Melody of my Life..

Wat a merry x'mas 2005..
today woke up thn went on msn with dear n emi.. were tryin to decide where to go today.. actually wanted to wach narnia but i dun ahve the mood to watch lei.. juz wish to spend a silent pretty x'mas.. haha~ in the end we decided to go to pasir ris beach.. dear n me got abit of prob b4 we met up.. at first he didnt wanna come out.. but i reali wanna spend x'mas with my special someone.. so we did meet up in the end la.. reali wanted to give him a tight hug when saw him.. it's like.. "i dun wanna lose u man~!!!" i dunno y la.. haix.. we went to eat at fisherman's village.. the food is nice la.. we had stingray~! my god~! my fave!! argh~!!! and fried rice.. nice combi.. haha~! thn dear n vith very funny.. cos emi wanted to drink coconut juice thn they reali went to get and the price is like WTH la.. lol.. cute sia~!! thou abit heartpain la so damn ex.. but at least we're happy ba.. hmmm money can be earn again.. haha~! i juz feel damn emo today.. but not totally negative la.. is the kinda happy emotional feelin too.. haha~! chim la.. we thn walk around for very long thn sat down at the beach.. it juz feels so gd.. it had always been my dream to be able to be at the beach with the one i love.. it had came true!! but abit stil missin la.. lol~! dunno lei.. like not reali wat i dream of.. haha~! nvm wait ba.. wil happen de..! have faith~! and i realise that the x'mas that i reali wanna spend like is juz a family thingy.. i wished for a homely celebration.. juz havin dinner with families.. be it with my family or my bf's family la.. it's juz FAMILY~! lol~! maybe cos when was younger.. did spend x'mas at pastor benny's place.. and the feelin reali juz got stuck in me since thn.. i wan my family to be liddat when i got my own family! no lonely x'mas~! we thn took bus to tampines.. when in bus i fell ZzZz on dar's shoulder.. argh~! it juz felt so gd~!! =) like the feelin la.. it's like the "first love" feelin.. i say it this way is cos thou i had so many ex b4.. but NONE of them ever let me felt loved.. it's always me lovin them but no love received in return.. now i've got dar.. whom i love n who love me.. i reali am glad juz to be in his arms.. nothin much i ever wan.. hmmm we slack at TM de mac to wait for first bus home.. me n dar had abit of prob *again* -_-'' so emi n vith left us alone to talk.. wah~! it's reali a BIG release feelin for me.. i said everythin i wanna say.. it's damn shiok!! guess it's my "explosion" ba.. and i'm very sure that after today, i'll grow more.. i'll be a better gf for dar.. at least one step closer to perfect.. =) dar did say quite alot too.. and i somehow understand his point of views better.. it's lik wat irene says bout ter.. they r juz the kind of guys that wont wanna say somethin when they tink they dun have the need to.. it's like "so wat if i tell u?" ya i know tat but.. at least share rite.. i wont feel so left out in his life ma.. if not i feel like nobody special.. =( hmmm maybe i stil haven been enlighten ba.. lol~! we had a tiny quarrel over his ex too.. hmmm maybe tat's relai my fault ba.. i should have trusted him bout that.. but in his heart there's stil her.. hais.. hope time wil help ba.. god.. pls dun play with me anymore..! i wanna live happily too.. no more emos.. no more tears(except tears of joy la~).. hmmm now i tink bout it.. i reali shouldn't let past relationship affects us.. be it my past relationship or his past relationship.. like wat irene says.. "wat's most impt is that u're happy now.." i tink it's rather true.. bein happy now wil/might lead to bein happy in the future and maybe even forever.. my past relationship had turned me into a damn emo n paranoid person.. which i reali hate them for!!!! but i have to thank them al for helpin to learn n see wat the real world is.. now maybe wat i can do is to "delete" my emo-ness n paranoid-ness and to search back my old self.. which is the happy xinwei that everyone's loves n enjoy to be with.. wah.. now i tink back.. tat time was like when i was 10? OMG i seem so happy.. even i love myself so much.. haha~! juz a happy-go-lucky girl that dun need anythin except for playin! lol!! of cos i can NEVER be as carefree as last time la.. more commitments now.. but i believe i can stil have the happy-go-lucky thingy back.. cos i'm juz born with it! i reali muz not get affected by anythin else.. it's reali time not to dwell in it anymore! it had been years man!! haha!! am sure sisi n irene can see the change in me from when i was 10 til now la.. now i'm gonna show them that "u girls have not lost the fun xinwei! she juz took a longgggggg break.." and now i'm back!! haha!! yay! i ask dar.. whether he's happy bein with me.. he said ya.. so i decided to NOT GIVE UP! haha.. i know he's not ready for this relationship.. but i'm gonna give him time.. we shall not tink so much.. we'll juz go with the flow.. as long as we're happy rite.. i dun wan him to stress over anythin too.. i love him for who he is and i hope he do love me for who i am too.. dar.. i tell u.. i'm NOT a emo person ok!! tat maybe wat u're seein now.. but u observe more n u'll noe.. =p i'll stil be selfish on cath's side.. as in i'll stil hate her.. but i'm not gonna do anythin or say anythin bout it anymore.. cos like wat i said i'm not gonna let it affects our relationship.. cos it's OUR relationship and nobody's involve except for ME-XINWEI n YOU-JONATHAN..! simple.. haha ok tink i'm mad.. need to ZzZz le.. haven ZzZz yet OMG~! p/s: OH YA~! today saw some ppl plays with "fireworks" lol damn nice~! look like shooting star sia~!! wahaha~! my god.. when wili ever see a shooting star again??? the last time i saw it was when i'm 9.. -_-''' God, it's been abit toooooooo long since i last saw one huh.. so let me see one soon k.. so i can make a proper wish~! lol~!! now my x'mas wish for myself is.. to be happy and to have someone(jon) to love n hold always~! and also wish for strength n wisdom in everythin i do.. that i'll make the rite choice n never give up!!! today heard Rainie Yang's Zhi Xiang Ai Ni.. damn nice~!! it's something like "sorry i wont give up on lovin u.." lol~! nice sentence~!! quite sad la but reali cute lo.. so damn stubborn like princess liddat haha~! (emi i dun mean u ok) =) ok nitex everyone.. nitex dar!! love u n mss u so much!!!!! seein him tml yay~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZzZzZzZZzzzZzZzZzzzZZZzzzzzzzz... K.O