Melody of my Life..

HAIXXX~
today slack whole day at yishun only.. was at home til ard 5.45 thn si came.. we slack at my house til 7pm thn go mac meetin huiting n mikal.. chat reali alot today.. felt good.. it's like a BIG load being poured to ppl.. haha.. after chatting with si.. i felt so much better.. she n binggie both tell me to follow wat my heart thinks is rite.. well i guess so.. but i reali am very unsure of this.. i dun even know wat i am doin.. i've been in the LOST world ever since that G left me.. i felt reali gd that there's someone who cares for me but y does it involve anyone else? i cant lose that someone.. in fact i dun wanna lose anyone or anythin in this.. both love n frens are equally important to me.. haiss~ been sighin alot recently.. which is very not me.. =( and had been litening to saddy songs again~ dun wanna emo anymore.. wat should i do? love or not to love? my heart dun tell me anythin now.. it's silent not even with a heartbeat~ i felt so dead now.. is it the after impact of G's case? i hope not.. i terribly need someone to reali lead me out of this LOST world now.. who wil it be? when wil he appear? truly get me outta here.. like i said i'm very happy he appeared.. cos he give me the feelin which i didnt felt for a longggggggggggg time.. like wat binggie said.. the special feelin.. but i reali am afraid of alot of things.. when was chattin with jun, she say NO i shouldnt go for this i should have a clean cut off.. thn now how now wat? i can only say my heart's shaken.. not fallin but slightly shaken.. binggie had been thru this situation she'll understand but jun is mature enough.. who should i listen to? i've nv felt so afraid b4.. so damn afraid to fall.. when shir disturbed me bout him i felt sucky again.. it's not i dun like or wat but it's juz tat cos she's involve.. and i reali dun wanna hurt her.. i know how she feels cos i've been thru it.. not once not twice but lotsa time.. i dun wan my happiness to be build on others' sadness.. ppl always say "love is selfish.." but guess i'm stil not selfish enough.. i stil cant put myself first in such things.. and F*** i'm missin him again~ i dun wan to but wat can i do?! ARGH~! i wanna die~ let me die ba..............