a little drunk..

i dun wanna make it look like i'm depressed to anyone who cared. so i got no place but to vent a little here. went out with fel for a little drink, been nagged at, scolded and blameed for the entire night. i know alright it's my fault for things happening now. i know that it;s my stupidity that ruinefd me. came home without being drunk as i have promised him.

feeling damn f up. have been holding my tears for the entire day. thou i broke down during one of the smk break. seeing him telling me he cares.. i was very happpy yet very sad. i lost him~~ i reali lost him this time. wanna jus bitch slap myself so much. why the fk am i doin this?! i know i'm stronger thn thiss. i dun wanna let go. not a single bit. i just feel reali lost. i;ve lost him. due to my own stupidity. God, pls tell me how i can earn him back.. i wil do any thing.. i swear i will..

this is too painful for me to bear.. i dun wanna losse him. i dun wanna die again with regrets.. i noe it's my fault. and i blame myself for being fking stupid. whyyyy?! why am i so stupid?! lord pls tell me. why?! reali screamed n cried my hearts out,. and i reali missed him. i dun wanna let him go,

he said dun make him regret turning back. i dunno wat it meant. turning back as a fren? or dun make him turning back to me previously? i dunno. but all i noe is. he meant the world to me.. my world is crushed. totally.. and now i'm crying very badly. i noe he dun wan these. he dotes on me. but.. sry baby. i cannot accept the fact that i lost u due to my own stupidity. how i wish for a chance to love him again. how i wish for a chance to be able to be there for him again. how i wish.. he's mine again.. i swear i wil never be angry at him again. i swear i will nv be a naughty girl he dislike again. just give me a miracle dear god. this is all i need.

i.... cant handle this pain.
please help...
i love u too much baby..
i will try be a happy girl for u.
but u do noe. that i cannot b truly happy ever again..
u're the reason  why i'm trying to smile and u're the reason why i'm crying..
and baby, love u a hell lot.
i wont ever walk out on u.
time wil prove and all i pray for is a chance to love him unconditionally again..
god please. i reali loved.
this is wat ur daughter wants. please dun remove it from my life.
if i ever have a chance again.. i'd give my all to just trust n love him..
i'm a fking sinner