chance? how do i trust him again? :( i reali dunno..

it's juz gonna be another nite
that my tears burn thru the pillow
crying in my own corner
suffering al alone..

hmm juz decided to blog abit here to update bout my stupid lifeless life -.-

ytd went to butter fac for uniform fetish 2.. it was better thn uniform fetish 1 thou.. the previous one i didnt wear uniform so this one i'm in ^^ i swear i'll never wear a sweater to club ever again!!! X( damn hot la! !@#$%^& but it was fun thou.. tink everyone was kinda shock cos i seldom wear til so "wrapped up" to club lol!!! overly wrapped up i guess =X

anyway ytd was simply a bad bad day =\ infact.. i dunno why but felt that this few days are kinda bad =\ keep having lil tiff with him and ytd wasnt any day better =\ we had abit of miscommunication and sensitivity issue.. was kinda a bad one thou.. felt very hurt by the things said by him.. but ya things turn fine after awhile =) (thank god!) so we had LJS thn head to BF..

i swear it's FARRRR from the train station la!!! idiot.. dunno who stil bluff me say very near! @#$%^&* when at BF, i swear there VERY little ppl -.- but ok la.. once awhile no need entertain so many ppl also gd =X hang ard with gab, bubbles, charlene.. hmm.. james and mich was ard.. shawn n darren run in and out.. alan's there too.. intro al of them to sweets ^^ and seems that shawn n him get along well ehh lol~ with their c-walking talks -.-

hopefully he didnt felt sian ba.. cos i drag him there.. without roy somemore lol~ *he and roy are inseparable!* =X but it definitely felt gd that he's ard ^^ wanted to go home at 12plus BUT as usual lol =X ended up home at 3am heee~ so that explains why i didnt go sch today AGAIN =X muehehe~ okok promise wil cut down on pons =X anyway today's lesson i CONFIRM can pass one so no nid worry hee =X butttttt! today's on dance! and i skip it! omg! i deserve to be shot in the head! X(

so i spend my entire day at home pokemon-ing ^^ for some funny reason, the episodes i watch today are all emo emo one! -.- made me waste so many tears sia !@#$%^&* oh ya! speaking of tears! i woke up today IN TEARS! nabei! damn scary can! i got nitemare.. after so long nv had nitemare ytd nite kana! wth sia~ i dreamt that i was involve in some case again and i was caught and the scene of me being charge on court, the moment i wait for my sentence.. the scene all flashes back sia!

in my dreams i reali cried and regretted MUCH more thn it was last time in the reality.. and it juz felt so real! i woke up tinking "omg thank god it's juz a dream!" it seriously was very very very real =\ i was very scared when i woke up, i hugged whiskers damn damn tight.. and first thing i do i sms him and tell him bout it =\ damn jialat.. so i told myself i'm gonna be a gd girl today whole day at home =X i did the laundry, clean my room, did my nails, clear the dishes and cooked dinner <-YES COOKED DINNER!! lol =X cant imagine iko cook rite!!! but mummy love it!!! but i dun reali love them lol =X

it felt gd lei.. feels like a housewife lol =X damn funny.. first time so aunty yet felt gd lol.. anyway i cooked fried sotong, fried some mince meat egg and some prawn hehe~ but i stil prefer maggie mee =X ok la.. once in awhile must torture mummy's appetite keke =X ok and that's bout my day ba.. am now rotting online as WG's down -.- and my pokemon haven dl finish *faint* tml's mos nite!!!! wheeeeeee~ i simply LOVEEEEEEE weekends! XD

i like it when u're so sweet ^^
but the lock to my heart is stil unlocked
the chains are tangled up
are u the one that's able to release them?
i dunno..

see how bored am i in class ZzZzz..

You'll Find a Boyfriend Within 3 Months

Maybe you need a bit more time to get over an ex Or maybe you need a confidence boost to talk to new guys Either way, you'll find a boyfriend in time... As long as you keep getting out there and meeting new guys

When Will You Meet Your Next Boyfriend?

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood. You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out. You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat. This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

Are You A Girl Or a Woman?

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

You Lack Confidence

You're not so sure of yourself - and it shows more than you think Your lack of confidence affects your friendships, career, and romantic life People know that they can take advantage of you, because you won't stand up to them Start realizing that you're great the way you are, and almost everything in your life will improve

Are You Confident?

Your Makeup Look Is

Dramatic Eyes with Naked Lips You rock an edgy, modern look with feminine grace

What's Your Signature Makeup Look?

You Are a Normal Girl

You are 50% Good and 50% Bad Sure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past. But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl.

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You?

You Belong in Spring

Optimistic, lively, and almost always happy with the world... You can truly appreciate the blooming nature of spring. Whether you're planting flowers or dyeing Easter eggs, spring is definitely your season!

What Season Are You?

Your Birthdate: July 16

Calm and understated, you struggle to express your love with words. Over time, your partner learns to recognize your passion by the actions you take. You're good at wooing someone slowly, without them even realizing it! Number of True Loves You'll Have: 5 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 You are most compatible with people born on the 7th, 16th, and 25th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

What Ryuiko Means

R is for Rare Y is for Yummy U is for Unusual I is for Innocent K is for Keen O is for Openhearted

What Does Your Name Mean?

You Are Pretty Happy

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life. But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it. Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career. Something is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is!

How Happy Are You, Really?

You Would Do Most Things For Love

You are willing to go pretty far for love - but not far enough to compromise your core values. Love is a priority for you, and you'll go further than most people to hold on to someone you love. But killing for love? Or even taking a bullet? Probably out of the question. No matter what, you love yourself the most!

Would You Do Anything For Love?

You Are Bad Girl Sexy

Girl, you are nothing but trouble. And that's hot. You've got the classic bad girl sexiness mojo going on. And your badass attitude makes men fear you - and crave you. Don't give into people who say to tone it down. You're perfect as is.

What Kind of Sexy Girl Are You?

You Are 40% Jealous

You're occasionally jealous, but you wouldn't be human if you weren't You keep your jealousy under control. You accept it, deal with it, and move on. In fact, most people would be surprised to know that there's a jealous bone in your body. So congratulate yourself for keeping your emotional impulses under control!

How Jealous Are You?

You Are Basic Panties

You are a laid back chick with a real natural beauty. You can make unwashed hair and minimal make-up super sexy. Men tend to notice you show the "real you" - and they appreciate it. And while basic makes boring for some, it looks classic on you.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Your Sensitivity Score: 45%

As far as sensitivity goes, you're a lot more in tune than most people. You can't help but be touched by what's around you - good and bad. But when things do get really bad around you, you are strong enough not to break down.

Are You Extremely Sensitive?

You Are a Bad Student

You aren't really that into school, no matter what you are studying. Maybe you need to take a year off and figure out what you want. Because right now, class is the last place you want to be.

Are You a Good Student?

Your True Love Will Find You Eventually

You definitely put yourself out there a little - but you could be doing more. If you're truly looking for love, try doing more things and meeting more people. You don't have to actively look for love, you just need to stay active. Be out there a little more, and the right person will find you!

Will Your True Love Find You?

You Would Choose Love

Money may buy a little happiness, but not the happiness of true love. You rather have a true soulmate than a private jet. And while many people may claim they would choose love too... You're one of the few who would really do it.

Would You Choose Love or Money?

Your Love Type: INFJ

The Protector In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship. For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls. Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in. However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself. Best matches: ENTP and ENFP

What's Your Love Type?

Cancer - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits: You're intuitive enough to know what's going wrong in a relationship early on A total sweetheart - you're often the most caring person anyone knows You are a generous and devoted parter to whoever you fall in love with Your negative traits: Insecurity - you tend to need a huge amount of comforting from your partner You tend to be overly sensitive and easily hurt, which make loving you difficult It's difficult to predict your moods. One minute you're up - the next you're down. Your ideal partner: Someone equally sensitive, who wants to take time to get to know you deeply Dreams of an everlasting love - complete with marriage and a family Loves to take care of you. Being a good cook and masseuse doesn't hurt! Your dating style: Slow. You enjoy dates that last all day, with plenty of time to talk and get to know one another. Your seduction style: Quite tender and loving, once you are comfortable in your relationship. Coy. You tend to play it cool to drive your lover wild. Orally talented - you're known as the best kisser in the zodiac. Tips for the future: Be a little less sensitive. Not every little mistake should hurt you. Spend time away from your partner every so often - independence is a good thing. Find ways to take care of yourself. You'll be happier if you put yourself first. Best color to attract mate: Aqua Best day for a date: Wednesday

What's Your Love Profile?

You Are 28% Spoiled

You're barely spoiled. You may have some nice things, but you never let them go to your head. You appreciate each gift you're given - and you don't dwell on what you "deserve" to have.

Are You Spoiled?

Never Date a Cancer

Clingy, emotional, and very private - it's hard to escape a Cancer's clutches. And while Cancer will want to know everything about you, they're anything but open in return. Instead try dating: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, or Aquarius

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

You Are 76% Intuitive

You are a very intuitive person. And luckily, your intuition is normally right. You're wise enough to know that relying on intuition alone can be dangerous. When your intuition seems really off, you tend to ignore it - and look at the facts instead.

How Intuitive Are You?

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen Or lend a shoulder to cry on You're there through thick and thin Many people consider you their "best friend"!

What Kind of Friend Are You?

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

Your Learning Style: Personal and Passionate

You are very flexible and curious about the world. Human understanding is very important to you. You Should Study: Anthropology Architecture Art Art history Art therapy Classics Counseling Foreign Languages and Literature International Studies Linguistics Literature Psychology Sociology Teaching

What Should You Study?

You Are 72% Grown Up, 28% Kid

Congratulations, you are definitely quite emotionally mature. Although you have your moments of moodiness, you're usually stable and level headed.

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You're both aloof, introverted, and moody. And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!

What's Your Ideal Pet?

You Will Die at Age 58

Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits.

What Age Will You Die?

You Have Low Self Esteem 48% of the Time

While you sometimes feel good about yourself, you tend to struggle a little with self esteem issues. It's not about changing who you are, it's about accepting your faults. You just need to be less critical and demanding of yourself!

How is Your Self Esteem?

Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash. Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past. You connect best with: Earth Avoid: Fire You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other

What Element Is Your Love?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational. You are also giving and kind - a great friend. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

You Are a Beagle Puppy

Cheerful, energetic, and happy go lucky. And you're sense of smell is absolutely amazing!

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance.

How Are You In Love?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want. And that's marriage - with the right person. You're serious about settling down some time soon. Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

FREE EVENT!

UNIFORM FETISH 2 @ Butter Factory on 2nd May 2007 (TOMORROW!!)

i realise i stil got alot of tix left so whoever wan or need tix, GET FROM ME!!! lol =X
am currently having 2 more events on hand too.. but the "canner" is not out yet so i cant post it here.. anyway, it'll be the UNI tertiary fling @ MoS on 10th May (thurs) and another event will be PARADIZE @ Cafe Del Mar on 15th May (tues) DJ tang and DJ will will be spinning RnB/Hiphop whole nite and with the ticket, individual get to get drinks 1-for-1 on all house pours and beers from 9pm - 11pm!

so... get me for any tickets that u wan!!! lol~ i dun wanna flood my table with tickets =X hurry hurry~~~~

no trust no love..

this is true isnt it? when there's no trust there's no love.. and vie versa.. sigh i dunno why is this happening to me.. shud i be glad or shud i frown?? smile- it matters to him.. frown- he doesnt trust at all.. sobs.. felt so dead and dunno wat to do now.. sigh~ like wat fairy said.. he might be juz insecure.. afterall we met in a club and ppl revolves ard me are all clubbers.. lousy clubbing guys that are famous for F-and-go.. sorry if i offend anyone here but it's juz the fact.. that's one reason why i'm gonna be MIA from WG already.. maybe at the most just sometimes drop by for events or help out in ticketing ba.. like i've told sueann too that i will have to stop all these sooner or later.. this is NOT the kind of life i should be leading.. ok now i've gotta be firm to wan to leave this kinda life.. bidding gdbye is never easy.. especially when i simply am enjoyin this life which seems to be rotten.. yucks.. dunno wat am i actually typing here anyway wil be back after i tink things thru.. sigh~

insecurities sucks

i'm juz plain bored in class.. and cleared my email juz now so am gonna post some nicer ones i think that made me smile at least a bit or made m enod my head while reading it ^^


This has got to be one of the most clever
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS


SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY


ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE


THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE



AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Men Are Just Happier People..

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. N ew shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is love?

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big padi, but he wonders....
"may be there is a bigger one later."

Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he start to realize that the padi is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted..

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty handed.

The teacher told him,

"...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person...."

"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

"The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage."

Believe...

And as you believe, You will find reaching gets easier, setbacks get more manageable, life becomes more meaningful.