Melody of my Life..

heng ar..
for one moment i'm glad my internet's down =\ ok this is wat happened.. i had this damn freakin sucky feelin juz now.. like hmm 2hours back.. i saw somethings which i wish i didn see.. =\ and almost blogged it out.. i've already like typed it on my notepad n saved it =\ but i'm glad i didnt post it out cos my internet's down..

i've thot about it like damn thru and i realise i shud nt let it affect me.. =) i can onli say it's related to him that's al.. dun ask me much cos i rather nt mentioning it.. hmm.. it kind of killed my feelings for him that moment.. but no.. i brought the feelin back =)

wow i reali suffered like BAD shocks for today.. or shud i say ytd.. haha.. first was J's doin.. thn was the thing i saw.. walao.. ehh fate pls stop playin me out.. my heart's reali weak u noe? WEAK! haha.. but look on the gd side..

maybe this 2 incidents made me realise my feelins for him aint fake =) i dun mean love ok.. it's juz likings.. =) and this 2 incident juz made me realise i reali like him.. well.. ppl say love's blind.. haha.. now i noe.. like is also blind.. hehe!

oh.. i realise i actually do miss jon u noe =\ when i was in bus today goin to meet my darlings.. i saw the u noe that machine sayin wat ever stop we're reachin? yea that.. when i see that reali BIANG jon's face slapped into me.. lol! cos i remember the first time i goin to serangoon to find him i took bus 853 thn i'm a road nerd as most of u noe la.. lol! al thanks to that machine that got me to him..

haha! well.. memories.. never gets deleted =) but it somehow rubed pain into me again =\ nvm la.. we're goodie good frens now =) al i can say is he's the rite guy who appeared at the wrong time.. but it's ok.. i noe i'll find the rite guy at the rite time too =)

suddenly i'm missin my ex now.. i mean ex(S) haha! my first guy was kelvin tan.. OMG! tat's like 8years ago! lol! but i can say no love's involve.. too young la! haha.. puppy love.. sweet n no hurts involve =) if we nv break n patch, break n patch, i can say he's my longest ba.. a year or slightly more? haha.. thn was tsu seng, vincent, edmund.. these are al puppy loves.. haha! reali thank them for makin me noe wat's r/s.. =) actually i feel like writing alot now.. haha.. ok i shall slowly write.. wan read ornt up to u al la hehe.. gonna get naggy!

Kelvin Tan.
when i was in pri 5.. haha.. i cant remember how we got tgt.. i can onli remember he's the first guy i held hands with.. lol! and i remember it was early in the morning thn we were goin to sch.. at the gate we saw rainbow.. so we stood there.. it was kinda sweet la.. hehe! maybe that's the clearest idea i had of him =X onli one.. haha.. and the break up.. i did cry thou love's not involve.. maybe at that time i thot it was love.. reason was he 2-timed me!! with my bestie u noe sisi! i initiated the break up of cos! OMG! haha! so funny!!!

Tsu seng.
my 2nd bf.. haha! another same case.. puppy love.. imagine they were gd frens -___- ok that's how funny things were at that time.. m n kelvin broke up like few days onli and i'm with tsu seng le -_____- haha! same.. no love's involve.. we were tgt like 1 or 2 months.. but noe wat? we nv hold hands we nv did anythin.. haha! even goin home he send me to my house thn byebye.. we walked like there's a gap between us.. not even close.. haha! cute man! break up was cos of him liking my fren qin.. =\ i didnt feel the sadness la cos i reali felt nothin too.. i too initiated the break up again..

Vincent Ho.
this guy.. al i can say is he made me noe wat's faithful.. =) i tink he's the guy that i hurt the most n let down the most in my whole entire life =\ that time i was pri6 already.. we met in church and things started off damn smoothly for us.. i had a crush on him first thn he had one on me.. lol! we noe each other at touch cafe.. thru letters! OMG can u imagine! LETTERS! -faint- old sch rite.. haha! he reali loved me alot.. but to me it was onli likings.. =\ we were tgt for nearli 3 months.. and things were reali fine..

but on 24 dec 1999 noon 12pm, i stil remember damn clearly.. he called me to wake me up for our outing.. but i broke his heart that day =\ i told him my feelings for him faded.. or not strong.. i remembered i stil like him but not strong.. it was a nice break up.. i'm glad he accept my apology n all.. i did cry.. badly i shud say =\.. but guess wat.. he continued to like me for like 5years! he's always there for me! he went to boys' home when i was ard 15 i tink.. but we didnt contact as much already so i thot he stop liking me..

but one fine day i receive his letter from boys' home.. i was shocked! i cried while readin it! it reali touched me.. he stil remember my address! the content of the letter reali reali melted me! at that time i felt "wat the F*** i let such a nice guy go?!" but i did nt go back to him.. cos 1stly he's inside i had no chance to talk to him.. 2ndly i dun wanna fake my love.. =\ he's one nice guy i respect the most!

Edmund Chua.
OMG this one is the big joke! lol! i liked him in pri 6 b4 i met vincent.. it was a crush la.. i remember how he detest me! lol! the sentosa trip our pri sch organised.. i was reluctant to go at first but when i noe he's goin i went! lol! i find chance to take photo with him.. find ways to get close to him.. but i didnt expect anythin la.. juz see him i happy le.. lol! but the way he treat me reali sucked! he noes i like him n he siam me like mad -______-

end up i stop likin him n was with vincent.. thn til like dec holidays in 1999 we somehow contacted each other more.. thn he told me he like me.. lol! i'm like HUH! but i swear i dunhave anymore feelings for him! lol! but he wan us to try la.. so we did try.. 1week.. everythin ended.. =X i told him i reali cannot feel anythin in me.. so we broke up.. i sms him.. but he did nt reply so i reali dunno how he felt that time.. oopss.. hope he did nt feel sad.. haha =X

Chua Yung Kern.
OMG OMG OMG! this guy.. reali made me noe wat the word LOVE means.. =\ if u were to ask me who's my first love i'll say him.. cos he's the first guy i ever LOVE! i met him in sec sch.. we were in the same CCA NPCC.. =) he's my senior.. the first time i saw him was at one of the parade n his ankle's injured lol! so he caught my eye cos he wore different shirt from the rest.. ok it was love at first sight.. haha! rayson helped us to noe each other cos he noes that YK interested in me too.. wahaha! it's sooo freakin funny la! like i like him thn he like me too.. haha!

i remember the first time he called me was on 28march2000.. haha! he got my num from ray.. thn we chatted over the phone everyday! thn remember once was we chatted til morning 6am! but i fell aslp at ard 3am.. with the phone stil in my hand.. he screamed into the phone at 6am to wake me up! lol! to go sch of cos.. haha.. thn he came al the way to my place the bus stop to meet meet me to sch! OMG! sweet rite.. haha! this thing goes on til 26july2000.. thn he ask me.. "can u be my gf?" OMG that question! lol! i took like hmm.. 5hours to reply that.. haha! i juz said a "erm orh ok lo" wahhhhh reali kiddish at that time.. i reali didnt noe we'll be tgt.. haha! at that time to me it stil wasnt love..

our r/s spread like mad in sch.. even our OM noes..! the WHOLE school noe.. li hai hor! haha! we were the sweetest couple i can say! and almost alllll of my frens say we were the most PEI one.. lol! things goes on smoothly til it was late oct.. he suddenly treated me damn cold =\ thn he called me and say "i wanna break up with u" =( i broke down n hang up the phone immediately.. i didnt say a word.. for that moment i realised wat is the word LOVE.. we didnt talk at all for years! i didnt noe the reason he broke up with me.. til 5years later..

which is last year we somehow contacted.. i stayed single for 3years n tried to find like 3guys to be tgt with to forget him =\ it's stupid la but that time ma! childish! lol! i felt shit in my 5years! feelin sad everyday! EVERYDAY OK! we contacted n guess wat.. i ask him "wat's the reason u break with me huh?" thn his reply was "oh cos i wanna test u.. i wanna see whether u'll ask me to say if i leave u.. but u didnt" wah!!! -bang wall- i went crazy after that.. i explained things to him.. i say i didnt reply him cos i broke down n didnt noe wat to do.. so both us lost each other due to misunderstandin -________- lame rite!!!

warao! he was single for like these 5years! stil loving me.. he did had a gf after we broke up but he told his bestie that he didnt love her.. they broke up like 2weeks after they were tgt.. stupid rite!! walao! thn we somehow patch up cos he say he wanna try things out again.. he say he regretted n wished for another chance.. but that time de me was abit unsure.. thou he stil lives in me.. but i'm scared.. reali scared.. cos 5years lei! human do change! but i persuaded my self to give it a shot la.. since we like each other like wan die liddat.. lol!

but after a week i broke up with him.. =\ cos that time de me juz got over some guy again.. i'll say that later.. and i realise the YK that i love with my life had stayed at 2000.. this YK that's with me is no longer the one i love.. =\ he had changed.. thou he's sweeter n more caring now.. but no.. things changed n my feelings changed too.. too bad la.. reali a wasted thingy! he's stil the guy that i loved the most in my entire 19years of my life.. =)

Derrick.
1st guy i used to forget YK.. it was a blind date.. yeap.. hha.. no love invlove, not even likings! lol! nvm we were tgt for a month n i ended it.. i cant even remember his face.. i cant even remember his age.. lol this is how bo chap i am =) i dun feel bad or guilty cos he too didnt like me too.. it was a BLIND date.. yeap..

Ah Boy.
2nd guy i used to forget YK.. lol! he's a beng la =\ met him at timezone arcade.. got tgt when we onli noe each other like 2days? lol! he tries to hug me n hold my hand but i rejected it al! =X first guy i rejected.. haha! too bad la.. not even likings.. sorry!

De Ming.
this guy is the guy i HATE the most in my life n the guy that i'll never stop hatin! 3rd guy i used to forget YK..and i did try to put in feelings.. somehow i did.. he landed me with 2 and 1/2 years of freedom gone.. taken by the law.. he betrayed me.. he even asked me to wait for him when he's in jail!! and when i promised him i'll wait.. he's there with his another gf! 2time.. again.. how nice huh! i broke up with him thru a letter sent to the jail.. i receive his letter a month after i broke up with him.. he keep askin me back.. but no.. i was damn determined.. but i did not bastard him.. i stil deliver my promise.. i waited and stayed single til he's outta jail.. i did not get any other guy when he's inside.. so i have no guilt.. de ming.. 2 words for u "fuck off"! u sucked!

Jason Lim.
wuuuu another true feelings involved.. the 2nd guy whom made me noe wat's love too.. but he teached me wat's CRUELITY! haha.. when i met him we were 17.. we met in UAN.. dunnoh ow we met also la lol! we got tgt on 19july2004.. 3days after my bday.. yeap.. cos he celebrated my bday for me that year.. thn we got closer n closer thn 19th we tgt le.. things were reali goin on real well.. he's the first guy that made me wanna settle down with..

but things went wrong on 19aug2004.. our 1st month.. yeap.. we went out happily as usual.. and when we got home.. my house i mean.. we had some talks.. he suddenly tell me his feelings for me faded.. in fact gone.. =\ i went bersak! reali went mad! it's reali a one fine day thn end up liddat! oh n he's the first guy that cried for me.. haha.. he say he felt guilty letting me down.. he even kneel downt o ask for my forgivness.. but i cried worst lol! we didnt break that time..

we hanged on til 1sept2004.. teachers day! lol.. thn he sms me "i wan break.. stop contactin me" wahh! i went crazy! i called him but he dun wanna pick up n sms nv reply.. was in one of my worst state ever.. =\ i called sisi up immediately! and cried.. next thing i noe i was in a conference with irene, sharon, sisi and carmen.. lol! al of them tryin to console me.. haha.. i screamed like crazy n cried like crazy.. first time sia! lol! but now we're frens la.. nt close de.. but hi-bye frens =) i got over him on 1oct2004.. lol exactly one month! thn i realise my feelings for YK.. but me n YK stil haven talk to each other yet at that time..

Gary Lee.
this is not my ex.. but we had a past la.. i liked him.. we met at UAN too and i happened to noe that he's jason's fren after a longgggggggggg time lol! we were juz like souple.. and everyone thot we were.. haha! we're not! never once! lol! cos i stayed with him.. for i tink 2months.. ard there.. aug2005 til oct2005.. h's one guy that made me felt loved.. thou we're nt tgt.. but our actions, behavior n al.. reali = couple liao.. we stick to each other like 24/7 lol! cos we're in the same dance team and we're both in creation teams.. and of cos we stay tgt.. so yeap.. we're = couple liao.. haha!

but i was shock i can actually be with someone whom did nt give me a status at al! lol! but nvm la.. it was loved from me after all.. we ended things cos of some bigggggggg misunderstandin =\ real bad ones.. oh.. gary's the guy that i couldnt get over when i patched with YK.. =\ i had a HARD time getting over gary.. maybe cos we're reali too close le ba.. thn suddenly no more like felt real empty =\ we were nt even frens for a period of time.. til recently thn we slowly are talkin to one another.. haha.. stil feel weird talkin to him..

Jonathan James Danker.
this is my ex.. haha! the most recent one.. we met at esplanade.. he's a biker i'm a dancer.. haha.. things are reali reali funny.. in the 1st place i like his fren.. but he like me.. and my fren likes him.. lol! complicated eh? but somehow we got tgt la.. we were tgt on 13dec2005.. he's one sweetie.. real one! he's juz too gd to be true la.. too gd to be mine in fact.. his family bg's gd, his studies' gd, his everythin's gd! he's a famous biker! a champ in every com.. the best in spore i tink.. reali.. even i was shock to noe that! but i onli noe it when we got tgt la.. lol!

we're damn sweet.. til one day.. he told me his feelings for his ex came back =\ cos we had tiffle n i brings up the past memories of his.. so the feelin came back.. we spent x'mas tgt n new year too.. i thot things wil turn out gd.. but no.. the longer i held him back, the worst things became.. i love him but he dun love me.. =\ for i tink 3weeks.. reali was shit.. but we did go thru quite alot thou it was a short period of time that we're tgt.. we're tgt for 1month 1week and 1 day lol! we broke up on his bday 21jan2006.. yeap..

i hated him at first cos of some stuff.. but eventually i'm ok le.. moved on n accepted him as a fren =) he's forever so carin! FOREVER i mean! we broke up after not long i got my o level result n he wished me gd luck.. i was shocked! n once there's this show on dance, he sms me ask me to watch it! that time i hated him wor.. was reali shock he stil wont mind talkin to me.. and he realise i was sadden by some BGR stuff he even came to console me.. nice rite? reali a nice fren.. imagine i didnt noe how to cherish this fren and almost lost him =\ wah seh.. reali lucky he's nice enuff to be my fren now.. reali thank him so much..

wuu.. that's my last chapter! lol! ok there's this guy i like not as if u al dunno la.. but it's stil too soon for me to do any summary on that now.. cos i stil like him.. haha =p wonder how my love life wil be in the future.. maybe i shud keep a book on "xinwei's love life" lol! sure gonna be a damn interestin one! hahaha! ups n downs.. but i'm glad.. i'm stil me.. i'm glad al the hurts build up a stronger xinwei =) anyway i had 10 ex.. 1 fling.. haha.. but if u were to ask how many's true.. i can say there's onli 4.. yeap.. i may sound very flirt here.. but well.. too bad la.. if i were more mature in my tinking i would not have so many.. haha!