Melody of my Life..

i'm a moodswing queen

i heart sank when something was received from him.. sigh~ he told me not to find him on his bday.. i mean.. can find but onli on phone n ways which does not include meeting up.. why? i have no idea :( sigh~ to me.. birthdays, festives, anniversaries etc.. are days which i wish to spend with the most special person in my life.. many of u wil noe.. birthdays to me are something NOT SMALL.. not small at all.. sigh~

i noe he have his own reasons.. he's stil not open enuff towards me.. the barrier is too big to overcome neither by him nor me.. this is wat i can feel.. this is wat i get from my ways of lookin at a person.. he maybe chirpy and always smiling ard me.. but i noe deep within.. things are definitely not wat i can see with my eyes.. i dun wanna ask much either even thou my heart's dying to know him more..

but thn again i ask myself.. did i reali 100% open myself to him? aha~ the ans i guess is no ba.. i'm stil not able to be the crazy lazy ugly (character wise) iko infront of him.. oh well.. i guess time is everything here.. maybe i shud open up my heart before he does.. maybe he'll never open his heart.. i dunno... i'm juz make a bet.. a 50/50 bet.. i'm sad.. i'm disappointed.. but oh well.. there's nothing i can do ya? if there is.. God~ pls tell me.. :(

al i wish for is pure transparency..
lost iko :(