Melody of my Life..

Stone.................
hais.. i noe it's nt a nice way to start a post but tink that's the best way ba.. =\ today went to citilink to find dearie.. hmm nothin much ba.. as usual i bought BK for him, sayang him when he fall.. i tried to not care bout him.. but i cant! OMG why is this happening??? ARGH! nvm la.. juz care ba.. gonna hurt myself REALLLLL deep this time.. maybe thn i'll get numb and i'll be ok =\ emi ask me maybe i should dun care for him so much.. i noe i should! but i cant!! OMG.. i reali cant.. i stoned whole day today.. i dunno y.. things keep running thru my mind.. and it suck! things which are damn hard to accept.. things which i DUN wanna accept.. but i got no choice.. now i'm tryin my best nt to get emo.. ok i maybe splattin al this shit out but ppl.. dun worry i'm NOT emo.. juz need to throw al this out.. b4 my mind explodes =\ he kissed me b4 i go.. i felt happy.. at least abit.. but thn he said "happy?" tat takes my smile away =\ i dunno wat he means.. but i felt it's like he's doin al these juz to make me happy.. i thank him for tat.. but wat i truly wan is he did al that cos he loves me.. but well maybe this wil nv happen.. i like to lie to myself.. but today i cant.. i keep forcing myself to accept the facts.. i look at him when he was doin his stunts.. and i tell myself "look xinwei.. this is the guy.. that u r gonna lose.. or in fact.. u've lost him.. stop lying to urself.. he dun love me anymore.. let go ba.." =\ OMG! ARGH! nvm i'm mad.. -_- thn when we're at dance, i tried my best to hide my feelings.. i somehow managed to.. but tink mikal can see something is stil wrong la =\ yutaki told me that i had improve.. and i've slimed down alot.. and he said that he wanna trained us to become the elite group in UAN to wack competitions.. i should be VERY happy n exicited to hear al this.. but it seems like my heart aint responding =\ i dunno.. maybe my heart n mind is totally full =\ well.. hopefully things wil turn out fine ba.. actually i reali dun deny that deep deep deep down in my heart i stil wan him!!!! i need him! i dun say it for fun.. i NEVER said i need someone.. but now.. hais.. i reali dunno le.. maybe i'll juz keep this deeply hidden hope there ba.. i keep imagine things are fine now.. how happy we both are.. i keepin him company when he do things.. i bein there for him wheneverhe's down and alot more.. there's stil so much we haven do.. =\ but.. well tat's my false imagination onli ba.. wil juz wait n wait n wait... aiya.. juz wanna see him happy la! my god! okok maybe i shall stop here b4 i went mad again =\ bye~! -missing him terrinly on this cold nite.. hope everythin's alrite for him-