:(

today is the day he's flying off.. wanted to send him away with a smile and let him enjoy his trip. but somehow.. shits do happen and things never go the way we expected ya? sigh. first thing in the morning saw him saying that someone went over to his place. i know maybe there's reali nth and it's reali just gd frens. but cant deny i'll feel shitty. i've been yearning for a chance to spend a night with him before he fly. he promised to have a night of hug-all-night to slp.. but it never happened. and someone else was over there? so that's how far i am away frm his priority uh..

i realised comparing now and few days ago.. misses from him were getting lesser.. loves from him were gone.. things have changed.. i know he've been putting in effort to show his care for me. and i've been trying to stay strong and be his happy girl. but everything came crushing down on me last night after hearing him talk about his ex(es).. the threatened feeling of "i'm gonna lose him" is back again.. sigh.. i tried to keep myself together and hold everything together. but this morning, i broke.

i told him we both need to take a step back and think of wat we reali wan. ya i know i just commit suicide to my own feelings. but i just thot that if we were to continue this dating/not dating kinda r/s.. we'll nv get anywhere. afterall, wat i wan is to finally be able to settle down. being in such situation will not help anything at all. i reali enjoy indulging in his love. indulging in his ever sweet doings. but i know what i wan is to settle down.

he mentioned that he wont be contacting me these 5 days. well.. i guess this is a real solid time off for both of us ba. sometimes, separation makes the heart grow fonder. missing someone lets u realise how much that someone means to u. if he miss me.. he'll come back. if not, than it has proven that the love between us isnt strong enough. like i said, i need him to wan me enough. i need him to love me enough. my heart breaks.. leaving everything to god now. i'm drained out.


my heart aches.. alot..
i pray for a miracle..
i'll miss u.