Melody of my Life..

ytd was a very special night.. he suddenly called me and flare up with me for bringing guys up my place.. i was like wth?! how come so random.. and honestly, i did no wrong since we're no longer tgt and he's the one that got a gf first.. so i met up with rena and him.. kept quiet throughout til when we were at mac i ask him to eat cos he mention that he didnt eat at all.. sigh~ i so wanna refrain myself from looking back.. but i guess it's reali hard.. alot of things we manage to talk about regarding our r/s.. alot i wont mention here cos i dun wan anyone to get hurt.. so i'm keeping them to myselves and him.. oh well.. i thought he've been having a happy times nowadays that i'm gone.. he said the only thing is when he was with me he's suffering alot.. he dun mind staying home be my gd boy.. just that the quarrels we had were too =\.. chatted for very long and about lots of things.. i looked at him with lots of thots running thru my mind while he didnt realise.. i kept thinking.. how would things have been if we didnt quarrel at all.. if only i came to realise things earlier.. if only he could teng me slightly more and gave me more attention.. i kept asking myself would i wan him back.. of cos i would! i dun lie to myself.. but i kept reminding myself to hold on and think carefully.. cos i noe i cannot afford to have my heart broken once again.. i too feel for her.. in fact.. i pity her.. i dun wanna say much more.. we talked quite abit bout their r/s.. i kept wondering how he can so fast move onto another r/s.. feeling lonely? wanted to make me forget him? he mention his feelings never once faded.. i guess i noe wat he meant ba.. it's just the at that point of time u felt u wanna be alone and run away.. it's more of the sian feeling ba.. i asked him have he ever thot of saving our r/s ever since our break up.. he said yes.. but how come i dun even see a single action? and he even got attach and say he wan to save this r/s? i was quite pissed and i told him pls cherish and respect ur gf.. indeed i hated her but now i got no rights to hate her and i feel for her as a girl.. we're not tools.. i reali tink he needs to learn how to love and respect a girl properly.. of cos after being tgt for 2 months and now i tink back.. he did alot of improvements.. he knows how to care for me when i was sick althou stil not as much but it's effort still.. at least he knows that i'm unhappy and he'll try not to do certain things.. he tried to teng me sayang me more when in the beginning i mention to him "can u teng me more!?" i was very very thankful he once put in so much for me.. it's not about the "i love u" or watever sweet things he've done.. it's all about the sincerity and the effort he made that makes me fall for him so deeply.. he earned this love.. but he too let it go just liddat.. after the talkings ytd.. i felt he've grown.. perhaps he stil doesnt noe how to handle his own stress and make himself happy ba.. i keep telling him talk to whoever he feel comfortable.. dun carry the load alone.. we're all here for him.. i can tell there's alot running in his mind.. he's not the tak i used to be with anymore.. he's filled with sadness and worries.. and it breaks my heart alot.. the moment i decided to let him fly, was because i thot he was happy.. i thot he got wat he needed which i cant give.. but i guess i was wrong.. i'm glad he talked to me abit bout his problems regarding his job and family.. indeed i couldnt help him at all.. but at least i gave him a hug and sayang his head i hope he'll feel better.. he mention that each time we broke up, there'll always bound to have problem with his job/life.. haha! wat?! i'm a curse?! roar! and we talked bout him goin to turn himself in.. i felt happy.. it's not i wanna see him go in.. it's not i wanna lose him.. but it's reali for his own good.. i wan him to one day be able to guang ming zheng da face the world.. i dun wan him to forever be running away.. i wan him to reali be a man and face it.. when we were tgt, my thots were we could travel tgt, we could do alot of thing tgt.. but even if it's now.. at least even i'm no longer beside him, i also wish he could face things bravely.. i'll walk with him if he wants me to.. anyways.. am glad we had a gd long chat.. (:

dun let her down (: