Melody of my Life..

Christmas eve...
today actually juz planned to go citilink to acc dear lo.. cos he riding ma thn me also nothin to do anyway.. so spend more time with him lo.. was quite fun la. haha thou nothin much to do.. juz see them play n all the nonsense.. got to know a few more ppl there.. nice ppl (i hope) haha~! dear fell alot of time today.. like he said.. no cuts but alot of bruises.. haix.. see le reali heart pain sia.. wonder when the hell wil he take care of himself.. wanna make me worry thn he happy.. haix.. got abit fed up with him when i ask him wat happen to his wrist.. cos he keep sayin nothin.. it's like wat the hell la.. this kinda things u also wanna keep from me thn nvm le lo.. wat am i? juz anyone normal out there? haix.. reali dunno la.. today quite moody.. he did try al he could to cheer me up la.. was happy but stil fed up thou.. haix.. wonder when thn he wil reali open up to me.. hope time wil help ba.. =( thn we went to somewhere beside esplanade to eat thn went to M-walk to slack.. dear tong pang me.. quite shiok la but back very aching sia~! and leg wil wobble lol~ hmmm we ju sit there and slack lo.. i ZzZz awhile la on the seats thn dear saw and he put his tee let me ZzZz as pillow so sweet~! but i ended up cryin.. cos he said "go away" thou was playin but i hate it whenever he says things liddat eg. "go away" "disown u" "dun wan u" blah blah blah.. it juz makes me feel like unwanted like it's me who's so damn thick skin stickin to u.. ok maybe i'm bein abit unreasonable but tat's juz wat i feel wat.. too bad lo.. he cheer me up again la.. i wanted to juz let out my feeling but whenever i see him thn i cant le.. i juz cant lose my temper with him.. haix.. too adorable haha~ oopss.. i mean how can i be angry with someone who cares for me so damn much? but i dunno why today i juz feel damn sux la.. since morning i wake up n didnt see his sms so i sms him say "wonder if i'm the first person that comes to ur mind each time u wake up.." cos he last time always ask me wat every mornin first person i tink of is who.. i swear it's him la~!! haix.. sad sia.. maybe he reali had change abit.. no more sweet smses in the morning.. juz left with empty hope.. even at nites.. no more gd nite sms.. haix haix haix.. maybe my description is rite.. when a guy is chasin u, they're sweet like honey.. when they get u, they reduced to sugar-sweet.. when married they turn into bittergourd.. haix.. wat a reality.. =( if onli someone wil prove this wrong.. another thing that's hauntin me is bout his ex.. argh~! i did say that i dun wanna care bout it anymore i'll juz leave it to him to settle it.. but i juz feel damn uneasy~! today he ask me whether he could wish her merry x'mas i say can.. cos i dun wanna be tat unreasonable ma.. wah thn tat reali lead to a mistake man~! i swear i hate her now~! i dun care le la.. fuck it man~! i cant stand it any longer.. she keep sms-ing him til she sounded so damn pitiful.. and dear is so damn soft hearted to juz care so much.. dunno if i reali sick he'll care that much ornt.. sometimes i reali wonder.. if in his heart there's stil her.. i'm stil able to give him time to forget her.. but i can onli say i cant stand much longer.. i have my limits.. if i can forget bout gary so soon y cant he? he stil haven delete his "old" photos of her n his status is stil single in frenster.. i guess he cant bear to clear them ba.. nv m lo see who's being unfair now ba.. i juz feel damn insecure.. haix.. dea if u're readin this.. i'm sorry.. this is reali wat i am feelin rite now.. maybe it might be words that juz rushed outta my mouth but sorry.. i need to let out.. i'm human too.. i'm a girl who needs love and attention from my boyfriend too and i'm also juz a normal girl who cant share her boyfriend with anyone else.. pls settle ur past relationship thingy soon so that u can start a totally fresh new thingy with me.. i dun wanna be in this kinda things ever again.. it juz sux to the max..!!! al the stupid draggings~! wasting time n everyone's tears.. my advice is be cruel.. be selfish for urself.. i may sound mean but think about it.. that's the best way for things to work out.. there's no hero in relationship.. there's onli fools..