Melody of my Life..

i yearn for simplicity

sigh.. i'm feeling so down now =( dun ask me why.. nothing bad happened.. everything's fine.. but it's juz me myself and i tinking bout alot of stuffs.. things like are we reali compatible? things like can i fit into his way of living? things like how long wil this last? things like wil those bad days come? things like wat's my bloody useless future? sigh~ and i guess partly due to having PMS ba.. sigh sigh sigh~

i yearn for simplicity.. i juz wan a simple life.. luxury? i dun wan.. if i happen to have it thn thank god.. but if can i'll try to avoid.. especially when i didnt earn them myself.. if i'm someone that work my way thru and earn the luxury life, i of cos will be grateful to god for giving me a gd life.. but if like my bf or husband happens to be a rich ass, or my family happens to strike some lottery or wat.. this kind.. i dun wan.. cos it's not mine.. i stil believe we shud earn wat we wan or live on in the future ba..

he could be some rich successful person in the future.. and i think it'll be much easier for him cos he got al the experience, certs, chance.. plus he got backups ba.. but me? wat am i? look at me.. i'm juz a useless dancer.. i'm juz a poly yr 2 student.. and my cert aint even about some nice business or science.. i'm juz a arts student.. ARTS! something that most rich wil despise.. how do i go about telling the rich that "hey i'm a dancer" or "hey i'm a event manager"?? wat kinda reaction wil i get in return? it's NOT impressive i swear.. sigh..

but stil this is the path i chose.. i have choices in the past to go for private science cert.. or interior design (which MIGHT be better thn my course) but i gave them al up for one word.. "passion".. sigh~ stupidity? to me i dun tink so ba.. juz wanna be wat i wan to be.. the life i wan.. in fact i guess.. when i have a happy family of my own.. everyday end work got a nice sweet hubby beside me to give me a hug and peck on the cheeks.. with kids running to give me a nice hug and make me smile.. a family dinner and tv session.. that's pefect le ba..

even if we were to juz stay in a small HDB flat.. with our lil small car.. i'm grateful le.. i juz wan peace.. afterall these shits i go thru at this age.. i guess i deserve a nice and peaceful life after i found my mr right ba.. many says money or status are not impt in a r/s.. but stil.. i'll tink of how the family tinks of me.. how pthers look at me.. that's y i refrain from rich frens.. and it happen so that ppl ard me are all RICH! argh~ why?! =( i'm not envy nor jealous.. it's juz.. i dun wanna feel inferior.. i feel bad when i cant go wherever they wanna go.. i can do the activities they can afford to do..

but one thing i needa thank god is this past 3days we've spent tgt.. reali did enjoyed myself even thou it's super tiring.. but stil i thank god he's as nice as ever and of cos i hope this 3 days did bring us much closer to one another i mean emotionally wise.. i had enjoyed al the laughters, dinners we had.. the pinic was a nice one.. and the chats were nice.. the hug to slp were nice and the pats on head.. his lame dreamtalk were nice too ^^

sigh~ i dunno how long this wil last.. i dunno wat we'll end up as.. i dun even noe wat i wan.. i dun even noe how i feel.. i reali am lost.. so lost in a maze.. who'll hold my hand and guide me out? who'll show me the light and bring back my smile? who'll love me the way i need and wan? sigh~ where are u and who are u? =(

hold my hands..
never let go..