Melody of my Life..

today went to collect dearie's pressie.. hmm nicely done.. yup.. thn went to get hair dye thn went home le lo.. nothin much la.. thn at nite mummy brought me to seletar there.. sat there quite awhile to enjoy the breeze.. wah damn lotsa feeling come straight =\ felt reali shitty.. felt like cryin but i cant.. i teared.. hais.. everynite i teared.. nothin special already.. ha.. like i said.. i'm making my own "waterbed" ha.. hmm reali dunno la.. damn emo.. dun wanna noe the truth but yes i noe the truth.. and the truth is juz like a knife piercing straight thru me.. dun he feel guilty? dun he at least like me anymore? is it reali true like wat i said "he hates me"? hais.. i reali dunno.. maybe.. maybe he reali hates me.. he gets turned off whenever my sms is received.. he gets turned off whenever i online.. he gets turned off. whenever he sees me.. hais.. i dunno bu if this isnt true pls say it to me.. if not i'll juz take it as that.. i keep wondering.. how wil things be like when it's reali over.. =\ wil he stil talk to me? wil he stil chat with me on phone or msn? when i'm lonely wil he acc me? when i'm sad wil he be there for me? when i need a hug wil he give me? i have like thousands of things on my mind.. i reali dunno.. maybe i'm running away.. well i reali reali dunno.. like i say can juz a accident happen to me? if i die.. GD! no worries.. if nt thn let me fall into a deep coma.. let me lose my memories.. let me be disfigured.. so that i can go for plastic surgery and have a new life.. hais.. i feel shitty.. i reali do.. can i juz be like the wind..? juz go where ever i wanna go and juz come n go.. god.. pls help me.. -"maybe someday he'll come back to me.. maybe.."- as long as i'm stil alive this hope stays alive.. and at the same time.. if this hope dies.. yes.. xinwei is dead.. let me live or die.. is in ur hands.. very very very disappointed with everythin now.. if u dare say u nv lie.. fine.. i got nothin to say..