Melody of my Life..

ahh~ it's been awhile since i last blogged.. anyway it's been a rather struggling week for me =\ things weren't going as fine as it seems thou.. recently, i've been trying to psycho myself, brainwashing to make myself awake.. it's really tiring and i really am breaking down.. the last weekend was another drunkard weekend i had *sigh for thurs, hugo boss.. alrite it's juz another event where iko's jumping ard saying hi doing PR, actin happy =\

everyone ask me "where's ur boi?" =\ al i said was "dunno".. i myself dun even noe wat things are like now.. hanging there as if selling some chicken or duck.. it feels terrible.. utterly terrible =\ *sigh i wish to be the true happy me once again.. i wish to stand up on myself once again.. nothing to bring me down, nothing to come in my way.. it's hard, i know.. but i can do it and i wil do it..

recently have met these biker gang.. seriously it's my first time moving in high speed on a expressway for the past 20 bloody yrs.. i swear.. it felt so good that it's out of this world! but once again my vespa dream came back =X and i saw this vespa it's a beauty i swear! now i'm struggling to take bike license or car =( car wil definitely be a better choice but it's like firstly so ex, secondly i like the comfort in car but i love the excitement in bikes! how?! =(

but recently after so much thinking and killing of brain cells, i've realised and finally wake up to something in life.. i realise that ppl always say "humans are selfish, we live for our own and nothing else.." this is VERY true! ppl ard me, al seem so far away now.. sii is one of them =( i'm not saying she's selfish but indeed she's surviving for her own.. i miss her so much =( hope she's doin fine..

HIM is also another case.. someone can throe ur loved ones al alone outside a club for bloody 28bucks and someone that can ignore their loved ones for like an entire day without a single call or sms.. sometimes i wonder.. does he actually really truly noe wat is love??? and have he EVER EVER EVER been in love??? o.O i reali wonder.. does he noe wat's the responsibility of a bf? and does he noe wat exactly is a r/s???

sigh~ it seems that every individual is different is indeed true.. different per spective, different goals, different way of handling things.. and sorry but honestly, his way of handling things makes me sick at times.. i mean MOST of the time.. i hate ppl who leave things as it is, dun solve them and simply keep running.. ket's see how long can they run.. "u can run but u can never hide" a nice sentence that's well known by everyone..

jovi brainwashed me few days back.. i felt much better.. indeed.. yes, we dun need a guy/girl now.. life is all about being happy.. why care the rest? =) i just wanna be hapy and be myself.. maybe one day i'll be tamed.. maybe one day i wil truly be ME yet someone that's accepted by the one i love.. i honestly hate it when someone tries to control over me.. i had enough of those.. i never felt guilty before cos i noe i'm not a slut that touches guy or let them touch me..

i noe myself very well that i'm not someone that kiss everyone i noe.. i'm not the type of girl that hook guys in clubs.. i club, to dance.. to enjoy my fren's accompany.. to de-stress.. but if the guy of my life cant seem to understand and accept that, i'm sorry i guess i'm not yours.. i'm a human.. a girl that needs love and acceptance.. not a pet or property to be controlled over.. after one of my past incident, i'm already VERY afraid of such cases.. i cant let myself fall into any of these.. cos i noe the consequences wil be just making the devil in me goin more wild.. there's such thing as backfired =)

so one last words to al guys out there.. either u accept and cherish wat u have now, or regret later.. one of my fren told me "ignore him la.. he wil ask u to go back to him once u leave him.. guys are all like that haha" he himself is a guy.. but he can say such things.. and i guess it's all been proven haha! well guys.. cherish the girl u have now.. dun regret when it's too late.. *smiles*