Melody of my Life..

Truly Alone..
Felt sucky.. dunno why.. =( everythin's well today but juz my feelings.. dance at esplanade.. tink i got my baby freeze le.. as in no prob le.. learnt boa's "moto" too.. i tink life love to play ppl.. =\ it's like.. when now.. everythin in my life's goin very well.. but shit happens stil..

my study life finally is gonna start.. the fees finally have been settled.. registration done after few weeks of brain cracking.. my dance.. finally i get to learn breakin.. and finally am gettin abit of it.. my crew.. finally we can put more commitment in it.. finally not so slackish.. BGR.. i finally managed to pick myself up and not to tink bout it anymore..

-BUT-

i feel that ppl ard me is "leaving" me.. i dun mean reali leave me.. but aiya dunno how to say la.. =\ it's juz like.. the bond.. the frenship isnt like last time.. due to many diff reasons la.. some cos of bf.. some due to work.. some due to school.. some is cos of diff aims in life.. and some even over small stupid things.. =(

i dunno. but i juz feel that everythin's not the same.. it's startin to change.. rather obvious.. even myself.. i feel that i used to be so KPO.. so busybody.. tryin to tell ppl wat to do.. but i tink about it.. i myself have to learn so much more b4 i can reali tell ppl wat to do.. =\ i keep tellin ppl in my crew "dun give up" "try ur best" al these encouraging words.. hopin to be able to push them further.. =
i keep tellin my fren how to handle BGR.. i keep tellin my fren how to handle frenships.. even how to handle stress.. sometimes i blame them for not bein gd at handlin stuffs.. but afterall i juz wish to help them.. i juz wish i can help al my frens ard me with their problems..

but no.. i was wrong.. i'm bad at expressing myself.. i'm bad with words.. i'm bad at controllin my emotions, my anger.. i often use the wrong method to pass the message to them.. =( maybe i shud have juz kept quiet n dun care bout them so much.. afterall.. it's their life.. not mine.. i shud have care for ONLY myself ba.. maybe thn i wont be so tired n drained out.. =(

i always thot the bond between clover is stronger thn anythin..
i always thot nothin could tear us apart..
i always thot no more quarrels..
i always thot we're "transparent"..
i always thot they understand me..
i always thot they have seen the change in me..
i always thot they appreciates me tryin to change my bad points..
i always thot they be there for me when i need them..

but no.. i was wrong.. =...........(

there's so much unhappiness in them towards me.. but i didnt noe.. i didnt noe i made them feel so tired.. i didnt noe i made them feel so exhausted.. =( fine.. i guess.. letting them go.. is the best way.. they need real gd frens.. not a fren filled with flaws like me.. =\ i can never be a GOOD fren.. my stubborness.. my temper.. my attitude.. i've tried my very best to change them.. i reali did! but i failed.. and now.. i'm very tired le.. =(

the SIAN feelin is in me already.. i had so much hope for everythin.. i have so much dreams.. now.. i tink i'm reali reali realii tired to even tink about them.. =( maybe i'm a failure.. in everythin.. =( maybe i shud learn to love myself n ONLY myself.. maybe that way.. i'll feel so much better.. =\ i give up everythin.. EVERYTHIN..!!!

if by leaving me makes u girls smile n more relax in life.. pls leave.. i dun wish to have frens who have to tahan me n suffer themselves.. =( i'm not worthy of ur frenship.. i can never be a gd fren.. u girls can find better frens out there.. this is not onli to clover.. but to ALL my frens.. sorry.. i'm a let down..
=..........................(