who knows when will it be?

just having some thots that got me al emo-ed up.. so decided to dump my emo-ness out here in my rubbish blog ^^ on the way home, i asked him this.. "why u so hong?" ok i noe it's a "WTF" kinda thing to ask.. but this question reali rings in my head and i guess it's the main thing that caused this insecurity in me.. he was a hongster (for sure).. but he said he's cutting down..

i cant help but to wonder.. why cut down? i mean.. why is it ONLY cutting down? hmm~ i noe i shud give him more time to reali cut OFF totally.. i'm not complaining! i'm juz.. ranting on my rubbish bloggy =x how long wil it take? or rather.. wil it actually be cut off? (i wonder) it definitely dun feel gd seeing the word "dear" on ur own bf's phone when the person that texted that is not u.. it certainly cant helped but made my mind wonder off in lalaland again even if i dun wish to..

trust.. need to be build.. trust.. is something VERY important in a r/s.. trust.. is al i need to make things work.. it's al that's needed to remove the insecurity in me.. i know i need to build that trust.. i need to get that ASAP before everything crumples down.. who'd help me along with the construction of that foundation of trust? will you..? it's weird how i can actually love him YET not trust him fully.. it's weird in fact.. how i can actually fall for a hongster or ex-hongster to begin with =\

i wish one day that i can proudly shout to the entire world that "he belongs to me ALONE" i wish one day i can trust him so much that even if were apart, i wont feel lonely.. this is al i wished for.. i tend to let my imagination run very wild.. i tend to make myself worry for nothing and i know i'm VERY famous for creating trouble between me n my bf over nothing.. yes i noe it's dumb when i noe yet i do it.. but i cant help it! :(

RAHHHHHHH~

dumb dumb iko~ dumb dumb me~
may the goddess of trust and security shines on me.. amen~

i'm a moodswing queen

i heart sank when something was received from him.. sigh~ he told me not to find him on his bday.. i mean.. can find but onli on phone n ways which does not include meeting up.. why? i have no idea :( sigh~ to me.. birthdays, festives, anniversaries etc.. are days which i wish to spend with the most special person in my life.. many of u wil noe.. birthdays to me are something NOT SMALL.. not small at all.. sigh~

i noe he have his own reasons.. he's stil not open enuff towards me.. the barrier is too big to overcome neither by him nor me.. this is wat i can feel.. this is wat i get from my ways of lookin at a person.. he maybe chirpy and always smiling ard me.. but i noe deep within.. things are definitely not wat i can see with my eyes.. i dun wanna ask much either even thou my heart's dying to know him more..

but thn again i ask myself.. did i reali 100% open myself to him? aha~ the ans i guess is no ba.. i'm stil not able to be the crazy lazy ugly (character wise) iko infront of him.. oh well.. i guess time is everything here.. maybe i shud open up my heart before he does.. maybe he'll never open his heart.. i dunno... i'm juz make a bet.. a 50/50 bet.. i'm sad.. i'm disappointed.. but oh well.. there's nothing i can do ya? if there is.. God~ pls tell me.. :(

al i wish for is pure transparency..
lost iko :(

It's been a long time~

this is weird but i gotta say.. it's been a long time since i last felt this way in a r/s.. yes! i'm in a whole new r/s ^^ fast? ya maybe.. iko always this fast.. it's not something i wished for either.. but those that understands, understands :) from the last r/s i had.. my heart felt so dead.. i did post a post about it and i dun wish to dwell on it anymore.. a whole new r/s a whole new me.. well maybe not exactly a new iko but stil i'm gonna start from zero..

i dun feel anything wrong except that this is moving slowly and i'm kinda not used to it.. but it's a VERY good thing after all ^^ this is the way it shud have been isnt it? XD WG had gotten too much of me and i've went so far that i tink i myself cant even catch up with my own pace =\ yes.. WG is a dangerous place.. so pls.. stay far from it.. onli ppl like me and a few frens who had been terribly trempled on and had been enlightened could stay in there for long..

anyway.. yup i'm indeed once again a blissful girl.. felt so blessed once again.. i noe i've always been against being in a r/s with someone younger (cos of previous ultra failed r/s) but this time i felt so different. so very different :) i felt so.. blessed and sweet ^^ this feeling brings me back to those super naive iko days XD it's not a bad thing thou ^^ something pure.. nice and sweet.. it's stil the beginning thou haha =x let's see what chapter this wil be ^^

211107
loving you..

madness in me~

recently have been in a super unstable mode =\ emo up emo down.. i guess my brain de system abit hay wired le =\ jiuming ar X( ytd had a GREAT cry XD it's been sooooo long since i last cried la haha~ (i mean cried til liddat) shiok~ while emo-ing this song rang in my head.. i know i post this song like 432769528375times in my blog before but i STILL wanna post it again =x the lyrics seriously hit me hard on the head and ring some words in me.. seriously there's alot to blog bout.. but i juz dun have the right mind to tink which keys i shud hit on my keyboard to make it a nice post.. so i decided to post again soon =x



Before i fall in love - coco lee

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
'Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true, could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love

I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I want to take a chance
Please give me a reason to believe
Say, you're the one
That you'll always be

It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say..


confused..
emptied..
lost..
dead~