Melody of my Life..

Nice Game..

Before..
we talked bout the issue of our own feelings deep down.. i make sure he noe his feelings well b4 moving any further.. i've said watever i seriously feel.. maybe some words may nt be gd.. maybe some words may end up like wat happened to jon n me-words triggers him of his ex.. maybe some words may "kill" myself..

but i've tink about them and and know this fact.. be it trigger ornt.. it's a gd thing i mean watever i say.. imagine me nv trigger jon.. and we're stil tgt.. and til now or maybe in the future thn something happen n trigger him of that memory he had with her.. thn he break with me.. isnt that worst?

i'm juz applyin watever i've learn in previous r/s on this.. if seriously he's stil in love with her.. i rather noe now and stop everythin.. rather thn gettin myself fallin deeper and get the hurt ultimately.. he's now gonna do some soul searchin thn tell me wat he reali wan.. i'm gonna wait.. be it a gd or bad ans.. i'll juz accept it.. i'm not gonna be as sturbborn as b4 and get myself into shits n hurts..

now i reali noe that letting go is painful.. yes.. but it'll juz be for a period of time.. few months perhaps? and after that a new strong xinwei wil come by again.. i believe i wil be stronger as days goes by.. no matter wat situation i'm in be it gd or bad.. no wat his choice is.. i'll respect that.. not gonna fall into somethin that's wrong n wont last anymore..

emi showed me this "Missing someone you lost isn't the hard part. Knowing you once had then is what breaks your heart."

yup and i truly agree.. wat reali breaks me up wil be the memory that once we were tgt.. and now no longer.. so maybe i shud be glad that we're stil nt in a r/s and that even if his choice were a "sorry" i can move on.. if the ans's a yes.. i thank god for it and seriously cherish it.. but if it turns out to be a no no, thn oh well.. fate's playin on me again..

moving on is the thing i can do and juz be happy with my life.. i muz constantly remind myself that living in this world the ultimate aim is to be happy.. nothin else.. and of cos to be happy means be contented.. humans are greedy creatures.. so am i.. but we'll al have to learn to be contented so that we can truly be happy.. gonna stick to that belief for my life.. now's time to wait.. let's see wat god has planned for me..

After..
my oh my.. wat a nice game!! everythin was nothing =\ my hopes were shattered.. dreams were gone.. totally shattered =\ tears juz rolled while i try my damn best to control it.. but it juz keep flowin.. the heartache in me, the pain i feel.. my body trembles for some reason which i dunno y.. i'm juz weak al over..

a can of beer, a stick of cig.. the settings were exactly in a situation of a breakup =\ yes.. i felt the sadness in me, i felt the shitty feelings which i'm dying to avoid.. i hate this all i hate everythin that happened.. but oh well i loved it stil why?

cos this leads to a new begining.. a new begining between him n me =) everythin seems so shockin.. seems so unbelievable.. it's juz like a sharp turn a SHARP one i mean! God planned this game well.. so well that i never expected it this way.. i hereby wanna announce that me n him are officially tgt on 24feb2006 at 4.58am! =)

a new beginning.. entering into the world of a r/s.. time for commitment, time for another level of game.. we've decided to move things to another height.. and that's to be tgt.. thou things arent very very sure now.. but once this decision is made.. we had no turning back.. to keep this r/s goin.. to be better to be happy..

he's truly a idiot i swear! he pulled me from heaven to hell and brought me back to heaven again.. wat a nice roller coaster ride huh.. =) but oh well.. feels gd to be in heaven again.. =) i'm like a mad person now.. smiling n cryin at the same time.. =\ oh well.. tears of joy =)

i seriously n sincerely respect God for this game.. RESPECT!!! a nice game played.. making me go gaga al over.. thanks huh God -_________- haha! now since this is where we are n this is wat happens.. i truly noe i'll cherish it.. i dun get this thing easy ok.. a FUN NICE roller coaster ride which almost killed me.. and this is my reward.. a happy me now =) maybe this is wat ppl always say "xian ku hou tian" hopefully ba =)

i'm so filled with love now haha! cant slp.. OMG! he's comin over at 7am =) cant wait to see him.. WUUUUU! hehehehe! am reali reali touched when he wanted to come over b4 his sch.. *appreciates* and when he go for his sch, i'm gonna take a nap til 12pm thn to meet my darling girls =) gonna meet them at mac.. gonna tell them this FUN roller coaster ride.. haha =) wah wanna hug him real tight now!!! ok i need a hammer again.. heeeeex!

SHIAWASE NE!!!!!! (it means happy or xing fu in jap) woooooohoooooooo!