Melody of my Life..

have been feeling reali reali down ytd and today. was kinda thinking what on earth i've done to deserve this kind of life i'm having. no house, no money, no job, no life. why am i such a useless person living in this world wasting it's resources? sometimes i feel i'm much worst thn some beggers out there. at least they go out and beg for money. i dun even try to earn a living or make my life works. and he's totally not helping at all. throwing tantrums cos i neglect him and stuff. it's getting on my nerves actually. what do u expect me to do when i got totally NOTHING to do at home? of cos i find ways to entertain myself by anime-ing or gaming. and there i have a unhappy bf. i guess in the first place i shouldnt even have stayed over at his place. now he's so used to it he throws tantrums when we're seperated. he urges me to find a flat asap. but hello where can we get the money? i also noe find a flat i also wan to stay tgt. but reality is cruel! and wat's best, i'm been finding the flat for the past few days and he's not helping. i dun like this feeling at all. it feels back to those days when i'm desperate for a house and i'm all alone. i broke down once and nearly broke down twice. i thank god for making me stronger thn before thus saving myself from this very scary emotional blow. i reali am reaching my limit soon. i cannot stand someone throwing tantrums at me. i cannot stand having to take all these stress and load alone. it's F up! i'm giving up. i'm just goin to stop looking for a flat, stay at this single rm that we rented and just find a job and screw my life. life's been a fking bitch that reali reali makes me sick. had enough of all these. people gets spoilt, people gets all the luxury they have. i dun. but i'm not asking for them either. al i ask for it leniency in life so that i could fking survive. a place i call home. ppl i call families. that's just the simple life i wan. i dun see why it's so hard. argh FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLTTM!