Melody of my Life..

this song "that's why.." mean alot now.. it's time i be the hero again.. i guess.. maybe by letting go.. things wil turn out fine.. i hope ba..

when i first saw u..
u got this special power..
i realise i want to get close to u..
but when i next saw u..
i wasnt reali happy..
cos i realise our gap..

is this love or u r too beautiful?
tat make me do impossible things..
all i noe is i wan to see u happy..
anythin i'm willin as long i can get close to u..

i can onli hide watever i wanna say to u in my heart..
cos i onli wan u to be happy..
i noe i wil suffer and sad but i'm willin..
no matter wat weather no matter where u r..
i noe u n ur guy is so sweet..
so i kept quiet n watched over u..
whenever i saw him holding ur hand my tears rolled..
i can onli stand back n kept quiet..
standing the pain in silence..

is it love or u r too beautiful?
i'm like went mad over you..
can onli noe i wanna get close to u..

i reali dun understand why i always have to be the "HERO" in love.. i reali dun! i always lost battles.. i lost to her! i cant believe it! i cant imagine him back with her.. i seriously cant.. i trusted him so much.. yet.. hais.. i can onli "stand back n keep quiet n suffer ba" yes true enough i want him! i want him VERY much! but i cant get his smiles.. why i failed? why i failed again n again? haven i done enough? i wont give them my blessing i swear i wont! in fact i curse them! i curse they'll not have a happy ending! i curse she'll suffer more thn me! i'm mean.. yes i am! so wat? i've suffered so much n am stil suffering.. and am goin to continue suffer more! wat more u wan?! i wish time'll turn back to those days where he juz like me.. nothin more.. maybe i'll be happier.. his care for me.. at tat time is reali enough le.. one last wish i reali wan is for him to care for me as much as tat time.. his happy smiles his happy voice.. and seriously i dun wanna see him attach! i reali dun wan! thou i noe he'll be happy tat way.. but i cant accept it.. when have i become so selfish! my god! hais.. wil he stil care? wil he stil miss me? wil he stil wanna hear my voice as much? wil he stil wanna get close to me? wil we be tgt again? to complete al our things? wil he ever love me again? wil he reali let me down? hais.. i reali dunno.. everythin seems to have collapsed.. my life is tear apart.. my fragile heart cant withstand anymore blows.. i seriously think tat way.. he made me stronger n he made me weak.. he made me smile n he made me cry.. now i dunno where to find my strength back.. i reali dunno.. somehow i envy sisi n schizo.. i dunno y.. but i tink she's better thn me.. thou i noe she's in a bad state too.. at least he cares for her.. at least he likes her.. but wil he stil like me? as much as ever? if i get hungry wil he buy food for me? if i wanna see him wil he wanna meet me? if i need a hug wil he give me? if i need a shoulder to cry on wil he lend me? if i need someone on the phone wil he acc me? hais.. i wish the ans is a yes.. i hope he'll treat me as someone who's more special thn a fren.. of cos i wish he'll treat me as his gf.. but i noe.. it wont.. i'll juz have this empty hope there ba.. hopin it'll be filled.. so at least he'll treat me less thn a gf but more thn a fren? i wanna be someone special to him cos he's reali someone that's so special to me.. now and always.. i dun say for fun.. reali.. i mean them.. i reali dunno.. i'm lost.. totally lost.. =(