Melody of my Life..

Roller coaster..
we had a chat over the phone.. i feel so gd when he called me.. the feelin is OMG =D and i reali smiled.. that brought me on earth.. thn sudeenly we chat bout some unhappy stuffs.. and he wanna leave me.. that brought me to hell.. but i manage to keep him back.. and that brought me to heaven.. and after the long chat, it brought me back to earth again.. i told myself.. i cannot stay in heaven.. cos i need to be very realistic now.. i love him very very much.. i cannot let him go.. =\ i cant afford to let someone who can make me truly smile go.. i knwo i'm selfish.. but wat to do.. cos i also believe i can make him truly smile again.. i dun wanna rush anythin now.. i juz wish he'll stay n see for himself.. i noe he misses her and i can accept tat.. i'm not tryin to play hero or wat.. but tat's reali wat i mean.. even if it takes months or even years.. i'll stay with him.. i am tat sincere.. now there's this chance again and i'm reali reali grateful.. i know it's unfair to him.. but i juz cannot let go la.. aiyo.. dunno how to say.. haha~ but one thing i am very sure.. i'm better at controllin my feelins now.. cos i didnt cry n get emo when this happen.. i did cry abit but that's when he keep sayin that 2 word.. i dun wanna say it here cos i hate that words..! i'll work my very best for him.. i wanna be a perfect gf.. i said this the very day we are tgt.. and am stil holdin very tightly n firmly to it now.. i am learning.. pls give me more time.. i am learnin alot.. i'll prove to him tat i'm the better one.. i'm the one that can truly make him smile.. cos i accept him for who he is.. i dun wan n never wanna change him.. know the lyrics for "stay the same"? "dun u ever wish u were someone else.. u were meant to be the way u r exactly.. dun u ever say u dun dun like the way u r.. cos when u learn to love urself, u're better off by far.. and i hope u'll always stay the same.. cos there's nothin bout u i would change.." when i told him i supprt him in ridin.. he dun believe.. =\ but i reali do la~! alamak~ i mean.. i myself do have my passion n dreams.. i never wan anyone to stop me from doin it.. so of cos i know how he feels.. thou i'll feel heartpain when he falls n get injured n get fedup when he cant do some moves.. but i'll juz be there for him.. cos it's unavoidable.. u pay for ur dreams.. i too pay for my dreams.. for my dance.. for a happy life and for my happiness with him.. i'm willlin.. to juz love him and be there for him whenever he's down or needs me.. i dun ask for much but juz his love.. that's al.. he dun have to show it to the world.. but as long as the feelings is there i'm glad enough.. reali.. i can accept him for who he truly is.. but can she? NO i suppose.. i wont scold him for anythin.. at the most say him.. not scold.. never wil i vent my anger on him.. sisi juz told me this.. "i remember why i first like him.. cos he made me happy.. and tat's the way i should keep it.." i tink it's rather true.. to me n to him both.. i wanna say sorry for makin him big head n sad.. but i promise i wont again.. and i blog here is not for anyone to read actually.. i juz wanna keep a diary.. i know he reads this almost everyday.. but dear.. i never wanted to express my feelings this way to u.. i swear! i tell u everythin i feel.. be it sad or happy or angry.. but sometimes it's hard to say it out when i'm at the climax of my feelings.. i wil tell them to u.. juz need more time.. dun tink i dun tell u ok.. i'm very transparent to u.. (not a transparency hor~ lol) but yes.. i love u.. trust u and tells u al.. i'll tell it to ur face!!! wahahaha~! ;p anyway i took time to tink again.. i muz be grateful for this chance.. i muz cherish it! learning many new things now.. and hope it'll help in me n his r/s.. cos i reali feel there's hope in us.. there's a future.. cos i noe.. i'm wat he need n he's wat i need.. (sorry huh abit thick-skin.. haha) anyway.. tml's a better day!!! glad we talk things out today.. felt so much better le.. we should talk more! i'll bug him til he faint lol!!! ;p